


On the road to happiness

by Kpopfanatic



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jackson owns a coffee shop, Jinyoung goes by Junior for half of this cuz of plot reasons, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Smut, Temporary Amnesia, but also slight markjin, markjin are best friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 82,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7569295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kpopfanatic/pseuds/Kpopfanatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jinyoung doesn't expect much to happen when he goes to Mark's wedding. Except maybe drowning his feelings in drinks. But in a strange turn of events, that night, he ends up miles away from home without money or his memory. </p><p>Jinyoung is taken in by an overly friendly group of guys. Well most of them are friendly, except for one-<em>Im Jaebum.</em> Despite his initial coldness, Jinyoung is instantly attracted to Jaebum. </p><p>Before Jinyoung lost his memory, things in his life had been taking a turn for the worst (being stuck in a unrequited love with your best friend who was getting married). But now that he was in a new place with new people, maybe Jinyoung could finally find his own happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm starting this even though I haven't finished the current fic I'm working on. I was having a writer's block with the current fic i was writing. Then this fic idea wrote itself. I'm almost done with a second chapter. So I'll probably write some of this before I finish the other one. 
> 
> I got this idea suddenly when I was watching a telenovela with my family :P, the plot was also centered around losing your memory. This fic will definitely be on the longer side because I plan on the plot being a little complex. I'm really excited about writing this. I have an outline for all the chapters so hopefully I won't get a writer's block for this one. 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! I hope you enjoy the first chapter :)

The ceremony is beautiful as expected. Jinyoung claps along with the hundreds of other guests that have come to share their congratulations with the happy couple. His cheeks ache with the strain of plastering on a faux smile for the entire evening. It's only because he studied acting in college that he is able to keep up a strikingly believable performance tonight.

Tonight Jinyoung is going to pretend to be happy. He is going to join the other guests as they cheer when Mark and his newly wed wife have their first dance. He will then give the most amazing and tear-jerking best man speech ever. Afterwords he might stop by to have a chat with the newly weds and wander around the crowd entertaining guests.

That's what Jinyoung is suppose to do. A good best friend gives their utmost support on their friend's wedding day. The only thoughts running through Jinyoung's head should he be how happy he is for Mark...and yet, all he feels is pain. Which was not that surprising. Jinyoung _knew_ that going to Mark's wedding would bring him pain-a whole lot of it. But here he is, sitting at the designated table for important guests at Mark's wedding. Why? Because Jinyoung made Mark a promise. That no matter what they would stick together and always be there in each other's high and low points of life. Well, this is a pretty high point in Mark's life, therefore Jinyoung's presence was required.

Besides, if Jinyoung hadn't shown up Mark would have asked questions. Jinyoung in no way wants that. He has done a pretty good job of hiding his feelings from Mark through their long friendship. And that will continue to be the plan for the next 60 years.

From the corner of Jinyoung's eye, he can see Mark and his wife kissing as they sway on the dance floor. Jinyoung wants to be happy for his friend, he really does. He has wished for these feelings to go away on countless nights, so that he could live in peace. But, you can't tell your heart who not to fall in love with. Life just doesn't work out that easily. The tender sight of the bride and groom has Jinyoung's chest clenching in the most uncomfortable way. Jinyoung decides he's had enough of moping over a slightly charred steak and overpriced wine. He wants to mope over whiskey and maybe a couple of shots of vodka, so he trudges over to the bar.

Jinyoung thinks he deserves a real drink. After all, he got through the church ceremony, toasts, and the best man speech without having a mental break down. It's time to indulge himself a little. He waves to the bartender who has a smile so bright he can only compare to the sun, "Two rounds of vodka shots please." 

At his request, the bartender's dazzling smile falters, "Just for yourself?" there is slight judgemental tone in his voice which makes Jinyoung bristle.

"People are suppose to get drunk at weddings." Jinyoung defends himself.

The bartender shrugs as he whisks out a line of shot glasses to pour drinks into. When he slides the first vodka filled shot towards Jinyoung, he asks, "Bride or groom?"

Jinyoung blanches, "Excuse me?"

"People get innocuously drunk at weddings. They don't order rounds of vodka shots as if they are trying to put themselves in a coma. Now that only comes from a broken heart." Jinyoung's only response to the bartender's shrewd observation is a jaw slacked expression. "So, bride or groom? I don't judge. As a bartender I'm meant to hear all sorts of crazy drama."

Jinyoung flushes and decides down a shot of vodka before answering. For the most part Jinyoung is a pretty reserved person. He doesn't easily share his personal details with anyone, unless their name is Mark. But even Mark was missing one crucial piece of information about Jinyoung. For some reason Jinyoung felt very willing to spill the beans to this random bartender who just seemed to exude trustworthiness. He is also incredibly tired of hiding and acting, so the words easily slip from his mouth, "Groom. Been in love with him since we were kids." Jinyoung takes another shot.

The bartender lets out a low whistle, "Best man in love with the groom. Now that's a tragic story."

"Tell me about it," Jinyoung grumbles. "I'll get over it," he says even if he doesn't believe it. And as if the universe is playing cruel tricks on him, Mark chooses that exact moment to walk over.

Mark slings an arm around Jinyoung and pulls him for a tight hug, "Jinyoungie, you gave the best speech. Thank you, you've helped so much for the wedding. Man, I love you." In instant, Jinyoung feels like throwing up. His heart hurts so, so much knowing that the anytime Mark says I love you, it's only meant in the friendliest manner. He wants to scream and cry-to declare his undying love because he is just so god damn tired. But its Mark's wedding night and Jinyoung isn't going to be the asshole that ruins it.

Instead he lies through gritted teeth, "Anytime. You know you're like my brother."

They exchange friendly chatter for a few minutes. The overwhelming warmth and scent of Mark standing so close is making Jinyoung dizzier than the shots every will. Mark looks absolutely stunning in his suit and Jinyoung can't help but stare absently as Mark talks. Eventually, Mark's wife approaches them to drag Mark away for another dance. Jinyoung just offers a weak wave as Mark leaves.

Behind him the bartender makes a sympathetic noise, "Here have more shots. I'm Youngjae by the way. If you want to rant, I'm all ears. If you want to cry, I've got tissues under the counter." Jinyoung lets out a bitter laugh, and begins to down the shots one after another.

Minutes pass by, or maybe hours, Jinyoung lost track a while time ago. The whole ballroom is spinning and Jinyoung is pretty sure the ground is moving unnaturally beneath his feet. He attempts to get off his stool but collapses against the bar as soon as he does get up. Youngjae, who is still diligently tending the bar, seems to take pity of his state and offers to call a cab. But Jinyoung insists that a bus will be cheaper and he lives close enough anyway.

Youngjae is kind enough to walk Jinyoung to the nearest bus stop, a block away. Jinyoung vaguely remembers being shoved in to a random seat and Youngjae giving him a few parting sympathetic words about not giving up hope.

Jinyoung has no idea how much he has had to drink, but all of his senses are numb. He barely registers when the bus comes to it's last stop and the bus driver is shoving him out onto the street. The cold air is like slap in the face and it sobers him just a bit. Just enough to see looming figures in the shadow. He doesn't recognize his surroundings but it doesn't take a genius to tell he got dropped in a bad neighborhood. There is a bad feeling settling in his gut as he walks along the sidewalk, so when he sees the friendly lights of another bus, he hops on.

The warmth and gentle rocking of the bus lulls Jinyoung to sleep. Eventually this bus also comes to it's last stop and Jinyoung finds himself getting kicked out for a second time that night. While the alcohol seems to have clouded most of his rational thoughts, Jinyoung is sane enough to not hop on a third bus or he will be even more lost than he already is. This leaves him with nothing to do but wander around the streets stewing over his feelings.

First, there's anger, a whole lot of anger. Even if he doesn't have a right to feel this way, he is angry he didn't say something to Mark sooner and that Mark found happiness in someone else. The anger dissipates into bitterness and resentfulness. He finds himself cursing the marriage. At some point his feelings lose their passion and he is just overwhelmed with deep sadness.

Jinyoung had foolishly fallen in love with his best friend when they were teenagers. Fresh man year of high school brought new experiences along with new found feelings for Mark. At the time Jinyoung had still been in the closet and when he came out to Mark, the older was incredibly supportive. Which only made Jinyoung fall in love with him more.

Their friendship consisted of heavy skinship and even little kisses on the cheek, all which fueled Jinyoung's attachment to Mark. He half expected Mark to come out to him at one point in high school, instead Mark told him he got a girlfriend. Too scared for confrontation, Jinyoung just smiled and congratulated him. And that's what he did for the next 4 girlfriends Mark had. And that's what he did tonight when Mark finally married that latest one.

Jinyoung collapses against an old brick building and begins to sob uncontrollably-unable to contain the feelings he had pent for years anymore. The place where he currently is doesn't seem in a much better state than the previous neighborhood. In fact, it was worse. Hooded figures are crossing the street and seem to be heading straight for him. He almost laughs out loud because it figures he's going to get mugged on the worst night if his life. He must look like an easy target-drunk and wearing an expensive tux.

For a minute, he debates just staying there and letting the worst happen to him. But the faces of his parents and Mark flash in the back of his mind. So, Jinyoung starts running or more like stumbling clumsily in a random direction. In his drunken state the figures easily catch up to him. One of them tugs Jinyoung's suit jacket with so much force, he is sent sprawling to the ground. As Jinyoung falls, he feels his head hit the sharp point of a rock. A searing white pain consumes Jinyoung's entire mind and he blacks out. 

..........

He opens his eyes and is surprised when all he can see is an expanse of gray cement. When he begins to pick himself up, a throbbing pain in his head has him laying back down. Blinding sunlight assaults his face and he squints to look at his surroundings. He tries to piece the jigsaw puzzles swimming in his mind, but everything seems scrambled and foggy.

Suddenly an annoyed voice is breaking through the confusion, "Are you just going to lay there?"

His gaze snaps to the man looming over him. The first things that pops into his mind isn't, shit I just woke up on a sidewalk, or shit there's an angry man standing over me, or shit where the fuck am I. No the first thought in his mind is to note how attractive the angry man is. The man is wearing a simple white t-shirt and jeans cutoff at the ankles. A brown apron is wrapped around his slim waist. Although the outfit is very casual, the man still manages to look like he walked straight out of a magazine. Toned muscles and a sharp jawline make the guy look like he was chiseled to perfection. His jet black hair compliments his pale skin nicely, and the numerous piercings on his ears completes the look. To put simply, this guy is _hot_.

It takes a moment for the boy sprawled on the sidewalk to notice that the _attractive_ man's _attractive_ jawline is clenched and there's a broom wielded like a weapon in his hands. "Well? I don't appreciate drunks outside my coffee shop," the man practically shouts.

He looks like he's about to use the broom when another blonde man runs up to them. "Jaebum, what's the commotion about? Oh! Who are you?" The blonde man gapes at the boy still lying on the sidewalk. While the blonde guy is also quite attractive, the boy can't help but to keep staring at the one with jet black hair.

There are most important matters at hand though. The boy gives out a shaky answer, "I-I don't know. Where am I?"

The blonde man's face immediately melts from surprise to concern. "Do you know your name?" He asks gently.

The boy slowly gets up and wobbles on his feet. His head stills feels as if there is a hammer pounding on his skull. A name is something that should easily come to him, but as much as he thinks nothing comes up. Which scares the shit out of him. How can he not even remember his own name? Panic quickly rises in his chest and his breathes becomes short and jerky. The blonde man senses his anxiety and quickly says, "Hey, it's okay. Do you maybe remember a nickname or something?"

At the word nickname, a distant part of his brain offers the name _Junior_ to him. The boy immediately responds, "Junior? I think...you can call me Junior."

"Alright, Junior," the blonde man repeats. "My name is Jackson Wang," he then points to the angry attractive (Junior seriously can't stop calling him attractive) man next to him, "That's Im Jaebum. Our resident tsundere. Now, do you have any idea as to why you're lying outside our coffee shop?"

Junior blinks back and forth between the two men. He again tries to rack his brain for more information besides a name. Unfortunately, he is just met with cloudy gray areas in his memories. "I don't remember. I don't remember anything." Junior feels the blood drain from his face at the realization.

"Woah, take it easy. Don't force yourself." 

Junior pats his pockets for a phone or a wallet, something that could help him in this desperate situation. But he comes up with nothing. He wills his voice to not shake as he asks, "Do you think I could use your phone? I don't have any of my stuff."

"Of course, come inside," Jackson motions for Junior to follow him. Jaebum glares at him suspiciously and doesn't let go of the broom as if he's expecting Junior to be so sort of thief or psychopath.

Their coffee shop is small but cozy. The walls are light brown and covered with artistic photographs of coffee beans and other coffee related objects. All the furniture and decor has an antique look to it. It is eerily quite but Junior sees the charm in the small coffee shop. Jackson ends up leading him to the back where they keep a wall phone. Junior takes the phone, but pauses when he realizes he doesn't have any idea who to call. He sags against the wall defeated, "I don't know who to call."

Jaebum looks exasperated with the whole ordeal. "Maybe we should send him to the hospital or the police station?"

"And abandon him there, that's just mean! Besides, hospital bills are expensive."

"He's not our responsibility," Jaebum bites back.

"The poor guy has no identity or money, he has nowhere to go." All of the sudden Jackson eyes lit up as if struck with a brilliant idea and turns to face Junior, "We have a couch in one of our back rooms! It's not much but its better than a sidewalk. You can stay there until you sort yourself out."

Junior opens his mouth ready to protest such generosity, Jackson says, "And before you think I'm just handing out a free living space, there is one condition. You have to work here while you stay here. It just so happens I've been short on staff lately."

Jaebum is scandalized, "You can't be serious! He could be a serial killer for all we know, he can't work with us!"

"Why not? he needs a place to stay and I need more staff. I doubt he's a serial killer, they aren't that cute." Jackson offers Junior a wink and Junior flushes.

"He doesn't have any experience," Jaebum insists.

"Not a problem. You are assigned to train him now," Jackson adds cheerfully. Jaebum gawks at him before storming off further into the depths of the coffee shop.

"He hates me," Junior worries. Jackson rolls his eyes, "Don't mind him. He's always grumpy."

"Okay...but oh thank you, thank you. I was so scared I would have to stay out on the streets."

"No problem, kid. We aren't heartless enough to abandon you." And Junior begs to differ, considering Jaebum seemed adamant on dumping him on the streets just minutes before but he keeps quiet.

"Now that tux you're wearing looks absolutely uncomfortable to be in. We have some old uniforms in the back that you can wear." Jackson says.

Junior can't believe his luck, "How can I repay you?"

"Just work your ass off in this cafe and you are good." 

Junior nods feverishly, "Oh I will."

Jackson grins at him, "In that case welcome to the _Wang Cafe_."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going up sooner than expected but i'm just having too much fun writing this story.

It turns out that Junior ended up in a cafe in a remote part of Icheon. He still has no recollection of where he came from, or what his real name is. The first few days were filled with restless nights, tossing and turning on the couch in the back room. Then little by little Junior began to adapt to his situation. He had a feeling that he had been running away from something terrible when he lost his memory, so maybe this was all destiny.

Junior had been immersed in the cafe business on the same day that he was found on the sidewalk. Not a minute had passed since Junior had put on the uniform when he was being dragged out by Jackson and shoved, literally, at a glaring Jaebum.

To make matters worse the uniform, in Junior's opinion, was quite unflattering. Granted, it was more comfortable than the tux but it wasn't Junior's size. The shirt was fine, but the pants were a little too snug around his butt area and it bunched up awkwardly around his thighs.

 

 

For most people, working with Im Jaebum on their first day on the job would be a traumatic experience. But Junior soon discovered that he had thick skin and a strong resolve.

Jaebum had a fast pace, period. He had given Junior a tour of the cafe and a long list of rules and protocols, all in less than half an hour. Then, he had turned to Junior with a smug look and said, "Quiz time."

To Jaebum's surprise, Junior answered all his rapid fire questions about the cafe with ease and confidence. It seemed like Junior was made for this business. It only took him a few days to memorize all the coffee recipes and menu items. Meanwhile, the customers seemed ecstatic to have a new friendly face to talk to. And Junior loved to talk to them. He offered a cheerful smile and upbeat mood to each customer he served.

Jaebum seemed reluctant to show his approval of Junior's thriving skills. On the other hand, Jackson had no qualms about singing his praises to Junior.

"You are doing great, keep up the good work!" Jackson had clapped Junior on the back, "Jaebum might even have some competition for employee of the month."

As if Jaebum didn't need more reasons to hate Junior. After that comment Jaebum would glare at Junior every time he did something well. It was exhausting after a week. Junior finally snapped when Jaebum yelled at him for messing up his first drink, and then gloating that Junior wasn't cut out for the cafe.

"Yah!" Junior slammed his hand on the table, knocking over some salt shakers. Jaebum's collected face immediately slipped into one of utter surprise at Junior's outburst, because well, Junior was usually quite perky. But now, Junior was indeed quite furious. He had lost his memory, had to sleep on a couch, uniforms were his only form of clothing, and now Jaebum was being a prick.

"I don't know what your problem is, but can you stop being an asshole!"

At the word asshole, Jaebum raised his chin defiantly and opened his mouth to yell back. But Junior wasn't going to have it, he started to walk towards Jaebum menancingly. His voice growing louder and louder with each word.

"I'm not a serial killer, I'm actually decent at my job. I'm not causing you any major problems. And if you have problem with me, that _sucks_. Jackson hired me, not you! So as long as Jackson wants me here, I'm staying!"

By then, Junior was standing inches away from Jaebum who was crowded against the edge of the counter. Jaebum's eyes were wide as saucers and his mouth open and closed in an attempt to formulate words. A few moments passed before Jaebum spoke, shoulder deflated in defeat, "Fine. I'll try to be nicer."

That's all Junior needed to hear.

He took a step back from Jaebum, "Good, I hope we can be friends now," and then Junior walked away. Jaebum stayed back, looking immensely confused as he tried to process what had just happened.

 

 

After the confrontation, Jaebum stopped glaring and being stand offish. On good days, he would even say good job to Junior. It was said so quietly and quickly that Junior almost didn't register it happened, but when it did he never failed to beam at Jaebum.

Junior was glad Jaebum stopped being a complete asshole, he was still annoying sometimes, but at least it was getting better. It had made Junior's skin crawl that Jaebum was an asshole but still very attractive, so now that Jaebum was being nicer, Junior could appreciate how hot he was in peace.

One might think that Jaebum's cold exterior would not be welcome in a coffee shop where customer service is priority, but the truth was that Jaebum was excellent at his job. Junior admired him deeply for it. Jaebum seemed to be very devoted and passionate about his job at the coffee shop. He made the drinks and food with careful attentiveness and finesse. While he could be mean to the staff, the customers got nothing but polite smiles and small talk. In fact the only time Junior saw Jaebum smile was when he was serving customers.

Junior caught himself staring at Jaebum once, while he was wiping down tables. It was the first time Junior saw Jaebum smile.

A family had come in and the kids were whining for hot chocolate. Jaebum had knelt down, ruffled their hair, and with a wide smile promised them the best hot chocolate on earth-if they waited quietly. Once the drinks were completed Jaebum had added whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkled on the top as a reward for the kids waiting sop patiently. The little ones had hugged Jaebum's legs and the parents had sent Jaebum a grateful smile.

Junior almost cooed at the sight, he swore his heart was melting into a puddle of goo at the pit of his stomach.

 

 

Everyone else at _Wang Cafe_ was pretty friendly. Jackson, the owner, had given Junior clothes and a bed (or well a couch but close enough). The cafe also had two other young employees who were in their last year of college-one was an alarmingly tall kid with bright orange hair called Yugyeom and the other was a kid who called himself Bambam because his actual name was too hard to say.

Junior doesn't know much about himself, considering he lost all of his memories. But he discovers knew things about himself everyday. Such as the fact he is very motherly in a sense. He isn't sure of his own age, but he is sure both Bambam and Yugyeom are younger than him-even if Yugyeom towers a good few inches over him.

One of Junior's new favorite activities was doting on the two. Bambam and Yugyeom were use to being constantly scolded by Jackson and Jaebum, so they quickly warmed up to Junior and his caring nature. For example, Junior knew that two spent many late nights studying and would welcome them with fresh cups of coffee every morning. He would also make sure they were let out for their lunch breaks on time and had a proper meal that didn't just consist of fries and a milkshake. As it got colder outside, he would even make sure they were bundled up in scarves and hats before heading out the door.

Bambam and Yugyeom _loved_ being pampered and coddled by Junior.

 

 

As Junior became protective of them, they saw him as a good defense mechanism against Jaebum.

According to the staff, Jaebum held a reputation. They used three words to describe him-cool, sexy and chic (Junior definitely agreed with the sexy part). Unless he lost his temper, in that case the only word to describe Jaebum was _scary._ That's why everyone was careful not anger or snap at Jaebum, lest they face his wrath.

That's why the maknaes were so surprised to learn Junior had actually yelled at Jaebum and made him cower. Bambam had looked up at him in awe after hearing the story. "No one talks to him like that. Except for Jackson sometimes, but even he knows his limits. I would kill to see Jaebum's face. You are the first to treat him like that."

So occasionally, Yugyeom would come running to Junior whining, "Hyung, Jaebum is being mean again!" In most cases it was because the maknaes were goofing around Jaebum was just telling (or more like yelling) them to stop, but Junior defended his children nonetheless.

Jaebum had approached them with a glare and a broom (his classical weapon for hitting staff, Junior had quickly learned). He gave a questioning look at Yugyeom hiding behind Junior, "Is he your mother now?"

"Yes!" Yugyeom declared confidently. Junior just laughed and then chastised Jaebum for being too harsh on the maknaes, to which Jaebum grumbled something about Junior spoiling them too much.

 

 

Bambam later declared that Junior was superb mediator between them and Jaebum, "Jaebum-hyung, is usually grumpy towards everyone. But around you, he acts nicer."

Junior scoffed, "Nicer? If by nicer you mean short head nods and clipped small talk."

But Bambam just shook his head, "He tells you good job all the time! Me and Yugyeom get a good job maybe once in a blue moon. And he doesn't scold you constantly."

"That's because I don't goof around all the time." Junior retorted and Bambam pouted-Junior couldn't resist to pinch his cheeks.

"I heard you made him laugh once! Like actual laughing, Jaebum doesn't laugh." Bambam insisted.

Junior wanted to clarify that Jaebum was actually laughing at him-not with him. They had been in the kitchen because Jaebum needed to teach Junior how to use their large electric mixer. Unfortunately, Junior wasn't feeling the brightest that day, and so he accidentally set the mixer to full blast. The flour in the bowl flew straight into Junior's face, coating it white. It was one of the few mistakes Junior had made in his time there, so Jaebum seemed gleeful. (There seemed to be running competition between Jaebum and Junior as to who could do better at tasks assigned to them.)

Jaebum squished his lips together in a desperate attempt to contain any laughter. But then he made eye contact with Junior and the laughter spilled past his lips in short bursts. Slightly offended, Junior proceeded to grab a handful of flour and chucked it at Jaebum's face. Jaebum had then grabbed Junior's arm, pinned it to his back, and bent him over so his face was centimeters away from a bowl filled with flour.

"I'm very competitive so don't even try playing games." Jaebum warned. Most people would be terrified in that position but Junior just stuck out his tongue at Jaebum-who let out a snicker. Junior loved the sound of Jaebum's laugh, it had a deep and hearty tone. On a less innocent note, Junior brain had immediately brought up dirty thoughts at the way Jaebum's strength had easily bent him over.

 

 

Junior also learned the teasing Jaebum was another one of his favorite things to do. It was rather easy actually. Jaebum may have a chic persona, but it seemed Junior always found a way to fluster him. As of late, anytime Junior said, "Thanks hyungggg." in a singsong voice, Jaebum faltered in whatever he was doing.

The first time Junior called Jaebum hyung, was when they were in the kitchen training as usual. This time Jaebum was directing Junior to make simple latte art by pouring steamed milk on to the top of the latte. Junior was trying to make a smiley face, but he hands kept shaking so it ended up looking like a grimace. Jaebum sighed, "You need to slow down and keep your hand steady."

Jaebum had then placed one hand over Junior's hand that clutched the milk pitcher, while he placed another hand on Junior's arm to steady him. He easily guided Junior into making a large flower that covered the ugly smiley face. Junior hoped he wasn't blushing. After all, it was just simple touch, but Jaebum's hands were so warm and he was standing so close. The fact Junior may or may not be nursing a tiny crush on him wasn't helping either.

Either way, the latte art had come out nicely and Junior blurted out, "Thanks hyung!"

Jaebum blinked, obviously flustered, "You don't have to call me that. We aren't even close."

Junior ignored Jaebum's comment, "Why not? I spend all my time with you as your trainee and you're obviously older than me."

"Are you saying I look old?" Jaebum shrieked.

Junior rolled his eyes, of course that's what Jaebum chooses to focus on. With a smirk Junior answered, "Yes. So if you don't like hyung then I can call you Ahjusshi."

"I'm only 25!." Jaebum protested.

"Does this mean I can call you hyung?" Junior said in that singsong voice of his-maybe even adding a little bit of puppy eyes.

Jaebum huffed, "Fine."

 

 

To be honest, Junior had no clue as to why Jaebum got so flustered when he calls him hyung. It's not like they are complete strangers anymore. Well, at least it shows Jaebum's humanity. Beneath all the grumpy demeanor Jaebum could actually be a gentlemen, Junior soon discovered.

The deliver men who would come drop off their supplies occasionally stayed in the cafe to chat. They had caught wind of Junior and his mysterious background. Junior had been taking his break in the back room when he heard voices outside. "What if he's an entitled rich kid?" one of the delivery men had said. "He looks preppy and kind of stuck up."

"Yeaaa and what if he ran away to escape heading the family business," a second voice added.

"Honestly, he could be psychopath."

Junior almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the tale. If he hadn't been insulted he would have been flattered they thought he had enough class to be rich. He convinced himself the men meant no harm and were just gossiping. But at that moment he heard Jaebum's voice outside as well.

"Hey, you two. Don't say things like that. The kid lost his memory and you guys are being rude." Jaebum scolded.

Junior was taken back by Jaebum defending him-even if it was a little hypocritical considering how Jaebum acted the day they met. Later that day he approached Jaebum as he pumped chocolate into a row of croissants. "You're curbing the rumors." Junior murmured.

Jaebum looked surprised to have been caught and mumbled, "Don't mind them. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone." Without meeting Junior's eyes he added, "And I'm sorry for treating you the same way, the day you arrived." The apology warmed Junior's heart. Damn it, Jaebum was attractive and secretly nice-keeping his crush lowkey was going to be hard.

Junior placed a hand on Jaebum's arm and squeezed it, "You stood up for me, so I forgive you. Thank you hyung."

For some reason the gesture made Jaebum's hand slip and he got chocolate all over his hands. "Y-your welcome" he stammered.

Junior clicked his tongue, "Silly hyung. I'm suppose to be the newbie here," and Junior got a towel to wipe Jaebum hands clean. Junior was also slightly amused at the way the tip of Jaebum's ears had gone pink when he held his hands to clean them.


	3. Chapter 3

Junior began to notice exactly how popular Jaebum was among the customers, specifically the ones who were teenage girls.

They were always flirting with Jaebum, _always_. Strangely, Jaebum was pretty immune to their flirting techniques. He never flirted back and instead settled on polite small talk, nothing more. Junior wondered if Jaebum was really that oblivious or if he was just playing up the cool and chic persona.

It was mid afternoon on a Thursday and there were crowds of school girls lurking, waiting for a specific barista-the one and only Im Jaebum. There was a particular girl, with long brown hair and doey eyes that approached Jaebum. Her flirting attempts were evident, she twirled her hair, batted her eye lashes and giggled at anything Jaebum said even if it wasn't funny. Junior couldn't take his eyes of the interaction. A coil of jealousy was settling at the bottom of his stomach when he saw Jaebum smile at her. He barely smiles at me, Junior grumbled to himself.

He knew he was only torturing himself by watching them and as the pair kept talking, his stomach sunk lower and lower. Junior was so distracted that he overflowed one of the lattes with milk and hastily shuffled around to make a new one before anyone noticed. When Jaebum finally came back, Junior had muttered with slight bitterness in his voice, "You could probably get more tips if you flirted back."

Jaebum stared at him utterly confused, "Excuse me?"

"The girl who you were just serving was flirting with you. If you flirted back she would probably tip you more."

"Flirting with me?" Jaebum still looked confused.

Junior gaped at Jaebum, aish he really was clueless, "Yes! How can you not tell???"

"Are you jealous?" Jaebum questioned-amusement creeping onto his face. Junior's heart almost stopped. There was no way Jaebum knew about his tiny (okay maybe not so tiny) crush on him, Junior prided himself in being very subtle.

"Jealous?" Junior squeaked. Great, so much for keeping it cool.

"I'm not interested in any of the girls that come into the shop. They are free for you to woo them."

 _Oh_ , oh thank God, Jaebum thought he was jealous of the fact Jaebum was getting all the girls, not because of his tiny-not-so-tiny crush.

"I don't even know why they bother flirting with me." Jaebum shook his head exasperated.

"What?? Do you even know how attractive you are?" Junior babbled without a second thought. He cursed his impulsive brain.

Jaebum's eyebrows rose so high they reached his hairline, "Huh...?"

Junior really didn't want to stick around while Jaebum kept thinking about what he had just said, so he frantically tried to find an excuse, "Ah it looks like we're out of croissants on the display! I'm going to put some more in the oven." He turned on his heel and dashed into the kitchen with a blush high on his cheeks.

 

 

While Yugyeom was like a child who Junior loved to coddle, he also loved to tease Yugyeom relentlessly-specifically when he deserved it.

Yugyeom was sitting on top of a random coffee table, swinging his feet back and forth happily. It wasn't long before Jaebum came along to yell at him to get off the table and attend some of the customers. The kid must have had a death wish because Yugyeom barely acknowledged Jaebum-he just waved his hand, insisting he had to finish snap chatting Bambam first. Jaebum scowl deepened with every passing second. Junior could practically see steam coming out of his ears.

To avoid confrontation, Junior took matters into his own hands and softly called out, "Gyommie, come here." The friendlier tone seemed to catch Yugyeom's attention, he looked up at Junior and sent him a heart with two fingers. Not the response he was hoping for, so Junior raised his hand and flicked the imaginary heart away.

Yugyeom narrowed his eyes and stuck his tongue out. He still made no movement to get up and continued to type away on his phone. Undiscouraged, Junior went up to the table with a wet towel and pretended to wipe it. It was the perfect opportunity to gently nudge Yugyeom off-but Junior seemed to miscalculate his own strength and sent Yugyeom tumbling off and into a couple of chairs.

"Hyung!" Yugyeom cried as he fell to the floor.

"Ah sorry. I was wiping the table and your butt was in the way." Junior expressed in the most innocent manner.

Yugyeom sent him a glare which clearly said he wasn't buying Junior's excuses. He grumbled something about Junior being meaner around Jaebum.

"Gyommie, come back I said I was sorry! Eomma still loves you!" Junior said without an ounce of remorse or guilt. Behind him, Jaebum was cracking-up and soon his head was tilted back in full blown laughter. Junior was pleased he could make Jaebum look so happy when his usual default expression was a grumpy frown. And when Junior met Jaebum's twinkling eyes, his stomach erupted with those butterflies that all the cliche dramas talked about. 

 

The time and dedication that Jaebum put into the coffee shop was admirable. Next to Jackson, he was the hardest worker. On most nights Jaebum was the one who would stay the longest, cleaning up after closing hours.  Junior, who pretty much lived there, would join Jaebum in the back to wash dishes and wipe down counters in a companionable silence.

Once Jaebum decided that Junior wasn't a psychopath and actually a hard worker like himself, he would stay a little longer than usual to chat with Junior in the empty coffee shop. They found they had things in common such as sharing a passion for reading and Harry Potter. (Junior discovered his secret passion for reading when tidying up the back room. He had found several boxes filled with books under a desk. There wasn't much for Junior to do after work, so he just started to read everyday to pass time. When he found the Harry Potter series among the stacks of boxes, he couldn't put it down and finished all 7 books in 2 weeks. It made Junior wonder if he had been a librarian before he lost his memory.)

During the times Jaebum stayed after closing hours to keep Junior company, they also ended up having countless deep conversations about everything and anything ranging from aliens to how the universe was created. Beneath the chic persona was just a nerdy boy who loved to speculate about everything. With each conversation, Junior liked Jaebum more and more. Once you got past the stony wall Jaebum put up, he was very good company.

Out of everyone at Wang Cafe Junior spent the most time with Jaebum, even after his training ended. If they weren't talking late into the night, they were together at work, doing all their errands as a pair. Junior felt surprisingly comfortable in Jaebum's presence so he quickly latched onto him and considered him a good friend.

There was particular night where they had just closed the coffee shop and were sitting on the floor in front of the register, bone-tired after a busy day. It had taken four hours to wash and store all the dishes that had been used. They decided it was appropriate to treat themselves to hot chocolate in paper cups (too lazy to wash anything else) and chocolate filled croissants (Junior's and Jaebum's favorite dessert).

It was getting late but Jaebum made no motion to pack up his things and leave. Instead, Jaebum got them a second serving of hot chocolate and dessert claiming, "We burned all the calories working." They were wrapping up their discussion on conspiracy theories-the new deep topic for that night-when Junior asked where all the pretty photographs that lined the coffee shop walls came from.

Jaebum actually blushed at this and mumbled, "I took all of them."

Junior swiveled around to look directly at Jaebum, hot chocolate sloshing dangerously in his cup, "You did? Wow, hyung. They are really good. I didn't know you were a photographer."

Jaebum's blush extended into his neck, "Well, I'm not a professional photographer. It's just a hobby."

"You _have_ to show me more of your work."

"It's not that special, really." Jaebum tried to feign nonchalance but you could tell he was secretly pleased at the compliment.

Junior rolled his eyes, "I refuse to believe that, you always pour your heart and soul into whatever you do here at the coffee shop. I doubt it's much different with photography. Have you ever thought about a career in it?"

For the first time (but certainly not the last) Junior caught sadness flicker across Jaebum's eyes, "I was going to but circumstances led me to the coffee shop."

Now Junior was curious, "If you don't mind me asking, what were those circumstances?"

When Jaebum hesitated to respond Junior almost took back what he said, but then Jaebum started to talk, "My original plan was to go to college to major in photography and minor in business. My parent saw that I had potential and were willing to pay my tuition. But then-" Jaebum paused to take a deep breath.

He face was scrunched up in discomfort most likely due to the memory he was about to reveal. Junior couldn't help but to reach out and lay his hand on top of Jaebum hand's resting on his lap, "You don't have to continue if you don't want to."

Jaebum seemed startled by Junior's touch, but continued anyways, "No it's okay. I can keep going...I had been going out with a guy for a few weeks at the end of high school. We were kissing in my basement and my parents weren't suppose to come back until the next day." Jaebum closed his eyes before he kept going, "My dad found us. I never saw him so angry. He beat me so hard I thought I was going to die. They kicked me out that same day. Told me no son of theirs was going to be gay. I had no home, no money, nowhere to go. Luckily I was friends with Jackson and his family was very welcoming. They offered me a place to stay and a job at this coffee shop. When his parents moved to another town, Jackson took over the shop and I was his right wing man. I owe a lot to him."

Junior's heart almost broke in to two pieces at the raw and tender story, "Jackson is saint huh, offering a place to stay to all lost souls."

Jaebum's mouth which had been pressed in a hard line at the beginning of the story, softened at Junior's words, "Only sometimes."

"Thanks for confiding in me, and I'm sorry that happened to you," Junior squeezed Jaebum's hand. Part of him was reeling at the revelation that Jaebum's liked guys, but he was more so focused on the tragedy that Jaebum faced. It saddened him that such a wonderful man like Jaebum had to suffer so much to end up where he was now.

To Junior's surprise, Jaebum turned his palm face up and squeezed Junior's hand back (cue those damn butterflies, Junior thought), "Thanks for listening."

"Anytime, hyung." Junior responded sincerely. They stayed like that for a while-hands loosely tangled together, sides pressed up against each other for support. The only sound to be heard was the tick-tock of the clock and the hum of the refrigerator running. The serene atmosphere caused sleep to wash over them like tidal wave and Jackson found them the next morning, fast asleep, curled up into each other on the floor.

 

 

As Junior spent more and more time with the staff of Wang Cafe, he had a growing suspicion that Yugyeom and Bambam had gigantic crushes on each other but were blind to it.

A typical work day consisted of Yugyeom staring at Bambam adoringly, Bambam finding a home on Yugyeom's lap every time he sat down, and Yugyeom constantly wrapping his arms around the shorter boy like it was his life mission to cuddle Bambam. They were attached at the hip and knew each other so well-to the point they finished each other sentences-that Junior was astounded they still couldn't tell they had crushes on each other.

They even did couple-ly things. Countless times Junior had caught them linking hands unconsciously and Yugyeom giving Bambam forehead kisses before they parted ways in the evenings. There was a particular amusing moment, when Bambam had his arms around Yugyeom's waist while Yugyeom fixed his hair. A young girl that was getting up to grab a few napkins commented, "You make the cutest couple."

Which resulted in the two maknaes quickly untangling themselves and flailing as they both shouted, "We aren't a couple!"

Jaebum and Junior were manning the register at the time and Jaebum rolled his eyes to the back of his head. "Happens at least once a week."

Junior on the other hand was too busy admiring the two cute moles above Jaebum's eyes to pay any attention to the commotion and asked, "Hmm? What happens?"

"People mistaking Bambam and Yugyeom for a couple."

Junior actually laughed, "I'm not even surprised. Why don't they just date?"

"I guess they're both too scared to make a move."

"Aish, they should just take a leap of faith. It's obvious how much they care for each other. One of them needs to take a risk and put themselves out there. Or else they will never know if they could have worked out." Junior relented.

After his long spiel, Junior continued to organize the bills at the register and hum under his breath. He felt eyes watching him so he looked up and caught Jaebum staring at him with an unreadable yet intense expression. Their gazes locked before Junior finally cleared his throat and said, "Um I think there's a customer," and pointed to a man patiently waiting at the counter. Jaebum snapped into his customer service mode and turned away from Junior, who had to fan himself because the room felt a few degrees hotter.

 

 

Later that day that Junior walked into the back room where he sleeps for a small break. He almost screamed in shock when he saw two people already there. After recovering from the scare he realized it was just Bambam and Yugyeom, not crazy axe murders. The most interesting thing to note was the fact Bambam was sprawled on the couch, arms pinned down, while Yugyeom straddled him. Hmm, maybe they were already dating, Junior thought.

"Please don't do dirty things on the couch I sleep on every night!" Junior all but wailed.

Bambam and Yugyeom were scrambling apart for a second time that day. "We weren't doing anything," Yugyeom protested even if the blush on his cheeks suggested otherwise.

"We were having a tickle fight. That's all, I swear!" Bambam looked like a boy who had just been caught by his mother.

Never mind, they aren't dating, they are still in denial, Junior concluded. He eyed them skeptically, "Right...well I'm going to go have my break in the storage room then."

"I think Jaebum-hyung is in there too." Bambam piped up, embarrassment fading to give way to a smirk.

"What's that look for?" Junior narrowed his eyes menacingly.

"Oh nothing. I just thought you might want to go spend more alone time with him. You guys have gotten pretty close after all." There was no denying Bambam's tone was suggestive.

Junior flushed, "Well-um,"

Bambam was cackling as he pushed Junior out of the room, "Go to him. He's probably wondering where you are. I swear he's so use to having you around now, that he get this lost look on his face when you aren't with him."

 

 

Sure, Junior and Jaebum were much closer now-a far cry from the enemies they were on the first day-but there were still incidents where they became incredibly awkward around each other. The most recent incident being the day Jaebum saw Junior shirtless. When Junior first settled into the cafe, Jackson had revealed that the back room with the couch use to be a bedroom. There was even a laundry room with a working shower further back into the shop. Apparently when the building was built, the constructors had meant for a someone to live in the coffee shop as they worked.

The "bedroom" and "laundry room" had pretty much remained unused until Junior showed up. It wasn't much, just two old rooms, but Junior wasn't going to complain. It meant that Junior could wash the numerous uniforms he had accumulated as his only source of clothing and he could take nice warm showers.

Junior had just finished taking a long relaxing shower and pulled on a pair of sweat pants that Jackson graciously gave him so he didn't have to sleep in a uniform. (Jackson had wanted to give him more clothes but Junior insisted that he would buy his own clothes once his paychecks accumulated). He didn't bother putting a shirt on because he was completely alone...or so he thought.

When Junior walked out into the hallway to head back to his couch, he heard loud rustling. With extreme caution, Junior silently made his way to the front of the coffee shop and saw a hooded figure rummaging near the register. Junior's first thought was that it was thief that had sneaked in. In a fit of panic he grabbed the closest thing to him, which in this case was a napkin dispenser-it would have to do. He tiptoed stealthy up behind the figure and raised the napkin holder high in his arms. Junior brought the item crashing down onto their covered head praying that he was a boxer before his memory loss and had hidden super strength.

"Ow! What the fuck!" The figure exclaimed. Wait a second...Junior recognized that voice instantly. _It was Jaebum._

Jaebum turned around and pulled away his hood to rub the back of his head. "Why did you-oh. You're shirtless." Jaebum finished lamely, his ears going pink as they usually do when he is flustered or embarrassed.

Junior's initial panic had dissipated into anger-what the hell was Jaebum doing scaring him like this-the anger quickly turned to embarrassment though, because indeed he was still shirtless.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to hit you but what wer-" Junior's words caught in his throat when he realized Jaebum wasn't even listening or looking at his face. No, Jaebum's eyes were roaming the expanse of Junior's bare torso with intent. Junior burned under Jaebum's heavy gaze and decided he should put a shirt on if he planned on surviving this conversation.

"Actually, give me a sec." Junior said before sprinting into his room, feeling faint.

 

Several minutes later, Junior had a shirt on and Jaebum had an ice pack pressed to the side of his head as he sat on the couch. Junior finally spoke up, "What were you doing? You scared the shit out of me."

"I forgot my house keys on the counter so I came back to get them." Jaebum winced as he readjusted the ice pack, "God, since when are you so brutal?"

"I thought you were a thief," Junior objected.

Jaebum grumbled, "Good to know our coffee shop is protected because of your handy skills at throwing napkin dispensers."

With a grimace Junior said, "Again, I am so sorry. Here let me see the damage."

Junior placed his knees on the couch beside Jaebum. He leaned onto Jaebum's shoulder to keep himself steady and he tilted Jaebum's head into his own chest for a better look. "Well, it doesn't look too bad. If you keep icing it tonight and tomorrow I don't think it will swell that much."

As Junior flopped back onto the couch in a sitting position and he was taken aback by Jaebum's rather pink face. Why was he flustered now?

"I should get going." Jaebum said without meeting Junior's eyes.

"Alright, hyung. Drive home safely and don't scare me like that again." Junior patted Jaebum's knee, but Jaebum flinched slightly at the touch. Well that hurt. Jaebum spewed out a quick Goodnight before bustling out the door without a backwards glance. Junior pursed his lips and wondered why the air had gotten so tense and awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and lovely comments <3 they motivate me to keep writing quickly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I added some tags because of the sensitive content in Jinyoung's dream.

Junior was in the middle of grinding coffee beans when the staff was called for a very important meeting. Everyone gathered by the sink because apparently that's where Jackson likes to hold important meetings. For a second Junior worried someone was in trouble or something bad had happened, but then he saw Jackson smiling proudly at everyone and he knew all was well.

"I'm going to close the shop early this weekend because...I want to invite everyone for a road trip to the beach!" Jackson announced.

"But it's cold outside." Junior frowned, already concerned for everyone's health.

"Which is why it will be perfect." Jackson continued enthusiastically.

"Yea, it's actually tradition to take all the staff to the beach when it's cold. There will be less people hanging around the beach. Or no people at all." Yugyeom explained from where he was leaning against the sink with an arm around Bambam's waist-as usual.

"Yup! And think of it also as welcoming party for Junior. He deserves it after having to suffer through training under Jaebum. The poor thing." Jackson bowed his head mockingly and maknaes chorused a, "True." (Even though Junior wouldn't exactly call it torture. Not when he got watch Jaebum's arm muscles flex and bend as he taught Junior how to properly knead dough.)

Jaebum crossed his arms and scowled at Jackson. "You were the one who assigned him to me."

"It wasn't that bad, honestly. Jaebum was a good instructor." Junior tried to save face.

But that only seemed to fuel Jackson's teasing game as he turned to Jaebum, "Awww, he even defends you now. Did you brain wash him?" 

Jaebum launched a dish towel at Jackson's jeering face.

 

 

 

Junior was pretty excited to get away for the weekend. He loved working at the coffee shop, but he was also a little tired of staying in the same 4 walls for a few months. At first Junior was pretty reluctant to step foot outside the coffee shop. The shop had become like a protective bubble for him. Stepping outside would mean he would have to address his unknown surrounding as well as face the gaping holes in his memory. Junior wasn't sure if he was ready just yet, for multiple reasons. But eventually, he grew restless and yearned to step out of his comfort zone. So, Junior joined Bambam during his lunch break to ask for advice on preparing for the beach trip.

"Pack a lot of warm clothes and layers! It can get really cold, but at least that means we will have the beach to ourselves." Bambam said as Junior diligently pealed apples for them to eat-like a good mother. Junior thought back to the clothes in the back room. His wardrobe was certainly not extensive. It consisted of a pair of PJs Jackson gave him and old uniforms that no one else bothered to wear.

"Yea...I should probably go shopping." Junior concluded. Bambam's eyes lit up at the word shopping, "Good idea! You've barely used your pay checks so you can splurge." He abandoned his food and whipped out his phone to show Junior where all the good shops were.

"I would go with you," Bambam pouted, "but I have an big exam on Thursday so I'm going to be studying this whole week."

Junior hand-fed Bambam some apple slices before answering, "It's okay I can go by myself."

"Why don't you take Jaebum?" Bambam mumbled around a mouthful of food.

"He doesn't really seem like the type to enjoy shopping."

"If it's time spent with you. Trust me, he won't mind." Bambam waggled his eyebrows in the most disturbing manner and Junior took the opportunity to pinch Bambam's arm.

"Ow! Its true! Besides you need new clothes."

"Ugh I know." Junior gestured towards the uniform he was wearing. "These pants are so unflattering."

There was a pause before Bambam burst out laughing, Junior pinched him again, "Yah, no need to make fun of me."

Bambam was wiping tears away from his eyes, "Oh hyung, those aren't unflattering pants at all. In fact they're a little too flattering."

Junior just gave him a blank expression to which Bambam sighed at his hyung's naiveness, "Those pants make your butt look amazing. Everyone was staring at your butt on the first day. But that's not as bad as Jaebum. See we stopped after the first day. Meanwhile, Jaebum is literally always staring at your butt. Its so obvious I can't believe you didn't notice."

"That's not true, Jaebum concentrates on his work." Junior's tried to keep his face impassive and unaffected by this revelation, even if he was secretly pleased.

"And when he's not concentrated on work, he's concentrated on your ass." Bambam winked and Junior shoved more apple slices into Bambam's mouth to shut him up.

 

 

 

It was getting closer to the weekend and Junior conjured up the courage to invite Jaebum to go shopping. After a mental pep talk, he walked straight up to Jaebum, who was refilling milk in one of the machines, and clung to his arm. "Hyunnggggg" Junior drawled. To Jaebum's credit he was finally getting use to Junior's excessive use of hyung. Instead of floundering around, Jaebum just hummed without looking over. Junior tugged at his sleeve, "Do you have plans tonight?"

That caught Jaebum's attention, "No why...?"

"Great you can go shopping with me! I need new clothes. Jackson already said it's okay for us to leave early." Junior breezed right through his invitation. Might as well get to the point.

"Wait, wait! I didn't agree."

"Hyung, are you really going to let me go alone? I barely know this town what if I get mugged. Again!"

It took a minute before Jaebum finally relented, "Okay, just let me finish this and we can head out." Junior cheered at his success.

They ended up in one of the small malls that Bambam had recommended. There were large window displays and flashy advertisements, all beckoning customers to come in and spend all their money. After weeks of wearing nothing but uniforms, Junior was more than ready to throw his cash down and get _everything._

"What would you wear to the get together this weekend?" Junior casually asked Jaebum.

"Like a shirt...and jeans?" Jaebum provided very unhelpfully.

"That's it..." Well, Junior really shouldn't have expected more from a man who wore a t-shirt and jeans almost everyday to work (not that Junior was complaining, Jaebum's t-shirt always showed off his muscles nicely). At least he got fashion advice from Bambam before hand, or else he would have been completely at lost with just Jaebum to help him.

As if reading his mind, Jaebum huffed, "If you wanted stellar fashion advice you should've asked Bambam to come."

"Yea but Bambam had to study...Oh look this store has a sale!" Junior looped his arm through Jaebum's and dragged him inside.

"So I was your second choice." Jaebum actually looked hurt.

"Um," Junior flapped his hands, he didn't want Jaebum to be upset with him. "No, no, not at all! Bambam offered to come but, I told him I already was set on bringing you." Junior patted Jaebum's shoulder, pleased with how he had steered the conversation.

"But why would he offer if he had to study?" Jaebum still questioned. Seeking for a diversion, Junior grabbed clothing hangers and said, "Oh look these are on sale." And he dumped a few shirts unceremoniously into Jaebum's arms. Which became the process for the next hour. Junior saw something he liked and then gave it to Jaebum to hold, so he could move onto the next clothing rack. Soon the pile in Jaebum's arms grew so tall he had trouble seeing over it.

"I think it's time for you try some of these on." Jaebum's voice came out muffled from the fabric pressed against his face.

"Good idea." Junior practically skipped to the dressing room, hands free of any baggage, while Jaebum trudged behind him holding all the clothes.

Junior slipped into one of the dressing rooms and began to try on shirt after shirt. Nothing he had picked was really working for him until he pulled on an oversized, white, fluffy sweater with skinny jeans. The outfit was on the pricier side, but it was incredibly comfortable. He debated on whether or not to himself and decided he should ask for Jaebum's opinion.

When he pulled back the curtain, Junior's almost cooed at how Jaebum looked like perfect boyfriend material. Jaebum was sitting on a small wobbly stool, still loyally holding all the clothes that didn't fit in the dressing room. His normally styled hair was flattened against his forehead, and his rarely-worn glasses were askew on his face as he scrolled through his phone.

Junior resisted the urge to snap a picture of Jaebum like this and cleared his throat, "This outfit is a little pricey, but not so much that i can't afford it, do you think-"

Jaebum looked up and his response was immediate, "Buy it."

Taken back Junior said, "Are you sure? Do you think it's worth it?"

"Yes." Jaebum feverishly nodded his head and added quietly, "You look good."

"Oh. Okay. Thank you." Junior mumbled trying to fight off a blush as he disappeared back into the dressing room. A few more outfits were chosen, consisting of button ups, cardigans, and more oversized sweaters. Surprisingly, Jaebum was generously giving out compliments and Junior wondered if his blush would ever fade after the dressing room session. The bottom of the pile of clothes was reached and he called out to Jaebum from behind the curtain just to be sure, "Nothing's left right?"

He heard some shuffling before Jaebum answered. "Actually there is one more," and with great precision a leather jacket was thrown from the outside into Junior's cubicle.

"A leather jacket? This isn't really my style." Junior said uncertainly.

"Just try it." Jaebum urged.

Ah, why the hell not. Junior grabbed a discarded tank top on the floor to put on under the leather jacket. The jacket looked uncomfortable and heavy. But when he slipped it on the jacket molded perfectly around his narrow torso. Still, he shyly poked his head out from the curtain, "I don't know, hyung."

Jaebum just beckoned to him, "Let me see."

Junior walked out trying to adjust the jacket. He approached the large mirror outside the dressing room and looked at himself again. Behind him, Jaebum was smiling, "You have to get it."

"But when would I wear it?"

"Whenever you want. At the coffee shop or to the beach if you really want to. Or if you go clubbing."

Junior scoffed, "When would I go clubbing?"

"I can take you clubbing," Jaebum said, tone completely serious as their eyes met in the mirror. A thrill of excitement sparked through Junior's body at the thought of spending more alone time with Jaebum, "Okay, then I'll get it."

 

 

 

The day had finally come and all the staff of Wang Cafe-which was really only 5 people-were hustling outside of Jackson's large van. Everyone was bundled up in layers upon layers of sweaters and scarves, lugging around chairs into the open back of the van. Jackson had run to the corner store to buy cans of beer. Meanwhile, Yugyeom and Bambam were stuffing the van with as much food and soft drinks that their arms could carry.

After they finished loading, they piled eagerly into the van. Bambam and Yugyeom fought for who got shot gun, because shot gun was in control of music. Though, Yugyeom gave in to Bambam's brutal use of aegyo after 2 minutes. As Yugyeom slid into the back seat with Junior and Jaebum, they whispered in unison, "You are so whipped." Which caused Yugyeom to protest for the next 40 minutes.

Bambam had quite a diverse taste in music. He played everything from Exo's latest hit to the current song that was playing-Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus. Bambam belted out loud to the lyrics in clumsy English and Jackson was quick to join him. Yugyeom shouted over them, "Do you even know what you're saying?"

Bambam shouted back, "Not even close." and continued to sing along. Yugyeom shook his head and laughed. He too started to sing along and wouldn't stop pestering Junior to join them in their fun. Junior eventually gave in and copied the maknae's English, the words feeling foreign yet strangely familiar in his mouth, "So I put my hands up they're playing my song!" He motioned to Jaebum to finish the lyrics with him but Jaebum said, "I'm not that good at English."

"Doesn't matter, just try." Junior poked him. "It's fun. Come on Jaebummieeee..."

Yugyeom choked when he heard the nickname and leaned over Junior to give Jaebum a strange look, "Jaebumie?"

Jaebum sent him a glare that said he better stop talking if he wanted to live. He looked reluctant, but Junior kept poking his side and Jaebum didn't want Junior start calling him more embarrassing nicknames in front of everyone else-he had a reputation to uphold after all. In a quiet voice Jaebum sang, "Moving my hips like yeah..."

The corner of Junior's eyes crinkled up with glee and he chanted, "Louder!"

The smile on Junior's face seemed to make Jaebum fully give in and he started to scream-sing, "I got my hands up! They're playin' my song! I know I'm gonna be OK!"

"We could totally be in a band guys!" Jackson exclaimed.

Yugyeom gave him an incredulous look, "That's an awful idea."

"Shut up, it's a genius idea. I could be the rapper." Jackson insisted.

"Oh, I want to be a rapper too then!" Bambam agreed. And then everyone burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of their idea. So they just continued to roar out the lyrics and pound their fists on the dashboard to the beat of the song, "SO I PUT MY HANDS UP. THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG. THE BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY. I'M NODDIN' MY HEAD LIKE YEAR. MOVIN' MY HIPS LIKE YEA."

Junior had to clutch Jaebum's arm for support because he couldn't catch his breath in between giggles. Jaebum didn't seem to mind and turned to meet his eyes as he sang, Jaebum's eyes had disappeared into beautiful crescents moons, teeth showing in his gummy smile. Junior continued with, "I know I'm gonna be OK." And as cheesy as Junior thought it sounded, he felt like he was falling in love in that moment

His hair was flying everywhere and he was pretty sure he'd wake up with a sore throat tomorrow. But even with the kids and Jackson screaming in the background loud enough to make his ear drums burst, he felt happy-like he found a home. Despite the chilly winter air blasting in from the open windows-with Jaebum's smile being the prettiest he had ever seen, and their hands brushing together in between them-Junior had never felt warmer than in that moment.

 

 

 

It was until later, when everyone voices had grown raspy from all the singing and they began to doze off, that Junior realized he had been able to understand what the English lyrics meant perfectly fine. For the rest of the ride, Junior couldn't sit still in his seat, mushed in between a sleeping Yugyeom and Jaebum. With the discovery that he just might be able to understand and speak English, Junior's mind spun in circles at what else he was missing out on.

During the day Junior was content with the family he had found among the staff of Wang Cafe, but a night he spent time wondering about his real family. Did he have parents sick with worry about his disappearance? Were there any close friends that missed him? Did he have a boyfriend that was frantically looking for him? All these questions made him queasy with guilt.

Here he was enjoying the life he had created around the cafe, meanwhile he might have loved ones suffering in some of other part of Korea because they think he's dead. Junior felt even more remorseful because it wasn't like he was actively trying to figure out his past. Jackson had offered to take him to the hospital on several occasions or to ask for help from a private investigator but Junior refused, claiming it was an expense he couldn't afford at the moment. While it was a valid excuse, the main reason Junior avoided getting help for his memory loss was...fear.

What if his old life was miserable? Maybe that's why he ended up on the side walk in a remote town. Something painful must have happened to him. Junior was terrified of going back and losing the happiness he had established in the cafe.

He doesn't think that he would be able to leave the friends he had made behind. Jackson had become like an older brother to him. Yugyeom and Bambam were practically his children. And then there was _Jaebum_. There was no way Junior could ever leave Jaebum behind. Over the course of a few months, Junior had grown the closest to Jaebum-he was the closest thing he had to a best friend.

Although, his feelings towards the older man weren't exactly platonic, _at all_. Junior knew that he had a ridiculous superficial crush on Jaebum when they first began training. But amidst all the time they spent together Junior got to know Jaebum personally. He discovered the complexity of Jaebum's personality. That the man could be stoic one minute but impossibly endearing in the next second. There was also that underlying passion in all the things Jaebum did which Junior found very attractive. Soon, Junior's itty-bitty feelings developed into something a lot stronger-something he was scared to put a name to.

So he stewed with all these thoughts until the van rumbled to a stop.

 

 

As expected, the beach was completely empty so Jackson drove the van right up to the shore. They opened the trunk and began to unload all of their equipment. Blankets and chairs were set up in a circle, a few feet away from the crashing waves. The coolers and bags of food were hauled out onto the sand.

Jackson sunk into one of the chairs and opened a bag of pastries to eat but Bambam had snatched it. What resulted was a game of tag. Bambam and Yugyeom teamed up by tossing the bag between the two of them as they ran down the beach. Jackson sprinted after them screeching that if they didn't give him back his special pastries made from organic flour, he would cut their paychecks.

When Junior stepped out onto the sand, he welcomed the blast of fresh ocean breeze. It helped clear his head a little of the muddled thoughts that collected during the car ride. There was bite in the air and he was instantly thankful for wearing the white sweater from the shop. He settled down on one of the blankets and kicked off his shoes. Jaebum had gone to find something in the van and when he came back his hands held a small professional camera.

Junior perked up, "Are you going to take pictures?"

Jaebum looked kind of shy, "Yeah, do you want to come along?"

"Of course." Junior rushed to get back up. He gave the sand a dubious look before kicking off his socks as well. The sand was cold and gritty beneath his bare feet but he didn't mind, he never really minded when it came to Jaebum.

According to Jaebum, the sun was about set which meant there was perfect lightning for all sort of pictures. They strolled along the shore, Junior standing back as Jaebum bent down to get different angles of anything along the way: from seashells, to crabs, to the waves themselves. They didn't talk much, but Junior had learned to appreciate the easy and comfortable silences with Jaebum.

Junior came across some sea glass and he held up to the diminishing sunlight to catch the light. The shutter of a camera went off behind him. Junior whipped around to see Jaebum standing there, camera raised and a sheepish look on his face. Bashfully Jaebum scratched the back of his head, "Sorry, photographer's instinct to take pictures of whatever feels right at the moment."

"Aw, hyung. If you wanted me to be your model you could have just asked." Junior could never pass up the opportunity to tease.

Jaebum pursued his lips, he refused to be embarrassed, "I wasn't-"

But Junior was already attached to the idea. He posed dramatically, "Come on, take pictures of me."

The corner of Jaebum's mouth twitched with an impending grin, "Okay, but you have to look natural. Not ridiculous."

"Yes, sir." Junior mock saluted to Jaebum, and this time the corner of Jaebum's mouth did pull into a full grin.

For the next hour or so, Junior posed for Jaebum. Posing meant Junior skipping around in the water with his jeans rolled up to his knees. He would occasionally fling sand into the air and twirl around in languid circles. Jaebum called him ridiculous 4 more times, but Junior claimed this was his natural self sometimes, he couldn't be serious all the time. Once Junior got tired of running around he collapsed onto the sand. He laid back and stretched out his body like starfish, making sand angels. Junior felt a bit self conscious with Jaebum's gaze constantly on him, but Jaebum reassured him he was doing a great job. Jaebum followed each and every one of his movements, the camera clicked away in succession-not stopping once since Junior first suggested to be his model.

Eventually Jaebum declared he had run out of memory and Junior asked how many pictures he had taken. Jaebum had casually said walking back to the van, "Oh just a few hundred," leaving Junior gaping after him.

With Jaebum's camera safely stored away in the van, they went back to stand by the water, staring out into the horizon. On a whim Jaebum kicked some water onto Junior's legs.

"Im Jaebum, don't you dare. These clothes are new and the water is cold."

But there was already a mischievous glint in Jaebum's eyes, "Do you have a change of clothes?"

"Well yes but why-" Junior didn't get to finish his sentence before Jaebum was cupping his hands and dipping them into the ocean to bring up water crashing onto Junior. Junior shrieked as the icy cold droplets rolled in between the layers of his clothes and settled into his skin.

"Oh, it's game on!" Junior shouted as he launched himself onto Jaebum so he fell right on his butt into the shallow water.

Jaebum let out a, "Yah!" and he scrambled through the water to chase a giggling Junior.

After an intense water fight, and changing into new clothes, Junior and Jaebum joined the rest of the group, who had set up a small campfire on the beach. They all settled into chairs with blankets wrapped around themselves to fight off the chilly air. Jaebum passed around beers just as Bambam suggested a round of Truth or Dare-everyone groaned.

" _O_ _ne_ round. And only because I'm too tired to do anything else." Jackson said.

Bambam got dared to do a rendition of So Hot by the Wonder Girls, while Yugyeom was dared to jump into the freezing ocean in just his boxers. Jackson choose truth and confessed his most embarrassing childhood memory, which involved him walking in on a teacher masturbating. Jaebum also choose truth, and the maknaes had him confess who he thought was the most attractive out of all of them.

Jaebum adamantly objected to answer until Bambam threatened to get Jackson to dump him into the cold water fully clothed. Wearing his last change of clothes, Jaebum relented and ended up mumbling his answer, "Junior." Jackson hooted at the same time Junior's face went bright red. Jaebum quickly tried to salvage his dignity, "Just cause I've known the rest of you too long, so you all look like babies to me."

When it came to Junior's turn, he didn't trust Yugyeom's evil grin to choose truth. He knew the maknaes thought he had a crush on Jaebum, which wasn't really a lie, but what if they made him confess-Junior wasn't planning on revealing such information anytime soon. So he settled for a dare. How bad could it be? Maybe they would make him eat sand or something. Yugyeom leaned forward, his evil grin only growing stronger as he said, "Junior-hyung, I dare you to do a sexy dance."

"A sexy dance?" Junior stammered.

"Yes! Do it, hyung," Bambam cheered him on. Jackson showed his approval by starting to beat box. Junior glared between the maknaes, who were obviously plotting together. Grumbling he slowly took off his blanket and got up. "Hurry up!" Yugyeom said and Junior made a cutting throat motion towards him.

Well, at least they didn't dare him to kiss Jaebum. He tapped his foot to the beat of Jackson's beat boxing. He let his cardigan fall and pool around his elbows as he began to do some simple body rolls. Little by little Junior gained confidence, he closed his eyes to let his body move naturally. He spread his legs so that he could bend his knees a little as  he moved his hips in slow circles.

Once the dance ended, Jackson wolf whistled and Bambam clapped loudly. Junior instantly regretted all his life choice and covered his face bashfully. He sneaked a glance at Jaebum through his fingers. Something in his gut twisted when he saw Jaebum's dark, hooded eyes trailing after him-his lips glistened as if he had licked them. But once Jaebum realized he had been caught staring, he quickly averted his gaze to the beer can in his lap. Junior tried to calm down his heart beat as he returned to his seat.

The sun was long gone by then, replaced with a inky black-blue sky. Jackson declared that it was too late to start driving back. They wouldn't pack up yet, so they could all fit in the van to sleep. Jackson stretched himself out in the front across the driver and passenger seat. Bambam and Yugyeom spooned in the middle row (Junior wasn't even surprised). Meanwhile Jaebum and Junior took the empty room at the back of the van. It had been a long day, so Junior fell asleep as soon as he rested his head on his makeshift pillow made out of jackets.

 

 

 

 

_He's sitting in the corner of his bed, clutching a pillow so hard that his knuckles are turning white. There are loud foot steps outside the door, they seem to shake the house as well as his body. The surroundings are unfamiliar, yet familiar at the same time. The knob on the door shakes with the effort of someone on the other side trying to get in. An ominous mood descends over the room. Tears are slipping past his eyes by the time the door is knocked off it's hinges. He still doesn't really understand what's going on.  
_

_There is tall man standing in the door way, well built, like he could knock out a guy in one punch-and he just might with the way he is glaring. The man looks strikingly like Junior. Same eyes, with crinkles around the edges, but it's not friendly, they are menacing._

_The man stomps over to the bed and yanks him forward by the ankle. Junior scrambles to remain upright and puts his hands up-an automatic gesture._

_"You think you can defy me?" The man's spit flies everywhere. "You think I don't know what you're up to when you hang out with **that** boy."_

_"W-we d-don't do anything. He's not like that."_

_"Not a faggot?"_

_He flinches at the word and wants a hole to swallow him up, so he can disappear forever."N-no, he's normal." Junior swallows the words bitterly down his throat. "It's just me...that's like this."_

_The man's face goes red and he swings a fist into Junior's nose. Drops of blood fall onto his blankets-another pair of bed sheets ruined Junior thinks to himself. There are stars in his vision as he tries to regain consciousness._

_There's a second set of footsteps clambering up the stairs, lighter, softer, and Junior feels himself relax just a little at the sound. It's a woman this time, short, black hair pooling at her shoulders. Her eyes are red and puffy as she comes up to grab the man's arm, "Please, don't do this to him." But the man just rips his arm from her grip._

_The women raised her voice, "You're not even his real father. You have not right."_

_"Yea, well his real father is dead. When you signed those marriage papers, he became my son. And my son isn't going to be of one those gay fucks."_

_"Watch your language." The woman scolds him and when she glances at Junior, the look in her eyes is heart-breakingly sad. Somehow Junior knows she is helpless-can't do anything to help him.Junior feels himself take off from the bed and run outside from the awful house. He keeps running and running, only stopping when he feels like he can't breathe anymore._

_Without knowing it, his feet have taken him to a playground. There's already a boy waiting for him there. The boy has light, brown hair tucked into light, gray baseball cap, there's a gray hoodie layered with a mustard sweater swallowing his small frame. He's stunning, just breathing and standing there. When the boy turns around and sees Junior, he frowns.  
_

_"Junior-ah. What happened?" his hands come up to touch the blossoming bruises on his face-Junior doesn't flinch away from the boy's touch instead he melts into it._

_"The usual." Tears are pricking at the edge of his eyes again. Not a second later, there are strong arms enveloping him in a tight hug. Even though the boy is shorter than Junior, he has somehow managed to cradle Junior's face into his chest. His voice rumbles as he says, "Don't listen to him. There's nothing wrong with you." The soft pads of his thumbs come up to stroke at the edges of Junior's eyes, as Junior croaks out, "It's hard, hyung."_

_"You can stay at my house if you need to. I won't let him hurt you. I won't ever leave you. I promise."  
_

_The boy takes Junior's hand and keeps murmuring reassurances in his. The boy takes him to get ice cream, in an effort to distract Junior, the boy never lets go of his hand-not even once._

_The moment doesn't last for long. Because Junior registers he doesn't know the boy's name and opens his mouth to ask. The question upsets the boy and it's as if a switch has been flipped. Junior's vision flickers black, the dream sequence is ruined. The boy is crying now-practically wailing, "You don't remember me?" Before Junior can say anything the boy is slipping through his finger tips like fine mist and the park around them is fading away. It takes a minute for Junior to realize he is screaming, "Come back", into a black abyss.  
_

 

 

 

 

"Junior...Junior...JUNIOR" A voice broke right through his nightmare and Junior shot up from his pile of blankets. There was cold sweat running down his back as he drew in shaky, unsteady breathes.

Next to him, Jaebum fixed him with a worried expression, "Are you okay? You were whimpering and crying in your sleep."

"I...it-it was just a bad dream." But what was that? It felt too vivid to be just a dream...was it a memory? Oh God, were those really his parents? He felt sick. And that boy...There were too many things too process.

"Junior you look pale and God, you're shaking." Jaebum looked slightly frantic at Junior's current state. He crawled over to Junior and draped his own wool blanket over Junior. "I'm fine. I think I just need to go back to sleep." Junior reassured him.

"Okay...tell me if you need anything." Jaebum face was still creased with concern, but he could tell Junior didn't want to push the subject any further. So, Jaebum just curled up next to Junior and drifted back to sleep.

Junior wished he could do the same, but every time he closed his eyes images of the angry man and the crying boy flashed through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the rest, I'm so sorry if it's too long, a lot of stuff happens. Also, Mark in Jinyoung's dream is wearing the same outfit from the GOT7's fly teaser. I just found that outfit so cute and cozy on Mark, and it just seemed to fit his character in this story. 
> 
> I'm also not really sure you can get your memories back through dreams if you have memory loss or temporary amnesia...but it helps with the plot so bear with me. 
> 
> Also jealous JB might make an appearance in the next chapter...


	5. Chapter 5

Junior had tried his best to push the nightmare incident behind him and chalked it up to drinking too much beer. That became increasingly difficult when all he could think about was his dad's (or step-dad's?) frightening stance and the distraught look on the boy's face when Junior couldn't remember his name. The question was, was the dream really just a beer induced nightmare or was it a piece of his memory trying to resurface.

The same scenes had played in his dreams for a few nights in a row. It took an emotional toll on Junior. If he was scared of facing his past before, he was even more scared now. He didn't particularly want to remember more about his parents-except maybe his mother-but not that man. Just that one memory made Junior _despise_ that man. There was some relief in knowing they weren't related.

But it was upsetting to know that his biological father was dead. There were no dreams about his real father. Junior assumed his father died when he was young. He didn't even know how he died and he wondered if he would ever know. There was a small part of Junior that had hoped there was a loving family awaiting his return. Now, he was not so sure. If the man was still in his life-but boy did Junior pray he wasn't-then Junior doubted they were looking for him. It made Junior feel truly alone. Well...maybe not completely alone.

There was a silver lining in each of his dreams-the boy that was always waiting with a warm smile and even warmer embrace. Try as he might, Junior couldn't remember the boy's name or exactly what the boy meant to him. It was infuriating, to say the least. He _needed_ to know. He had a feeling the boy was important.

Despite his inner turmoil, Junior still kept his usual bubbly persona around the cafe. He didn't want the others to worry about him, or ask any questions, especially when he didn't have any answers.

 

 

 

Junior had been too busy frosting a couple dozen cupcakes for an important delivery order, that he completely missed his break by an hour. Jackson was passing by and was surprised see Junior still working. "Hey, you know you can go on break right?" He tapped Junior on the shoulder, "I can finish up here."

Junior only shook his head. "It's fine. I got it," and he continued to pipe frosting with great precision. But when Jackson saw the large, dark circles under Junior's eyes, he had to intervene. "Go on break and get some rest."

"I'm not tired." Junior had to keep himself busy, so that he wouldn't drive himself crazy thinking about the nightmares.

"You're struggling to keep your eyes open." Jackson sounded stern. It was true that Junior was having a hard time staying awake. The reoccurring nightmares were slowly sucking away nights of good sleep.

"I'm wide awake." Junior lied straight through his teeth.

Jackson narrowed his eyes and decided to take matter into his own hands-the well being of his employees was very important to him. So, he looped his arms underneath Junior's knees and easily hoisted him over his shoulder. Junior let out an unattractive squawk and began to pound on his assailant's back with his fists, "What the hell are you doing??"

"Making sure you take a break." Jackson responded with a chirpier voice than one should have at 7 o'clock in the morning. The entire journey to the back room, Junior yelled, "Put me down, I swear to God!" He really hated being manhandled, unless it was Jaebum in that case Junior had no complaints. Speaking of the devil, it didn't take long for Junior's cries of help to make Jaebum materialize in front of them with a cross expression. "Jackson, what are you doing?"

"Ah, Jaebum! I was just making sure Junior went on his break. He was about to pass out."

"What?" Jaebum asked, voice laced with concern.

"Yup, I was just being a good Samaritan."

"Uh-huh. You can put him down now." Jaebum snapped and then added, "Also, it's Jaebum _-hyung_. We've been over this."

Jackson rolled his eyes. He knew why Jaebum was acting this way, but it wasn't his place to say anything. "Alright,  _Jaebum_ , don't get your panties in a twist. I'm still the owner here." Jaebum grunted in response. Once Jackson left, Jaebum leveled Junior with a serious look, "What's this about you passing out?"

"I just haven't gotten any sleep." Junior shifted from foot to foot nervously.

"Why's that," Jaebum's voice grew soft, "Is everything alright?" Maybe it was Jaebum's caring tone or the fact that Junior was feeling particularly vulnerable lately, but he wanted to confide in Jaebum.

"You know that night at the beach where I woke up crying?" Jaebum's nodded understandingly so Junior continued, "Well, I think- _no, I know_ -it's a memory."

Jaebum eyes widened, "You're remembering?"

"Not really. It just that one memory. And it's not exactly pleasant." Junior started to wring his hands, just talking about it put him on the edge. Jaebum sensed his discomfort and took his hand to lead them to the couch to sit, "What was it about?"

"I...I had an abusive step-father." There was a lump forming in Junior's throat and he desperately tried to swallow it down. Jaebum was instantly reaching out to envelop Junior in his arms, "Junior-ah, I'm so sorry." He rubbed small circles onto Junior's quivering back. Junior ler himself relax in Jaebum's arms. He felt safe. A stark contrast to how he felt in that bedroom in his dreams. Minutes tick by, he might have started crying at one point. He isn't sure. It was all a blur. Before he knows it he was falling asleep with his face tucked into Jaebum's chest. Jaebum let Junior nap and stayed the entire time, stroking his hair.

 

 

 

That night, Junior had another dream. It was a little different. It was no longer filled with the screaming of an abusive step father. Instead it focused on two other people in his life.

_The back of his thighs stick to the dining room table he sits on. The lack of air conditioning makes the air feel stuffy around his shoulders. There’s a woman in front of, his mother, who is helping him slide painkillers down his throat as she presses an ice pack to the bruises lining his arms.  
_

_A few tear drops fall, heavy with guilt, onto his shorts. They are not his own. He grabs his mother’s shaking hands and says, “It’s not your fault.”_

_“No, it is. I married him. I made a mistake." Her head is bowed in shame. He lifts his hands to cradle her face. "Eomma, I don't blame you for anything. You are as much of a victim as I am."  
_

_"I'll get us out. I made a friend. He's a lawyer and he can help us." Those words light a flicker of hope in his chest. There just might be a light at the end of the tunnel. If he can make it till then._

_"That sounds promising." His gaze flickers to the clock hanging in the room. It's almost time. “I have to go to playground in a few minutes.” He tells her.  
_

_“Aren’t you too old to be going to the playground.” His mother gives him a knowing smile, tears already drying on her face as the mood shifts, “You’re going to see the boy again aren’t you.”_

_He flushes with embarrassment, “I don’t know what you mean.”_

_“It’s okay to tell me. I’m your mother and I will love you regardless.”_

_“We aren’t-“ He hates having to explain himself. Why can't people just accept the fact that they are close and not question whether it is anything more than friendship?  
_

_“I know. But he makes you happy. You should see the way he makes you smile.”_

_“He is the sunshine in my cloudy life.” Junior grimaces when he realizes he said that out loud. His mother only smiles wider, “Go on to your **sunshine**.” She teases. “Give him a kiss for me, will you. He deserves it for making my boy so happy.”_

 

_When he gets to the play ground, the boy hasn’t arrived yet. So, Junior sits in one of the old swings, his butt not quite fitting inside the children-sized seat. He swings back and forth in a lazy manner. It's a few more minutes before he sees a lanky boy sprinting towards him. The boy looks almost the same from last time. His face has aged a little. Skin drawn taunt over sharp cheekbones and a jawline. His frame is still small but the tank top he is wearing shows off a toned, wiry body. There's one more thing. The boy's hair is bright pink._

_When he comes up to Junior, he is bouncing on his heels with excitement. "Do you like my hair, I just dyed it!"_

_"I love it." Junior responds. Without really thinking his hands are moving forward to tangle themselves in the pink strands._

_"I was so nervous. But I'm glad I did it." The boy keeps talking. Looking at the boy is making Junior's insides feel warm, and there are tingles shooting up his arms when the boy laces their hands together to pull him up from the swings.  
_

_"Juniooooor" The boy drawls. "You're spacing out again." The boy is standing so, so close to Junior. On a whim he darts forward to leave a small peck on the boy's cheek. The boy blinks repeatedly with surprise, "What was that for?"_

_"My mom told me to give you kiss, in her name." For some reason he can no longer meet the boy's gaze without feeling shy. He worries he might have freaked out the boy and curses his stupidity. But then he feels soft hands pinching his cheeks and the boy says, "You're so cute."_

_They go for a walk around the playground, hands still clasped together. It's such a familiar feeling that Junior figures this is a common habit between them. There is a prominent frown on the boy's face when he lifts Junior's long sleeves to see bruises. Junior finds himself reassuring his friend as well as himself, "My mom said she's trying to get a divorce filed. She got a better lawyer this time."_

_The boy's hand tightens in Junior's grip, "I hope it works."_

_"Me too." Junior responds, barely audible. Once again, the boy tries to shift the sinking mood, "Hey, let's race to the book store!"_

_Junior grins and doesn't say anything back, he just starts to run. The boy shouts after him but quickly gains up on him. He is fast, so fast that he passes Junior effortlessly. They are running through a woodsy area now and Junior loses track of the boy. Panic rises in his chest. "Where are you?" He shouts. "Come back!" The boy is gone. And so are the trees. And so is the ground beneath his feet. Everything is gone. All he can see is black._

 

 

 

While Junior was still uneasy about facing parts of his past, he knew he couldn't put off it forever. He decided he would take baby steps. From the trip to the beach, Junior knew he might have been able to speak English in the past. If he could relearn that skill, then he will have recovered a little piece of his past self. Sure, it wasn't a big part, but baby steps. That's what he need right now. To take things little by little.

He sought out Jackson for help because he had seen the former holding a conversation with a foreign customer in fluent English. Jackson was more than delighted to help, "Of course, I'll teach you. It'll be so much fun!" he had said.

Getting tutoring lessons from Jackson was an interesting ordeal. It consisted of Jackson making up wild memorizing games in order to recover Junior's hidden English skills. As crazy as Jackson's teaching ways were, Junior was actually catching on quickly to the language. Before long, Junior could hold a decent conversation with Jackson in English. It really made him wonder about what he did for a living before the memory loss. Maybe he was an English teacher? A translator? Foreign exchange student? The possibilities were endless.

But getting lessons from Jackson also meant he was spending an increasingly large amount of time with him. By no means was that a bad thing. Jackson was a blast to be with-it just meant Junior's time with Jaebum diminished from little to almost none. When Junior wasn't at lessons, he was working. Holidays were approaching so Junior was bustling from area to area in the coffee shop, no longer needing Jaebum's guidance. Even when Junior closed the shop, Jackson would shoo Jaebum away stating that he would keep Junior company instead. Junior didn't miss the hurt looks Jaebum sent him when he was no longer welcome to stay for late nights.

Junior wanted to say something to Jaebum-like how important Jaebum still was to him. But he was scared of speaking out, lest he say anything that could reveal exactly how infatuated he was with Jaebum. At this point, Junior couldn't even call it a little crush anymore. Not when Jaebum's toothy smile alone sent his heart into overdrive and Jaebum's presence made his knees grow weak.

Was he in love? Maybe. But that mean nothing if Jaebum didn't feel the same way. Sure, Junior was good at reading other people's feelings about each other-like Bambam and Yugyeom's case-but when it came to deciphering how people felt about him, Junior was at a loss. 

Besides Junior really didn't think he was the best person for Jaebum. He was someone with a tangled, dark past. Several times Jaebum had shared little pieces of his childhood with Junior, and Junior was filled with shame when he couldn't share anything back. Junior felt like a terrible mess and he didn't want to drag Jaebum into it.

The distance that Junior placed between them, only seemed to hurt Jaebum more-even if Junior thought he was protecting Jaebum from his mess. The air between them had become tense once again. The maknaes had joked that with Junior's arrival, Jaebum had become a little less grumpy. Now, it seemed that Jaebum had reverted back to sulking around the corners of the coffee shop. Junior had a sinking feeling it was his fault.

One of the many moments that showcased Jaebum's mood swings was the time Junior and Jackson were lounging in the back room during their break. Junior had thrown his legs over Jackson's lap and leaned in close to watch cat videos on Jackson's phone. Jackson's hand was lazily splayed on Junior's lap. The door had swung open to reveal Jaebum. His calm expression immediately melted into one of distaste-like he had sucked on a sour lemon. His jaw jutted out a few inches as his eyes narrowed at the proximity between Junior and Jackson.

"Aren't you suppose to be working right now?" Jaebum ground out between clenched teeth.

Junior tried to swing his legs back onto the ground, but Jackson clamped an arm across his legs effectively preventing any movement. A sly, knowing grin appeared on Jackson's face. "We are on break actually." Jaebum's eyes flitted from Jackson's hand to Junior's face, and Junior felt himself wilting under the fierce gaze.

"Well I need Junior to help me with the register, there's a ton of people coming in." Jaebum said in a steely tone. He turned on his heel and the door slammed shut behind him. Junior gaped after him and wondered what had caused his brooding mood swing this time.

"I think I'm a dead man." Jackson whispered next to him.

"What are you talking about?" Junior turned to him in confusion.

Jackson ruffled his hair, "Ah, so young and innocent."

 

 

 

When Junior finally joined Jaebum at the register, there was still palpable tension in the air. Junior attempted to loosen things up by cracking an old running joke between the staff. "I can't believe Jackson took Bambam out for meat without me again!"

The joke seemed to have the opposite affect. Jaebum's shoulders tensed as he turned towards Junior with a calculated gaze, "Do you have a crush on Jackson?"

Junior dropped all change he was trying to put into the register. He was picking up pennies from the floor as he said, " _Jesus,_   _no._ He's like my brother."

Jaebum didn't look the least bit reassured by Junior's response. "Then why are you jealous of Bambam? And why do you spend so much time together??"

Exasperated, Junior said, "It's called friend jealousy! And well we've just gotten closer lately." For a minute Junior thought he saw Jaebum's eye twitch. He worried he said something to upset Jaebum again, and that the man would close up on him. But what Jaebum said next, surprised him.

"I can take you out for meat." The way Jaebum said it, made it sound more of a command than a suggestion.

"What?" Junior spluttered, he cursed his heart for fluttering.

"So you'll stop complaining." Jaebum explained and Junior's heart calmed down again. Right, of course. Why else would Jaebum offer to take him out for meat? It's not like Junior was wishing for some other reason. There was a pause before Jaebum spoke again, "We haven't hung out in a while." The slightest hint of forlorn had crept into Jaebum's voice and it made Junior's heart ache in ways he couldn't explain.

"O-okay. Let's go tonight." And Junior found his breath stolen away by the small, precious smile on Jaebum's face.

 

 

 

In order to distract himself of all the confusion of dreams and feelings, Junior immersed himself even more in his work. At this point, he had racked up a good amount of cash in paychecks and generous tips. Eventually, Bambam dragged Junior on an impromptu shopping spree because his motto was, "Treat yo self!"

The two had very different tastes in fashion. Bambam would pull a variety of colorful print shirts and sweaters from the clothing racks. Meanwhile, the pants he grabbed were usually skin tight and covered in either rips or unconventional zippers. At first Junior questioned how Bambam would manage to mix and match the crazy items he had picked. Yet, Bambam never failed to look fashionable and stunning each time he walked out of the dressing room with a new outfit. It truly left Junior in awe.

Junior's fashion was the anti-thesis of Bambam's fashion. It was more subtle. Junior opted for simple button ups and slacks. Bambam commented on how boring those clothes were and insisted on Junior stepping out of his comfort zone. It took some aeygo and a few promises of homemade kimchi pancakes for Bambam to convince Junior to buy matching leather pants with him.

Bambam even persuaded Junior into buying himself a phone so that he could stay in touch with the staff in case of emergencies or if he just wanted to hang out. As Bambam listed off the staff phone numbers for Junior to put in his phone, he had peeked over Junior's shoulder, "Why does Jaebum have a heart emoji next to his name?"

"Stop snooping!" Junior cried and Bambam cackled at his expense.

 

 

 

The next day, Junior and Bambam wore their matching leather pants to work. Luckily Wang Cafe didn't have a strict dress code-the only real rule was "don't show up naked". So, Bambam sauntered confidently into work that day with skin tight leather pants. When Yugyeom saw him, his jaw fell open comically and Junior had to tap it close as he walked by.

"Instead of ogling Bambam all day, why don't you compliment him?" Junior casually suggested to Yugyeom while they washed dishes in the back. The cup that Yugyeom had been washing fell with a loud clatter to the bottom of the sink. "I'm not ogling!" Yugyeom objected.

Completely ignoring Yugyeom's denial, Junior said, "He'll appreciate it if you do. Trust me."

The universe seemed to be playing into Junior's favor because not a second later, Bambam walked in through the back door from his break. Junior didn't waste time and shoved Yugyeom towards Bambam hissing, "Go!"

Yugyeom almost fell on top of Bambam as he skidded to a stop. His face grew pink as he stammered out, "Y-you l-look really nice today."

The sudden compliment seemed to startle Bambam at first, but then his face broke out into a wide smile. "Thanks, Gyeomie." He stood up on his tiptoes to plant a loud kiss on Yugyeom's cheek before scurrying away. Junior chortled at the way Yugyeom turned from a light pink to a flaming red color that matched his newly dyed hair.

 

 

 

However, Bambam wasn't the only receiving attention because of the pants. That day Junior was in charge of serving drinks and cleaning up at tables, so he had a lot of customer interactions. It was only early afternoon but Junior had already faced an onslaught of wolf whistles and sleazy grins from guys and girls alike. He slammed a tray filled with empty coffee cups onto the back counter-a customer had "accidentally" brushed their hand across his butt for the third time that day.

Jaebum had been silently brewing as well as he observed the situation from the register. He took off his bomber jacket and hustled over to where Junior was standing. "Tie this around your waist." Jaebum thrust the item in Junior's face.

"Um...." Junior didn't seem to understand what Jaebum meant, so Jaebum whipped the jacket around Junior's hips and pulled him in closer to tie it. "W-what?" Junior's breath caught in his throat at the sudden close proximity.

"I'm covering you up." Jaebum said with a pointed look and Junior finally got the message.

An older guy that was passing by shouted, "Hey, you're covering up the view."

Jaebum's head snapped up and growled, "Pervert," at the guy's retreating back. He took a step forward and Junior yanked him back, "Don't talk to the customers like that!"

"He was being creepy!"

Junior bit back a smile at the thought of Jaebum being protective of him. He took the opportunity to throw his arms around Jaebum, "My knight in shinning armor. You are saving my dignity."

"It's, uh, no big deal." Jaebum said meekly.

 

 

 

Junior had grown tired of watching Bambam and Yugyeom dancing around each other. At first it had been very amusing, but now it was just frustrating. He cared about both of them deeply and just wanted to see them happy. And this whole pull and push thing they had going on wasn't going to make them happy so he approached Bambam, "If you don't tell Yugyeom you like him, I will."

Bambam whipped around with a panic in his eyes, "I don't-."

Junior held a hand up, "Save it. I'm practically your mother. I can tell when you're lying."

Bambam's shoulders sagged, "I can't tell him. I don't want to lose my best friend."

"Pabo. What makes you think he doesn't return you feelings?"

"I'm scared to risk it. Being in love with your best friend is a difficult thing." Strangely, when Bambam said that, Junior felt a dull ache at the back of his head.

"You have to be the one to take the risk. Yugyeom is too shy to say anything. Come on, I'll help you." Junior tried to encourage him.

"How?" Bambam gnawed on his bottom lip nervously.

"I have an idea." Junior rubbed his hands like he was plotting to take over the world.

 

Junior found Jaebum in the kitchen. He threw furtive glances around as he told Jaebum, "I need a favor." He had the cutest idea for how Bambam would confess. Except, he couldn't do it alone. "What is it?" Jaebum already looked suspicious.

"You're the best at latte art. I need you to make me a latte that says 'I love you'. And quickly, it's really important."  Junior whispered.

Jaebum went slightly pale and gave a firm, "No."

"Why not!?!" Junior threw his hands in the air. He was not about to give up on his master plan.

Jaebum responded rather loudly, "I'm not helping you confess to a customer!"

Junior sent panicked glances around, hoping Yugyeom wasn't around to hear anything that could clue him in, "Keep your voice down! And no it's not for a customer, it's for Bambam."

"You're confessing to Bambam??" Jaebum growled.

This pabo-hyung, Junior thought. "Oh my God, it's for Bambam to give to Yugyeom." Junior groaned.

Jaebum looked strangely relieved, "Ooooh, okay. Then, I'll help you."

Junior felt like banging his head on the table at that point.

 

When the latte was finally complete and handed safely to Bambam, Junior, Jaebum, and Jackson all hid behind the counter with bated breathes. They cautiously watched as Bambam approached Yugyeom who was leaning casually against one of the tables listening to music. The poor guy looked so nervous. Bambam's hands were shaking so hard, that some of the latte sloshed onto the floor.

Yugyeom received the latte with a bewildered expression and popped out both his earphones, "Bambam...what's this?"

Bambam looked like he was about to faint on the spot but he took a deep breath to steady himself, "Kim Yugyeom. I have known you since we were in our diapers. I've seen you at your worst. Like when you busted your lip after letting go of your bike's handlebars cuz you thought it was cool. And when that girl stood you up for senior prom, you got so drunk you puked all over my suit. And then when you accidentally dyed your hair green so everyone started calling you seaweed.

But I also saw you at your best. Like when you won dancing competitions and stood on stage like a god. And when you got into your dream university so we celebrated by getting matching tattoos. Or like when we sneaked into that rich people party. You were wearing a maroon suit and we slow danced under fancy chandeliers and shit. I thought you were the most beautiful person I laid eyes on. I still think that.

Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you. Madly, and deeply. It's actually terrifying how much I love you. But I'm willing to take the leap with you. So, will you?"

Bambam looked slightly winded after his long speech. The latte Yugyeom was holding had clattered to the ground and Bambam winced, suddenly looking petrified at what he had done. But then Yugyeom was rushing forward to grasp Bambam's face between his hands, and pressed their lips together in a feverish kiss. The moment was incredibly tender and sweet, even if Yugyeom was practically devouring Bambam on the spot.

The three hyungs behind the counter jumped up and started whooping like school boys. At some point Jackson threw confetti into the air, from who knows where. Junior and Jaebum beamed, proud at their match making skills.

 

 

 

 

On a mundane Thursday morning, one of the scariest moments of Junior's life happened. He was walking across the street from the cafe to a fast food place to grab a quick lunch. At that precise instant, he got a text message from Jackson. So, he looked down to his phone. For only one second. One second was enough for Junior to be distracted and not see the car coming towards him.

In the blink of an eye, all hell breaks loose. There are tires screeching. A hand shoves Junior to the side with so much force he is sent sprawling onto the pavement. A loud thump can be heard, like a body was hit. Junior looks down on himself in confusion, realizing it wasn't his body being hit. Everything seems to move in slow motion as he staggers up. There is already a crowd forming around a spot on the road.

His stomach is lurching with a foreboding feeling as he gets closer and closer to see Jackson shouting obscenities at the man who drove the car. When he finally gets to the circle of people, he really feels like he is going to throw up. Jaebum is on the ground, arm bent at an awkward angle. Junior throws himself on top of Jaebum and he hears himself screaming.

Then there are arms pulling him up. He registers it as Yugyeom who is trying to calm him down, "He will be okay. He will be okay." Even with the reassurances, Junior feels like his soul is leaving his body as Jaebum is loaded into the ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise no one will die in this story. I'm sorry if I gave anyone a heart attack.


	6. Chapter 6

Yugyeom walked into the hospital waiting room with 4 cups of strong, black coffee for the group. "Thanks." Junior mumbled as he grabbed a cup without taking his eyes off the entrance from where the doctor should be coming through any moment to tell them about Jaebum's condition.

"It's not your fault you know." Yugyeom said in an attempt to comfort Junior who had been a panicked mess since they got to the hospital.Junior just bowed his head solemnly, "I should've paid more attention." It had only been a few hours but the exhaustion was clear by shows of Junior's hunched shoulders and his dark eyes. Worry and guilt had slowly been eating away at him.

Jackson had been pacing back and forth until Bambam forcefully tugged him down and in between him and Junior. Once Yugyeom returned, he placed a soothing kiss on the back of Bambam's tensed hand. Everyone ended up all huddled together on the dingy hospital couch, seeking comfort in each others presence. When the doctor eventually emerged from the hallway, everyone scrambled to their feet. Junior was holding his breath expecting the worst. But then the doctor smiled reassuringly, "He is in stable conditions. Luckily, the hit was not bad enough for any life threatening injuries. He has a broken arm and a sprained ankle. We can release him today. I suggest at least 6 weeks of bed rest for him to fully recover."

Relief flooded through Junior's body and the stone that had been pressing against his chest was lifted. They all bowed deeply in thanks to the doctor and Junior asked, still a little frantic, "Can we go see him?"

"Of course, follow me."

As soon as the group arrived at Jaebum's tiny hospital room, they rushed over to his bedside at lightning speed. The maknaes threw themselves over his legs crying out, "Hyung!" and Jackson came up on Jaebum's right to lay a hand on his nape affectionately, "You gave us a real scare, you know." Jaebum gave them all a weak smile as if to reassure them he was indeed okay.

Junior gripped Jaebum's hand tightly and eyed the numerous IV tubes and medical equipment with apprehension, "How are you feeling? I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I should be the one lying in this bed."

Jaebum interrupted his rambling with a firm voice, "No, don't say that. And you don't have to apologize. I'm glad _you're_ okay."

"But you aren't." Junior sighed.

"The doctor said I will be perfectly fine." Jaebum squeezed his hand back.

Jackson jumped in, "Don't even think about working until you heal. Have you thought about staying over someone's house? Or getting a stay at home nurse? I can help pay-"

Jaebum interrupted him, "I can handle it on my own. It's just a broken arm."

"And a sprained ankle! How do you expect to live alone like that for 6 weeks?." Junior was incredibly worried, he knew Jaebum was stubborn and would probably not rest properly on his own. "I'll stay with you." He declared boldly.

Jaebum was taken aback, "You don't have to."

"I'm the one who put you in this hospital bed, so I'm going to take care of you." Junior insisted.

"That's a good idea." Bambam piped in. "Jaebum-hyung even has a spare bedroom you can use."

"If you'll be needing spare bedrooms." Yugyeom added with a cheeky smirk.

"Of course we will." Junior retorted with his cheeks aflame as he flicked Yugyeom in the head.

After half an hour of more protesting on Jaebum's part, Junior finally convinced him to be taken care of. Junior stopped by the coffee shop to pack what little belongings he had to bring to Jaebum's apartment. Fortunately, the apartment was not far from the coffee shop, but it was on third floor of a building with no elevator. Junior looked up at the expanse of stair cases with dread and muttered under his breath, "You've got to be kidding me."

Jaebum looked sheepish, "I'm no millionaire. The apartment was cheap and the location was convenient, so I settled."

It was tricky situation, Junior had to lug a suit case and a half crippled Jaebum up the stairs. For the first flight of stairs Jaebum insisted on not needing any help. But on the second flight Junior had a heart attack when Jaebum tripped and almost tumbled down the steps. So for the rest of the trip Junior kept a steady arm wrapped around Jaebum's waist. Once they arrived at the front door, Jaebum cleared his throat, "I should probably warn you about Nora."

 _Nora?_ Junior couldn't help the stabs of jealousy in stomach when he thought of someone living with Jaebum. He blurted, "I thought you lived alone?" A pause, "Is she your girlfriend?" There goes all my hopes and dreams, Junior thought.

Jaebum looked amused, "Nora's my cat...and I'm gay, remember."

Junior coughed awkwardly to hide his embarrassment at jumping to conclusions, "Right." He fumbled to open the door and sure enough as soon as he swung the door open a sesame cat was slinking her way around his feet. Junior gingerly picked her up and cooed when she nuzzled into his palm. "You are so adorable." He told Nora. When he looked up, his heart skipped a beat to see Jaebum watching them fondly.

The apartment wasn't huge or extravagant. Rather it was small and simple, but still charming in it's own way. Instead of a dining room, there was just a kitchen with a breakfast bar that led into a quaint living room. The living room had a love seat and an arm chair crowded around a TV. The rest of the area was taken up by bookcases, each one bursting at the seams with books.

Junior walked up to them and ran his fingers over the wore down spines in awe. He breathed in the distinct musty, damp scent of used books. "I like your place." He murmured.

"It's because of the books right?" Jaebum grinned and then rubbed his hands across the back of his neck, "The place is kind of a mess, sorry. The spare bedroom is down the hall across from mine. I have a bathroom on the left. It's not much but it's home."

To Junior's amusement he discovered that the "spare bedroom" wasn't really a spare bedroom, but rather a work area for Jaebum. It was littered with all sorts of fancy camera equipment and lights. There were prints of forest scenery and Icheon's city streets hung up on the walls. In the corner there was a small computer space opened up to photographic editing software. The only thing that made it close to a bedroom was the small futon tucked in the corner.

A large covered canvas-larger than all the others in the room-caught Junior's eye. He knew that he probably shouldn't be snooping but the curiosity won out. Junior gently picked up a corner and began to drag the cloth away. He let out a small gasp when he saw the subject.

It was a picture of him lying in the sand.

The picture had been taken when they had gone to the beach. It was at angle that allowed the setting sun to cast a light glow on Junior's figure. He had a hand propped under his head, while the other was splayed on his stomach. His eyes crinkled up at the corners with laughter-probably at something Jaebum said. Junior's head reeled at the possibilities as to why Jaebum had decided to print a large picture of him.

There were footsteps outside the closed door and Junior quickly draped the cloth back over the picture. He stood awkwardly in the middle by the time Jaebum appeared in the door way with blankets clutched in his free hand. He tossed the blankets to Junior, who stumbled to catch them-his was still jittery from discovering the picture.

"It can get cold in my apartment. Sometimes the heat shuts off. I'll let you get settled." Jaebum was about to leave, but then turned abruptly-his eyes flitting to the large covered canvas for a fraction of a second. "The stuff is kind of expensive, so try not to touch anything." Junior nodded dumbly. Once Jaebum left he let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding in.

 

 

 

When dinner time arrived, they came to a severe predicament. Neither of them had the ability to cook. Jaebum was an excellent chef but his arm was broken. Meanwhile, Junior had both arms working perfectly fine, but they soon discovered he couldn't cook actual meals-despite being able to bake-when he burnt Jaebum's last packet of rameon. They decided to order take out for their sake of their health and safety.

After half an hour Junior headed down stairs to receive the delivery man and ended up bumping into an elderly lady who was heading out. "Sorry!" Junior bowed deeply to the women in apology. She squinted at him, "Hmm, you're new."

"Pardon?" Junior straightened himself back up.

"I've been here for the past 40 years and I've never seen you." She seemed oddly suspicious and Junior quickly reassured her,  "I promise I'm not a burglar! I'm actually staying with Jaebum. Im Jaebum. Do you know him?"

Her eyes lit up with recognition at the name "Oh Jaebum! That sweet young man. He always helps me bring up my groceries. I'm his neighbor."

 _Yet another reason for me to fall in love with him,_ Junior thought. "That's quite nice of him to do." 

"Are you his boyfriend?" The elderly woman said bluntly. 

Junior almost dropped the take out boxes in his hand, "N-no. I'm just his friend that's, uh, visiting."

"Oh? He usually doesn't get visitors. Unless it's those crazy friends from the cafe. But they usually just come by to drag him _out_ at ungodly hours." Junior's lips quirked into a smile at the mention of Jackson's and the maknae's crazy antics.

"Well, he was injured and someone has to stay with him."

"Injured? Is he okay?" The lady looked genuinely concerned, so Junior assured her, "Not to worry. He is doing fine now and I'll take good care of him."

"I must make sure to make him some soup. Whats your name by the way?"

"Junior."

She raised an eyebrow. "Junior! Ah Jaebum's mentioned you."

"Me?" _Well this is news._

"Yes! You see sometimes we have chats over tea."

"Tea?" Junior tried to picture Jaebum drinking tea from a tiny cup with his pinky held up with the sweet, old lady. 

"He mentioned that there was a new handsome man working at the coffee shop. Someone he hoped to become close to. Looks like he got his wish." The woman smiled knowingly.

Junior squeaked out. "Handsome?" Apparently he could only form one word responses at the moment.

"Yes his exact words were. 'Ahjumma, he is so handsome that it hurts to look at him.'" She said with a wink and Junior's jaw almost hit the floor.

"Honey, you must be going now. The food in your hands is probably cold." The woman ushered a dumbfounded Junior up the stairs.

Junior remembered what Jaebum had said back at the beach during his round of Truth of Dare, but he was still surprised. When he came back to the apartment, the first thing he said was about the elderly woman, "So I met your neighbor. She's really nice."

Jaebum looked up from his phone and visibly gulped, "Oh, what did you guys talk about?"

"Why hyung, I didn't know you thought I was _so_ handsome, it hurt to look at me." Junior felt giddy at the way Jaebum gasped after his statement.

"She must of misheard me. I said you were so ugly, it hurt to look at you." Jaebum retorted and Junior chucked a plastic fork at his head, even though he knew Jaebum was only saying that to act cool.

"I'm going to lock myself in the spare bedroom with the _all_ the food." Junior said in defiance.

"This is my apartment!" Jaebum protested.

"Does it look like I care," Junior began to march towards the spare bedroom.

"Wait! I lied, you're not ugly!" Jaebum called after him.

"Say I'm handsome." Junior yelled back.

"Why?" Jaebum whined.

"Mmm, I'm so hungry I could easily eat two portions."

"Okay, okay! You're very handsome." Jaebum finally relented.

Junior popped back into the kitchen "Aw hyung, you are so sweet." He pinched a grumbling Jaebum's cheek.

They sat on Jaebum's bar stools to eat when Junior suddenly thought of a cute idea. He twirled some noodles with his fork and lifted it to Jaebum's lips, "Say aaaaah."

Jaebum leveled him with a glare, "You do realize, I have one working arm left."

"But hyung I want to feed you." Junior's mouth developed into a little pout.

"Why??" 

"Because I want to? Let me be nice..." Junior gave his best puppy eyes and even batted his eye lashes a little. It seemed to have an effect on Jaebum, because his expression immediately softened and he said, "Fine."

Junior squealed with glee and fed Jaebum for the rest of the meal. He tried to look annoyed, but ultimately failed and ended up giggling along with Junior at one point. He still tried to save some of his dignity by teasing Junior back, "So I heard you were _incredibly_ worried at the hospital. I didn't know you cared so much."

Junior flushed, "O-of course, I care...hey, don't look so smug!" Junior tried to swat at Jaebum's head but he just ducked away chuckling.

 

 

 

With satisfied stomachs the pair headed off to their separate beds. The futon wasn't the most comfortable, but it was still better than a couch. After a long day, Junior fell fast asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

_Junior is back at the same play ground except this time he is sitting under a jungle gym. It must be late because the sky is shrouded with darkness and the stars are out. There's some shuffling to his right and Junior whips around in a fright. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees a familiar mop of pink hair peek under the jungle gym. The boy is back and this time he has a brown paper bag with him._

_"People must think we are losers coming to a playground, even when we are almost 18."  
_

_"Then, I guess it'll just have to be our secret." Junior remarks._

_The boy sits down next to him and opens the bag to pull out a large bottle of soju._

_"Hyung..."_

_"Relax. I only brought one bottle. And it's cherry flavored. You love cherry."_

_Junior rolls his eyes, "If we get arrested it's on you."_

_"It's 2 am. No one will see us." The boy cracks open the bottle and a sharp, tangy smell fills the area around them._ _The liquid was as pink as the boy's hair. Junior must have said this out loud because not a second later the boy lets out a high pitched laugh, his canine teeth showing.  
_

_He takes a long swing before bringing it up to Junior's lips, murmuring, "Live a little." Junior still seems reluctant so the boy parts open Junior's bottom lip with his thumb and gently tips the alcohol into his mouth. It leaves a burning trail down Junior's throat that makes him squirm, yet it's still strangely addictive.  
_

T _he bottle is passed back and forth until half of it is gone. They end up lying on their backs, side by side, under the jungle gym with their heads peaking out into the open so they could see the stars. Junior is thankful to be lying down. The soju was causing his head to spin in circles. Junior shivers in his light shirt after a gust of wind rolls by. The boy takes Junior's cold hands between his and rubs them, "You always forget to dress properly."_

_Even if he is cold, Junior knows the boy is always there to warm him up. He turns on his side to face the boy, "I have news...The divorce went through. The lawyer is also looking into a possible restraining order. But what matters is...we are finally leaving him."_

_The boy reaches out to throw his limbs over Junior's slim body and nuzzles his face in his shoulder, "That's great news."_

_Junior relaxes right into the hug and automatically tucks his face into the boy's hair, breathing in the familiar scent of coconut shampoo."I still wish he had never been in our lives in the first place." His voice cracks in the end and he blinks rapidly to prevent any tears.  
_

_The arms around Junior's torso grow tighter, "He's gone now. He can't touch you anymore...and I know that the battle isn't completely over. He hurt you badly. But remember that you aren't alone. Your mother and I are both here for you every step of the way. We both love you dearly."_

_Junior's heart stutters in his chest at the mention of love, "You love me?"_

_It's the boy's turn to look a little flustered, "O-of course, I do. You are my best friend and the most important person in my life."_

_His palms sweat a little as he responds, "Aww, hyung." The boy sticks out his tongue, "We are too cheesy."_

_Junior presses their foreheads together, "Promise me something." His voice sounds a little desperate at the end._

_"Anything." The boy doesn't seem disturbed at all by how close their faces are._

_"No matter what, we will stick together. Through the rest of high school, and college, and even life after that."_

_The boy links their pinkies and touches their thumbs, "I promise. Best friends until the end of time. You have to promise me too, you won't leave me behind. Even when you go off to a prestigious university, cuz your super smart, and become really rich." Junior rolls his eyes at that. "Hey it's true! Don't forget me...I know I won't forget you." The boy finishes.  
_

_"Of course. Even when we are old and crinkly, I'll be there like gum stuck under your shoes."_

_The boy lets out beautiful peals of laughter, "Yes, and when we marry off into different families, our houses will be next to each other. I bet our children will be best friends too."_

_Junior can't help but to think, what if **we** got married and lived in the same house instead? what if **we** had children together? But he stays quiet because those are dreams reserved for the deepest corners of his mind when he is alone in his room. Those are dreams that will never come true. _

_"Together forever. That sounds nice." Junior gazes into the boy's eyes, which reflect all the stars above them. He finds himself getting lost in the little universe they create. He thinks, he wouldn't mind spending an eternity looking into those brown eyes. There's a feeling nestling into his chest then, something that seems to spread roots into every crevice of his heart, trying to make itself a permanent home. And for the first time Junior has been in the boy's presence, he is terrified.  
_

 

 

 

Junior lurched awake. He realized his hands were clenched around the blankets and clammy with sweat. He ran a hand through his hair mindlessly and tried to calm his erratic heart beat. When he thought back to the pink haired boy an unmistakable warmth spread through his chest.

The dreams (or memories) had been getting more vivid each night, along with its accompany feelings. They felt so real, he could recall the touch, the smell, and even the taste of the air on his tongue. It always made him shaky when he woke up, traveling from one reality to another. Somewhere in all the hazy memories, Junior had grown fond of the boy's puppy like smile and optimism.

He assumed the boy was just an old childhood best friend. Until the latest dreams had begun to reveal intense emotions correlated with the boy, emotions that Junior wasn't sure matched up with just innocent friendship. It scared him to think he could care so much about someone that might not even exist in his life anymore, someone he might never see again. As far as he was concerned the only person he liked right now was Jaebum, and he wanted to keep it like that. It would be less confusing, but he knew things in life were never that easy

The dreams were only giving him snippets of his life back, not enough to form the bigger picture. When he couldn't remember anything more, or the dreams became repetitive, Junior was filled with an empty longing for more of his past life.

It made him sick to think that he might never recover some parts of his life. That he might have had a library of wonderful memories that were now burned to ashes. All he could do was weep over the incomplete remains. He mourned those lost parts, like they were a person who had died. In a way they were-his old self had died.

He jumped up from the futon. Desperate to get out of the enclosed space he stepped out of the room. He shivered a little, and realized the heat must have shut off during the night. He saw a soft light coming from Jaebum's bedroom. Junior found his feet moving of their own accord towards the older man.

Jaebum jumped and looked up from his phone when Junior opened the door. "You're still awake?"

"My memories." Was all Junior had to say for Jaebum to understand. Jaebum patted the empty spot next to him and Junior shyly climbed onto the bed beside Jaebum.

Jaebum spoke right next to his ear, "Junior-ah...you're shivering like a madman."

Junior looked down to his hands resting in his lap and almost laughed because Jaebum was right. Not only were his hands shaking, but his legs were bouncing back and forth. He didn't think it was from the cold, but nonetheless Jaebum draped the covers over Junior. Jaebum studied him carefully before saying, "Tell me what's wrong."

Junior inhaled deeply to steady himself, the air had the slight scent of laundry detergent, probably from Jaebum sitting so close. "Sometimes I think I'm just a shell of a person."

Jaebum's hands found his under the blankets, "Why do you think that?"

"Because a person is made up of their experiences, their personality, and their little quirks. Who was I really? All I can recall are little moments here and there, but the whole picture of who I was. God, I don't even remember simple things like what my favorite color was or what music I use to listen to. Everything that made me, uniquely me, is gone. S-some times I can't help but feel that I'm broken."

"I'll tell you what I know. Your name is Junior. You are caring and sometimes really sassy but it's funny. And you always put a lot of sugar in your coffee. And you cover your mouth when you laugh. And you always sing under your breath when we play Michael Jackson in the cafe. Even if you can't remember everything about your past self. _There are still_ _so_ _many things that make you, you_." Jaebum tightened his hands around Junior's, "I know it hurts that you can't remember everything but you've also made so many nice memories with the staff. Like when the milk overflowed in one of the machines. We all had to stay up late to clean up the mess. Bambam and Jackson broke out into a duet to keep us entertained. Yugyeom used the mop as a pole to dance around. Remember, you were laughing so hard you slipped and fell on the mess we still hadn't clean up. I promise you we are going to make so many more wonderful memories like that to fill up the holes."

Junior didn't realize he was crying until Jaebum was stroking away tears with his free hand. Jaebum tucked Junior's head under his chin. "H-hyung." He managed to choke out as he clung to Jaebum desperately, sobs racking through his body. Jaebum was kind, always so, so kind-he wondered what he had done in his past to deserve someone like Jaebum by his side.

"Sssh, it will be alright. I'm here." Jaebum blushed fiercely, when Junior raised his head to plant a tender kiss on his cheek and whispered, "Thank you." He let Junior stay the night in his bed, buried into his chest and soaking his shirt with tears.

The next morning, Junior was pretty embarrassed for breaking down like that in front of Jaebum. But Jaebum reassured him, that's what friends were for and to always rely on him to talk these feelings out. Junior felt such an overwhelming rush of affection and love for the man that he almost burst into tears again.

 

 

 

He really liked Jaebum, like a lot. Enough to probably look over some of his flaws, but not enough to ignore the fact the Jaebum was beginning to stink after a week since they left the hospital.

"Why don't you take a shower?" Junior said as he gingerly pick up the clothes strewn across the floor of Jaebum's bedroom and placed them in the laundry basket balanced on his hip. Since, Junior had settled in Jaebum's apartment he had become some sort of house keeper. Doing laundry, feeding Nora, taking out the trash, washing dishes (the list went on and on) and even dusting the bookshelves.

Jaebum was lying on his bed, book propped cautiously on his thigh as he tried to turn the page with his uninjured hand. "Because it's going to be a struggle."

"Well, I have to live here for 6 weeks and I don't want to spend it around someone smelly." Junior marched right over to Jaebum's side and plucked the book from his hands.

"Hey, give that back! I was getting to the good part."

"You can have this back...after you take a shower."

"You sound like my mother." Jaebum muttered as he awkwardly clambered off the bed.

"I mean, I feel like it considering I do all your chores." Junior straightened out the bed sheets that Jaebum had been sitting on.

"What?" Junior quipped when he felt eyes on his back.

"Actually you look more like a housewife." Jaebum said, eyes glinting with amusement.

"Did you just call me a housewife??" Junior cried indignantly. Jaebum immediately put up his hands in surrender and scurried off into the bathroom. 

 

 

 

It had only been 5 minutes, when Junior heard a loud thud coming from the bathroom. He sprinted to the bathroom in panic and flung the door open. All types of scenarios were running through his mind. Did Jaebum faint? Did fall and hurt his arm more? What if he hit his head on somewhere sharp and was now bleeding to death?

Instead, Junior was greeted with a disgruntled looking Jaebum laying on his bum on the floor beside the toilet-his arm cast slung across the sink. Jaebum gaped up at him like a deer caught in headlights, "Why didn't you knock?? What if I was naked?"

Fortunately (or unfortunately the perv-ier part of Junior's mind would argue) Jaebum was still fully clothed-only his socks were off. Junior sheepishly said, "I was worried. What happened anyways?"

"I fell." Jaebum answered curtly.

"I see that." Junior bent over to haul Jaebum up by the armpits, "How did you fall?"

"Taking off my socks." Jaebum determinedly looked at the towel rack instead of making eye contact.

Junior stifled a giggle, " _Oh my God,_ you are a danger to yourself."

"Technically this is your fault. I told you it would be a struggle to shower." What looked like the beginnings of a pout- _an actual pout_ -were creeping onto Jaebum's mouth. Hmmm, maybe he was picking up on Junior's habits.

"Do you want me to help you?" Junior joked.

"N-n-no." Jaebum spluttered as he hastily turned away from Junior. He tried to wobble away, but almost fell again when he put weight on his sprained ankle. Junior had to grab his arm to keep him from toppling over. 

"I was joking. But it looks like you actually might need help." Jaebum stared at him with wide eyes and Junior's stomach twisted into nervous knots when he realized exactly what he was suggesting. Several emotions flitted across Jaebum's face: embarrassment, astonishment, and doubt. "I'll be fine." Jaebum said but there was no assertiveness in his voice, instead it wavered with uncertainty.

"What if you fall again, and actually hurt yourself badly?" Junior spoke without thinking. He prayed he didn't sound creepy for suggesting showering together. The rational part of his brain told him to take his words back, but Jaebum looked like he was actually contemplating the idea and Junior's stomach flipped with excitement.

While the mood had been light-hearted just seconds before, a switch had been flipped, and the atmosphere crackled with tension as they held each others gaze. Junior became suddenly aware of how close Jaebum was standing.

"I don't know." Jaebum trailed off at the end.

"Well, I'm deciding for you." Junior had no idea where the burst of bravery came from inside him. Before he could think twice, he was pulling his own shirt over his head. He resisted the urge to cross his arms over his chest. "I don't want you to get hurt by yourself." Junior added, as if that was a reasonably excuse for why he was suddenly stripping.

Jaebum audibly gulped. Unlike the first time he saw Junior shirtless, he kept his eyes respectfully on Junior's face. For that Junior was grateful, because he felt suddenly exposed. Before he lost any of his newly found courage, Junior chucked off his sweatpants. Jaebum pointedly look up at ceiling as if he were praying, and there was slight pink dusting his cheeks.

Junior's heart leaped to his throat as he helped Jaebum take off his shirt. Before today, Junior had seen Jaebum's muscles several times in tank tops at work...that was nothing compared to being able to see all of Jaebum at once. Junior tried-he really did-not to look. But he couldn't help letting his eyes run over Jaebum's broad shoulders and a toned chest, down to... _were those abs?_. Junior felt faint. This was either the best, or the worst idea Junior had ever had. Oh god, he was an idiot. How on Earth was he suppose to survive this?

Meanwhile, Jaebum was still struggling to get his jeans off with only one functioning hand (why exactly was he wearing jeans at home Junior will never know). "Here, let me." Junior said in a small voice as he dragged Jaebum's hands away.

"You don't have to-" Jaebum abruptly stopped talking in exchange for a sharp intake of breath when Junior popped open the button of his jeans and slid the zipper down. Junior hoped that Jaebum couldn't tell how his hands were shaking as he hooked his thumbs inside the waistline to pull the jeans downs.

Junior knelt as he pulled the jeans down to Jaebum's ankles so he could pull them off at his feet. Jaebum reached out to place a hand on Junior's shoulder, near the base of his neck, to steady himself. The touch felt feverish against Junior's cold skin. After the jeans were properly disposed, Junior face grew warm at their compromising position. Junior was practically on his knees, right in front of Jaebum's crotch, with Jaebum's hand near the nape of his neck.

"Um, are you, uh, going to-" Junior stumbled over his words and gestured to Jaebum's black, tight (yup, he really was feeling faint) boxers.

"I'll keep it on." Jaebum said, the pink from his cheeks had traveled down to his neck. To be fair, Junior was pretty sure he looked like a tomato at this point.

Junior gave Jaebum a weak nod before turning on the water. When Junior pulled back the shower curtain, he realized his hands were still shaking. His mind screamed, _Abort!_   _Abort_ _now before you pop a hard on!_

Jaebum climbed into the shower with an arm draped around Junior's shoulder for balance. They stood there awkwardly for a minute, before Jaebum realized he was there to actually shower. For the most part, Jaebum was fine shampooing his own hair and scrubbing his torso with one hand, the other arm hanging limp and useless. Junior would occasionally reach out to steady him whenever he wobbled.

But when it came to washing his back, Jaebum awkwardly reached back at different angles and almost slipped with how hard he was straining. Junior finally took the body wash from Jaebum's hands and said, "I'll do it."

"You don't have to-"

"I'm not here to stand like a statue while you shower. I'm here to help." Junior squirted some lemon scented body wash into his hand, and gently placed a hand between Jaebum's shoulder blades. His other hand went to Jaebum's hip to keep him still.

The strong scent of Jaebum's body wash and the heat coming from Jaebum's skin underneath his finger tips was overwhelming. When he tried to swallow, he found his throat incredibly dry. Junior let his hands roam across the broad planes of Jaebum's back, down his spine, to the small of his back-rubbing gentle circles here and there. He savored the feeling because who knew when the next chance to touch Jaebum like this would be.

Once he finished Jaebum stood right under the stream of water with his head tilted back and eyes closed. With Jaebum's eyes closed, Junior felt himself relax just a little. He still gulped at the sight of Jaebum's Adam's apple protruding out, open for the taking. The water slid over Jaebum's smooth skin, thoroughly soaking his boxers, causing them to cling around his crotch. Junior felt arousal stir in his gut when he saw the faint outline of Jaebum's dick. Fuck. Look up. _Look up_. Okay maybe one glance won't hurt. No, no don't be a perv.

When Jaebum finally opened his eyes he asked, "I need to wash," he gestured vaguely between his legs, "down there. Do you mind turning around?" Junior just gave him a dumb nod and mechanically turned around. The bathroom was silent besides their breathing so it was easy to hear the rustle of fabric as Jaebum took off his boxers.

Blood roared in Junior's ears and he squeezed his eyes shut. He tried to conjure up innocent and un-sexy thoughts. Puppies. Flowers. Pineapples. Yugyeom and Bambam making out. Now that shook Junior, because thinking of Yugyeom and Bambam kissing was like thinking of your own kid having sex.

"Done." Came Jaebum's small voice. Junior turned around and wondered how Jaebum's managed to pull his boxers back on. He was grateful nonetheless. He doesn't think he could handle pulling up Jaebum's boxers. They eventually got out of the shower and Junior helped Jaebum dry himself. Junior wondered if he would ever be able to erase the image of Jaebum in wet boxers from his mind.

 

 

 

It took Junior and Jaebum a few days after the shower incident to be able to meet each others gaze. Soon enough they are back to their casual banter. They eventually settled into a routine. Junior headed off to work early in the morning and returned around mid afternoon to find Jaebum reading, watching cheesy k-dramas, or petting Nora. When dinner time rolled around Jaebum complained about Junior's inability to cook anything other than slightly burnt rameon, to which Junior hit him with a spatula for being ungrateful.The six weeks flew by and Jaebum's arm came out of the sling.

Junior got the weekend off and Jaebum declared that they would use up his precious free time for a Harry Potter Marathon. With Soju.

"Have you ever seen the movies?" Jaebum questioned as he turned the TV on and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. He regretted asking when he saw Junior's face twist in discomfort, "I don't remember if I ever did."

Jaebum cleared his throat, "No matter. We'll watch all the movies anyway."

Junior sunk into the soft cushions beside Jaebum. The ridiculously small loveseat caused them to sit close together, knees knocking into each other. Junior could smell the usual lemon scented body wash and feel the heat from Jaebum's thigh against his own. It's made his head spin, even if he hasn't sipped from his drink.

When Junior did reach for the bottle, he realized it was cherry flavored and his throat went dry. As he tipped his head back to let the alcohol slide down his throat, the taste brought him back to his dreams with the pink haired boy. It makes him think of the promise they made each other-to never leave-and suddenly there was a sinking feeling in his stomach.

Jaebum knocked the popcorn bag in his hands against Junior's knuckles, "Everything alright? You look a little sick. Do you not like cherry?"

"Oh yea, I'm fine. I actually love cherry." He tipped the bottle back against his lips as if to prove a point. Jaebum seemed to buy it and resumed the movie.

It was quite nice to spend time like this with Jaebum. Inside the coffee shop there was the looming stress of having a lot of work to get done, but here in Jaebum's apartment it's like they have all the time in the world.

Junior also got to see a different side of Jaebum in the apartment. He was so use to seeing Jaebum all polished up at the cafe-with his hair styled, his eyes sharp and alert, and his shoulders usually tense with stress. At home, he got to see Jaebum loafing around in large rimmed glasses and pajamas coupled with intense bed hair. He got to see Jaebum's blank face right before his first cup of coffee in the morning and Jaebum with his mouth agape as he napped on the couch. It was in those moments-where his guards were let down-that Jaebum looked the most vulnerable and Junior would feel a rush of protectiveness.  

Being in the apartment also made Jaebum more playful and Junior never missed the opportunity to banter. It was cozy environment and he knows he will miss it when he has to leave. Jaebum was pretty much healed but hadn't said anything about Junior moving back to the tiny room in the cafe. Junior hoped Jaebum wouldn't make him leave-even though he felt like that was just wishful thinking.

He wanted to stay with Jaebum in this messy, cramped apartment he had grown so fond of. The tiny back room back at the cafe seems desolate and cold compared to Jaebum's apartment, where Junior could enjoy Jaebum's sleepy morning smiles and bursts of laughter over dinner.

"Heeeey, want to hear a joke?" Jaebum slurred in an uneven voice and gripped Junior's arm, breaking through his thoughts. Junior raised an eyebrow, Jaebum must have really had too much to drink. He decided to humor him anyway, "Sure. What is it?"

"Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?"

Junior resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "Why?"

"So, you'll never know what side he's on!" Jaebum crowed gleefully.

Junior almost face palmed at Jaebum's joked. He wasn't even surprised. Junior already knew Jaebum was secretly a huge dork after discovering his secret stash of anime posters in his bedroom. He even caught Jaebum humming the Harry Potter theme song around the living room on a daily basis. It just made Junior fall for Jaebum even more.

Junior leaned his head onto the back of the couch and smiled up at Jaebum, not bothering to hide the fondness in his eyes, "You're ridiculous, Im Jaebum."

Maybe it was because of the soju traveling too quickly through his veins, but he slid a hand into Jaebum's hair and let it drag down. Jaebum's eyes widened at the sudden contact. Junior began to hastily pull his hand away but then Jaebum's hand to shot out to keep Junior's hand pressed against the side of his cheek. Jaebum's eyes slid close.

"Jaebummie," Junior breathed out quite shakily. He let his fingers slide over the plane of Jaebum's cheek. The skin was so smooth that Junior wanted to keep his hand moving, all over Jaebum's body to see where else was as smooth. When Jaebum's eyes flickered open, they were slightly wet. At first Junior thought he did something wrong, and then he saw that Jaebum's eyes held only adoration.

Despite, the alcohol Jaebum's eyes seemed so alert and piercing that Junior swore he could see right through him-read all of his hidden desires. Unconsciously, their heads drew together like magnets. Jaebum was so close that Junior can smell the cherry soju on his breath and he felt suddenly hungry for that taste. Jaebum's eye keep flickering to Junior's mouth as if he was contemplating his life biggest decision.

It seemed like forever before one of them spoke, "D-do you think I could...can I...would you mind...if I kissed you?" Jaebum stumbled over his words. There was such open longing on Jaebum's face-just pure raw emotion as he drank in Junior's features. Seeing Jaebum like this-so vulnerable-Junior doesn't think he could ever deny Jaebum anything.

A thrill ran up Junior spine as he said, "Please..." voice barely above a whisper. Then finally, _finally,_ Jaebum leaned in to press their lips together.

The slide of their lips together was so smooth and wet with soju that Junior's toes curled against the floor. A burning desire-deep and heavy-for Jaebum was ignited within in Junior. The first second of the kiss was chaste. But then Junior was slipping his hand from Jaebum's cheek down to his nape to pull him in closer as he opened his mouth to make the kiss deeper. Jaebum shuddered underneath his touch. Junior placed his other hand on Jaebum's chest and felt Jaebum's heart beating rapidly underneath his finger tips, in tune with his own racing pulse.

Junior realized that all those cheesy romance novels that claimed time stopped when you kissed the love of your life were true. Because when Jaebum kissed him, everything halted. The humming of the TV, the noisy cars outside, Junior's insecurities and doubts-it was all drowned out by the warmth of Jaebum's lips and his hands running up Junior's thighs.

Junior's fisted a hand into the material of Jaebum's shirt when Jaebum sucked on his bottom lip so hard, Junior knew it would be swollen the next morning. When Jaebum's clumsy hands began to slip underneath Junior's thin shirt, he knew he had to stop somewhere.

Junior didn't want to do anything hasty while they were drunk. They needed to talk to things out first. Junior wanted to do things the right way, so he reluctantly detached himself from Jaebum's wandering hands. His lips tingled as he spoke, "We should stop here, for tonight. And talk about this when we are sober."

Jaebum still seemed dazed and took a minute to process what he said before nodding. They stumbled their way into the hallway and Junior was about to head to the spare bedroom when Jaebum stopped him with a hand on his elbow, "Stay with me tonight." Jaebum eyes were so warm that  _again_ Junior was too weak to say no. He gave Jaebum a small smile and let himself be tugged into Jaebum's room.

They fell exhausted onto the bed. Jaebum's arm hovered above Junior's waist as if asking for permission. Junior responded by pressing his back flush with Jaebum's chest, so they were spooning like two small commas. Jaebum's arms wrapped themselves around Junior and he hummed with content. Jaebum's embrace felt safe and held the promise of many happy nights. Junior was lulled to sleep by Jaebum's rhythmic breathing in his ear and that night he didn't have any nightmares.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand after 6 chapters we finally have our first JJP kiss, WOO.
> 
> This has to be the longest chapter I've ever written, feel free to hit me. I was going to cut the kiss scene until the next chapter (cuz it was just soo long), but I decided to be nice and keep it in.
> 
> Also GOT7 covered AOA's Miniskirt and I saw pictures on my tumblr feed. I am dead, I can't. This was the greatest thing to ever happen. I kind of want to write a fanfic about Jinyoung in a miniskirt now...so yea that might happen.


	7. Chapter 7

Junior woke up to the delicate chirping of birds and warm sunlight on his back. When opened his eyes there was a gray sweater obscuring his vision. It took him a minute to realize that during the night he had turned over and his head was now buried in Jaebum's chest. Embarrassment dawning on him, Junior jerked his head back and in the process stirred Jaebum from his slumber. When Jaebum registered Junior's squirming he tightened his arms around him. Jaebum squinted down at Junior resting on top of him, "Good morning."

Jaebum's voice rumbled like gravel in his chest in a way that made Junior want to rub up against him. He took a moment to admire Jaebum's face softly glowing in the morning sun and his hair splayed out on the pillow. He wanted to engrave this image of Jaebum in his mind forever. "Morning." 

"So last night..." Jaebum trailed off and Junior felt a flash of panic. Was Jaebum going to say it was mistake? That it was just the drinks? Or that he was just looking for something casual? Junior didn't think he could bear that. All those thoughts were scattered when Jaebum grabbed his chin to anchor him into a soft kiss. Junior almost screamed. 

"You're thinking too much. I can tell." Jaebum said once he pulled back.

"Why did you kiss me last night?" Junior blurted out. 

"Isn't it obvious? I like you. Alot." Jaebum's brow creased, "...Do you feel the same way?"

All Junior could hear was  _I like you._ It repeated itself in his mind until he was giddy with happiness.

"Did I misinterpret things?" Jaebum broke through his daze. His face twisted into something that looked like hurt and slight panic. His arms began to loosen around Junior, "I understand if you don't feel the same way." 

Junior realized he hadn't said anything in response to Jaebum's confession and Jaebum probably took his silence as rejection. "No!" Junior quickly shouted. Jaebum looked even more scared as he tried to process the situation.

 Junior finally untangled his tongue. "I like you too." _I actually might be in love with you.  
_

The blinding smile that broke out on Jaebum's face rivaled the brightness of the sun. "How long?" Jaebum wanted to know.

Junior flushed, "Well, the first time I saw you. I thought you were attractive. So it started out as a superficial crush I guess. And then I found out how amazing you were underneath all the grumpiness."

"What?" Jaebum complained. "Since the first day? Why'd you make me suffer so long? You couldn't have done something sooner."

Junior huffed, "How was I suppose to know that you liked me."

Jaebum scoffed, "I thought it was fairly obvious. There were moments where I thought you were teasing me because you knew. Like when we showered together. God, I thought I was going to die."

Junior giggled with delight, "You thought _you_ were going to die? _I_ did die." It was like a light bulb suddenly clicked in Junior's head, "Oh my gosh, it all makes sense now. So that's why you had a giant picture of me in your photo room!"

Jaebum's cheeks were so red that it reminded Junior of a firetruck. "Yo-you saw that? Sorry, is that creepy? I just-you see-"

"Calm down. I don't mind." Junior grinned as he leaned to down to shut up a protesting Jaebum with a kiss.

It was so much better sober. He could register how solid and warm Jaebum's chest was beneath his and the way Jaebum's hands on his hips seemed to burn right through his thin t-shirt. When he caught Jaebum's hands trying to sneak under his shirt again Junior pulled away, "We should probably get ready. Today's your first day back at work remember?"

Jaebum groaned and rolled them over so he was on top of Junior, "Why would I want to go to work when I can lie in bed and just kiss you?" He wiggled his eyebrows and tried to lean towards Junior's mouth once more.

Junior halfheartedly swatted him away (even if staying bed with Jaebum was tempting he was never late to work) and started to get out of bed, "Im Jaebum, doesn't want to go into work? That's new."

"The things you do to me." Jaebum said, completely serious. He then frowned, "How many times do I have to say, it's Jaebum- _hyung!_ "

Junior rolled his eyes and then ran away squealing when Jaebum lunged forward to tickle him.

 

 

 

When they walked into the coffee shop that morning with linked hands and announced that they were now dating, Jackson screeched, "Oh my GOd! Everyone come quickly!"

The maknaes appeared a second later. Yugyeom panted, "Where's the fire?"

"Junior and Jaebum are finally fucking!" Jackson pretty much screamed.

"Hey!" Jaebum spluttered. "I said we were dating as of this morning. Nothing happened."

Jackson deflated, "Aish, I was so proud of you until you said that."

Bambam ran up to hug them, "I'm so happy for you both."

"See that's a normal reaction." Junior pointed out and ruffled Bambam's hair.

"I was getting tired of Jaebum shooting you these sad, love sick puppy eyes every 5 minutes." Bambam continued.

"Never mind." Junior said as he watched Jaebum pull Bambam into a headlock.

"Yugyeom, help me!" Bambam squirmed in Jaebum's tight hold.

Yugyeom looked at his nails before saying, "Nah."

"You're a terrible boyfriend." Bambam grumbled.

"That's not what you said last night. If I recall correctly-" Yugyeom quipped but then Junior shouted over him, hands flying desperately towards his ears. "No! I don't want to hear what my children do in bed."

Jackson shook his head solemnly. "What will I do with two couples in the coffee shop? I will be forever alone."

Yugyeom snickered. "Oh come on, hyung. We both know you aren't completely alone. There's-"

Junior gave Jackson a questioning look, but then Jackson was quickly changing the subject, "We have to celebrate these two awkward love birds tonight! I'll treat everyone to meat!"

"Oh now, you want to treat me to meat." Junior retorted and everyone groaned collectively.

 

 

 

Junior went to clean a few tables when Jaebum passed by and slipped a napkin into his apron pocket. It was folded in half and the outside was written in sloppy blue pen, _For the cutest human in the world._ The inside read, _Let's go on a date this weekend.  
_

Junior swooned as he clutched the note to his chest. Bambam walked by and raised his eyebrows at Junior's love struck face. He mercilessly plucked the note from Junior's hands and read it. "Why do you look so happy? He literally just asked you out through a napkin. That's so unromantic."

"Let me live." Junior took back the crumpled note and stored in tenderly in his pocket. "Whatever Jaebum does is romantic enough for me."

"You guys are grossly in love."

"Not as gross as you giving Yugyeom a blowjob in the storage room." Junior responded back smugly.

"I was not!" Bambam turned bright red.

"Don't lie. I heard you. And you better have cleaned up in there. Because if I find anything sketchy on any of our supplies I will have Jaebum kick your ass." Junior said before sauntering away.

 

 

 

For their first date Jaebum took Junior mini golfing. Junior soon discovered that he was actually terrible at mini golf. He either hit the ball too far to the left or to the right. He had even accidentally let go of the club during one of his swings and almost hit a kid nearby. Jaebum was cackling next to him, "Mini golf isn't that hard, Junior-ah."

"Stop." He pouted at Jaebum.

Jaebum tried to school a serious face, but just cracked up again. "Give me a minute...okay, okay. I'm done."

Junior crossed his arms and was about to stalk away. Jaebum immediately reached out to catch him by the waist, "Hey, I'm sorry. Here." Jaebum's hands moved from Junior's waist down his arms and he clasped their hands together on his own club.

"W-what are you doing?" Junior fought the blush threatening to creep into his cheeks. Jaebum's breath tickled the shell of Junior's ear as he spoke, "I'm going to help you." Jaebum pressed his chest flush against Junior's back. Junior looked down at Jaebum's hand encircling his wrist and wondered briefly if he could feel his quickening pulse. _You would think his effect on me would have worn down by now, but nooo,_ Junior thought almost bitterly.

"Make sure you have a nice grip. And swing gently." Jaebum guided Junior's arms through a swing and Junior had the privilege of feeling Jaebum's muscles flex around him-to be honest, it was kind of hot. When the ball successfully went into the hole Junior said, "You can let go of me now." Because he didn't know how much more he could take of the older man pressing against him. Jaebum chuckled and did let go, but not before planting a kiss on Juniors cheek-this time Junior did blush.

After a few more rounds of mini golf they went to get some snacks. Jaebum settled for a churro and Junior got a mountain of cotton candy.

"Can I have some?" Jaebum poked Junior's side.

"Hmm," Junior mused. "Sure." He grabbed a large piece of cotton candy, placed one end in his mouth and stuck his head out towards Jaebum.

Junior grinned around the cotton candy when Jaebum stumbled over his words, "I-um." The tips of his ears were slowly becoming pink. Junior was quite satisfied that Jaebum was just as flustered as he was minutes ago at the mini golf course. _Payback._

Junior shrugged and swallowed the cotton candy, "Guess you don't want any."

"Wait." Jaebum grabbed his shoulder. "I do."

So Junior placed another large piece in his mouth and this time Jaebum didn't hesitate to lean. They nibbled at their own ends until their lips meet in the middle for a sugary and sticky kiss. Jaebum ran his tongue across the seam of of Junior's lips just before pulling away and hummed in content. If it weren't for the fact that Junior was head over heels for Jaebum he would've cringed at how cheesy they were together.

They eventually started to walk back to Jaebum's car when there was a clap of thunder and rain began to cascade around them in fat, heavy drops. Jaebum cursed and grabbed Junior's hand so they could start running through the surrounding park area for cover. They weren't the most coordinated pair and ended up slipping and sliding most of the way.

"Let's not run. It's no use, we are already soaked." Junior panted after falling for the 5th time.

"Well, if we are taking our time...then..." Jaebum spun Junior around by his wrist and pulled him in for a deep, open-mouthed kiss.

Junior flailed a little in his arms, not expecting the sudden attack but eventually sagged against Jaebum's body. Jaebum's mouth was incredibly warm, a stark contrast to the ice cold rain falling on his back. He really should be worried about catching phenomena or something, but it was hard to think about anything else when Jaebum was doing that thing with his tongue again.

Jaebum kissed with fervor, as if he was making up for all the lost time they spent dancing around each other. Junior didn't even know there were trees around them until Jaebum was pressing him into one and the breath was knocked out of him. He felt like he was becoming dizzy on the adrenaline as Jaebum pressed him harder into tree-hard enough that the bark was scrapping violently against his back.

Jaebum's hand traveled from their firm grip on his waist to the small of his back and eventually to curve of his ass. Jaebum gave his ass an experimental squeeze and when Junior gasped into his mouth as a result, he squeezed again-harder. _Well things are escalating quickly,_ Junior thought. It wasn't too surprising though, considering the sexual tension had built up for months.

A little kid shrieked in the far distance and Junior was pulled back to reality, although they had walked far enough into the surrounding park area that there was no one around, someone could walk by at any moment. "W-wait, we're still in public."

Jaebum backed off and sheepishly scratched the back of his head, "Uh, sorry. Got kind of carried away." 

Junior unpeeled himself from the tree, "It's fine." He felt slightly embarrassed at their open display-it was like they were a bunch of horny teenagers.

The rain was still falling heavily around them. When Jaebum fell into a coughing fit, Junior became worried, "You're going to get sick!" and he immediately began to drag Jaebum back to the car. Back inside the car, Jaebum put the heat on full blast and handed Junior some spare towels from the back seat. "Well, that was fun." Jaebum looked over at Junior with a small smile as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Yea it was a lot of fun...until it started raining."

"You didn't seem to mind when you moaned into my mouth." Jaebum said with a slow smirk growing on his face.

Junior gawked at him, "I didn't moan! I _gasped_ , there's a difference!"

"Sure there is." There was now a full blown smirk on his face.

"If you weren't driving, I would punch you in the face."

"You wouldn't dare. You like my face too much."

Junior retaliated by pinching Jaebum's underarm. "Ow! Respect the driver."

Junior just stuck his tongue out and Jaebum laughed. Junior soon followed and they became a giggling mess. When Jaebum looked over at Junior again with fond eyes, Junior's chest felt warm. "Keep your eyes on the road." Junior chastised him, but there was no bite in his tone.

"But the view next me is so much prettier."

Junior promptly hid his burning face in his hands. Sure, Jaebum was a dork, but he could be pretty damn smooth when he wanted to be and it made Junior's stomach do somersaults.

The ride back home was still a long one, so Jaebum turned on the radio and let Junior fiddle around for music selection. He stopped when he heard the steady beat of a drum. The soft, melodic voice of an American singer filled the car.

_What's been happening in your world? What have you been up to?_

_I heard that you fell in love...Or near enough_

Junior hummed along to the catchy beat and Jaebum tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

_I gotta tell you the truth…I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake baby_

_Snap out of it (Snap out of it)_

Junior found himself mouthing along to the lyrics and blinked rapidly when it dawned on him that he might have heard this song before.

_I get the feeling I left it too late, but baby_

_Snap out of it (Snap out of it)_

There was another loud burst of thunder and Junior jumped in his seat, vision swimming slightly. There was now a dull thumping in the back of his head as the song continued to play and thunder continued to roar outside. "Ugh, my head." Junior pressed his fingertips to his temple and tried to rub the head ache away.

Jaebum gave him a concerned look, "Why don't you try to take nap? We still have a bit before we get home."

Junior nodded wearily and found his eyes slipping close of their own accord. His head fell easily against the car window and everything went white.

 

 

 

_The song is still playing in the background (I'll be here waiting ever so patiently for you, Snap out of it). But this time Junior finds himself sitting in a small cafe, cradling a steaming cup of coffee. There's still rain pouring outside and lightning striking every couple of seconds. When he looks up he sees the boy. But things are different. The boy's pink hair has been replaced by soft brown locks. His face shows signs of age and tiredness-probably because of some office job. He looks so much older and adult-like in a blazer and button up, but when he gives Junior a toothy grin, he looks just as young as when he was on the playground._

_"You look so shocked." The boys says._

_"I wasn't expecting you to settle down so quickly."_

_"Well she still has to say yes." The boy chuckles. "You'll help me with the proposal right?"_

_Every part of Junior seems to scream 'no' internally, but he says instead, "Of course."_

_"I'm so nervous. I just...I'm so in love with her. I know that she is the one."_

_Junior tries to swallow but he feels like there are glass shards lodged in his throat-preventing him from breathing properly. When he glances down at his coffee he sees his knuckles are white around the cup. "I am happy for you. I'm sure everything will work out perfectly." Lies, lies. He tells so many lies.  
_

_The boy smiles blindingly, but it's not directed at Junior. He's staring off into the distance probably thinking of his soon to be fiance."Oh and I wanted to ask you to be my best man." Again, his head screams 'no'. It screams for him to stop being such a masochist with his feelings. And the glass shards sink deeper into his throat until all he could croak out is, "Me?"_

_The boy smiled again and this time it is directed at him. He reaches across the table to hold Junior's hand, and Junior's traitorous heart speeds up._

_"Who else would I ask, silly? You are my best friend. My wedding is a special day. I want to be up there with the two people I love most. Mina...and you." The boy must think that he is doing Junior a great service. That his words are heart warming. But Junior only feels like he's dying._

_"I'll be there."_

_"Good. Now, do you want to head out and watch a movie at my place?"_

_Junior has to get out of here before he breaks down. "Actually, I promised I would have dinner with my mom. And I'm going to be late. It was nice seeing you. We can talk later about plans. Bye!" The farewell is rushed, awkward, and abnormal...but the boy doesn't seem to suspect anything is wrong. Huh, Junior thinks, maybe the boy is just too caught up in his love for his girlfriend that he can't even pay close attention to his best friend. That thought only seems to hurt more.  
_

_"Take care!" The boys waves.  
_

_Junior almost trips over his feet running out of the cafe. He doesn't bother with an umbrella or a bus, he just starts running and running until his feet carry him to his mother's house-conveniently nearby. She welcomes him with open arms and dry set of clothes. He crawls into her lap as if he were still a 7 year old child and she strokes his hair silently. As a mother, she can easily see that his upset and lets him spill all of his worries and burdens. He lets out a sob as he finishes the story of what happened at the cafe.  
_

_"Oh my boy, why are you committing to help with the proposal **and**_ _the wedding? It will only hurt you._ " She murmurs.

_Junior sighs and stares up the white ceiling. The house is different this time. It's no longer the one where he got weekly beatings. Instead it's a small condo, and the familiar walls and scent of his mother's lavender candles makes him feel safe._

_"B-b-because, I love him. And I want him to be happy."  He closes his eyes in pain, not physical, just emotional. "Besides, Mina is nice. I've met her..."_

_"I bet you are still a better match for him."_

_"That doesn't matter anymore. I just have to be there for him and not interfere."_

_"I hate seeing this slowly kill you. I thought the boy would do you good not harm."_

_Junior lifts himself from her lap and tries to desperately dry his cheeks on the back of his hand, "No, I wouldn't want it any other way. He has helped me so much during our childhood. He was incredibly supportive and caring. I will always be thankful for what he did for me." He hiccups, "This...what I feel for him. It isn't his fault. It's mine. I wasn't suppose to fall in love." Another hiccup. "I have to get over it. I thought it was just an infatuation I had because he was like my knight in shining armor as a kid..."  
_

_"But we both know that it runs deeper than that." His mother murmurs.  
_

_That makes Junior crumple up again, "Eomma," he whispers, "I'm scared." The tears are back and they soak through his mother's skirt.  
_

_She pulls him back into her arms and rocks him back and forth as if he were still a baby,_ _"What are you scared of?"  
_

_"Of never being able to stop loving him."_

 

 

 

When Junior woke up, he was in Jaebum's bed in fresh new clothes. The lights are off and he hears shuffling coming from the kitchen. Junior raised his hand to wipe at his blurry eyes and was startled to find his cheeks damp with tears. He gulped uneasily.

So, his sinking suspicion had been confirmed true. Before he lost his memories, he was in love with the boy. It looked like things didn't turn out well, judging by the state of his past self crying in his mother's lap.

This wasn't good. He couldn't be in love with another guy while he was dating Jaebum. It wasn't fair to Jaebum.

But was he even really in love with that boy? Could he really count on those memories to tell him how to feel, he was another person now. Things had changed. He had fallen in love with someone new. So, some memories were telling him he use to be in love with someone else, but it didn't make the feelings he had for Jaebum any weaker. Right?

Couldn't that be enough to wipe out whatever he felt for that boy...but when he let himself think of the engagement announcement there was noticeable stab of pain in his chest.

Jaebum appeared suddenly in the doorway and walked over to place a cup of tea beside him. Junior almost felt relieved when seeing Jaebum still brought a warm feeling in his chest and tingles in his belly. The memories couldn't change what he felt for Jaebum.

"Hey you okay? You were passed out cold." Jaebum sat down beside him on the bed and threaded their fingers together. Junior automatically leaned his head onto Jaebum's broad shoulders and was instantly comforted by his familiar scent. It was just so natural for Junior to be with Jaebum and to fall into a domestic routine.

"I'm fine...Did you carry me?"

"Yup. You were mumbling a little, did you dream about anything?"

Junior's blood ran cold and hoped Jaebum couldn't feel the way he stiffened. How was he supposed to explain he dreamed about being in love with another guy?

"Mmm, I don't remember." Was all Junior said instead. As Jaebum wrapped his arms around Junior and placed soft kisses on his forehead all thoughts about the boy in his dreams were erased...at least for now.

 

 

 

As the weather got warmer, so did Jaebum's small apartment. When it was colder Junior had learned that the heat wouldn't always work, and now that it was hot he learned the A/C had the same problem. They decided to make strawberry Popsicles in hopes of combating the heat. Junior was currently staring at the recipe--correction--had been staring at the recipe for the past hour. He scrutinized the ingredient measurements and then dubiously glanced at Jaebum's measurements, "I think we should follow what the recipe says."

Jaebum came up behind him to wrap an arm around his waist and propped his chin on Junior's shoulder. Now that they were dating Jaebum had become bolder and clingier. "We don't need the recipe. Trust my inner chef. I can work wonders with my hands." Jaebum added a saucy wink for good measure and Junior punched him lightly in the shoulder

Turns out Jaebum was right and the Popsicles came out absolutely delicious without the help of a recipe. Junior happily began to much on one of them. The heat had been killing Junior and he moaned gratefully around the ice cold Popsicle, "These are so good."

When he looked up, he saw Jaebum watching him with sharp eyes that seemed to pin him to the spot. His gaze was fixated on Junior's mouth stretched around the Popsicle. Junior's stomach flipped nervously as his hand grew sweaty around the Popsicle's stick.  _Well...I_ _guess I kind of brought this upon myself._

Jaebum walked towards him and placed his hands on either sides of Junior's waist on the kitchen counter behind him. "You know what would taste better? Me."

The Popsicle in Junior's mouth fell out with a audible pop, "You did not just say that." Junior cringed. But he didn't have much time to judge Jaebum's flirting techniques because in the next second Jaebum was eagerly catching Junior's lips in a kiss. The offending Popsicle was dropped to the side. It might have rolled onto the ground, but Junior could care less when Jaebum's lips were hot and hungry on his own. Jaebum confidently slid his tongue into and around Junior's mouth, picking up traces of strawberry.

They usually didn't get very from making out and touching each other over their clothes because Junior insisted on taking things slow at first. But today Junior let his hands slide cautiously under Jaebum's tank top and flattened his palm against Jaebum's toned stomach. Jaebum humored him by clenching his muscles and Junior fondled his stomach shamelessly.

Jaebum moved down to mouth at Junior's jaw. Junior kept his eyes closed and basked in the feeling of Jaebum's hips pressing him into the counter. When Jaebum began to suck at the junction of his clavicle, he gasped out a little as he said, "Jae-" It prompted Jaebum to suck harder until Junior was trembling in his grip and there would surely be a large bruise the next day.

Jaebum's hand wandered from the counter to Junior's ass where he squeezed, and then massaged the flesh, and then squeezed again, repeating the process until Junior let out little whimpers into his mouth. Junior's mind flashed back to when they kissed in the rain and Jaebum had groped him just like this. Only now there was nothing to interrupt them from going further.

Junior traced a finger down Jaebum's happy trail and let his fingertips rest just a centimeter inside the waistband of Jaebum's pants. Jaebum's breath hitched against his neck, and Junior felt a slight thrill run through him. There was heat coiling in Junior's stomach like a spring needed release. His finger slipped a few more inches into Jaebum's sweatpants and he groaned when he could feel Jaebum's dick pulsing heat just a mere few inches away.

Junior knew what he wanted to do, but he wasn't going to do it in the kitchen where they eat so he suddenly himself from Jaebum's grip.

Jaebum whined at the loss of contact. Junior's mind was still hazy with arousal so his brain to mouth filter wasn't working properly and he blurted out, "I'm not giving you a blow job in the middle of the kitchen."

Jaebum immediately perked up, "I'm getting a blow job?"

"Um..." Was all Junior could say before Jaebum was tugging his wrist with determination towards the arm chair in the living room. Jaebum chucked his sweatpants off before sitting down on the arm chair, legs open wide and inviting-a coy smile on his face.

"Stop looking so smug." Junior mumbled bashfully. The smile was quickly wiped off Jaebum's face when Junior dug the heel of his palm into Jaebum's clothed dick without warning. Jaebum's mouth fell open into a little oh shape and his hands reached out for the arm rests.

Junior's own dick twitched with interest as he felt Jaebum quickly harden in the palm of his hand. Finally mustering up enough courage, Junior dragged Jaebum's boxers down. Jaebum's dick sprang out and curved around his stomach-already incredibly hard and pulsing. The sight made Junior's heart beat uncontrollably against his chest as if it was trying to leap out and onto the floor.

Junior wrapped his long fingers slowly around the base of Jaebum's dick and gave it an experimental stroke. Jaebum hissed with pleasure and it lit some confidence in Junior. Junior placed his hands on Jaebum's thighs and licked along his length. A Cheshire-like smile appeared on his face when he heard Jaebum let out a guttural moan.

He kept his mouth a few inches away from Jaebum's cock-not quite giving in just yet because teasing Jaebum was still Junior's favorite thing to do-and let his warm breath fan out over the tip for a few seconds before letting his lips enclose gently around the top. He let his lips slide down every so slowly until he felt Jaebum's pubic hair tickle his nose.

"Fuck." Jaebum gasped out. His grip on the armchair tightened until his knuckles turned white. Junior slid back up and down on Jaebum's cock at a slow, steady pace. When Jaebum's moans grew, Junior increased his pace. Jaebum's hands finally found their way to tangle themselves in Junior's hair. Jaebum's nails scrapped against his scalp as he moaned around Jaebum's cock.

Jaebum hips bucked upwards as he let out a keening noise, no longer able to keep control of himself, "Oh God, Junior..." Another thrust and Junior did his best to take it without gagging. "You look so good like this." Jaebum looked down at Junior's plump lips stretched around his length in some sort of awe. Junior blushed feverishly under his smouldering gaze, he didn't expect Jaebum to be into dirty talk, but at the same time he wasn't surprised.

"So pretty-ah fuck-on your knees for me." Jaebum panted and he brought his hand down from Junior's hair to stroke at the corner of Junior's glistening lips where precum from his dick was leaking out. He could feel Jaebum's thighs shaking from where Junior was holding them and he knew that Jaebum was close. Junior also knew that he was already incredibly hard in his own pants from the obscene moans Jaebum kept letting out.

Jaebum's thrusts were frantic now and Junior kept feverishly bobbing his head in time with his thrusts. It wasn't long before Jaebum's face crumpled up and he cried out as he came down hot and heavy down Junior's throat. Junior marveled at Jaebum's face as he came-the way his face glowed even under the sweat and how his cheeks were flushed a pretty pink. Junior pulled off with an embarrassingly loud pop and tried to swallow but couldn't help coughing a little.

Jaebum looked spent and Junior felt pleased that he could unravel Jaebum like this.

Apparently Jaebum wasn't as tired as he looked because soon enough he was manhandling Junior into his lap and his hand hovered over Junior's cock straining against the fabric of his shorts. "Darling." Jaebum practically purred and if Junior hadn't been blushing before he would've been now because of the nickname. "Looks like you need some help."

Shamelessly Junior lifted his hips up into the air hoping to feel Jaebum's hands on him. Jaebum chuckled at his eagerness and began to stroke Junior languidly over the fabric, almost teasing him. 

"F-faster." Junior mewled, digging his fingers into the dip of Jaebum's shoulders.

Jaebum complied and slipped his hand into Junior's shorts. He increased his pace until it was almost brutal. All of Junior's nerves felt like they had been lit on fire and that he would combust any second. Jaebum clamped his mouth over Junior's to swallow each moan that Junior released with each rough stroke. His head lolled back as he let the pleasure consume him entirely, the edges of his vision going white.

Eventually Junior came over Jaebum's hands with one last lewd moan-straight into Jaebum's mouth that was trying to kiss him through it. Coming down from his high, Junior felt embarrassed at how loud he must have been, but then Jaebum was smiling down at him and brushing his bangs out of the way. "We should probably get cleaned up." Jaebum murmured as he continued to stroke his hair.

"I'm tired." Junior curled in his lap and wrapped his arms around Jaebum's neck.

Jaebum easily lifted Junior up-bridal style and walked towards the bathroom for a shower. Junior nuzzled his face into Jaebum's neck and pressed a kiss there. "Thank you." He mouthed over Jaebum's skin. Jaebum's hands tightened around him and said in low whisper that Junior almost didn't catch what he said, "Ah Junior, you drive me crazy."

 

 

 

 

Back at the cafe, Bambam ran crashing into Junior. "Quick." He gasped and shook Junior back and forth violently. "We sent Jaebum off to deliver pastries on the other side of town. Which means we have like half an hour to makes sure things are set for his surprise tomorrow. You get Jackson, I'll get Yugyeom. Be back here in 5." Bambam sprinted off so quickly that Junior got whiplash.

Ah yes. Jaebum's surprise. His birthday would tomorrow and the group had decided they wanted to prepare something special for him. They all wanted to show him their love, so they came up with a surprise birthday party. They had been planning it since last week, having impromptu meetings in the storage room or whenever Jaebum was busy doing something else.

Junior found Jackson talking on the phone by the sink.

"So you won't make it back in time for his birthday...ah that's a shame. It's okay. We'll still see you soon right? Alright, talk to you later, sunshine. I miss you." Jackson said in a hushed voice.

"Who was that?" Junior asked and Jackson whipped around quite surprised.

"Oh, an old high school friend of ours." Jackson explained, he opened his mouth to say something else when Bambam and Yugyeom rushed over to them carrying notebooks and pens. They all hunched over a small table as if they were conspiring to overthrow the government.

"We are going to run though this one more time." Bambam said.

"I'm going to keep Jaebum occupied at the coffee shop until 5-ish and then I say I want to head home." Junior replied.

"Meanwhile, the rest of us will have prepared the decorations and birthday cake inside his apartment." Yugyeom continued.

"I think someone else should keep Jaebum occupied, because if Junior is the one. He will probably just end up making out with Jaebum for a few hours and completely miss the party." Jackson commented and Junior slapped him on the back, "I can control myself!"

"Jackson has a good point." Bambam said completely serious. "Yugyeom, you keep Jaebum doing orders or cleaning up around the cafe. You're the only one I trust to actually do this right." Yugyeom beamed with pride.

"Don't look so happy." Junior grumbled, his pride was offended, "Bambam is only saying that 'cuz you suck his dick on the regular."

Jackson burst out laughing and high fived Junior. "I knew you were my favorite dongsaeng." Jackson said throwing an arm around Junior already forgetting being hit before.  Bambam and Yugyeom just turned red.

"Okay moving on. After the cake, beer, and marathoning Jaebum's favorite animes. We get to the best part." Jackson said with a creepy smile, aimed at Junior. "Junior is going to say he is feeling sick and is going to take a shower and head to bed early. We will all be very understanding and make sure Jaebum doesn't go chasing after you like a worried mother hen, until you're...prepared." Jackson added with a wink.

Junior groaned and dropped his head into his hands, "Why am I letting you guys plan this out?"

"Because Jaebum will love it. He was drooling over you at the beach with that sexy dance dare. Imagine how he'll react when you give him a lap dance." Yugyeom said, smiling just as creepily as Jackson.

"I'm still not sure I can do this." Junior mumbled. He did want to do something nice for Jaebum on his birthday but he was still nervous about Jaebum's reaction.

"Just follow my sexy dance tips, hyung." Yugyeom said confidently.

"Have you thought of wearing lingerie." Bambam asked casually as he wrote some stuff down in his planning journal.

"Absolutely not." Junior said scandalized.

"Just saying, if you want the best for hyung..." Bambam smirked.

"Junior's right. He might get a heart attack seeing that. Remember he's like an old man." Jackson offered and Junior was thankful.

"But lingerie." Bambam continued.

"No." Junior said firmly and then, "Maybe in the future..."

"What are you guys talking about?" Jaebum's voice came from behind them. They all spun around like children caught sticking their hand in the cookie jar. Bambam yelped and threw himself over their notes before promptly fleeing the area. Jackson and Yugyeom also ran away with the excuse of taking more orders. Leaving a very flustered Junior alone with Jaebum. After talking about lingerie and lap dances he couldn't seem to meet Jaebum's eyes. Jaebum was just a mix of confused and amused, so he settled for pressing a kiss to Junior's flaming cheeks.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also quite long because school is starting for me soon so the next update might take a little longer. Also, I felt so dirty after writing that smut scene but it had to be done lol. I hope you guys enjoy this new chapter. 
> 
> P.S The next chapter will be from Jaebum's POV 
> 
> P.S.S Does anybody have any guess as to who Jackson was talking to on the phone?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, omg, it's been more than a month since I updated. I hate myself. Between school starting, filling out college applications and getting a new job, I haven't had free time :( 
> 
> I also just realized that it's probably awkward Jinyoung still goes by Junior in my fic cuz he changed his stage name. It's only for plot reasons, so after this chapter he will go by Jinyoung again.
> 
> Again, I'm sorry for the long wait. At least this chapter is long? lol maybe too long.

**Jaebum's POV**

When Jaebum was thrown out of his house as a teenager, he felt utterly alone. He was just a naive 18 year old with no sense of how to fit into the adult world. Thank god for Jackson Wang. Jackson and his family welcomed him without any questions or judgement. For that he was thankful, so he worked hard in their coffee shop, determined to show them his gratitude. 

When Jackson's parents moved back to China, it was up to Jackson and Jaebum to raise the prestige of the small cafe. The following months were hectic, but it just made their friendship stronger. They made a tradition of taking a weekend off each month. Jaebum would buy as many snacks and soda bottles that he could fit into his arms and then stuff them into Jackson's car. Then Jackson would just start driving. He let the road take them on adventures.

Once, they made a pit stop by Jaebum's old house and threw eggs at his parent's van. Jackson claimed it would liberate his soul, and to be honest, Jaebum did feel a lot better after that. Jaebum always thanked his lucky stars for having such a loyal best friend.

It was a month later that two new figures would join Jaebum and Jackson on their monthly road trips.

Bambam and Yugyeom showed up at their doorstep-two broke college students desperately needing money. Jackson and Jaebum were just as desperate for an extra pair of hands, so Bambam and Yugyeom were hired on the spot. They instantly got along with Jackson. It took a bit longer for Jaebum to warm up to them, because he had trust issues after the incident with his parents. But once he got to know Bambam and Yugyeom more, Jaebum felt like a father to them. Even if he always grumbled about them being annoying, they knew how much he cared. Like when he heard that some local kids were picking on Bambam, he hunted down the bullies and showed up the next day at the cafe with bruised knuckles.

It wasn't long before the 4 of them grew a tight bond. While Jaebum had been kicked out of his home, he found a new home among the staff.

His life became like clockwork. He got up early, fed Nora, worked at the cafe, and then came home to cuddle with Nora (or on some occasions, Jackson would drag his sorry ass out for drinks). Jaebum actually liked having a set routine. After a rocky childhood Jaebum kind of appreciated that his life was calm and eventful.

Sure, Jaebum would have the occasional one night stand or even blind date, but nothing ever became a commitment. No one ignited that spark that all the romance movies talked about. Jaebum said it was because no one out there was good enough for him. Jackson said it was because he always had a stick up his ass, and Jaebum promptly smacked him in the head.

Despite his lack of relationships, Jaebum thought he was pretty satisfied with his current life. Between work and keeping up with his photography, there wasn't room for anything else-until Junior came along, demanding room in Jaebum's life.

When Jaebum first saw Junior splayed across the sidewalk, he was annoyed that someone was disturbing his usual peaceful cafe atmosphere. But as he kept looking at the stranger on the floor, he felt his resolve wavering. He blamed it on the fact he was always a sucker for men in suits. 

Junior looked like some sort of fallen angel. His inky, black hair was tousled and his suit was rumpled, but somehow he still managed to look incredibly handsome. He had a strong jawline, but he was also adorned with soft cheeks framed by his long eyelashes. His lips were plump and pink, and Jaebum wondered for a second if they felt as soft as they looked.

But it was when Junior's eyes flickered opened and centered on Jaebum that Jaebum felt like the breath was knocked out of him. Junior's eyes were just as beautiful as himself. The moment didn't last long though, because Jaebum told himself to snap out of it-the boy was probably bad news. He defaulted to his usual expression-annoyance. He yelled at the boy to go away. The boy had looked up at him with round, terrified eyes, making guilt trickle into Jaebum's chest. Still, he told himself not to trust a pretty face, and he kept yelling. Just when Jaebum thought the boy was finally going to leave, Jackson showed up to rope Junior into their cafe.

Part of the reason Jaebum had been so grumpy at Junior joining the cafe was not only because their staff dynamic was disturbed, but because he was scared that the devilishly, handsome boy with pretty eyes would distract him. In time his fear had proven right.

They did have a rocky start. Junior and Jaebum were both head strong and stubborn. Jaebum was pretty serious at work, and to be fair, Junior was too...most of the time. But Junior had a sharp tongue and snarky comments about the way Jaebum did things. Jaebum gritted his teeth at Junior's endless teasing. Jackson found it all too amusing. The maknaes were just glad someone else was at the other end of Jaebum's wrath.

Jaebum really wanted to get the upper hand with Junior, but Junior wasn't going to let that happen. _Well_ , Jaebum thought, _at least I'll find him so annoying that I'll never develop feelings for his annoyingly cute face._

Wrong.

Jaebum tried to remain annoyed-he really did-but he eventually found himself looking forward to their banter every morning. And to the crinkly eye smile Junior would give him every time he cracked a horribly corny joke. And to the deep conversations they would have while closing the coffee shop at night. And to the way Junior would cling to his arm whenever he asked for a favor.

He looked forward to any interaction with Junior. It was when only the _thought_ of seeing Junior at work sent his heart racing, Jaebum he knew he was fucked. Jaebum tried desperately to hide his growing feelings, but it was hard when Junior latched onto him like koala. He stuttered, and mumbled, and blushed whenever Junior was around. Jackson made sure to always tease him about.

There was one time when Junior had asked Jaebum to hold a wobbly cafe table still as he stood up on it to change the light bulb. Junior had finally finished screwing the bulb fixture back in place and asked Jaebum, "Does it look okay? I'm not sure I did it right."

Jaebum gulped, looking at Junior's butt which just happened to be right in his face, "It looks good."

Junior sighed in relief, "I can finally come down now."

Jackson had been casually observing from the side and prompted, "That's a shame, I think Jaebum-hyung was enjoying the view."

Jaebum choked on air. Shame colored his cheeks, because Jackson had been kind of right. He had been staring at Junior's butt from his convenient position. Meanwhile, Junior stumbled as he came down from the table, when he heard Jackson's comment. Jaebum easily caught him by the waist, causing both of them to blush even more at the proximity. Jackson just rolled his eyes and walked away.

 

 

 

 

While Jaebum was known to be possessive of Junior, Junior also had his moments.

A customer had been blatantly flirting with Jaebum as he took her order. As usual, Jaebum was oblivious. The girl went as far as writing her number on a napkin. She was about to hand it to Jaebum when Junior popped out of nowhere, seething, to snatch the napkin away.

Without missing a step Junior curled an arm around Jaebum waist, " _Babe,_ after you're done could you help me bring some boxes into the back?"

Jaebum looked like a dear caught in headlights at the sudden affection, "S-sure."

"Thank you, _babe_." Junior punctuated the whole scene by planting a loud kiss on Jaebum's flaming cheek. He waltzed away, but not before sending a glare to the girl who was standing by the counter with her mouth hanging open.

 

Jaebum made sure to bring it up later when everyone else had left and it was just the two of them closing up the coffee shop. Junior was putting up chairs when Jaebum came up behind him. He wrapped his arms around Junior's small frame and nuzzled his face into Junior's hair. Junior instantly leaned back into him and hummed in content.

"So, what was that today at the register?" Jaebum asked, amusement already creeping into his voice.

"What are you talking about?" Junior replied innocently and Jaebum snickered because he knew Junior wouldn't admit to anything that easily. Jaebum turned Junior around and effortlessly lifted him up onto the table. He tucked his face into the crook of Junior's neck and marveled at how soft he was and how good he smelled.

"You called me babe and kissed me on the cheek in front of a customer" He said against Junior's neck. His lips curled up into a smile when felt Junior shiver beneath his touch. 

"W-what I can't be affectionate to my boyfriend?" Junior said indignantly. _My_ _boyfriend,_ Jaebum liked the sound of those words on Junior's lips.

Jaebum lifted his head to see Junior pouting down at him with a determined frown, trying to look menacing. But frowning only made faint whiskers appear around his eyes and he resembled an angry kitten.

"You're cute when you're jealous." Jaebum felt giddy at the idea of Junior being possessive of him.

"I wasn't jealous." Junior squirmed in his embrace, but eventually deflated when Jaebum began to press kisses at the base of his neck. "And d-don't call me c-cute." Junior's voice wavered at the end and Jaebum knew it was because Junior was sensitive around his neck.

Jaebum bit down at the tender skin by his Adam's apple and Junior mewled, grabbing the front Jaebum's shirt in his hands, eyes squeezing shut and the wrinkles became even more prominent around them, just like a cat. Junior may protest this later, but with the way he looked like right now, Jaebum was convinced that Junior was the cutest thing he had ever laid eyes on.

Junior let go of Jaebum's shirt in favor of cradling his face so they could kiss. Jaebum slipped a tongue into Junior's mouth like it was second nature-as most things with Junior were. Junior tasted like cinnamon from the latte Jaebum had made specially for him an hour ago.

When Jaebum had given Junior the latte, he had coupled it with a cheesy pick up line-"I like you a latte." Bambam's ew could be heard from half way around the world. In Jaebum's defense, it was partly Jackson's idea. Junior had turned tomato red and managed to stammer out a thank you before pecking Jaebum on the lips and making Jaebum turn the same shade of red as him. Jaebum was incredibly embarrassed at his own cheesiness, but it was worth every second just to see Junior's face light up and know that he was the reason behind it.

They had been shy then, displaying public affection in front of Jackson and the maknaes, who would surely tease them later. But now that they were alone in the closed coffee shop, Junior and Jaebum were far from shy around each other. Their lips smacked loudly together as Jaebum increased their pace. Junior's hand tugged at the base of his hair, causing Jaebum to groan into their kisses. Jaebum's noises encouraged Junior to tug harder on Jaebum's hair and wrap his legs tightly around Jaebum's waist, bringing their bodies flush together.

Jaebum toyed with the top button on Junior's shirt and slyly popped it open as he distracted Junior by nibbling on his bottom lip. Junior's hips bucked up into his own and Jaebum's heart kicked up a gear, already hopeful as to where this would be going. He placed a steady hand on the small of Junior's back and began to grind his hips against Junior's. Junior's grip in his hair became so tight, Jaebum wondered briefly if he was going to get a bald spot. Any coherent thoughts were eventually scattered like mice when Junior moaned hotly into his mouth and Jaebum felt his jeans grow tighter. Jaebum boldly ran his hand along the waist band of Junior's pants, ready to slip his hand in.

"W-wait." Junior gasped and peeled Jaebum's offending hand away. "We can't do this in the middle of the coffee shop on a table where people eat." He wrinkled his nose, "That's just dirty."

Jaebum didn't care much for keeping the dignity or purity of the coffee shop, especially when he was half hard already and the sight of Junior's puffy spit-slick lips and flushed cheeks were sure to make him completely hard in a few more seconds. But Junior was already buttoning his shirt back up, effectively and unfortunately, hiding his bare skin. Jaebum grumbled at the loss.

Junior patted his cheek playfully."Come on, hyung. We still have a lot of work to do if we want to get home before midnight."

 _Home_. Junior called his apartment home. Jaebum loved the pure domestic feel of it-going home to make dinner together, washing dishes while playing the Arctic Monkeys in the background, and sharing shy kisses right before drifting off to sleep in his bed.

In the end, Jaebum was more of a distraction than help. He was constantly winding an arm around Junior's waist or trying to cope a feel of Junior's ass every time he bent over to wipe a table. After half an hour of Junior helplessly swatting away Jaebum's hungry hands, they finally finished closing the cafe and headed home.

Junior leaned heavily on Jaebum as they walked into the apartment. "I'm so tired."

Jaebum placed his hands on Junior's shoulders and began to gentle massage him, "How have you been sleeping lately? Anymore nightmares?"

Junior's memory loss had always been a concern for him. Jaebum had eventually dragged Junior to a local clinic to at least get a quick check up. According to the small clinic, Junior seemed to be perfectly healthy. But there were still nights where Junior woke up in a cold sweat. Jaebum always made sure to soothe Junior with a hot cup of tea and a warm embrace. It still broke his heart to see Junior suffer. He wanted to take away the pain. But he didn't know how. Especially when Junior had suddenly stopped talking about his dreams.

Jaebum couldn't deny the fact he was curious about Junior's past. Or the fact he would have the occasional thought of Junior having a significant other that he couldn't remember. It was just a nagging little thought in the back of his mind. But Jaebum tried his best to push it away. He told himself, he should just focus on making Junior happy in the present.

Still he wondered...

Junior sounded wary as he said, "I'm fine."

Jaebum lifted Junior's chin up with a single finger, "You know you can tell me anything. Especially about your dreams. Did you remember anything unpleasant?" _A boyfriend, I don't know about?_ The little voice nagged and Jaebum shushed it.

"No." Junior said a little too quickly.

"Okay, but-mph" Jaebum was cut off when Junior looped his arms around his neck to kiss him. Jaebum felt a little breathless after Junior pulled away. "I thought you were tired," Jaebum said. The rational part of his mind, told him to not drop the subject of Junior's dreams so easily, but then Junior was skimming his lips of Jaebum's jaw, ""I'm not _that_ tired." Jaebum's arms tightened around Junior's wait.

"Besides," Junior continued, now pulling down the zipper of Jaebum's bomber jacket, "I still need to shower." The jacket was slipped down Jaebum's shoulders. "And I don't want to go alone." Junior's fingers slipped under the hem of Jaebum's shirt. He blinked up at Jaebum, coyly biting his lip, "Will you join me?"

Suddenly all Jaebum could process was, _Junior's eyes, Junior's hands, Junior's lips, Junior, Junior, Junior._ Jaebum's coherent thoughts were effectively shut off, and he hastily pulled Junior towards the bathroom.

 

 

 

 

Junior had been acting strange lately.

Well, not just Junior. Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom were being a little odd too. He had caught them, on multiple occasions, whispering among themselves like they were gossiping or conspiring. Every time he asked what they were talking about he was given half-assed answers. He felt out of the loop and slightly irritated that his boyfriend had secrets with other guys he didn't know about.

Jaebum learned to ignore their suspicious behavior until his birthday arrived. Then he was really pissed off. No one had said happy birthday to him, not even Junior. To top it off, Jackson had sent him a few towns away for a large delivery. It was pain in the ass, unloading all the boxes to the top of an apartment complex, but he managed it in the end.

On his way back to the truck, he got a call from Junior.

Junior’s melodic voice rang through his phone speakers, “Hey hyung! How’s the delivery going?”

“Just finished. Should be back in an hour or so-“ Jaebum stopped talking abruptly as he collided violently with a stranger.

The stranger he collided with was knocked to the ground. He glared up at Jaebum.

“Shit,” Jaebum cursed, “One second, Junior.” He quickly pocketed his phone and extended a hand to help the stranger up.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t look where I was going.” Jaebum braced himself, he was certain the man would start yelling insults at him. Instead, the man gave him a funny look, “Did you just say Junior?”

Jaebum was a little thrown off, “Uh, yea...he’s my...boyfriend, who was on the phone, when I bumped into you.”

The stranger blinked at him, “Huh, that’s funny. I had a friend I called Junior.” He looked a little sad as he spoke.

“Honey, I think we should go. The man looks like he was in a hurry.” A women, that Jaebum noticed for the first time, was standing to the side. She looped her arm with the man and patted his hand.

“Right.” The stranger mumbled, “Sorry. To bother you.” He said to Jaebum.

“No, I’m sorry for running into you.” Jaebum apologized once again.

As they walked away, Jaebum could still hear snippets of their conversation.

“Mark…are you okay?” The women said.

“Yea, it's just, well, he reminded me of Jinyoung.” The man sounded miserable.

The women sound tired as she said, “You need to let him go.”

And that was all Jaebum heard before they walked out of earshot. The conversation was a little strange, and there was slight uneasiness left in his stomach. For a second, he briefly thought about investigating, but then decided it was probably nothing. He fished his phone out of his pocket and finally answered Junior, “Hey, you still there?”

“Yea. Everything okay?”

“Yup. Like I was saying, I’ll be back soon.” Jaebum paused before saying, “I miss you.”

Junior giggled from the other side, “I miss you too.” Jaebum could hear a faint, “ew” in the background. Probably from Bambam.

“Jaebummie, when you get to the café. You’re going to let Yugyeom drive you straight home, okay?”

“Huh? Why aren’t you going to be there when I get back?”

“You’ll see. Bye hyung!” Junior hung up abruptly.

 

When Jaebum finally made it back, Yugyeom greeted him with a suspicious grin. Just like Junior said he would, Yugyeom offered him a ride home. Jaebum didn't understand Yugyeom's insistence on coming up with him to his apartment, until he opened the door and was met with a face full of confetti and a earful of screaming. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" was screeched into his ear.

The lights of his apartment were flicked on and he gasped at the sight. Jackson and Bambam were holding a birthday cake as Junior lit the candles. The living room had been cleaned up a bit and there were balloons taped to every surface area. A sloppy birthday sign was hung haphazardly across the bookshelves. When Jaebum turned his head a bit more, he saw the kitchen. It was mess. Flour was sprinkled all over the counter and there were eggshells on the floor. Jaebum couldn't find it in himself to be mad. Instead he felt a pang of fondness for group.

Yugyeom came up behind him and slapped a birthday hat on his head, "Let's celebrate!"

After recovering from his shell shock Jaebum managed to blow out the candles. He didn't really know what he wanted to wish for considering he felt like he had everything he needed, so he settled on one thing: _I wish Junior stays by my side forever_.

"I bet he wished for something cheesy," Jackson commented afterwards. Jaebum tried to look nonchalant as he fought a rising blush - he mentally cursed Jackson for knowing him so well.

Jackson brought out champagne for a toast, but since Jaebum didn't own any fancy wine glasses they drank the champagne out of coffee mugs. Everyone had prepared a small sentimental speech for Jaebum. Jackson said something about Jaebum being the best friend he could have ever asked for. Yugyeom and Bambam thanked him for being such a "dad" and putting up with their antics. Junior told Jaebum that he was the best thing in his life.

By the end Jaebum was desperately trying to wipe his damp eyes on his sleeves. He eventually gave up and embarrassingly bursts into tears.

"He's actually crying. Oh my god, someone take pictures." Bambam crowed. Everyone piled on top of Jaebum for a group hug. They might've bruised one of his ribs in the process, but Jaebum didn't care. He was happy. 

 

After filling themselves on several slices of cake, beer, and meat, they put on some anime to watch. It may seem like an uneventful birthday, but this is just what Jaebum wanted. A simple, relaxing night with his friends and his boyfriend.

There wasn't much space in his living room but Yugyeom managed to squeeze into the lone arm chair and pulled Bambam into his lap. Bambam easily curled up against him, like a cat. Half way through the anime, they tried to share discreet kisses. So, Jaebum shouted from his seat, "No making out on my furniture!"

Junior, Jaebum and Jackson tried their best to fit into a loveseat meant for two people. In the end Junior ended up halfway on Jaebum's lap with his feet thrown over Jackson's legs. Nora also joined them by snuggling into Jackson's side.

Half way through the anime marathon Junior excused himself to go to the bathroom and get some rest because his head hurt. Jaebum was insistently worried and was about to chase after him but then Jackson clamped an arm around his shoulders, "Stop following him like a lost puppy."

Embarrassed, Jaebum sat back down and tried to focus on the movies. He couldn't really concentrate, especially when the rest of the group keep shooting him these creepy looks, like they were onto something that he wasn't. Jackson got a notification from his phone half an hour later and suddenly sprung to his feet. "Alright time to cut the party short. It's getting late...Today was fun, have a good night hyung." Jackson said everything quickly as he left. Yugyeom and Bambam were also leaping to their feet.

A little bit stupefied at the abrupt change of plans, all Jaebum could manage was, "Um-".

"Bye, hyung!" Bambam said as he ran out the door.

Yugyeom was the last to leave, "Make sure you check your room right after. Okay?" He winked before closing the door. Jaebum frowned in confusion. _What was going on?_

 Jaebum finally made his way back to his room. He expected Junior to be curled up cutely in the middle of the bed, hugging a pillow. That was the usual for most nights.

But when he swung the door open, he was met with sensual music playing softly in the background. The only light on was his bedside lamp. There was a lone chair in the middle of the room. He stepped carefully into the room, as if scared to disturb the serene atmosphere. His heart was already picking up in pace, and he didn't know exactly why.

Just as he wondered where Junior was, Junior stalked out from the shadows like cat. Jaebum inhaled sharply.

During his surprise party, Junior had been wearing plain boot cut jeans paired with fluffy sweater. He had looked so adorable and cuddly. The picture of pure innocence.

But now Junior was wearing the skintight leather pants he had bought with Bambam a while ago. The leather was stretched taunt over the sinuous curves of his thighs and hips. As Jaebum kept dragging his eyes up Junior’s body he took note of the shirt Junior wore. It had mesh sleeves and a criss-cross v neck that showed off slivers of Junior’s chest.

Junior sauntered over to Jaebum and ran his hands up Jaebum’s arms to rest on his shoulders.  At this distance, Junior peeked up at Jaebum from beneath his long eyelashes and Jaebum realized there was eyeliner smudged in the corner of Junior's eyes, accenting his doe eyes, making him look feline and dangerous.

_Fuck._

Jaebum tried to remember how to breathe, "J-Junior…"

"This is what your last birthday surprise is," Junior said, voice incredibly low.

"What is?" Jaebum felt like his knees were growing weak from having Junior standing so close, dressed like _this_. He wanted nothing more than to throw Junior against the bed and devour him whole, but something told him to wait and see how this would play out.

"This," Junior said again and Jaebum was pushed back until he fell clumsily into the chair.

Jaebum tried to say something, but then Junior surged forward to kiss him. The kiss was plain filthy, rough and needy, verging on sloppy. It made Jaebum's hands clench in his lap and blood roar in his ears. When Junior pulled back, Jaebum's eyes trailed after his slightly swollen lips hungrily.

The kiss was so different from all the sweet ones they had shared that day. Jaebum had gotten so use to Junior’s soft, kitten-like kisses that this kiss knocked his world off balance. He felt like he was about to cross into a new territory.

"What's-" Jaebum attempted to form words again, but Junior shook his head. "Be patient, hyung." Junior slipped the remote to the stereo out of his pocket and raised the volume. There was a prominent blush on his cheeks, indicating he was embarrassed. He gave Jaebum one last sheepish look before closing his eyes.

Junior tapped his foot to the beat and rolled his head back to reveal a tempting expanse of neck. Jaebum briefly thought about how much prettier it would look with marks made by his teeth. Jaebum’s attention snapped down to Junior’s hips, which were now swiveling in languid circles. Junior dragged a hand from the collar of his shirt, down his chest, to the top of his pants. His eyes fluttered open and settled on Jaebum with a piercing gaze.

Jaebum's stomach dropped as he finally realized what was happening. _Junior was dancing for him._

Junior kept moving his hips in a way that should have been illegal in all of South Korea. He opened his legs to drop down with the beat and rolled his body as he came back up. Junior’s body moved like he was spineless, like he was liquid fire igniting a desire so deep within Jaebum that he feared he wouldn’t be able to control himself for much longer.

Junior walked up to Jaebum and towered over him. Jaebum’s automatically reached out to touch Junior, but Junior swatted Jaebum's hands away. “Not yet.” He scolded and Jaebum felt helpless. So he opted for touching himself instead. He let one of his hands lazily palm his dick over his pants. Junior looked momentarily flustered at Jaebum’s shameless display and Jaebum grinned with satisfaction at finally having a little power back. Junior schooled his features back into indifference and turned around, so Jaebum could see exactly how tight Junior’s pants were around his pert ass. Jaebum palmed himself harder.

Junior reached his hands back to place them on Jaebum’s thighs and Jaebum sighed in relief when there was finally contact between them. Junior pushed Jaebum’s legs slightly open and settled on top of Jaebum's knees. Junior began to rock his hips back and forth. He eventually moved his hips in circles again, thrusting his ass back as he slid further up Jaebum’s lap.

Jaebum felt like pulling his hairs out, and the fact that Junior's ass only barely grazed his dick each time he moved his hips drove Jaebum crazy. His jeans were already uncomfortably tight around his growing erection. Jaebum couldn't help himself and brought his hands to rest across Junior’s ass. (God, does he love Junior’s ass. He loves it even more when it's grinding down on his thighs) Junior’s fingers dug into the sides of Jaebum's thighs as he dragged himself up and down Jaebum’s lap in a steady rhythm, following the music.

Junior got up and Jaebum tsked at the loss of heat. But then Junior was turning around and dragging a hand through Jaebum’s hair to tilt his head back, as he plopped himself, facing forward, right on top of Jaebum’s dick. Jaebum let out a loud groan, hands flying to Junior's thighs. Junior began to bounce in his lap and Jaebum savored the feeling of Junior's thighs flexing in his grip.

Junior was effectively holding in his noises by biting his bottom lip, but Jaebum had no shame and his head fell back on a moan, “Aaah, Junior.”

Junior took it as encouragement and ground his ass against Jaebum's erection, ruthlessly. Their chests bumped together as they panted heavily. Jaebum ran his hand underneath Junior's shirt to touch his feverish skin and feel the way his torso moved. Junior’s shirt ended up rucked up to his armpits because Jaebum kept dragging his hand up. Jaebum used all of his strength to push at Junior's back, trying to make the distance between them nonexistent. The feel and slide of Junior's body was so enticing. Their current contact didn't feel like enough, Jaebum needed more. He needed to feel more of Junior. His hips lifted off the chair to get more friction, but it was still not enough. Jaebum wanted to bury himself inside Junior, go beneath his skin and stay there forever.

The chair squeaked precariously when Jaebum began to thrust upward to meet the increasing pace of Junior's hips. Junior spread his legs wider to settle more fully onto Jaebum's clothed dick. "Fuck," Jaebum cursed. He pressed his face into the center of Junior's chest to muffle his moans, but the overpowering scent of Junior's musk and sweat made him moan even loader.

The heat was coiled so tightly in Jaebum's gut, that he thought one more roll of Junior's hips might just send him over the edge. But then the song came to an end and Junior stopped all movement in his lap. It was like a switch had been flipped. Junior exchanged his white-knuckled grip on the back of the chair, to a tender hold of Jaebum's nape. He shrunk in Jaebum's arm and nuzzled his face into Jaebum's neck, breathing still erratic.

"Did you like it?" Junior sounded shy and unsure. Jaebum was quick to reassure him by shifting his legs so Junior could feel exactly how hard he was, "You have no idea how much I liked it."

He lifted up Junior's chin and saw how hard he was blushing. Jaebum's heart ached so,  _so_ , much at how endearing this boy was. "You looked so," He kissed Junior. "God damn, sexy." Another kiss. "I could just eat you." Junior shivered at the implication of his words.

"Actually, I was thinking." Junior smoothed out the collar of Jaebum's shirt. He leaned in close to whisper in Jaebum's ear, breath tickling him, "I want to ride you tonight."

If Jaebum hadn't already been hard, he would have been now.

"Are you sure?" Jaebum was surprised he could even speak right now.

"Yes." Junior asserted. Jaebum could tell Junior's fingers were shaking a little as he unbuttoned Jaebum's shirt, so he rubbed soothing circles into the small of Junior's back. "We don't have to-"

"I want to." Junior confirmed and finally slid the shirt off Jaebum shoulders. Jaebum let Junior run his hands down his chest. His stomach fluttered with excitement when he saw Junior lick his lips. 

Jaebum curled his hands around Junior's thighs to lift him up. He set Junior on the bed as gently as possible, like he was taking care of the world finest china. Even if the animalistic side of him screamed for him to push Junior down on the bed and have his way.

His heartbeat stuttered in his chest when he saw Junior sprawled beneath him. Junior's pupils were dilated, swallowing all the brown warmth that Jaebum had grown use to seeing. There was glazed look to Junior's eyes as he looked up at Jaebum, mouth slightly agape in awe. His black hair was splayed across the pillow like a halo. Jaebum thought Junior does look just like angel. An other worldly being, too beautiful and pure, that Jaebum felt like he was tainting Junior as ran his hands under his mesh shirt.

But in a second, the innocent image was shattered. Junior whimpered at his touch, exhaling the name, "Jaebummie..." in a voice that sounded so filthy that Jaebum knew he would blush anytime that nickname was used in the future. Junior arched his back so Jaebum's hands slid further up his chest right up to his erect nipples, and Junior (the little devil knows exactly what he's doing, he's no angel) sighed with satisfaction when Jaebum flicked one. Junior's slender hips bucked up into the air desperately. 

"You like that?" Jaebum mused and Junior's only response was a guttural moan. Feeling brave, Jaebum shoved Junior's shirt up to his armpits and leaned down to drag his tongue over his nipples. Junior squirmed under him and the movement caused their crotches to brush against each other, making Jaebum moan this time.

Junior pushed himself upright to take off his shirt. The reveal of bare skin made Jaebum's mind delirious with desire, and he suddenly needed to see more of Junior. He decided to help speed up the process by unzipping Junior's leather pants and yanking them down, maybe a little too forcefully and quickly judging by Junior's surprised squawk. His throat went dry when he saw Junior wasn't wearing any underwear. _Christ._ This boy will be the death of him.

He growled impatiently when the pants got stuck around Junior's ankles, "Damn it, how do you breathe in these?" Junior let out a soft giggle that sounded so beautiful Jaebum wanted to keep it as his ringtone. He couldn't help himself and pressed a tender kiss to the inside of Junior's thigh, while staring at him fondly.

Once the offending pants were tossed to a dark corner of Jaebum's room, he finally admired the way Junior was laid out for him. Completely naked. Skin flushed a rosy pink. Body plaint and ready to please him. Miles of skin for him, and only him, to see. Junior looked ethereal like this and Jaebum thanked his lucky stars that Junior came into his mundane life. He felt a rush of possessiveness, wanting no other man to see just how beautiful Junior could be. He wanted to wrap Junior in his arms and lock him away in his apartment forever, shielded from the prying eyes of other people who might want to snatch him away.

Junior cleared his throat, "You're staring." He mumbled, embarrassed.

Jaebum skirted a hand down Junior's chest, admiring the way the soft lamp light accentuated all of Junior's angles and curves, "How can I not?"

Junior tugged Jaebum back down for a kiss, teeth clicking before they set a rhythm. Junior broke the kiss, but didn't pull away immediately, just pressed his nose into Jaebum's cheek. "You're so cheesy," he kissed Jaebum again, slowly, "And you're still wearing clothes."

Jaebum laughed at this because Junior actually sounded upset at his current lack of undress. He leaned back to slip his shirt over his head, just as the fabric goes past his eyes, Jaebum saw a flash of Junior gulping. He wiggled out of his jeans and began to slowly tug his boxers down, but then Junior's hands were back on him yanking his pants down the rest of the way.

"Someone's eager." Jaebum smirked as he reached for lube hidden in his bedside drawer.

Junior huffed, "It's your fault."

"How?" Jaebum said, climbing on top of Junior and straddling his hips.

Junior's eyes darkened as he trailed his gaze from Jaebum's toned chest down to his hard cock between the thick thighs that straddled him. 

"How?" Jaebum asked again. Junior said in a quiet voice, "Don't you know?" He ran his fingers from Jaebum's knees to his thighs, "You make me crazy." Jaebum gulped at the honesty and hastily clicked open the bottle of lube.

He began to pepper Junior's face with kisses in order to distract him from any possible pain as he traced a slicked finger around Junior's rim. "Hyung!" Junior hiccuped when Jaebum inserted the first finger. Junior's hands immediately went to his sides to clench at the sheets. He whimpered as Jaebum moved his single finger around. "You're so warm." Jaebum grunted. "And so tight." Jaebum hissed at the sight of Junior slowly becoming undone.

By the second finger, Junior's hands came up to grip at Jaebum's shoulders and he breathed heavily by Jaebum's ear. By the third finger, Junior was snapping his hips erratically down onto Jaebum's fingers. Jaebum had to close his eyes for a second-the sight too erotic for him to bear.

Jaebum twisted his fingers, grazing Junior's prostate, and Junior moaned out his name. The sound went straight to Jaebum's dick and he wanted, _needed_ , to hear it again. He pumped his fingers in and out, "Say it again."

Junior looked blearily eyed down at him, "W-what?" His voice sounded wrecked.

Jaebum slowed his fingers down to half speed, "My name."

A deep red bloomed on Junior's cheeks at the request and he just shook his head. But Jaebum was ruthless and completely stilled his fingers. Junior whined and tried to roll down on his fingers to create friction, so Jaebum used his other hand to grip Junior's hips in place. "Say it." Jaebum demanded.

He let one finger slowly scrape the insides of Junior's hole, as if he was trying to coax the noise out of him. And it worked, because a cry was ripped from Junior's chest, "J-Jaebum!"

Jaebum's heart tugged at the sound his name on Junior's lips. He wanted to be the only name Junior would ever moan.

"Again." Jaebum urged. Junior shook his head again, lips pressed tightly together. Jaebum tsked at this and lifted the hand on Junior's hips to Junior's mouth. He pushed his thumb against the seam of Junior's lips, causing them to fall open, "Be a good boy." Junior eventually threw his dignity out the window and with another twist of Jaebum's fingers he was chanting, "Jaebum, Jaebum, _Please."_

Junior reached down to tug at Jaebum's wrist, whined for him to get on with it, making Jaebum chuckle at Junior's pleas. Jaebum got off Junior and laid besides him. He propped his head up on an elbow and beckoned to Junior with a coy, almost smug, smile. Junior fumbled with the cap, and pouted when it wouldn't open. Jaebum felt an urge to kiss his pout away, but then Jaebum's brain short circuited when Junior drizzled lube into his palms and clambered into his lap, cock sliding against his tense thighs. Jaebum let out a grateful sigh as Junior ran his cool hands up and down his cock, coating it with lube. The touch was tender and feather light.

Junior looked at him with wide doe eyes, bottom lip pulled between his teeth. Jaebum wondered how Junior managed to look so innocent while doing such a dirty action. Jaebum felt like getting his camera and taking a picture of Junior like this to keep in his drawer as a prized possession.

"Hyung." Junior murmured, pulling Jaebum out of his filthy thoughts. "I'm going to make you feel good." And that's all the warning Jaebum got before Junior aligned himself above Jaebum's straining cock and sank himself down. Jaebum jerked up like he had been shot as soon as he felt the tight warmth envelope him, "Junior," he choked out. The edges of his vision were going blurry, but he breathed in deeply to steady himself. Jaebum gripped Junior's hips, trying to regain his sanity. 

He managed to ask Junior, "You good?" Junior only nodded weakly and Jaebum squeezed his hips in reassurance. Junior placed his hands on Jaebum's chest to keep himself steady. He rocked his hips once, twice, and the friction was so good that an embarrassingly loud moan was squeezed from Jaebum's chest. Junior grinned down at him and stilled for a second before deliberately clenching around Jaebum's cock. Jaebum shuddered all over, grips on his hips becoming incredibly tight, "You're going to kill me."

Junior laughed prettily, "I'm the one with a dick up my ass."

Junior's fingers dug into his chest as he lifted himself up and down on Jaebum's lap. Jaebum hissed when he felt his cock hit the back of Junior's hole each. Junior's eyes were squeezed tight, covered slightly by his sweaty hair. He let out small whimpers each time he slammed his hips back down on Jaebum's cock. Jaebum watched in an arousal drugged haze.The sight of Junior riding his dick, might be the most beautiful thing Jaebum had ever seen. Junior glowed even in the dim light. His cock dripped precome onto Jaebum's stomach. Jaebum swallowed around the lump in his throat-the picture that Junior painted as he rode him was something that deserved to be capture, blown up, and hung in Jaebum's photography room. 

Junior's knuckles were white as he grasped the sheets by Jaebum's shoulders, so Jaebum pried them from their hold and intertwined their fingers. He brought one of Junior's hands to his lips and grazed his lips over Junior's knuckles. "You're doing great, baby."

"H-hyung," Junior moaned and squeezed Jaebum's hands.

Jaebum could tell that Junior was getting tired from having to keep lifting his hips and his pace slowed down. But Jaebum's aching cock still needed desperate friction, something to take off the ease. Jaebum decided to take control. He looped his arms under Junior's arms and flipped them over so he was looming over Junior. Junior gasped at the sudden change in potion and then cried out when Jaebum slammed his cock back into him.

Jaebum self control ebbed away, and his thrusts became frantic-almost brutal-as they chased his impending orgasm. The force of Jaebum's thrusts pushed Junior all the way up onto the bed and his head flopped back against the headboard with a thump. Junior clung to Jaebum's biceps as if it was his lifeline, "Yes. _Yes._ " Junior mewled, "Right there. _Ah_."

Their gazes locked in the middle, and the emotion in Junior's eyes stole his breath away. There was open adoration and trust in them.  

Three words rolled around Jaebum's tongue as he continued to fuck in to Junior, hard.

Junior's head bounced against the head board again, but he didn't seem to mind. He lifted his hands to push Jaebum's damp bangs out the way and held Jaebum's head between his clammy hands. "Jaebummie," Junior whispered hoarsely against his lips, "You feel so good inside of me."  

The words had first settled into Jaebum's chest the first day he saw Junior and had grown in strength with each smile and giggle Junior sent his way. He hadn't necessarily been unhappy before Junior, but with Junior unraveling in his arms, Jaebum discovered a new level of happiness he wasn't aware he could feel. Jaebum couldn't take it anymore, he finally blurted out, "I love you."

Junior's eyes widened and his body went rigid. Jaebum had a momentary moment of panic but then realized Junior was just mid orgasm, so he increased the pace of his hips. Junior's back arched off the bed, it looked almost painful. His skin slid deliciously against Jaebum's chest as he released between them, Jaebum's name spilling from his lips.

It wasn't long before Jaebum's own vision became blurry as the orgasm tore through him. He bit Junior's shoulder to muffle his obscene moan. Once he regained his senses, Junior pushed himself up to meet his lips, "I love you, too." Junior sounded breathless, "I love you. I love you." Junior's eyes gleamed with unadulterated joy. They stared at each other with smiles that could've lit up all of Seoul's streets on the darkest nights. 

Eventually they had stop smiling at each other like love-struck idiots when the mess between their legs became uncomfortable. Jaebum pulled out to grab his discarded t-shirt, and Junior made a small noise of discomfort, still sensitive. Jaebum immediately fussed over him, brows creasing in deep concern. He couldn't bear the thought of causing Junior any harm. Junior swatted him away with a gentle smile, "M'fine. Go get cleaned up." Jaebum obediently went to get a damp towel to clean himself and Junior. "We should shower," Jaebum suggested. But Junior just whined and pulled him back down onto the bed, "Stay." He locked his limbs around Jaebum, snuggled right into his chest.

"Clingy." Jaebum said, amused. Junior nipped at his neck in retaliation. "Is that an invitation for round two?" Jaebum teased. Junior gasped, scandalized, and tried to free himself from Jaebum's grasp. But Jaebum held on with a iron grip. He doesn't plan on letting go of Junior anytime soon. Junior eventually settled back down with a content sigh.

Jaebum's gaze wandered over to his phone resting on his bedside and was surprised to see it was lit up numerous texts.

"What the-" He reached over Junior to pick it up.

One text from Jackson, 'So how was it?' Then, 'Damn how long are you gonna take. I want details.'

One from Yugyeom, 'Make sure Junior can walk tomorrow, he has to help me with deliveries.'

One from Bambam, 'Did you guys get kinky?'

Another from Jackson, 'OMG are you still not done? I guess I underestimated your stamina, old man. XD'

When Jaebum turned back to Junior, Junior wore a sheepish smile. "So the kids and Jackson might have helped me plan this out for your birthday," Junior jutted out his bottom lip and widened his eyes, even batted his eye lashes up at Jaebum for good measure, "Don't be mad."

While Jaebum might have been annoyed at the kids teasing, Junior immediately made it dissipate with just the bat of an eyelash-literally. God, he's become such a softie.

"Hyung," Junior practically purred as he slid a warm, teasing leg between Jaebum's thighs. Jaebum immediately forgot about the kids, and instead cooed at Junior curled up in his arms.

"Baby," Jaebum's murmured right by Junior's ear, "Are you tired yet?" Jaebum trailed a hand down Junior's chest to his navel and his eyes fluttered close on a whimper.

 

 

 

 

Junior was the first thing Jaebum saw when he woke up. He was pressed into Jaebum side with his thumb near his mouth-looking as innocent as a baby. The sunlight coming through the window cast a soft glow on Junior, making him look even more youthful. But then Junior shifted and the blanket slipped past his shoulders, revealing the bruises scattered across his nipples and belly button. It reminded Jaebum of how un-innocent Junior could be. 

Jaebum decided to get his lazy ass out of bed and go make breakfast. He felt like he was walking on sunshine and clouds after last night. He even went full out for breakfast by making American style pancakes-Junior's favorite after Jackson treated them to a special breakfast at his house. As usual he was feeling like being cheesy so he does his best to make the pancakes heart shaped. He smiled at the thought of Junior's reaction, probably pink cheeks and a stammered thank you.

He was flipping pancakes when his cellphone rang. A familiar voice greeted him from the other line in accented English, "HEY MAN!"

Jaebum grinned and responded back in Korean, "I see a year studying in America changed you."

"YEA MAN! I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH NOW! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Youngjae boomed in a loud voice.

Jaebum pulled away the phone with a wince, eardrums ringing, "My birthday was yesterday, Youngjae."

Youngjae reverted back to Korean, "Ah sorry hyung, I tried to call you yesterday but I was on a plane. Better late than never right?"

Jaebum chuckled, "I guess you're right. How have you been? I missed you."

"I've been great! I learned so much, I've got so much to tell you. Oh, and I'm coming by the coffee shop tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? That's great! I bet you've missed Korea."

"Yea I have, but there was shit storm waiting for me at home."

Jaebum frowned, "What happened?"

"You know that wedding I bartended right before I left for America? Well when I got home, my home phone was flooded with old voice mails and missed calls from the groom and some other lady."

"Oh no...were they complaints?"

"I don't know. I only opened up the first voicemail so far and it was just this guy, which I think was the groom. He sounded frantic and asked me to call back. He also mentioned something about police and me being a key witness? It made me a bit scared to be honest. I don't know what happened. I'll try to call them back later today to figure out what's going on."

"If you have any trouble, you know that me and the rest of the kids are willing to help anyway we can."

"Thanks hyung," Youngjae sighed. "But enough with depressing stuff. Tell me, whats been up with you."

Junior's face immediately flashed in Jaebum's mind. "I have a boyfriend."

"A boyfriend" Youngjae gasped. "No way. Whats his name."

"Junior." Jaebum bit back another smile. He felt like a schoolgirl telling her friend about a crush.

Youngjae snorted, "What type of name is that? Is he a k-pop idol or something?"

Jaebum laughed, "No, but it is a long story. I'll tell you when you come to the cafe."

"Okay, hyung. I can't wait to meet him! Well, my cab is here so I have to go. BYE-BYE!" Youngjae finished in English.

"Bye, Youngjae." Jaebum shook his head in amusement. 

Seconds after Jaebum hung up, Junior walked into the kitchen. He was clad in only boxers and Jaebum's sweatshirt-a fact that pleased his slightly possessive side. Junior rubbed his sleepy eyes with sweater paws and offered him a shy smile. Jaebum's heart melted at the sight, "Come here." The need to have Junior back in his arms was immediate.

Junior wobbled over to him and tucked himself under Jaebum's chin-his favorite place to be. He peeked over Jaebum's shoulder and let out a small gasp. "You made breakfast."

"Well your cooking skills aren't that great, so it was up to me." Jaebum said and Junior stepped on his toe. "Don't be mean."

"I still love you, bad cooking skills and all." Jaebum cupped Junior's disgruntled face in between his hands and placed a gentle kiss on his nose. Junior bit his lip as soon as he heard Jaebum mention love and him in the same sentence.

"I love you." Junior whispered, as if it's tender secret between them that no one else can now, "More than anything." Jaebum's eyes disappeared into crescents.

Later when they were seated and eating breakfast, ankles locked together under the kitchen bar, Jaebum noticed that Junior kept sneaking glances at him. "Do I have something on my face?"

Junior shook his head and looked slightly embarrassed as he said, "I'm just happy you're mine."

Jaebum almost coughed on his pancakes, but composed himself and tried to be smooth. He picked up Junior's hand resting on the table and pressed it to his chest, as if Junior could feel his heartbeat, "And I'm happy to be yours." As Junior broke into his trademark beautiful smile, cat whiskers appearing around his eyes, Jaebum thought that his world was complete. Things were turning out to be alright and he prayed nothing would change.

 

 

 

 

Jaebum's prayers go unanswered because two days later, everything did change. The morning had started off as usual with Jackson and Junior being more awake than normal people should be. Jaebum was off grumbling about an unclean spot on the counter. Bambam was back hugging Yugyeom as he washed the dishes.

Suddenly Jackson screamed, "SUNSHINE IS HERE!" from the front of the store. The maknaes immediately dropped their tasks and took off sprinting towards the door.

Junior was currently in the bathroom, so Jaebum walked to the front without him. As expected he was met with, well, an actual sunshine. Youngjae was standing there, floppy hat sitting on his head, and a smile that rivaled the brightness of the sun. The maknaes flanked him on both sides as they pestered him with questions about his almost year long trip. Jackson clung to his back like a koala, refusing to be left out on the fun.

As Jaebum approached him, Youngjae cried out, "Hyung! It's so good to see you!" Jaebum pulled him from the group's clutches into his own bone crushing hug and laughed when Youngjae yelped.

"I brought you all souvenirs from America. I'll get them out in a sec." Youngjae mumbled around a mouthful of Jaebum's jacket pressed in his face from the hug. "But first, hyung you still have to introduce me to your hot new boyfriend." Youngjae winked.

Jackson threw an arm back around Youngjae's shoulders, "You missed so much while you were gone."

"I'll got get him." Jaebum rushed to back, excitement coursing through his veins at being able to show off Junior. When he finally found Junior, he dragged him to the front, quickly explaining, "I want you to meet someone."

"Oh? Okay." Junior said, slightly dazed.

As they walked back to where Youngjae was, they saw Youngjae was distracted by pinching Jackson's very red cheeks. Jaebum almost felt bad at interrupting their tender moment but burst in anyway, "Youngjae! I want you to meet Junior-my boyfriend. Junior this Youngjae, he is a very good friend of ours. He's like the group's baby."

Youngjae looked up with a smile, but then his face froze. His hands flew to his mouth, eyes widened in shock-like he had seen a ghost. "Oh. My. God. Park Jinyoung!?!"

Jaebum's smile faltered, "You know him?"

Youngjae ignored his question, still focusing on Junior. "Park Jinyoung!" He rushed forward and gripped Junior's shoulders. "What are you doing here?" He began to shake Junior shoulders almost desperately. "They think you're dead! Mark and your mom, they are devastated!"

Jaebum looked frantically between them, his brain was spinning as he tried to comprehend what was going on. Junior looked pale, "What-"

Youngjae barreled forward, almost hysterical. "Jinyoung, Jinyoung. What are you doing? I know you were heartbroken but you shouldn't have run off like that. You have to talk to them. For God's sake. And Mark, oh Mark, he's a mess."

Junior only seemed to be getting paler and paler. Jaebum interfered, prying Youngjae off Junior. Junior had begun to shake uncontrollably, looking absolutely terrified.

Jaebum was about to say something, when Junior crumpled to the floor and Jaebum rushed forward to catch him. His stomach dropped with Jinyoung's form, his world felt like it was tilting one side. Jackson was immediately there to help him and haul Junior to the couch, to see if they could revive him. The maknaes fluttered behind them nervously.

Jaebum looked down at Junior, the boy he thought he had gotten to know so well in the past year, now suddenly became a stranger. There was intense panic bubbling in Jaebum's stomach and he turned to Youngjae, "What's going on?"

Jaebum didn't like the look of sympathy in Youngjae's eyes as he said, "Jinyoung is your boyfriend?"

Jaebum swallowed the bile building in his throat,  _Jinyoung? Is that his name?_ "You mean Junior?" Jaebum said, trying to hold onto his sanity, onto what he knew. "Yes, he is. You know who he is? Tell me, or so help me God."

Youngjae looked nervous, "It's a long story. But I need to make some phone calls first." He was already pulling out his phone and dialing numbers. He sent Jaebum one last sympathetic glance before he turned away to talk on the phone.

"Hello, Mark? You might need to sit down for this. I have some news." Youngjae rambled into his phone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to go down. Can you tell? I just keep putting off the eventual storm. But I promise all hell breaks loose in the next chapter (and chapters after that? idk all I'm saying is prepare for some angst). Also sorry if the writing is kinda sloppy, I wrote most of this on my phone during breaks at work :P


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't updated in months. *hides in the corner in shame* I know I said the update would happen sooner, but I just got so caught up in my college applications and midterms. Luckily I've FINALLY finished with that so I should have more time to write. 
> 
> On another note, Mark is finally back! It only took like 8 chapters lol. He definitely shakes things up a bit. I hope you guys like this update ^.^ alot of things happen.

**Jinyoung's POV**

 

_He doesn't recognize Youngjae at first, but when Youngjae starts shouting names something inside Jinyoung stirs. The rusted gears of his brain start churning, creaking and groaning with effort as he recalls the old memories that Youngjae is attached to. The dust gathered in the cervices of his mind is lifting, the curtain that blocked everything is rising.  
_

_He can't breathe. It's all too much. His brain is working too hard to unscramble all the puzzle pieces. Everything else becomes white noise and all he can focus on is Youngjae. A snippet of a memory flashes before his eyes - it's of Youngjae handing him shot glass after shot glass. Another flash and Jinyoung remembers climbing onto a bus. One more flash and Jinyoung remembers leaning against a wall with tears streaming down his face. Each flash brings more dizziness. Before long, his legs give up on keeping him upright and he is falling to floor, falling down the dark hole of old memories.  
_

 

 

 

When Jinyoung opens his eyes, his vision is still swimming. He attempts to sit up, but the room tilts to the side and he decides it's in his best interest to settle back against the couch. _Breath in. Breath out. Focus on breathing._ He won't even try to approach the state of his mind until he can sit up without feeling like the world is moving beneath his feet.

Jinyoung eventually forces himself to sit up properly, and it sends a sharp pain through his skull. He clutches his head between his hands, desperately trying to rub the pain away. More snippets of memories flicker into his mind. He remembers his mom making him hot chocolate whenever he had a bad day at school or after a row with his step-father He remembers his cousins taking him to his first college party and getting him drunk. He remembers his best friend, _Mark_ , helping him move into his very first apartment.

 _Mark._ The boy with pink hair in his dreams. He finally had a name. Jinyoung feels a sudden longing to see him again.

Voices just outside the door shake Jinyoung from his reverie. Cautiously, he goes up to the door and listens.

It's Jaebum. There's urgency in his voice, "I want to take him to the hospital." Jinyoung can almost imagine Jaebum pacing back and forth just outside the door.

"I think we should wait for a little longer. I called for his mom to come." It's Youngjae this time.

"Right. Who was that other guy you were talking to on the phone with?" Jaebum asks. 

There's a pause before Youngjae speaks, "Oh, it was his best friend." There's another pause, "Listen, Jaebum-hyung. I want to warn you before they come. Mark and Jinyoung...well, they're pretty close. So don't get thrown off by it okay? It's just how they are." At the mention of his and Mark's relationship, Jinyoung suddenly realizes the reason behind his drinking that night at the wedding. _Fuck, please don't say anything else._

"Okay...how do you know all of this anyways?" Jaebum asks.

"After I called you yesterday, I called back the numbers on my voicemail. It was Jinyoung's mom and Mark. They filled me in on what happened while I was gone."

"What did happen?"

 _Oh no._ Jinyoung thought, Jaebum can't know. Not yet. He's not ready. _I'm not ready._ There were still things he had to explain. Things he had to figure on his own before anyone else knew.

"Well I was serving Jinyoung drinks at Mark's wedding. He drank too much because...he was heartbroken." Youngjae says hesitantly.

"Heartbroken?" Jaebum voice raises just a fraction. Jinyoung panics and in a split second decision, he's flinging the door open. It slams against the wall, the sound resonating down the hall and startling Jaebum and Youngjae. Jinyoung wobbles a little from the force and Jaebum immediately rushes forward to steady him.

"How are you feeling?" Jaebum looks down at Jinyoung with the same tenderness he's always had, it's almost as if nothing has changed. It makes Jinyoung queasy with guilt.

It's a good question though. Physically, Jinyoung felt a little weak, but he'd live. Emotionally, Jinyoung felt unstable. There were so many things running through his head, so many things he had to sort out. He didn't have much time. Jinyoung settles with saying, "Not bad. Head hurts a little."

Next to them, Youngjae clears his throat. Jinyoung turns to Youngjae and the dull pain between his eyes grows.

He gets another flashback to the wedding. This time he remembers how seeing Mark kiss wife made him cry. Jinyoung feels sickly, the memories aren't good ones. Youngjae blurts out, "I'm so sorry, I just found out about your situation. I didn't mean to startle you so badly."

"It's fine." Jinyoung reassures him. _But was it really fine?_ Jinyoung's past had finally caught up with him and now he had confront it and face the consequences.

"Do you know who I am?" Youngjae wrings his hands nervously.

Jinyoung hesitates before saying, "Vaguely." He doesn't know how much information he can reveal without complicating the situation further.

Youngjae glances nervously over Jinyoung's shoulder, presumably at Jaebum, "I'm Choi Youngjae. I was the bartender at the wedding that night. Your best friend's wedding. Do you remember that?"

Jinyoung curses his terrible luck. On one hand, he is thankful he finally had a connection to his past. But it came with a price-he risks Jaebum being hurt if he found about Mark. Things in their relationship are going so well, and Jinyoung is scared of upsetting their balance.

"Some of it. I remember drinking. And-" _No, not yet._ "Well it doesn't matter now does it. Does my mom know I'm here?"

Youngjae brightens up significantly at the mention of his mom, "Yes! I called her and she's coming over immediately. She almost didn't believe me. You have no idea how much they have missed you," Youngjae clears his throat, "She's isn't coming alone though. Mark is also coming. I hope you don't mind."

Jinyoung stays silent for second and Youngjae prods, "Mark Tuan? Do you remember him?"

Jinyoung's eyes flicker to Jaebum, who still looks concerned but now there's an edge of curiosity at the mention of Mark's name. He vaguely remembers telling Jaebum he didn't remember anyone besides his mother and step father. His palms start to sweat, "Well I-"

Jackson suddenly comes from around the corner, balancing a cup of tea precariously in his hands. "Junior!" Jackson drawls, pushing in between Jaebum and Youngjae, "How are you feeling? I made you my special organic tea." Jinyoung sighs internally in relief, grateful for Jackson's perfect timing. He smiles warmly at Jackson as he takes the cup into his hands, "Thank you."

Jackson beams, "It suppose to cure everything." _Can it cure my mixed emotions?_ Jinyoung wonders.

Not a second later Bambam appears with Yugyeom in tow and a prescription bottle. "Hyung!" Yugeom squawks, "We ran to the corner store to get you some pain meds."

Jinyoung's heart warms from all their care, but there's also an inkling of fear at having to leave it all behind now that his past has returned.

Jaebum is wrapping his arms around his waist and rubbing circles into his arms, "Jinyoungie, do you want to sit down? You must still be weak."

Jinyoung nods and he's guided back to the coffee room, everyone following silently. Jaebum doesn't let go of him once. Everyone stands around him with bated breaths. He can tell Jackson and the maknaes are dying with questions but are respectfully staying silent. He appreciates it because he doesn't know if he has any answers for them.

 

 

Yugyeom is the first to break the silence, "Hyung? Can you remember now?"

Jinyoung turns to him with a tense smile, "Yes, it's coming back little by little."

"So, what's your real name?" Bambam blurts out.

"Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung." He answers.

"Do you remember your parents? Siblings? Where you use to live?" Yugyeom prods. "Wait..does this mean you're leaving us now?" Yugyeom eyes widen and his lip trembles a little. Jinyoung opens his mouth to speak but no words come out, it's as if there's a rock lodged in his throat. He doesn't know what to say. Everything happened so fast. Jinyoung feels like his world has been turned upside down. How exactly do you deal with a situation like this?

"Stop that." Jaebum cuts through. He reaches over to squeeze Jinyoung's thigh gently, "Don't strain yourself trying to remember everything at once. It will come with time. No matter what happens, we will all be there for you. Right guys?" Jinyoung looks at Jaebum adoringly. Jaebum's love is unconditional, and Jinyoung wishes his own life wasn't so messy. Jaebum was so wonderful, he deserved more than the mess he was.

"Right," everyone says in unison.

"You're amazing." Jinyoung murmurs on a whim. Jaebum looks slightly taken aback at his blatant confession, but then recovers with a gentle kiss to Jinyoung knuckles, "Only for you."

Bambam gags in the background, and Jinyoung throws a pillow at his head. "You and Yugyeom are just as bad." Jinyoung motions at the fact that Bambam is seated comfortable on Yugyeom's lap, and Yugyeom has his head propped up on Bambam's shoulder.

Somethings will never change.

A phone buzzes and Youngjae picks it up. He speaks quickly and quietly before hanging up. He grins at Jinyoung, "Your mom is here."

Something unfurls in Jinyoung's heart. He will finally see the woman in his dreams-the woman who patched up his wounds and held him in her lap as he cried himself to sleep. The woman who gave birth to him and knew every little thing about it him. Someone to rely on.

"Take me to her." Jinyoung breathes, already giddy with excitement.

 

 

 

When Jinyoung walks into the front of the store, he sees her silhouetted by the sunlight in the front door. Her age is evident by the gray creeping into the roots of her hair and the wrinkles forming around her eyes and mouth. Her hands shake where they clutch a crumpled tissue. When Jinyoung lifts his gaze to meet her eyes, they are shining with unshed tears. Her eyes crinkle up into a smile and Jinyoung inhales sharply-they crinkle at the sides. Just like him.

"Mom." He chokes out and rushes forward.

The woman lets out a sob as she meets Jinyoung half way. They clutch each other as if they were clinging to a life boat in a torrential ocean. His mom smells familiar, like cinnamon and old spice. Her touch is familiar too. Soft and comforting. He melts right into it. There is a sudden weight lifted off his shoulders, like he's a little kid again. 

"My sweet, sweet boy." She chants as the tears fall, soaking Jinyoung's shoulders. Jinyoung just holds her tighter. "Mom." He buries his face into the scarf around her neck.

"I thought I would never hear that word again." His mom lifts her hands to cradle his face and murmurs, "You've changed so much in a year." Her lips tremble in their smile, "I-I thought you were dead. I thought I lost you forever." She breaks into hysterical sobs again and Jinyoung's heart breaks.

He feels sudden guilt for not trying to find her sooner, "I'm here. I won't leave again. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head, "Don't apologize. I'm just glad you're okay. That you're _alive_." She runs her hands over his shoulders. "You're alive." She sounds like she doesn't believe it, like Jinyoung might just be a figment of her imagination.

"Alive and healthy." Jinyoung reassures her.

"How have you been? Where did you stay all these months? How did you eat? God, you probably didn't have money." His mother frets over him.

"Mom, it's okay. I'm okay. I had a wonderful group of people to take care of me. There's no need to worry."

"I'll always worry. It's my job." She squeezed his hands. "Jinyoung," His mom says, slight wariness creeping into her tone. "I didn't come alone here. There's someone else waiting for you." She turns back to the door and calls out, "Mark, you can come in."

The name alone feels like a punch to the gut.

Jinyoung was too distracted by seeing his mom again that he completely missed the figure lingering at the threshold, respectfully waiting for them to finish their mother-son moment. The man's shoulder's are slouched underneath a hoodie. His hair is dark brown, tousled as if he had been running his hands through it. There are large dark circles rimming his red eyes. Jinyoung almost doesn't recognize him.

But then the man breaks out into a toothy grin and Jinyoung sees the same boy from his dreams-except the boy is a full grown man now. He realizes that even in this state, Jinyoung finds Mark kind of beautiful.

Now that he was given the clear, Mark barrels towards Jinyoung, literally sweeping him off his feet and spinning him around in the air. Jinyoung feels a little breathless even after Mark sets him down.

Once Jinyoung has been returned safely to the ground, Mark is crowing, "Jinyoungie. My Jinyoungie."

"M-M-Mark." Jinyoung manages to stutter out. Mark is so close, so real. It's overwhelming after only seeing figments of him in dreams. He tries to take it all in at once. His bright, brown eyes, and sloppy hair. The strong smell of his cologne. Even Mark's arms feel familiar wrapped around him, as if this was a common position for them.

"Jinyoung," Mark says, voice barely a whisper as he places his hands on both sides of Jinyoung's face.

"Mark," Jinyoung mimics him and they break into relieved, happy giggles.

"I've missed you so much. God, you have no idea. I thought you were dead," His arms tighten around Jinyoung, "It was my fault. I felt so guilty. You went missing on my wedding night. I should have been more responsible. I'm sorry I-" Mark rambles.

"Stop. None of it was your fault. It was my irresponsibility." _My choice to fall in love with you._

 _"_ I will never forgive myself." Mark shakes his head. "We called the police but didn't hear anything back. We thought you had been mugged and killed and thrown on the side of the road. I was so scared that you might be dead." Tears well up in Mark's eyes and Jinyoung finds himself reaching up to wipe them  away. "I thought I had lost my best friend forever."

Jinyoung's heart aches at Mark's words. He finds himself blinking back his own tears - the strong emphatic bond between them still existing even after spending so much time apart.

"You haven't. I'm here."

Mark grins through his own tears, "I never thought I'd be happy to see your ugly crying face again."

Jinyoung hits him as he laughs, "Still insufferable as ever."

There's a sudden feeling of _want_ , a need to have Mark back in his life. It hits him like a freight train, how much he has missed their easy banter and Mark's smile. Jinyoung's lips tremble with the promise of more tears, and he furiously tries to wipes his eyes with the back of his sleeve.

Mark gently takes Jinyoung's twitching hand, "Stop that. Remember how sensitive your eyes get when you rub them." Jinyoung scoffs, but he is cut short when Mark suddenly leans in. Jinyoung lets out a  small gasp at the close proximity. Mark simply kisses the tears slipping down Jinyoung's cheeks. He hadn't expected the sudden action, but then remembers how affectionate Mark could be. It had been a common reason for why people constantly misinterpreted their relationship. But this time it feels too intimate, too out of place, especially in front of Jinyoung's new friends.

Mark seems undisturbed by his sudden display of affection, "We've got to stop crying so much. This is suppose to be a happy moment!"

Jinyoung laughs shakily, still uneasy from having Mark so close to his face. Mark then buries his face in Jinyoung's necks as he says."Now that I've found you, I won't let you go. Never ever."

Someone blows their nose loudly behind them. Jinyoung turns around still shaking and sees Jackson wiping up his eyes with a tissue. "Sorry." he warbles. "This was just so emotional to see."

Jinyoung lets out a genuine laugh this time.

"God, I've missed that sound." Mark says and Jinyoung blushes at his bluntness.

Youngjae is smiling next to Jackson. Meanwhile, Yugyeom and Bambam are clutching each other, also looking slightly teary eyed at the scene.

But then Jinyoung's gaze falls to Jaebum. His stomach twists nervously, when he can't read the expression on Jaebum's face. Jaebum's arms are crossed tightly around himself and his mouth is set in a thin line. He has a poker face on but Jinyoung can see the tension in his shoulders. Abruptly Jinyoung realizes the fact that Mark is still wrapped around him and he scrambles to detach himself.

Jinyoung clears his throat awkwardly, and rushes to break the silence, "Mom, Mark! I want you guys to meet the amazing people who helped me when I lost my memory." He gestures towards Jackson, who waves back pitifully, "That one crying is Jackson. And the other two hugging each other are Bambam and Yugyeom, Who are grossly in love with each other. You guys know Youngjae."

Jinyoung finally gets to Jaebum and strolls over to hold his hand. He is surprised when Jaebum grips on tightly as if Jinyoung might run away or something. "And-um-this is Jaebum. My boyfriend."

His mom gasps, "Your boyfriend??"

"Yes." Jinyoung gives a shy smile. "The best I could ask for."

Mark looks his eyes might pop out of his head, " _He's_...your...boyfriend?"

This time Jaebum speaks up and wraps a possessive arm around Jinyoung's shoulders, "Yes." He responds in a clipped tone. "We've been dating for a while now." He  collects himself and bows politely, "It's nice to meet you both."

Mark blinks disbelievingly between the two of them. There is an air of awkwardness, and Jackson attempts to lighten the mood. He clasps his hands together almost too enthusiastically, "Ms. Park and Mark, please sit down! We will treat you to some coffee and dessert."

"That sounds lovely." Ms. Park smiles, "I want to get to know the people who have taken such good care of my son."

Jackson and Bambam join some tables so they can all sit together. Jinyoung sits next to his mom and Jaebum goes to sit next to him, but Mark beats Jaebum to it. Jinyoung shoots Jaebum an apologetic glance, but Jaebum barely acknowledges it and goes to sit stiffly across from them. Jinyoung's stomach churns with more anxiety.

The maknaes bustle around for a minute, bringing everyone coffee and a slice of cheesecake. When everyone's finally settled, Ms. Park speaks, "Jinyoung." She clasps her son's hands, "Please tell me, what on Earth happened?"

Jinyoung gulps and his eyes flickers briefly over to Youngjae, who's sitting next to Jackson. Their eyes meet in a silent message. Although he is the least closest with Youngjae compared to the others, Youngjae is the only one who knows the full truth. He clears his throat, "I was stupid. I got too drunk and tried to take the bus home. I guess I got lost, things are still a little blurry there. But I woke up on the sidewalk next to this coffee shop. I couldn't remember anything, nothing about how I got there or who I was. They were all nice enough to take me in."

Mark shakes his head in disbelief, "I can't even imagine how scary it must have been. You couldn't remember anything?"

"Well sometimes I had dreams about my past. But it was all pretty hazy." Jinyoung says.

"Did you remember me?" His mother's brow creases with worry.

Jinyoung nods, "Yea, sometimes." His face is grim, "I would have flashbacks to our old house with my stepfather." His mom makes a sympathetic noise and squeezes his hand and Mark pets his knee under the table. 

"What about me?" Mark looks at him with wide, curious eyes and Jinyoung can't bear to lie to him. "I-um-"

Mark's expression is almost crestfallen, "You forgot about me?"

Jinyoung blurts out before he can think, "I remembered." He doesn't want to cause Mark any more pain.

Mark's eyes light up, "What did you remember?"

"The playground. And um-" Jinyoung almost mentions the engagement but decides that topic might be too risky, so he settles on the next thing that pops into his mind, "Your pink hair."

Mark's head tilts back with laughter, "Of course. Out of all the things you remember about me, it was my pink hair." He teases, "Makes sense though, you were obsessed with it."

Ms. Park pipes in, "Oh I remember that. You wouldn't stop talking about who good Mark looked with pink hair for days. I think you even ask me if you could dye your hair pink."

"Mom..." Jinyoung whines, he couldn't believe that they were already trying to embarrass him in front of his friends.

As if reading his mind Yugyeom leans over the table towards them, grinning, "Do you have any embarrassing stories about Junior?"

Mark frowns, "Junior? They call you that? I haven't called you that in ages."

Jinyoung shifts uncomfortably in his seat, recalling how frightened he had felt when he couldn't remember his real name, "It was all I could remember at the time."

Mark smiles warmly at him, "It's okay Jinyoung-ah, no one knows you better than me. I'll help you remember everything." He says to Yugyeom, "To answer your question, yes I do. Loads of them."

"Do tell." Bambam also leans in.

"I have one." Jinyoung's mom offers, raising her cup of coffee to her lips to hide a wry smile. "For Jinyoung's 5th birthday, Mark gave him a teddy bear. Jinyoung slept with it every night until freshman year of high school."

"I don't remember that..." Jinyoung stammers, embarrassment flooding his body.

Mark looks amused, "Even I didn't know that." His eyes light up, "But I do remember when we were in the school play in elementary school and they made you play Snow White because there were no girls since it was an all boy school."

"Do you have pictures?" Jackson crows.

Mark's eyes glints with mischief, "Of course I do. Let's just say, Jinyoung makes quite a convincing girl." Jinyoung glares at him. They had just reunited and Mark is already betraying him.

"I was the prince and when I tried to kiss Jinyoung for the waking up scene, he started crying," Mark continues. Jackson burst out laughing and Jinyoung flicks a cheesecake crumb at his face.

"There was also that time we almost got arrested." Mark says nonchalantly while sipping his tea.

Ms. Park raises her eyebrows, "I want to hear this one too."

A chorus of oohs come from everyone else at the table.

"I convinced Jinyoungie to go skinny dipping in a public pool...after hours." Mark looks pleased with himself as he takes another sip of tea.

Bambam gasps dramatically, "No way. You got Junior, I mean Jinyoung, to do something illegal? I respect you so much."

"At least I had towel nearby, Jinyoung had to end up running away butt naked, cuz he couldn't find his clothes."

"And that was the last time I did anything illegal." Jinyoung tries to defend his image.

"Well..." Mark says, but Jinyoung stomps on his foot underneath the table. Although Jinyoung can't recall any specific illegal activities right now, he would rather not be reminded by Mark blurting it out in front of his mom.

But Mark hadn't finished teasing him, "It was pretty funny, to see Jinyoung's cute little butt jiggling all the way back to my car." Jinyoung chokes mid sip of coffee, and rasps out, "Mark!" The maknaes start laughing again, while Jackson shots a nervous glance at Jaebum. Not a second later, Jaebum stands abruptly, chair scraping violently against the floor.

Everyone became dead silent.

"Jae-" Jinyoung begins, heart thumping rapidly, but Jaebum interrupts him, "I'm going to get another slice of cheesecake," is all he says before he storms into the back of the shop, the staff-only door swinging wildly behind him. Jinyoung feels panic crawl up his throat and he goes to chase after Jaebum. Jackson stops him with his hand, "Jinyoung, maybe you shouldn't. He's going to be...moody if you try to talk to him. Let me get him. I'll get him to cool down." Jinyoung nods mutely, and watches helplessly as Jackson runs off to get Jaebum.

"Did I say something wrong?" Mark asks innocently.

Bambam answers for Jinyoung, "Jaebum-hyung can just be a little possessive of Jinyoung. It's no big deal."

Mark look skeptical, "He has quite a temper, doesn't he?"

Jinyoung can't help the slight flare in his chest, and his voice becomes defensive, "He's just struggling to grasp the situation. It's not everyday your boyfriend's regains his memory after having amnesia for a year."

Mark raises his hands in an apology, "I'm just saying, I didn't mean to get him mad."

Jinyoung deflates, "I know. It's not your fault."

Jaebum finally returns with Jackson in tow. He looks around awkwardly at everyone, before sitting down. "Sorry about earlier, I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today."

Ms. Park nods understandingly, "It's alright, we all have bad days."

"So do you guys want to hear more stories about Junior?" Mark says, but Jinyoung can see Jaebum tense in the corner of his eye. "Actually," Jinyoung intervenes, "How about we stop talking about the past for a minute. Let me tell Mark and my mom about what happened with me this past year at the cafe."

"Oh that sounds good!" Ms. Park nods, "I want to hear all about how you and Jaebum started dating. Jinyoung reaches across the table to grab Jaebum hands, and Jaebum looks up at him a little surprised. Jinyoung tries to send him the most reassuring smile he can muster. "Well, Jaebum has been a great help this entire time. So has everyone else. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am. Jaebum even jumped in front of a car for me." Ms. Park gasps. "Well, I guess I should start from the beginning. So after waking up on the side walk Jackson told me I could work here, and Jaebum would train me..."

 

After an hour of story telling, everyone is done with their food and drinks, so they begin to clean up. Jinyoung is picking up plates when Bambam calls out, "Hey Snow White, can you pass me the dirty spoons?" Jinyoung swivels around to swat at his head, "You little brat!"

Yugyeom easily inserts himself in between them, in a valiant attempt to save his boyfriend from Jinyoung's wrath. Bambam smiles triumphantly and snakes his arms around Yugyeom's torso, using him as a human shield.

"Bambam, you should learn to respect ladies." Yugyeom counters with a grin.

Jinyoung gasps offended and this time aims his attacks at Yugyeom. _What did he do to deserve such insufferable kids?_ Bambam and Yugyeom run away giggling from Jinyoung's swinging arms.

 

 

 

Jinyoung's mom decides she wants Jinyoung back home in Seoul as soon as possible. So, they decide to close the coffee shop early and swing by Jaebum's place to pick up Jinyoung's stuff. Jaebum offers to help him bring everything down.

The walk up to the apartment is silent.

Jinyoung doesn't know what to say and Jaebum wordlessly watches Jinyoung pack up his belongings into a suitcase. It feels wrong. All you can hear is the ticking of the clock and hum of the fridge in the background. It's as if the world is holding it's breath before the storm erupts.

"Why did you lie?" Jaebum finally speaks. He doesn't sound happy. 

"About what?" Jinyoung can hear his heart beat pounding in his ears.

"You said you didn't remember anyone, but you remembered Mark." Jaebum accuses. Jinyoung finally looks up from his packing and sees Jaebum sitting on the bed frowning. He wants to walk up to Jaebum and hug him, reassure him that things will be okay. But for some reason he is scared of Jaebum flinching at his touch.

"I-I didn't want to hurt you." Jinyoung means to pacify Jaebum, but as soon as the words leave his mouth he realizes how it must sound, and what it might imply. Jaebum's face twists into an expression between betrayal and despair.

"Why would it hurt me?" Jaebum's lips press together into a thin line. "Juni-Jinyoung, tell me the truth. Why would it matter that I not know about Mark? Did you date once?"

"No, we never dated." Jinyoung settles on a half truth, and stares intently at the sweatpants he is currently folding.

That still wasn't the answer that Jaebum wanted to hear, "Youngjae said-!" He takes a deep breathe, "He said that you were heartbroken at the wedding. That's why you drank so much. He wouldn't say anything else. Why were you heartbroken?"

Jinyoung closes his eyes and prays for some meteor to drop from the sky so he didn't have to deliver the news. When he opens his eyes, there is a glint of hope in Jaebum's gaze. Hope that Jinyoung might not say the dreaded words he suspects. But the world is never fair.

"Does it matter?" He delays.

Jaebum snaps, "You've got me thinking the worst here. Was there an affair between you two?"

Jinyoung bristles at the word "affair", he feels himself go on the offensive, "Absolutely not. What do you think of me?"

Jaebum seems to realize he might have crossed a line and softens a bit as he says, "Then what?" Jinyoung sighs. He really doesn't want to do this now. His plan was to avoid explanations as much as possible, he hoped Jaebum would move on with this. He didn't want to open up old wounds for himself either. Some foolish part of him thought that if he never voiced it, it never happened.

"Why won't you tell me?" Jaebum demands. He's gotten up now, and Jinyoung feels his blood pressure spike.

He blurts out the dreaded words, one deadly blow to Jaebum's heart, "I use to be in love with him."

Jaebum inhales sharply, as if he has been physically punched in the gut. "You're in love with him?" He looks positively distraught.

Jinyoung feels like screaming, why did things go downhill so fast? He frantically tries to salvage the situation, "No, _no_. I _was._ Not anymore." 

Jaebum didn't look convinced, "How do you know?"

"Because I'm in love with you now." Jinyoung is desperate.

Jaebum ignores the confession, "How long have you loved him?"

"I don't know how that will help." Jinyoung is a master at evading questions he doesn't like.

"How long?" Jaebum repeats.

"Since we were kids."

Jaebum's face crumples again, and runs a hand through his hair. Jinyoung scrambles towards him on the bed and grasps his hands, holding on tightly. "Jaebum, listen to me. I don't love him anymore. That left with the memories. Please believe me." Jaebum still wouldn't meet his eyes, so Jinyoung clasps Jaebum's face and with as much emotion that he could muster he says, "I love you."

"I love you too. So much." Jaebum looks slightly pacified and Jinyoung sighs in relief on the inside. "I don't want to lose you."

Jinyoung shakes his head furiously, "You won't lose me. That's not even a possibility." He crawls into Jaebum's lap and Jaebum's hands automatically grasp his hips. His grip is bruising, as if he is scared Jinyoung would slip through his finger tips. Jinyoung presses forward to capture Jaebum's lips into a sweet kiss-trying to drown out his doubts. Jinyoung doesn't miss the way Jaebum's grip becomes tighter and tighter with each second.

 

 

 

 

Jaebum goes ahead to bring down some of his suitcases and Jinyoung stays behind to say bye to Nora. As he leaves the apartment alone, he bumps into the old lady from months ago. She stops and narrows her eyes at the suitcase in Jinyoung's hands, "You're leaving?"

Jinyoung tries to defend himself, "I-um. Well, yes kind of."

"Did you and Jaebum break up?" She frowns.

"No." he says hastily.

"Then why are you leaving?" She prods. It's a good question.

"It's a long story." Jinyoung sighs. The suitcase in his hands feels heavy-not just from the clothes in it, but also from the weight of the decision he is making to go back home.

"Does Jaebum agree with you leaving?"

"I-" Jinyoung pauses, realizing that Jaebum and him hadn't really had the time to discuss the situation. They didn't talk about whether or not this was good move for him. Jinyoung just let himself get swept up in the moment and by his mother's wishes. "I don't know what he thinks." Jinyoung says truthfully. Surely, Jaebum was upset he was leaving, but Jaebum must understand that he must return to his past to sort things out.

It's the women's turn to sigh, "So you are leaving without talking things out?:

"We aren't breaking up. I just have somethings I need to resolve back in Seoul. And I'll keep in touch."

"Will you come back?" Another good question. Jinyoung hadn't really thought about what was going to happen after he returned back to Seoul. He assumed his old life would start up again and he'd tie up loose ends but what then? Does he come back to Icheon? Does Jaebum come to Seoul with him? Either way someone is going to have give up their way of life for the other. Long distance is always an option, but the thought of not seeing Jaebum for months and months makes him sick to his stomach.

"I don't know." 

"Well, for both your sakes, I hope you do come back at least to visit."

"Visiting...yes, I can do that." Jinyoung turns to leave, but before says a proper good-bye, "It was nice meeting you. Take care of Jaebum."

She smiles warmly at him, "The pleasure is all mine. Oh and Jinyoung?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't forget about Jaebum. He loves you very much."

 

 

 

 

"We can skype and call everyday." Jinyoung says holding Jaebum, and appreciating the last fleeting moments of his touch and warmth before he leaves.

"I'm going to miss you so much." Jaebum murmurs pressing their foreheads together. His voice is gravely from pent up emotion. It almost reminds Jinyoung of the hoarse voice Jaebum has every morning when they wake up together. The knife in his heart twists a little when he realizes he won't be waking up in Jaebum's arms anymore. Jaebum will no longer be able to press sloppy kisses into his neck until he wakes up, or make him breakfast in bed after long night at the cafe.

"Not as much as I will miss you. I love you." Jinyoung insists.

"I love you more." Jaebum gives him a small smile, and Jinyoung's hearts twists a little bit more, knowing he won't be able to see that smile in person for a while. Even if he does see Jaebum's face through skype, Jinyoung won't be able to satisfy his urge to kiss Jaebum's two moles above his eyes, or to run his hands through Jaebum's dark locks. All the little moments of intimacy that he took for granted are suddenly being taken away from him. Jinyoung pulls Jaebum down for a kiss. Jaebum kisses him with a hint of desperation, hands tightening around his waist in the same manner they tightened around his hips back up in the apartment.

"Alright, alright. Before we all start puking. Stop hogging Junior-I mean Jinyoung. We want to say bye too." Jackson says, hauling Jaebum back. Everyone else then takes the opportunity to pile on top of Jinyoung in a group hug.

Yugyeom's voice is muffled from where he is squished against Jinyoung's jacket, "Promise you won't forget about us hyung."

Jinyoung wrangles an arm free from Yugyeom's clutches to reach up and ruffle his hair affectionately, "I'm just going to be an hour drive away."

"That's so far." Bambam wails, clinging to Jinyoung's free arm. "Who's going to save me from Jaebum's wrath now?"

Jinyoung pinches his cheeks, "Well that just means you have to behave."

"I can't believe you're leaving me alone to put up with this lot." Jackson sniffles and uses Jinyoung's sleeve as a tissue. If it weren't for the current situation, Jinyoung would be strangling Jackson, but he decides to make an exception. "You managed just fine before I arrived."

"Hush. The cafe will never be the same without you!" Jackson cries.

"I can come back to visit you know." Jinyoung chuckles.

"You better. If you don't, I might have to kidnap you." Jackson threatens.

Jinyoung laughs again, "I'm going to miss all of you."

"Jinyoung," His mother calls softly. "Our taxi is waiting, we should head back now."

Jinyoung hesitates, a small part of him wants to run back to Jaebum's arms. But he has to be reasonable. "Bye kids." Jinyoung waves and even blows a kiss for good measure. Mark throws an arm around him and pulls him away. Jinyoung tries to put a little distance between them, after seeing the way Jaebum's face darkened.

"I'll take good care of him, I promise." Mark jokes along and drags Jinyoung into the taxi.

 

 

 

Now that Jinyoung is in the car alone with Mark and his mom, he feels a little awkward. Even though he has know these people for all of his life, his memory is still a little, _well_ , wonky. But his mom smiles reassuringly at him, "As soon as we get back to Seoul, I want to take you to the hospital to get a proper check up." 

Mark nods, "We want to make sure there was no serious damage."

Jinyoung says, "I swear I'm fine."

Mark loops his arm through Jinyoung's, "We finally got you back after a year, let us coddle you."

"Oh and one more thing." His mother says, "Your old apartment is gone. We sold it after-" She clears her throat awkwardly, "Well, you know. Anyways, I would have you stay with me, but my house is getting renovated. I'm staying with my friend. Luckily, Mark offered to have you stay with him and his wife."

Jinyoung feels queasy at the mention of Mark's wife, "I don't want to be a bother."

"Don't be silly." Mark interrupts, "We would be so happy to have you. Besides, it'll just be until we can get you a new apartment. And your old job at the editing company is still waiting for you too, if you want to take it of course." He pats Jinyoung's hand, "See? Everything will be soon back to normal, just the way things use to be."

Jinyoung isn't sure if he likes the sound of that.

"Well, I wouldn't say completely back to normal. Our Jinyoungie has a boyfriend now." Ms. Park gushes. "He is so handsome and kind, I mean he did have a little temper back there. But he looks at you like you are the center of his entire universe."

Jinyoung blushes, "Aish, mother."

"It's true!"

Mark nudges Jinyoung, "You still love me the most right? I'm your best friend after all. Bros before hoes right? Although I guess things work differently if you're dating a guy." Jinyoung knows Mark only means it in a harmless, teasing manner, but it still strikes a cord within him. Jinyoung gives Mark a weak smile and doesn't answer. Maybe because he doesn't know the answer right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That wasn't too angsty was it? I'm trying to ease into the angst. Or maybe it was pretty angsty already idk lol. Lmk your thoughts on Mark coming back and do you think Jinyoung might still be in love with him?


	10. Chapter 10

Going back to Seoul was strange.

Jinyoung had grown use to the quite hum of the cafe's small neighborhood in Icheon. The eerily silent streets were something Jinyoung looked forward to every night he walked home to Jaebum's apartment.

As they got closer and closer to Seoul, the night descended on them, but the bustling streets never ceased. All the noise wasn't helping Jinyoung's headache. It only amplified it. He just wanted to rest, but his mother and Mark had other plans. Their car ended up stopping near a brightly lit dinning area. The neon green lights of the restaurant blinked mockingly at Jinyoung's discomfort.

Well, it's not like Jinyoung is absolutely miserable. He's incredibly thankful to have his mom and Mark back in his life. They've spent almost a year apart, so it's nice to have them around again. It's just that, there's been such a dramatic change of pace in Jinyoung's life in a rather short amount of time. His world has been knocked off balance in the blink of an eye. This morning he had been having breakfast with his boyfriend, enjoying the routine of their simple life, and now he's about to have dinner in Seoul with his mother and best friend who thought he was dead.

Jinyoung steps into the frigid air, shivering in his light jacket. The noise is even louder outside of the car, and his head throbs more. He sucks in a deep breath to steady himself. Everything is so bright and loud and overwhelming. He wraps his arms around himself, already wondering how Jaebum is doing by now. His mother grabs his arm and offers him a comforting smile as if saying _Things will be okay._ It calms Jinyoung a little, and he finds himself breathing a little bit easier when his mom rubs his arm.

"We'll wait until tomorrow morning to take you to the doctors for a full check up." His mom says once they've all been seated inside. "In the meantime we should just enjoy ourselves. Order as much food as you want Jinyoung. I think we need to celebrate tonight."

"Only the best wine for our little Jinyoungie." Mark ruffles Jinyoung's hair with one hand and calls the waiter over with the other.

Jinyoung eyes the menu, everything looking too exquisite for his taste. He doesn't even know how to pronounce half the items on the list. He is too accustomed to eating Jaebum's meals which were just strange combinations of whatever was left in the fridge or street food.

"Sweetie," his mom calls out softly to him, seeing how Jinyoung is frowning at the menu. "Do you remember this place? You came here all the time."

Jinyoung's eyes widen at his mom's words before looking at the menu again. Nothing looked appealing. There was no way this had been his favorite place.

"You use to take Mark here on...oh what did you call it? Best friend dates?"

"O-of course I remember." Jinyoung stammers, flushing hotly, still not really recollecting those specific memories. "I was just gonna say, I can't wait to try the uh-" Jinyoung frantically scans the menu for anything that looked vaguely familiar.

"Steak," Mark finishes for him. "You always got steak. You said everything else on this menu was too fancy, but you'd deal with it because this was _my_ favorite place."

"Right," Jinyoung says, "I was just about to say that." He fiddles with the napkin on his lap, suddenly aware of his mother and Mark's gazes inspecting him.

His mother reaches out to grab his fidgeting hand, "It's okay if you can't remember every single detail right away. We don't expect you to. Take things easy, okay?"

"Yah, Jinyoungie. I know you always want to be perfect at everything you do. But really, we understand if you can't remember everything. You don't have to pretend around us. We are your family." Mark grabs his other hand. "We are just happy to have you back. That's enough for us."

"T-thanks." Jinyoung feels a rush of affection for his mom and Mark, and he blinks away the prickling feeling behind his eyes.

"No more crying," his mom urges, "It's time to be happy."

Mark looks like he might add something else when his gaze shifts somewhere over Jinyoung's shoulder. His eyes go soft as he waves his hand, "Over here!"

Jinyoung whips around to look at who Mark is yelling to. It's a woman. Light brown hair reaching her shoulders and large glasses adorning her face. She walks with an air of confidence and coolness. As she gets closer and closer, something clicks in Jinyoung's brain.  _It's Mia, M_ _ark's wife._

"I hope you don't mind me inviting my wife to dinner with us. I figured you guys should meet again considering we will all be living together for a while." Mark whispers in his ear.

Jinyoung's mom shoots Jinyoung a concerned look. Her hands reaches under the table again to squeeze his knee. But does he really need the comfort? It's not like he's still hurt by the fact Mark married someone else. At least not anymore. And he's sure Mia is a wonderful girl. _Then why do I feel nauseous._

Mia finally reaches their table and greets them all cheerfully. She bends down to give his mom a quick hug and Mark a quick peck. Her hand lingers on Mark's shoulder and Jinyoung can't help the way his eyes latch onto that movement. Possibly an old habit resurfacing from the past.

"Jinyoung! It's so good to see you." Mia exclaim and grabs him by the shoulders. "We have been so worried! We were sure you were dead."

"Sorry to disappoint." Jinyoung tries to use humor as a refuge.

Mia hits Jinyoung's shoulder as she bursts out laughing. She turns to Mark, "Didn't I say Jinyoung was my favorite out of all your friends. He so easygoing, even jokes about his almost death!"

"Yup. He's great I know." Mark winks at him, and Jinyoung feels himself blush.

Jinyoung spends the next hour, relaying the same story he told his mom and Mark to Mia. She is enthralled by all the details, especially the ones about Jaebum.

She leans forward to prop an elbow on the tablecloth. There's a curious glint in her eyes. Jinyoung has a feeling he is about to be interrogated.

"So, you have a boyfriend. Is he hot?" She asks.

"Oh he's very attractive." Ms. Park chimes in with a wry smile and a sip of wine.

Mia squeals with delight, "I want pictures!"

Jinyoung thumbs through his phone, "I might actually have a few." He eventually lands on a picture from when they first started dating. It's a selfie of Jaebum sitting on the couch with Jinyoung's face tucked into his neck in attempt to hide from the camera. Jaebum is sporting his classic heart stopping grin, and the reading glasses slightly askew on his face only make him more adorable.

Jinyoung remembers that day vividly. They had a day off from the cafe, so Jaebum had sat them down on the couch with two cups of hot chocolate. He had gotten out his poetry book and had begun to recite love poems to Jinyoung. It was so cheesy and cliche, but Jinyoung had loved every second of it.

_Jaebum's hand is warm where it lies on Jinyoung's hip. Jinyoung snuggles happily into Jaebum's sides as he continues reciting._

_"And the sunlight clasps the earth,_

_And the moonbeams kiss the sea -_

_What are all these kissings worth_

_If thou kiss not me?"_

_Jinyoung responds cheekily with, "Are you trying to ask for a kiss hyung?"_

_"You tell me." Jaebum grins as he turns to look at Jinyoung. Their noses bump against each other. "Did it work? Have I wooed you yet?"_

_"I think it did." Jinyoung whispers against Jaebum's lips, right before their mouths fall easily against one another in a lazy kiss. Jaebum hums in pleasure as Jinyoung presses harder into the kiss.The book falls forgotten to the floor as Jinyoung falls on his back onto the couch. The cardigan he's wearing slides slightly off his shoulders, exposing the threadbare tank top underneath._

_Jinyoung's quiet giggle when Jaebum kisses his exposed shoulder is quickly consumed by a gasp as Jaebum slithers a feverish hand under his tank top. Jinyoung's spreads his legs open so Jaebum can easily fit in between them. It's invitation for Jaebum's nibble fingers to undo the drawstring of Jinyoung's sweatpants in a matter of seconds.  
_

_Lines of poem aren't recited again for a while.  
_

Jinyoung clears his throat and shows off the picture to Mia.

"Wow! Ms. Park you were right. He's is  _so_ hot."

"But I'm still hotter right?" Mark chides.

Mia waves him away, "Sure. Sure. Jinyoung you have got quite the catch. He looks so intelligent with those glasses on! What does he do for a living? I think I might die if you say he is a CEO of some company or a doctor, ooh or a lawyer!"

"Actually, he works at a coffee shop."

Mia's smile falters a little, "Oh, like a part-time job? Is he studying something then?"

"Not really. The coffee shop is really important to him though. He practically raised it with Jackson. Besides working at the coffee shop he is also a photographer."

"A photographer?" The light in Mia's eyes is reignited. "That's kind of sexy. Never knew they were your type."

"He seems exactly Jinyoung's type." His mom interrupts, "Jaebum seems hard-working, loyal, and respectful. That's always what Jinyoung has looked for in a man. No matter the profession."

Jinyoung gives his mother a thankful smile.

"I think your scaring Jinyoung with all your questions," Mark remarks. Mia just rolls her eyes, "I'm just curious. Like is Jaebum okay with Jinyoung leaving so suddenly?"

"W-well," Jinyoung splutters, "He was slightly upset. But I think he understands too."

"If Mark did something like that to me I would be more than just slightly upset with him. I might even think of breaking up with him!" Mia adds dramatically. Jinyoung's throat closes up at the thought. His heartbeat starts rising in panic. _What if she was right? He hadn't even thought about that possibility, what if-_

"You know what they say about long distance relationships." Mia cuts through his thoughts. "They never work out." At this point, Jinyoung is full on sweating. He is about to excuse himself from the table to call Jaebum, he needs to hear Jaebum say things will be okay, that they won't lose each other.

His mother seems to notice Jinyoung's squirming because she interjects, "The circumstances are quite extraordinary. I think it's hard for any of us understand what Jaebum and Jinyoung are going through at the moment. I saw how Jaebum looked at Jinyoung at the cafe. I doubt Jaebum would let a little distance get in the way." That seems to finally quite down Mia. Mark shoots Jinyoung an apologetic glance, but Jinyoung just shakes his head.

"Why don't you guys tell me what I've missed instead?" Jinyoung tries to shy the topic of conversation away from him.

"Great idea!" Mark jumps at the opportunity.

The rest of the dinner ends up being uneventful, just filling Jinyoung in on random information about the past year. Mark and Mia enjoying the newly wed life. His mother expanding her beauty stores to more parts of Seoul. Jinyoung finds out he use to work for a prestigious editing company as one of the chief editors. He was such a valuable employee that they are delighted to have him back if he so pleased. There are also a few uni friends that Jinyoung had that he should probably catch up with.

After dinner Jinyoung's mother is dropped off at her friend's house, and the rest of them drive back to Mark and Mia's apartment. It's centered in the middle of Seoul, on a high rise building. Mark leads the way into a polished lobby. There's chandeliers around every corner and a bellboy to bring his luggage up for him. Jinyoung feels so out of place after spending a year in a dingy apartment with Jaebum.

The apartment itself is even more impressive. Jinyoung compliments Mia on her choice of color scheme. She repeats to Mark that Jinyoung is her favorite friend. _Well at least I'm on her good side._

"There's two bathrooms. One in our master bedroom and another down the hall on the left. Make yourself at home. You'll probably want to rest after a long day, so I'll just leave you to it." Mark says once they've hauled Jinyoung's suitcase in the guest bedroom.

Jinyoung sits on the bed, it looks awfully big and lonely. "Thanks, hyung. I really appreciate the trouble you're going through."

"Don't be silly. I love having you here, especially after not seeing you for an eternity."

"You'll get sick of me soon enough." Jinyoung mumbles.

Mark grins down at him, ruffling his hair for the second time that day. His hand lingers on top of Jinyoung's head and gingerly travels to hold the back of Jinyoung's neck. Jinyoung holds his breath. He's still not completely use to how affectionate Mark can be.

"It's good to have you back."

"Aish, don't get all sappy on me."

"You love sappy." Mark counters. _He wasn't wrong_. "Alright, I'll stop bothering you. Have a good night."

"Night."

As soon as Mark leaves the room, Jinyoung lets out a long sigh and flops back against the bed. He fishes through his pocket to get his phone. There's already a message waiting from Jaebum.

It's a picture of the moon through Jaebum's bedroom window captioned, 'Oh baby the moon doesn't shine as bright without you here beside me'

Jinyoung bites back a smile and texts back, 'Have you been reading poetry again?'

'I'm trying to be romantic'

'It's making me miss you more.'

'I love you'

Jinyoung grins like a fool.

'I love you more.'

'Not possible'

Jinyoung definitely can't stop smiling now. 'Go to bed silly. You have work tomorrow and it's late.' Jinyoung finds himself yawning. The toll of the events of the day finally crashing on him and sleep winning over him. His eyes flutter close just as Jaebum's latest text comes through, 'I don't like going to bed without you'

 

 

 

 

The days go by quickly as Jinyoung pieces his old life together. He has coffee with old friends and calls up a few distant relatives. After a week, he begins to spend his mornings at the editing company adjusting to a work schedule again. In the afternoon he usually spends time with his mom. At night he comes home to eat dinner with Mia and Mark. On occasion the couple goes out for dinner dates and Jinyoung just spends the night on Skype with Jaebum.

Like tonight.

Jinyoung stares at the Skype loading screen with impatience. A week without seeing Jaebum had given him serious withdrawal issues. Waking up to an empty bedside was quite depressing after growing so use to Jaebum's arms encasing him every morning.

He bites his nails as he waits for Jaebum to pick up the call, it's getting pretty late and Jinyoung just wants a few minutes with Jaebum before Mia and Mark come back. Jinyoung sighs in relief when the call finally picks up and Jaebum's tired face flickers onto the screen.

"I miss you." Is the first thing that Jinyoung says.

Jaebum blinks in surprise, before a slow smile creeps onto his face. "Hi to you too." 

Jinyoung takes in Jaebum's droopy eyes and hunched shoulders, "How are you? You look really tired. Is now a bad time to call? I can call back later, if you'd like."

"No!" Jaebum sits up immediately, "Don't-don't leave." Jinyoung's heart tugs at those words, as if they weren't just meant about the skype call.

"It was just a tough day at the coffee shop." Jaebum says settling back down in his seat. His shoulders look so tense that Jinyoung just wants to reach through the screen to rub the knots away and kiss Jaebum to sleep.

"Tell me about it."

"A group of kids were trying to steal from the register, and I had to chase them out."

Jinyoung gasps, "You chased them out? Why didn't you call the police? _Hyung,_ that's really dangerous. You could have gotten hurt, oh go-"

"Jinyoungiee," Jaebum drawls, a small smirk adorning his face. Jinyoung immediately quietens, "Yes?" He squeaks out in a meek voice, Jaebum's charms haven't lost their effect on Jinyoung even after all their time together.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine. They were just rowdy teenagers. I know how to handle them. Remember, I was one of them as kid."

Jinyoung snorts and rolls his eyes, "Yeaaaa I'm sure you were baddest rebel in town."

Jaebum winks at him, "Of course I was. All the girls were falling at my feet."

Jinyoung frowns, remember the girls who like to flirt with Jaebum at the cafe, "They still do that."

Jaebum grins sleazily at him, "You're right"

Jinyoung glares at him, "Now that I'm not around..."

Jaebum's soft laughter rings out, his eyes squeeze into thin crescents and Jinyoung feels the breath knocked out of him at the sight. _He's so gorgeous even when he's tired and through a crappy laptop screen.  
_

"Millions of pretty girls could fall at my feet. But they would never compete with you. The prettiest boy in the world."

"Hyung...." Jinyoung whines, and hides his blushing face in his hands.

"I love you." Jaebum murmurs. Jinyoung peeks up at Jaebum through his fingers. His blush only growing hotter and Jaebum's smile growing bigger. Jinyoung places his hands on both sides of his cheeks in order to hide his red face, even though it's a hopeless cause at this point, "I love you too." Jinyoung fans his cheeks before continuing, "So how is everyone at the cafe? Are Bambam and Yugyeom causing any trouble?"

Jaebum groans, "It's been pretty busy lately. I think we are gaining more popularity, so Jackson is really happy. Youngjae has been helping out a bit now that's he's back. Jackson is pretty happy about that. Between you and me, I would say Jackson is more than a little fond of Youngjae, but that's another story." Jaebum rubs his eyes tiredly, "Bambam and Yugyeom are causing as much trouble as ever. Did I tell you that they put blue dye in my shampoo bottle? I noticed it before I actually put in my hair. Thank god."

"I think you would look hot with blue hair."

Jaebum raises an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Mhm."

"I think you're too enamored with me," Jaebum grins.

Jinyoung scoffs, although Jaebum is probably right, "Whatever."

"Speaking of Bambam and Yugyeom," Jaebum clears his throat before his voice turns serious, "They're graduating in just a few months. You'll be back by then right? They wouldn't want you to miss it."

"Oh wow. Already? Just tell me a date, and I can ask for a week off from work. That should be enough time for me to come and visit."

Jaebum's face falls, "Uh, that's not what I meant."

"It isn't?" The plan sounded perfectly reasonable to Jinyoung.

"I didn't mean if you are going to come visit us then. I'm asking if you will have moved back with us by then." Jaebum frowns a little.

"Oh." Jinyoung's stomach lurches nervously. He hadn't really thought that far ahead. He actually hadn't thought much about the future at all. All the changes had kept his mind on the present.

Jaebum's arms are crossed now as leans back in his chair to squint quizzically at Jinyoung through the laptop screen, "You are coming back right?"

Jinyoung wants to say something, anything, but he can't. It's as if he's lost his voice. He racks his brain for something unproblematic to say, something that would ease Jaebum's worries. Jinyoung takes too long to answer and Jaebum takes his silence as a no.

Jaebum looks at him in disbelief. "You weren't planning on coming back were you."

"That's not true." Jinyoung protests quietly.

"Bullshit." Jaebum accuses and it stings Jinyoung like a slap on the face.

"I haven't really thought about the future yet. I'm still trying to figure out what I am doing right now. I'm trying to adjust to a new life."

The hurt is evident on Jaebum face as he leans forward, his voice getting louder, "Do any of us back at the cafe fit into your new life anymore?"

"Of course you do! I just-I need time. I don't know how to combine both of my lives before and after I lost my memory." Jinyoung begins to feel a little irritated, "I thought you understood that."

"I just want you back." Jaebum raises his voice even more, he's almost shouting and if their conversation keeps going in this direction Jinyoung is sure Jaebum will actually start yelling. But his honesty rattles Jinyoung to his core, making his heart ache at Jaebum's words. Jaebum blinks rapidly, and Jinyoung realizes Jaebum might be on the verge of tears. Jaebum had always gives off the tough-guy aura, but after spending so much time with him, Jinyoung knows that Jaebum can actually be really emotional.

Jinyoung softens his voice, "I-I'm sorry. I really am. I know this is all a mess. But I just need some time to figure things out and everything will be okay."

Jaebum stays silent and looks away, blinking even more. Jinyoung feels like the worst human being in the world. "J-Jaebum? Please, talk to me."

Jaebum clears his throat before turning towards the screen, his eyes are rimmed red and Jinyoung feels the knife of guilt twist even more in his gut, "Sorry, I didn't mean to get heated."

"Don't apologize hyung. This is my fault. It's my mess of a life that you have to deal with. I didn't mean to leave so abruptly, things just happened." Jinyoung rubs his face with hands, fighting the prickling in his own eyes, "You deserve better than this, than me. I'm sorry."

"No." Jaebum says vehemently. "I don't care if your life is a mess. I'll deal with it because it's you. And I love you. I'm sorry, okay, for shouting." Jaebum sighs, "I-I do understand that I can't ask you to forget your past. If going back home for a while, even if that means long distance, is what you want and need." Jaebum gulps, "I'll support it and suck up my own needs."

"Have I ever told you how perfect you are?" Jinyoung says.

Jaebum scoffs, but his lips quirk up into the smallest smile.

"I love you, hyung. More than anything in this world. Will you wait for me?"

"Depends." Jaebum's old cocky self, slowly returning, "Do you really love me more than anything? More than kimchi pancakes?"

"10 times more." Jinyoung smiles.

"I can live with that." Jaebum relents.

 

 

 

 

The days had become weeks, and the weeks became months.  The previously obnoxiously noisy streets of Seoul grew on Jinyoung. He falls into a cyclic routine of waking up, going to work, and coming "home" to Mark's apartment to eat dinner - with some variation in between. It wasn't the most exciting life, and the buzz around his reappearance had finally died down. His current routine was definitely quite different from the crazy days at the coffee shop working under Jackson. He misses not knowing what Bambam and Yugyeom would throw at him each day and he missed coming late in the mornings because Jaebum had gotten a little carried away with kissing him on the way out the door.

Realistically speaking, this "new life" or technically his old past life, was practical compared to the life he led at the cafe. Here in Seoul he had a steady, well-paying job and a group of friends who were all succeeding in life. It was almost surreal to go to high-end bars with Mark and few co-workers when he was so used to drinking cheap beer in the back of Jaebum's pick up truck. Or spending the weekend at yacht parties with Mark when he was use to spending his weekends barefoot at the beach playing silly games of truth or dare.

But Jinyoung adjusted. He even started taking more workload at the editing company to save up money for his own apartment. He felt like he had invaded Mark and Mia's privacy for long enough. Mark and his mother had insisted on helping Jinyoung pay for a large and luxurious new apartment. But for some reason that felt like too much commitment for Jinyoung at the moment. He wanted to do things on his own terms. Even if that meant more work. That's why he was thankful to be given the weekend off, and Mark declared it a "bro-day", so Mia left to visit a friend.

Mark had set up a Harry Potter movie marathon on his large flat screen tv and ordered take out. Jinyoung was prepared for a relaxing evening after a stressful week of work. He propped his feet up on the coffee table, feeling comfortable in Mark's home after living there for almost 2 months.

Mark comes back from the kitchen with two bottles of soju - cherry flavored - Jinyoung's mouth quirks up into a smile, "Interesting choice of drink."

Mark shrugs returning Jinyoung's smile, "I'm feeling a little nostalgic." Mark sinks into the cushions next to Jinyoung and kicks his feet up onto Jinyoung's lap, "Mia is judging us for spending our only day off watching that 'children's movie'"

Jinyoung shakes his head, "You can never be too old for Harry Potter. It's a classic." He takes a swing from the cherry soju, and the taste stings on the roof his mouth. It's been a while since he's had anything to drink. The situation feels familiar, drinking cherry soju on a couch, but for very different reasons.

Mark taps his knee, "I can tell you're thinking too hard."

Jinyoung startles out of his thoughts, "That's creepy."

"I'm your best friend. It's normal."

"What am I thinking about right?"

"How you wish that I would take my feet off your lap because they smell."

Jinyoung blinks, "That's right..."

"Told you so. And no I won't move my feet." Mark defiantly digs his heels into the side of Jinyoung's thighs, and Jinyoung wrinkles his nose disapprovingly. Mark just laughs, "It's your fault for having such a comfy lap."

Jinyoung snorts, and then gets a mischievous idea. He sets the soju bottle down and begins to tickle the bottom of Mark's feet with his fingertips, knowing how sensitive the older man is. Mark writhes on top of him, puppy-like laughter spilling from his lips, "Jinyoung-ah!" He kicks at Jinyoung's hands, but Jinyoung just holds him down with his other arm.

Jinyoung giggles at Mark's valiant attempts to free himself, he looks so young and care free. "It's what you get for using me as furniture, hyung."

Mark manages to shout, "Mercy!" in between giggles.

Jinyoung finally release Mark from his clutches, and Mark holds his stomach as his breathing returns to normal, "You little shit."

"You love me."

"Only sometimes." Mark retorts.

Jinyoung laughs again, and goes to press the play button on the movie. He takes another swing from the soju bottle to clear his dry throat. They sit through the first and second movie in a comfortable silence. By the third movie, Jinyoung is beginning to feel tingles through his body from the soju. Mark stands up to get himself another bottle. Half way through the 3rd movie, Mark blurts out, "You never told what actually happened that day of my wedding."

The soju bottle almost slips from Jinyoung's fingers, "W-why the sudden question?"

Mark shrugs again, "I'm just thinking."

"Aish," Jinyoung taps the bottle nervously with his fingers, "I've already told you. I got too drunk."

Mark pursues his lips, "I want the details, like why did you get so drunk?"

"Does it matter?"

Mark struggles to sit up a little, but when he does he's frowning at Jinyoung, "You drank enough to forget your own name. I've known you for years and I know how responsible you are. You wouldn't do something like that unless something really bad happened to you. I want to know what drove you to that point."

Jinyoung shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Mark had always know him to well, and now he was poking at an old wound. "It's nothing, really." Jinyoung refuses to look over at Mark and stares intently at the screen, trying to focus on what the character's are staying instead of the fear curling in his belly.

"Don't say it's nothing. I lost you for a year." Out of the corner of Jinyoung's eye he can see Mark means business. His bottle of soju has been set on the coffee table and he's leaning towards Jinyoung with a patronizing look. Jinyoung racks his brain for a way to escape Mark's interrogation. He hadn't planned on ever telling Mark the truth. Falling in love with Mark was a secret he hoped to take to his grave.

"I don't even remember why I did it." Jinyoung lies.

"I can tell when your lying."

 _Shit_ , he really doesn't want to do this right now. It would just make things unnecessarily uncomfortable and awkward. Why couldn't everyone just move on from this?

"I'm your best friend. You can confide in me. Don't you know that?"

Jinyoung stares at his lap, where his hand clutches the soju bottle with a deathly grip. "I-" He doesn't know where to start and his throat is too dry. He takes another sip, but it only seems to make it hard to speak. "Let's not talk about this right now."

"Why won't you tell me?" Mark insists, sounding a little frustrated. He's digging his fingers further into the wound that Jinyoung thought he had finished patching up. Mark shakes his shoulder, "Jinyoung." His voice is sharp, "Look at me."

Jinyoung shakes his head, pressing his lips tightly together for the fear of the soju letting something slip. He is so, so scared. Even though Jinyoung had had time to move on, the scars of enduring an unrequited love were still there. The sleepless nights of crying and self loathing were something Jinyoung would never truly forget. But it was something Jinyoung had hoped to bury for a very, very long time. And here Mark was trying to unearth a confession that could change their relationship.

But did it really matter, if they were both committed to other people? Wouldn't now be the safest moment to confess his old secret? Maybe confessing would be the best antidote, and then Jinyoung would really be able to leave it all behind.

Mark seems to sense his distress because his voice is softer the next time he speaks, he places a gentle hand on Jinyoung's arm, "You can trust me."

Jinyoung finally looks Mark in the eyes and he sees trust, "You have to promise, that whatever I say won't change things." Jinyoung is pleading now, "You won't think of me differently afterwards or hate me."

Mark squeezes his arm, "I could never hate you, don't be ridiculous. Whatever it is, I will understand."

Jinyoung gulps, trying to find the strength to finally say the words he had never planned on revealing _to anyone_. "I-I" _Fuck, why is this so hard?_ "I use to be in love with you," Jinyoung winces, saying the words out loud felt like ripping the bandage open on that old wound.

Mark's hand freezes above his own. His eyes go impossibly wide and he says quietly, _"What?"_

Jinyoung swallows around his shame, "That's why I was so drunk at your wedding. It hurt to see you marry someone else. I was stupid and heart broken, so I drank my feelings away." He can't meet Mark's eyes anymore, it's too embarrassing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It just happened."

Mark removes his hand and Jinyoung wilts a little on the inside.  _He must be disgusted._ "I-I would have never guessed." Mark stammers.

"I tried really hard to hide it."

"How long?" Mark blurts out.

The memory of lying under the stars with Mark on the playground replays in his brain, and Jinyoung cringes, "Since we were in high school."

When he finally meet's Mark's gaze again, he can't read his expression anymore.

"Mark, I don't want this to change anything. I am over it now. After I lost my memories, I moved on."

Mark's eyes soften, "Oh Jinyoung." He reaches towards Jinyoung to pull him into a tight hug, and the weight pressing on Jinyoung's chest is no longer there. "How could you think I would hate you for this?"

He rubs Jinyoung's back in comfort, "I only wish you had told me sooner, maybe I could've caused you less pain. God, I feel like an asshole. I even made you plan the wedding with me."

"S'fine," Jinyoung croaks into Mark's shoulder. He can't really grasp the situation, _Mark isn't mad?_

"It's not fine. I hurt you so badly that you had to lose your memories to get over me. I am the worst human on earth." Mark pulls away a little and he looks worried. "You must hate me now."

"No, of course not." Jinyoung wriggles out of his hold, "This was all on me. My stupid feelings."

Mark shakes his head, "I just wish I hadn't spent all these years hurting you."

"You didn't." Jinyoung lies. There's an old voice inside of him, a year ago it would have yelled, _yes yes you did hurt me. you made fall in love with you. then you married someone else without remorse._ But now that voice had long lost it's fire.

"I've moved on." Jinyoung is genuine. "That's all matters."

"You don't hate me?"

"Even I'm not that petty," Jinyoung says, "I'm happy now. Trust me, okay?"

Mark hesitates before saying, "If you don't mind me asking, why did you like me?"

"Now you're just fishing for compliments," Jinyoung teases in attempt to diffuse the tense atmosphere. "Well, I guess it was your caring nature. You were always someone I could rely on. Always so kind and charming. I guess that was enough for me."

Mark nods thoughtful. Jinyoung shoves at his shoulder, "Hey, let's just forget about it okay? I honestly didn't want to bring it up again."

Mark turns to look at Jinyoung again, eyes looking oddly sad, "Because it hurts that much..."

"N-no." Jinyoung splutters, "It's just embarrassing."

"Okay, we don't have to talk about it again." Mark bites his lip, "Just one more question. Would you have ever told me if this whole situation hadn't happened?"

Jinyoung is truthful, "{robably not."

Mark blinks, and Jinyoung wonders if he's imaging the hurt flash in his eyes. Mark's smile seems a little forced, "I'm glad you told me now though. I don't like having secrets between us."

Mark turns back to the movie and it's as if no words had been exchanged. The sun sets as their movie marathon continues. Jinyoung realizes that for the first time in years, he really does feel free. No more 10 year old secret to carry on his shoulder. Everything is out in the open. He can finally get on with his life without worrying about the past. Jinyoung smiles to himself as he kicks his feet up on the coffee table. The future can only bring good things now, at least that's what Jinyoung likes to think.

But Jinyoung was so caught up in his own reflective thoughts, that he missed the way Mark kept glancing at him with a sad sort of air.

 

 

 

 

Jinyoung rolls around in his sheets attempting to find a comfortable position to sleep in but failing. He blinks blearily at the alarm clock by his bed, it reads 2:03 am. He groans, stuffing his face into his pillow.

He tries to close his eyes again, but his thoughts just drift to Jaebum again. They hadn't gotten to talk for a few days because Jinyoung had been especially busy with work, and kept missing Jaebum's calls. Jinyoung dreams of how Jaebum use to make him breakfast every morning and spoon feed him pancakes. His imagination wanders over to the mornings where Jaebum would press him against the kitchen counter, filling his face with sloppy coffee flavored kisses and Jinyoung would slip his hands under his shirt to keep them warm.

Jinyoung groans, he isn't about to start fantasizing about his boyfriend when his best friend and wife are sleeping soundly in the next room. Seeing no remedy to his problem, Jinyoung gets up to drink water in the kitchen. He takes his phone to use as a flashlight. In the midst of pouring out some water for himself, his phone rings ominously on the counter. He gingerly picks it up.

"Jinyoung-ah." Jaebum breathes into the phone, and Jinyoung's heart picks up speed in the span of 2 seconds.

"Hyung," Jinyoung gulps, throat feeling suddenly dry. "Why are you calling so late?" Although he really has no complaints after not hearing Jaebum's voice for a few days.

"Why are _you_ up so late?" Jaebum counters.

"Thinking of you." Jinyoung decides to be honest.

There's a smile in Jaebum's voice when he says, "What a coincidence. I was thinking of you too."

Jinyoung clutches the phone closer to his ear like some schoolgirl talking to her crush, "Really?"

"I'm always thinking of you though. So it shouldn't be a surprise." Jaebum says, sounding a little breathless. Jinyoung worries, _had Jaebum been crying?_

"Hey...are you okay? You sound a little off. Are you sick?"

He is surprised by Jaebum's soft chuckle on the other side, "I've always admired your innocent mind."

"I'm not innocent!" Jinyoung protests.

"Prove it."

"What does that even mean?" Jinyoung's heart is racing and he's not even sure why.

"Mmm, you know how I said I was thinking of you. Do you-" There's some rustling on the other end, "Do you know what thinking of you does to me?"

"No," Jinyoung manages to whisper into the phone. His palms sweat where they clutch the phone.

"I was thinking of how your eyes crinkle up in the corners when-"

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, "When I smile. Yes I know, you've mentioned several times." _What a sap._

"No." Jaebum sounds smug.

 _Oh._ "No?"

"You didn't let me finish. I was thinking of how your eyes crinkle up in the corners, whenever you squeeze them shut, because you can't handle the way I touch you."

Jinyoung stops breathing for a second, "Jaebum..." There's a warning in his voice but Jaebum ignores it and keeps going.

"They also crinkle up when you were on top of me that night, on my birthday. When I had filled you to brim with my-"

" _Jaebum..._ " Jinyoung says again, his heart might fall out of his chest if Jaebum continues like this.

"They even crinkle up when you had your lips wrapped around-"

"J-Jaebum!" Jinyoung says a little too loudly. His gut twists with unmistakable arousal.

"Yes, _baby_?" Jaebum's voice is husky now and Jinyoung shudders at the nickname. It's term that Jaebum uses sparingly - usually only when they are alone or in the bedroom.

Jinyoung is at a loss for words, "I. Um. Just wait one second. T-till I get in my room." Jinyoung doesn't wait for Jaebum to respond and rushes to the guest room, almost tripping twice on the way there. He locks the door behind him before flopping onto the bed, already flustered. He prays Mark and Mia are sound asleep.

"Are you still there?" Jinyoung's voice trembles a little as he speaks into the phone.

"Of course." Jaebum's voice still sounds as husky as before.

"Are we really doing this?" Jinyoung feels as if he was burning from the inside out. He fans himself desperately.

"You tell me." Jaebum responds smoothly.

"Hyung..." Jinyoung whines. He feels like he should be embarrassed by what they are about to do, but he's craved Jaebum for so long now. "W-what are you doing right now?"

Jaebum hums, "Wishing."

"Wishing what?"

"Wishing I was there to see how flustered you are. You're so cute when you blush. You turn pink...everywhere."

"Perv." But there is no bite in Jinyoung's words. He feels like an even bigger perv as his own hands slips slowly into his pants. It's been long.

Jaebum chuckles darkly, "Well at least I'm not a tease."

"Are you saying I'm a tease?"

"Mhm." Jaebum's voices drops even lower than it already was, "Walking around my apartment with those loose t-shirts that fall off your shoulders. Wearing my boxers around too. They're so big on you that I always think they're gonna fall right off your little hips. Makes me want to-"

"Want to what?" Jinyoung rushes.

"Always impatient. Tsk. Tsk. Got to behave better than that, baby."

"S-sorry." Jinyoung can't help it and slowly wraps his hand around his length. He hisses at the cold touch, blood roaring in his ears as Jaebum continues, "As I was saying," Jaebum's voice makes Jinyoung's body shudder, "It makes me want to just yank those boxers down and start sucking marks into the inside of your soft thighs. You're _really_ pink down there."

"What else?" Jinyoung begins to stroke himself, breathes slowly becoming shorter and shorter. He can't believe they're actually doing this.

"Your thighs would start trembling and shaking under my breath, but I'd just hold them further apart. Nice and wide. Spread open just for me." _Christ_. Jinyoung keeps stroking himself as Jaebum keeps talking, "I would drag my tongue from your thighs, further down, until I was licking my way inside of you. But first I'd just tease you're rim until you start shaking all over as you get closer and closer." He hears Jaebum inhale sharply, probably imaging the same obscene scene, "You wouldn't be able to control yourself, so you'd start rocking back to fuck yourself harder on my tongue."

Jinyoung whimpers into the phone, his strokes become more rapid. Jaebum groans when he hears his noises, "Yea you'd make those sounds. You would try to hold back as you always do. But you can never hold back for long. Especially if I use one of my hands to twist your nipples while I'm eating you out. That would have you crying out my name over and over again."

"Ja-Jaeebum." Jinyoung moans softly, his wrist flicks back and forth at a brutal pace, the fire in his gut becoming unbearable. He can feel the back of his t-shirt clinging to his back with sweat.

"Yes baby?" Jaebum says, "Tell me what you need." _God, since when did his voice sound so sexy._

"N-need you."

"Need me to what?"

"Need you to make me come."

Jaebum's breath hitches, "You're killing me Jinyoungie. I wish I could see you. I bet you look so cute trying hold back your noises right now. I bet you're pink everywhere, just the way I like it."

"Hyung!" Jinyoung hiccups on another moan, he clamps his hand over his mouth. He is half in a right state of mind to know he can't be too loud.

"Say my name." Jaebum groans again.

"Jaebum. _Jaebum."_ Jinyoung sounds wrecked.

"Oh-" Jaebum is cut short by the a loud knocking on Jinyoung's door.

Jinyoung's phone clatters to the ground as he jolts upright in surprise.

It's Mark. He's banging on the door, calling out, "Jinyoung? Are you up?"

Jinyoung scrambles to pick up his phone from the floor and Jaebum is already speaking, "Who is that?" Jaebum sounds annoyed. " _Are you with someone?_ It's 2 am."

"It's just Mark." Jinyoung whispers into the phone. "Listen hyung I got to-"

" _Mark?!_ " Jaebum hisses. He's definitely pissed off now. "Why is he there so late with you?"

"I'm staying with him until I get a new apartment." Jinyoung winces when he reveals the piece of information he had managed to hide from Jaebum so long, just for the sake of his sanity.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jaebum voice gets louder. "Mark of all people. Since when-"

"His wife is here too. It's not a big deal."

"You use to be in love with him, of course it's a big deal!"

"Can we please not talk about that."

"Why? Does it bother you?"

"Listen Jaebum I've got to go. I'll call you in the morning."

"Fine."

Jaebum hung up on Jinyoung before he could say anything else. Jinyoung sighs, things had gone down hill too fast. He turns his head to scream into his pillow. Why did everything have to be so complicated?? At this point, he hard on had quickly gone down. Wonderful.

He goes up to the door to unlock it. Mark is leaning on the frame with a concerned look on his face, "Is everything okay? I heard voices."

Jinyoung hopes it's dark enough so that Mark can't see him blushing, "Yea, Jaebum just called."

"So late?"

"Couldn't sleep. And I was awake anyways so."

"Why are you awake?" Mark places a hand on his shoulder, "Is there something wrong?"

"Yea I'm fine. I just couldn't seem to get comfortable in my bed."

Mark hums, as if in thought, "Want to go for a walk?"

"I don't want to keep you awake too."

"It's no problem. Come on." Mark pulls Jinyoung out of his room by the hand, and Jinyoung sends one last guilt glance at his phone left on the bedside table. 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning Jinyoung's phone is crowded messages from Jackson.

'Did you and Jaebum fight?'

'He is an especially grumpy mood"

'He's actually snapping at customers'

Jinyoung groans, just when things had been getting better with Jaebum he fucks it up again. He types out a quick text to send to Jackson, 'There was a misunderstanding. Has he said anything about me?'

Jackson replies within minutes, 'No. I sent him to work the back because he was too moody. You need to talk to him.'

Jinyoung rubs his tired eyes, the familiar feeling of guilt pools at the pit of his stomach. His phone pings with a new message and he scrambles to unlock it again. 'We miss you Jinyoungie, not just Jaebum, all of us do.'

Jinyoung reads those words over and over again, each time feeling like another punch to his gut. He feels sick as he types out, 'I miss you guys too.'

He finds himself dialing Jaebum's number, even though he's at work Jinyoung prays Jaebum will pick up.

He doesn't.

Panic crawls up his throat at the thought of Jaebum being so mad that he won't even answer his phone call. Jaebum never doesn't pick up. Did Jinyoung fuck up that bad? Jinyoung tries two more times, before Jaebum finally answers.

Jaebum's voice comes through, "I'm at work."

"I'm so sorry." Jinyoung lets out the breath he had been holding the entire time.

Jaebum ignores his apology, "I'll call you back later."

"Wait!" Jinyoung insists, and rushes out an explanation, "Let me talk. I'm only staying with Mark because my old apartment is gone and my mother's apartment was being renovated. And it's not just me and Mark, his wife is there too, obviously."

Jinyoung is just met with silence.

"Jaebum?"

"Why didn't you tell me this before? It's been 2 months Jinyoung."

"I was scared of you reacting like this!"

There's a sigh, "I don't like you staying with him, especially after your past together."

"There is no past. It was an unrequited love. Mark is happy and in love with his wife. And I'm in love with you. How many time do I have to tell you?"

"O-okay." Jaebum doesn't sound as irritated anymore, and Jinyoung feels his shoulders relax. "I guess you're right. Listen, It's been a long week. I should probably get back to work. I'll call you after okay?"

"I'll be waiting."

 

Jinyoung hopes the quick phone call had mended things a little. He hates when they fight. They barely did before he left for Seoul, but now that Jinyoung had moved back to Seoul they seemed to be fighting constantly. It made his heart ache.

He wanders around Mark's apartment bored. He didn't have to go to work until tomorrow. A risky idea popped in his head. He knew Jaebum still hadn't fully forgiven him, but maybe this would help ease the tension.

Jinyoung retreats to his room just to be safe. He rummages through his drawers for a few minutes until finally coming across his favorite item. It was one of Jaebum's old oversized college t-shirts that Jinyoung had managed to sneak into his suitcase just before leaving. His heart begins to hammer against his chest as he chucks off his sweat pants, suddenly becoming aware of what he was about to do.

He's left in tight black boxers and Jaebum's long shirt barely manages to cover his ass. He opens his phone camera with slightly shaky hands and decides to start with an innocent picture. He takes a selfie of himself hugging a pillow, pouting up at the camera. It's sent to Jaebum with the caption, 'I wish I was holding you instead.'

It takes 10 minutes before Jaebum responds, 'Is that my shirt'

Jinyoung licks his dry lips, "Yea, I took it before I left."

'Why'

'Because it smells like you.' Jinyoung debates with himself for a bit before sending another text. 'Whenever I wear it, it reminds me of how it feels when you hold me against your chest'

'I can send you more shirts'

Jinyoung snorts at Jaebum's extra-ness, but replies with, 'I'd like that.'

The messages remains unread for a few minutes, and Jinyoung assumes Jaebum must be busy with something at the cafe. There's enough time for Jinyoung to consider sending something a bit more risque. 

Jinyoung puts his phone to the side for a second and closes his eyes. He begins to think of last night, and the way Jaebum's voice had sounded so deep and husky over the phone. He thinks of all the things Jaebum said he'd do to him if he were there. Shamelessly, he begins to palm himself over his boxers until he is half hard. His hands are clammy as he fumbles to unlock his phone and open the front view camera.

He raises his phone high enough so that the tent in his boxers is visible in the picture. He snaps the picture quickly before he regrets taking it. He types out a caption even faster, 'You say I've forgot about you. But don't you see how much I miss you.'

Jinyoung stares at the delivered symbol next to his message with a racing heart. He has no idea how Jaebum will react, they've never done this before. It's unexpected as the phone call last night.

It's a while before Jaebum responds. 'Jinyoungie...what are you doing'

Jinyoung responds with another picture, this time he's actually palming himself in the frame with his head tilted back against the headboard and eyes closed.

'Fuck, you look so pretty' Jaebum replies. 'Why are you trying to give me a boner during work'

Jinyoung giggles with delight. His confidences is growing, so he slips out of his boxers completely. The outline of his cock is even more visible underneath Jaebum's shirt. He takes another picture, the shirt rides up precariously high on his thighs, just enough that the base of his cock is slightly visible.

'Oh my god.' Jaebum texts back.

Jinyoung grins, its serious when Jaebum starts putting periods at the end of his sentences.

'Do you want me to stop?' Jinyoung teases.

'No.'

'When do you get a break? Call me.'

'Give me 5 minutes, I'm telling Jackson I'm going on break now. I'll call you once I'm alone in my car.'

It's no surprise, Jaebum had always been a sucker for tease-Jinyoung.

 

 

 

 

Jinyoung wakes up to a finger poking at his rib cage. He grumbles as he pulls the covers stubbornly over his head, "Go away."

"Is that any way to talk to your hyung? After I gave you a bed to sleep in?" Mark scolds. Jinyoung responds with a grunt. Mark yanks at the bottom of his blankets, effectively untucking him, "Get up you lazy oaf." He succeeds in peeling back the sheets to reveal a rather disheveled and irritated Jinyoung, "We are making strawberry milkshakes for breakfast."

Jinyoung perks up, "Milkshakes, you say?"

Mark yanks the pillows under his head this time, "Yea, so hurry up."

"I'm up, I'm up." Jinyoung insists and stumbles to the bathroom, knocking over a nearby chair in the process. He can hear Mark's delighted laughter in the background. 

Once he's finished washing, Jinyoung strolls into the kitchen. He walks in on Mark feeding Mia a spoonful of whipped cream. He smiles at the domestic picture. A year ago the picture of them together would probably cause him pain, but now he's just happy for Mark. It feels liberating. No more hard feelings.

Mark sees him and rushes over, "Sleeping beauty awakens! Come on, and help us wash the strawberries."

Jinyoung heads over to the bowl of strawberries and bites into one. He winces at the feeling of the cold fruit against his sensitive teeth, lips forming into their usual pout. Mark pokes his cheek, "Cute."

"Mark," Mia interrupts, voice rather curt. "Will you finish clearing the table? Jinyoung can help me in the kitchen."

Jinyoung quickly pries himself from Mark's grasp. Mark, blissful unaware, heads out of the kitchen. Jinyoung's eyes follows his retreating back, trying to send telepathic signals for him to come back.

See, there had been a new sort of development.

It was amplified by all the time the three of them had spent together. A year apart had done nothing to cease the touchy nature of Jinyoung and Mark's relationship, in fact it had probably made them even more touchy than usual. They easily fell into their old habits, and being affectionate wasn't unusual for them, at least not back then. The only difference now is that Mark is a married man now, and his wife is around to see every arm Mark threw over Jinyoung's shoulders, or every back hug Jinyoung would receive from Mark while he did the dishes. 

It all really didn't mean anything. At least not to Mark or Jinyoung. It's all friendly touches, nothing more. But to an outsider, someone who hadn't know Jinyoung and Mark's history, they might suspect something more. Everyone always did. It was the cause of many misunderstandings during their childhood.

It was after Mia had found Jinyoung fast asleep against Mark' chest on the couch on multiple occasions that she had started to change her demeanor towards Jinyoung. She use to claim that Jinyoung was her favorite of Mark's friends, but that quickly changed when she saw exactly how close Jinyoung was with her husband. She never said anything though, just watched with an air of cold distaste. It's another reason for why Jinyoung was frantically searching for a new apartment to move into. Mia was great and all, but he sensed a growing hostile vibe form her as the days went by. 

The kitchen was weighed heavy with tension, now that Mia and Jinyoung were left alone.

She hands him another bowl of strawberries, "Can you wash these?"

"S-sure." Jinyoung gingerly takes the bowl and faces the sink. All that can be heard in the quiet of the kitchen is the stream of water from the faucet and the clinking of silverware from Mia's side.

Mia suddenly begins to talk, "Everyone was pretty freaked out when you disappeared."

Jinyoung's hands still where they rub at a dirt spot on a strawberry, _W_ _hy can't we all just move on from that already?_ "Yea, I can only imagine. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble."

Mia shrugs, "The circumstances were out of your control. But I am curious..."  _Aren't you always?_ "It's amazing how you got so drunk."

Jinyoung bites his tongue as he screams a little on the inside. He is so tired of trying to come up with an excuse for himself. It wasn't like he could reveal to Mia that he use to be in love with her husband.

"It happens." Jinyoung shrugs.

Mia hums, "Your mom was so broken after your disappearance. Which was expected, of course. You are her son." Jinyoung grimaces at the mention of his mom's suffering. "What I didn't expect was Mark's reaction," Mia continues, "I know you're best friends, pretty much joined at the hip," She sounds a little bitter, "But I was a little thrown off by how badly he reacted. After the honeymoon, after we accepted the fact you were probably dead...it was like a switch was flipped. He wouldn't come out of his room, wouldn't talk to anyone." Mia pursues her lips, "Great way to spend the first few weeks of your marriage, by the way."

Jinyoung splutters, shocked by the news, "I-I didn't mean to get in the way."

She dismisses him with a wave, "It got so bad, I took him to a therapist in hopes of that being able to get through to him. That's when we find out he was suffering from a depressive episode."

Jinyoung's eyes widen, "He never mentioned anything to me."

Mia ignores his comment, "It was like he was _heartbroken_."

Jinyoung felt uneasy at the accusatory tone creeping into Mia's voice, he wonders if this conversation is going to have a point, "I mean we have known each other for years, so it's reasonable for him to be pretty upset if he thought I died."

She cuts him off, "I know he use to be in love with you in middle school."

And there's her point. _  
_

The bowl of strawberries that Jinyoung held between his hand clatters to the bottom of the sink, _"What??_ _"_ He's still facing away from her, now too scared to turn around and face her.

Mia makes a disapproving noise, "You didn't know that?"

The ground beneath Jinyoung's feet seems to be moving. The domestic picture of the newlywed couple from minutes ago shatters. He grips the counter's edge to steady himself, "No. I didn't." _You've got to be kidding me._ _That's not possible. He never-_

"Oh." Mia sounds confused now. "Well, don't get any funny ideas."

Jinyoung finally turns around and narrows his eyes at her, "What is that suppose to mean? I would never try to interfere between the two of you. Mark is married and I have a boyfriend."

"I didn't say anything like that." Mia meets his eyes. "I'm just saying to remember that Mark is a married man."

Jinyoung bristles under her gaze, he wants to say something mean, the words are on the tip of his tongue. But this is _Mark's_ wife, he can't just get into a fight with her for the sake of his pride. Mark pops his head into the kitchen before any words are exchanged, "Why are you guys taking so long? I'm starving."

"Oh just getting more fruit ready. I think we are all good now though, right Jinyoung?" Mia says in a sickeningly sweet voice. She hands him a bowl of pastries, "Why don't you guys go set these at the table, they'll be great with the milkshakes. I'll finish making the milkshakes in here." She pats Jinyoung's shoulder, in a seemingly friendly gesture, but Jinyoung can't help the cold shudder that runs through his body.

He follows Mark into the dinning room, hands shaking a little around the bowl, and a lump in his throat as Mark throws him a casual smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if I like this chapter that much, but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting for months for another update again :P still don't know how angsty I plan on making this fic lol


	11. Chapter 11

Jinyoung balances his phone precariously between his shoulder and ear as he gently stirs the heap of vegetables resting in a sizzling pan. The soft aroma of spices fills the kitchen and the soft R&B music playing in the background has Jinyoung tapping his foot against the oven door. It creates the perfect soothing atmosphere Jinyoung needs after working late nights for several weeks in a row, but it was worth it in the end because he had saved enough to purchase his own apartment.

Sharing a living space with Mark and his wife had become uncomfortable after a while, especially after _that_ talk with Mia. With his own savings and a little help from his mother, which he reluctantly took after realizing the price of apartments in Seoul, Jinyoung managed to snag himself a modest apartment, that was still pretty lavish compared to what he was use to in Icheon. Jinyoung made sure to relay this information as soon as possible to Jaebum, who accepted the news with great relief. Some of Jaebum's insecurities surrounding their relationship, that had arisen out of Jinyoung living with Mark were somewhat soothed, although they were not completely gone.

"Are you and Bambam eating properly? I swear if all you're having for lunch now is milkshakes and fries-" Jinyoung scolds Yugyeom over the phone, and he can practically hear his disrespectful, but beloved, dongsaeng rolling his eyes on the other end, "Of course, hyung."

"Mhm, I don't believe you."

"I think I ate an apple a few days ago. That's healthy right?"

Jinyoung is horrified, "Days ago? Aish, I should tell Jackson to make sure you're eating healthy."

"Nooo," Yugyeom whines, "Jackson will just feed us stuff from his organic diets."

"It would do you good," Jinyoung counters as he reaches over the pan of vegetables to turn off the stove and can then lean more comfortably against the counter.

Yugyeom sighs over-dramatically into the phone, "I'm a growing boy. I can't live off of just protein bars and kale shakes." The mention of protein bars and kale shakes makes Jinyoung think fondly back to the mornings at the coffee shop where Jackson would bring in all sorts of organic smoothies. He'd always enthusiastically offer Jinyoung a sip and ask how it turned out. Jinyoung never had the heart to turn Jackson down, and would always scarf down the concoctions as fast as he could, biting back the grimace in order to give Jackson a tight lipped smile and thumbs up. Jackson's sunshine-like smile was always worth the bitter aftertaste.

Four soft taps on his door alert Jinyoung of a visitor and his phone almost slips out of his hands, startled out of his thoughts, but the visitor isn't exactly a surprise for Jinyoung, "Hey Yugyeom, I have a guest. I'll have to call you back."

"I hope it's not Mark," Yugyeom responds immediately, disapproval creeping into his voice, "Jaebum, wouldn't like that. Isn't spending too much time with Mark the reason why you guys fought like weeks ago."

"Why do you assume it's Mark?" Jinyoung splutters, feeling rather exposed.

"Hyung." Yugyeom's tone indicates there is no use in trying to argue.

"I've got to go," Jinyoung says quickly, "Send my love to everyone at the cafe." He hangs up on Yugyeom before the younger can continue to judge him.

Although Jaebum knew that Jinyoung had finally moved into his own apartment, he didn't know that Mark still stopped by for regular visits. Jinyoung felt a little guilty at excluding this detail from his daily chats with Jaebum, but it just never came up, and Jinyoung didn't want to bring it up and sour the few moments he had with Jaebum over the phone. Besides, him and Jaebum had finally stopped fighting so much. This information would just cause another unnecessary rift. There was no harm in his best friend dropping by for occasional visits anyways, right?  

Jinyoung swings the front door open and is greeted by Mark, decked out in a grey business suit that hangs off his slim shoulders and a silky blue tie that Jinyoung suddenly has the urge to smooth over with his hands. Mark's goofy grin is half hidden by the white plastic bug he holds up to Jinyoung's face, it smells deliciously of meat. Mark wiggles his eyebrows, "I brought the goods."

"You make it sound like you brought drugs."

Mark snorts, his dorky behavior a sharp contrast to his business attire, before pushing past Jinyoung to dump the bag and his briefcase on the counter top. He toes off his shoes, and carelessly tosses his suit jacket across one of the bar stools. Mark loosens his tie, unbuttons the cuffs of his sleeves and rubs his hands together, "Work was too long today. I'm starving."

It all feels strangely domestic, and that prompts Jinyoung to ask, "Shouldn't you be at home with Mia?"

Mark pouts at him, "Are you trying to kick me out already? I've only been here for 2 minutes."

"I don't want your wife to hate me because I've been stealing you away from home." Jinyoung quips and Mark laughs, but Jinyoung isn't completely joking.

Mia had been just as relieved as Jaebum that Jinyoung was moving out, and Jinyoung wants to keep the quiet truce they had established. Even though Mia's words had shaken him, Jinyoung could understand where she was coming from. Her husband was acting unusually close with someone who he use to be in love with, and to know that the other party had once returned those same feelings must be unsettling. Jinyoung knew that in her place he would face the same cascade of doubts and envy. He had to sympathize with her as he knew she was going through the same insecurities that Jaebum was going through at the moment. The situation was uncomfortable for all three of them, meanwhile Mark seemed to be blissfully at peace.

"Mia loves you, don't be silly." Mark says and Jinyoung doesn't express the thought that Mia might not like him so much anymore, not in their current situation. _  
_

Mark goes straight into Jinyoung's cupboards, locating the plates within seconds. He seems perfectly at home. _Hmmm. Maybe he has been spending too much time in my apartment._

The guilt caused by this thought doesn't help Jinyoung's already skittish nerves. He's been meaning to confirm something with Mark since he talked with Mia. Even though Mia had been explicit, Jinyoung could only believe it was real hearing it coming from Mark's mouth. Jinyoung spends a few minutes struggling to open the tight knot on the bag of meat, and he can't tell if it's because of his own lack of agility or his subconscious way of finding a distraction. Giving up on the bag and curiosity finally winning over, he blurts out, "You know how last week, you wanted me to be honest to you when I told you that I use to be," Jinyoung winces slightly, "in love with you. Well can you be honest with me when I ask you something?"

Mark stops in the middle of spooning the vegetables Jinyoung's cooked into plates for them, looking at Jinyoung with some concern, "Of course. What's been on your mind?"

"I know." Jinyoung starts and almost backs down, regret crowding the silence following Jinyoung's two simple words. _God damn it, why can't I let this rest._ But it's too late to go back now. "I know you use to be in love with me in middle school."

Mark's mouth falls slack, face going slightly pale. In an other situation, it would be comical how he looks exactly like a deer caught in headlights. But right now, Jinyoung just feels his skin crawl with uneasiness.  _Why did I bring this topic up again? I'm an idiot. I told myself I'd stop thinking about it._ Mark tugs his collar nervously away from his neck, "Where did you hear that?"

"Mia told me."

"Oh." Mark doesn't say anything else, and instead goes to ruffle through one of Jinyoung's drawers for utensils. He seems jittery, moving from place to place in Jinyoung's kitchen.

"Oh? Is that all you have to say?" Jinyoung feels slight irritation at Mark's ability to casually dismiss topics he doesn't want to talk about. "Why did you never tell me?"

Mark finds Jinyoung's kitchen drawers incredibly interesting, and Jinyoung grows impatient, "Is it even true?"

Mark finally stops fake-searching through Jinyoung's drawer to straighten his back, but he is still facing away from Jinyoung when he speaks, "Of course it's true. I wouldn't lie to Mia."

"Why would you tell her, but not me?"

Mark shrugs, "I tell Mia almost everything," He eventually turns around to look at Jinyoung in the eyes, but seems to shrink back against the counter under Jinyoung's questioning glare.

"Are you serious?" Jinyoung says, "I told you my feelings, but you never had the courage to tell me yours."

Mark waves his hands wildly in front of him, "You have to understand. I was so young back then. I didn't even know you were gay until the beginning of high school. Even once I knew, I didn't want to be the asshole that assumed you automatically had feelings for me because I'm a guy you're close with."

Jinyoung doesn't know why he feels so affronted, considering he had been so reluctant to reveal his own feelings just a week ago. But somehow he can't help the accusing manner he says, "So you were never going to say anything?"

Mark slams his hand down on the counter, causing the plates on top to rattle against one another. Jinyoung grimaces at the jarring sound. "Damn it Jinyoung, you weren't going to tell me about your feelings either!" Mark exclaims.

He sucks in a deep breath to calm himself after seeing how startled Jinyoung is at his outburst. He begins again in a calmer voice, "You never gave me any indication of returning my feelings anyways."

Jinyoung is at loss for words, shaken by Mark's explanation, "Me? But-but, you were the one who dated all those other girls."

Mark frowns, "I didn't want to cross a line with you that I would regret later. I started seeing other people to distract myself, and little by little whatever I felt for you just began to fade away."

"You fell out of love with me," Jinyoung says bluntly.

Mark doesn't disagree, "I'm sorry."

Jinyoung shakes his head, "You don't have to apologize. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that we both use to be in love with each other, but at different points in our life."

Mark offers him a small smile, that's more of a grimace, but a smile nonetheless, the earlier tension finally dissipating, "I guess we have bad timing don't we?"

"Yea, we do." Jinyoung mumbles mostly to himself. The possibility of what could have been hits him. What if he had started loving Mark a little earlier, or what if Mark hadn't given up on him so soon? They were a fraction away from the stars aligning just right. Something could have happened, and things would have been so, so different right now. There had been endless chances too, with them being attached at the hip at such a young age. Then again, maybe there was a reason why despite all the opportunities given, none were taken.

Mark clears his throat, and finishes serving their dinner, he talks as he works, "It's in the past now, right? Like you said before, let's move on from this." Mark looks up at Jinyoung, both plates in his hands, "Come on, I want to watch that English drama from last week we never finished."

"Yes, hyung." Jinyoung answers numbly, following Mark into the living room. There's goosebumps running up his skin as he thinks of the 'what if's' that are sure to plague him for nights to come.

 

 

 

 

The trees surrounding their table at the outside cafe had begun to sprout baby green leaves. Birds had found their perch on the young branches, and a few were brave enough to venture into the outskirts of the cafe area, looking for table scraps. The sun shined above them, but wasn't oppressive. These were all small signs of spring creeping into the air, but there was still a distinct chill lingering in the air that seemed like it didn't want to go away. As if winter still wanted to win over spring, despite it's time being long overdue.

A particularly brutal gust of wind blows past Jinyoung and his mother, causing them both to shiver in their seats. Jinyoung's hand, which is clutching a teacup, shakes a little in the breeze. Fat drops of hot water slosh over the sides and land on his-technically Jaebum's-sweatshirt. Jinyoung clicks his tongue against his teeth in annoyance and dabs at the wet spot with a napkin. The spot stubbornly refuses to dry itself, and only sits there mocking him like a nagging afterthought.

"How's your new apartment?" his mother asks, stirring her spoon in her coffee.

Jinyoung shrugs, "It's fine. I like having my own place and not intruding in on Mark and Mia's privacy"

His mother nods, "I felt bad not being able to let you stay with me. I was worried it would be awkward between the three of you, but it looks like you all got along well. Mia practically loves you."

Jinyoung takes too large a sip of tea, and choking slightly. He shift uncomfortably in his seat, his mind flashing to their conversation in the kitchen, "I have a feeling she's not very fond of me anymore."

"Don't be silly. How can someone not like you?"

Jinyoung laughs bitterly, lately he's been feeling like the exact type of person someone would hate. His mother raises a questioning eyebrow at him, indicating she's waiting for him to elaborate. "There's something you're not telling me is there." Her motherly intuition quickly picks up his discomfort. Jinyoung fiddles with the napkin in his lap, keeping his eyes downcast. He knows he has to confide in someone before he went insane. If there is anyone in this world he trusts with his troubles, it's his mother.

"A few weeks ago, I told Mark that I use to be in love with him." Jinyoung's cheeks flush the second the words leave his mouth.

His mother's gives him an alarmed look, the concern is evident in the folds of her creased brows. Jinyoung rushes to reassure her, "It went better than I thought it would. He didn't judge me for it. He said everything was fine and-" Jinyoung smiles to himself, "he even apologized."

His mother nods in approval, "Mark has always been a good person."

"There's more," Jinyoung bites his lips, stomach churning just at the thought of what he's about to reveal next. "A few weeks ago, right before I moved into my own apartment, Mia came up to me." Jinyoung clenches his fist around the napkin in his hand, "She told me Mark use to be in love with me too, when we were really young kids."

"Oh my God," his mother lifts her hand to her mouth, "I always thought, well I never assumed-" she shakes her head, "I guess it makes sense. I did have an inkling of a feeling that he loved you more than a friend."

Jinyoung frowns, "What do you mean?"

"Well, Mark use to look at you the way Jaebum looks at you now."

Jinyoung's stomach lurches within him almost painfully. The napkin in his hands crumpled beyond repaired and the tips of his fingers going white from the pressure he's applying. The mention of Jaebum has anxiety and guilt settling into his bones, making his limbs feel like lead, like he can't move. His mother's statement made everything much more real. "I-I never noticed," Jinyoung manages to croak out, and he reaches for his teacup to soothe his parched throat.

His mother scoffs, "Of course you didn't. You were too busy giving him same rosy eyed look." She takes a bite of her food before pausing, eyes wide, "Mark doesn't still-"

"No!" Jinyoung says a little too loudly, a few people turn to look at him and his body flushes hotly. He continues in a quieter voice, "Of course not. I clarified that with him. It's all in the past now." _Then why does your stomach feel like it goes to empty all its contents on the floor?  
_

His mother says gently, "Does Jaebum know about this?"

Jinyoung gulps nervously, "No, I don't think it's something he would want to hear. It would just make things awkward."

"He still deserves to know." His mother chastises him and Jinyoung bows his head in shame. He picks up his fork to play with his food in an attempt to occupy himself with something,  but his mother reaches across the table to take his hand, "Why are you scared of Jaebum knowing? You aren't still in love with Mark are you?"

Jinyoung recoils back from her touch, as if he had been burned by hot coals. "That's ridiculous!"

"You know I wouldn't judge you if you still were." His mother says seriously, "I did wonder at first if Jaebum was just a rebound. I had seen you love Mark so intensely, it was hard to imagine you loving someone else for a change."

Jinyoung shakes his head feverishly, embarrassment crawling all over his skin, "If there is one thing I'm sure about, is that what I feel for Jaebum is genuine. I'm not using him. _I love him_."

"It's possible to love two people at the same time."

Jinyoung falters, "I-I don't t-think I still love Mark. I can't be. It's been so long"

"Then why are you still here in Seoul, and not with Jaebum in Icheon?" His mother retorts. Jinyoung's has no response, his throat closing up on him, preventing him from forming any coherent sentences.

"Sweetie," his mother continues, "I don't mean to fluster you. I just want you to be honest with yourself about your feelings. Don't be hard on yourself, if you feel conflicted. You were in love with Mark for years, that type of love isn't easy to get rid of."

Jinyoung finally finds his voice, "But that makes me feel like a terrible boyfriend. Why do I have to feel conflicted? Jaebum deserves better."

"Jaebum loves you, he doesn't want anything "better". The best you can do for him right now, is to be honest about what you're feeling."

The thing is, Jinyoung had purposely avoided taking the time to sit down and really analyze what he felt since he saw Mark again. Sure, his immediate reaction was happiness, but there was something else that made his stomach twist uneasily whenever he looked at Mark. Out of fear, Jinyoung never named whatever that was, he didn't want to. Love? No, Jinyoung knew what it was like to be in love with Mark, hell he had spent most of his lifetime being in love with him, and this wasn't it - it couldn't be it. The love he use to feel for Mark was all consuming, like a fire burning constantly through his body that seem to use up all the oxygen he needed to breathe. Whatever Jinyoung felt now was no longer that powerful, it resembled a watered down cup of coffee, not as strong but it still had a lingering bite to it.

Maybe it was just that Jinyoung's heart was so use to loving Mark. There was something familiar and comforting about depending on Mark's affections, it had become some sort of co-dependence, which was now a left over sense of attachment to his best friend. Unfortunately, old habits die hard.

But it didn't make Jinyoung love Jaebum any less. He didn't like to compare the two men in his life, nor what he felt for either of them. To Jinyoung, they were two completely different people, representing two completely different aspects of his life, the past and the future. And maybe that was part of the problem. He didn't want to get stuck on the past nor did he want to completely let go of it. Everything in his past was still integral to who he had become in the present.

Still, Jinyoung knew he didn't have the luxury to lead both lives and expect everyone to be happy about it. He also didn't have much time to decide, considering how Jaebum kept asking when he was going to move back. There was something holding him back - unfinished business here in Seoul. As to what that unfinished business was, Jinyoung didn't know yet. But he did know if he didn't give an answer soon...well he didn't want to think about the consequences.

 

 

 

 

Jinyoung wakes up to the commotion of pots and pans knocking against one another and his phone vibrating furiously by his ear. He groans as he pushes his face further into the sofa cushions trying to drown out all the noise so he can salvage some more sleep, but his phone just vibrates harder. With blearily eyes, Jinyoung fumbles to unlock his phone and sees his alarm is ringing but he can't recall what he set it for. Once he turns it off Jinyoung happily closes his eyes and slips into a slumber until the whistle of a kettle pierces through his blissful silence once again. _Who is so inconsiderate enough to disturb him-_

Wait.

He lives alone.

Jinyoung jolts up in fear, already reaching for the candle holder on the coffee table as a poor excuse of a weapon. He stealthily approaches the opening to the kitchen, ready to fight the intruder, when Mark's head peeks around the corner.

Jinyoung yelps in surprise, the candle holder slipping out of his hand onto his foot. He falls to the ground to nurse his injury, "What the fuck?"

"Hello to you, too." Mark says quite cheerfully.

"How did you get in here?" Jinyoung rubs at the bruise already forming on his toe.

"Your spare key is under the door mat," Mark hums in disapproval as he returns to the kitchen and Jinyoung follows him limping. "Your mom told me you were getting sick so I decided to check up on you." He stirs at a pot of what smells like soup, "I found you passed out on the couch, you were a little warm but not feverish. Nothing my soup can't fix."

Jinyoung snorts, "You sound like my mom." He wobbles over to the counter where he sees meds that Mark must have bought. He gratefully gulps them down, realizing he _is_ feeling a little off. Mark reaches over to whack Jinyoung lightly on the top of his head with the clean side of the spoon. "A ' _thanks hyung you're so considerate',_ would be nice." Jinyoung gives him a sheepish look, and Mark rolls his eyes but his gaze is fond as he follows Jinyoung's figure walking around the kitchen.

"By the way, your phone kept ringing. I would check it."

When Jinyoung checks his phone it is in fact filled with messages, all from Jaebum.

'hey I'm gonna Skype you in a few okay?'

'are we still Skyping today at 6?'

'jinyoung?'

'okay gonna Skype in 10 min'

The last message was sent just a few minutes ago. Jinyoung curses under his breath and rushes to his room to find his laptop. His fingers fly across the keyboard as he log ins. Just as he manages to open Skype up, Jaebum is trying to initiate a call. Jinyoung pats down a few stray hairs sticking up on his head and rearranges some of the mess on his bed, before accepting Jaebum's call. Jaebum's relieved face eventually flickers onto the screen, and Jinyoung's chest immediately feels warm and fuzzy. Seeing strands of hair falling into Jaebum's eyes make Jinyoung's fingers twitch at his sides, itching to defy the laws of physics and reach through the screen to card his fingers through Jaebum's silky hair.

"Oh good, I thought you weren't going to pick up. Didn't you get my messages?" Jaebum asks.

"Sorry, I fell asleep." Jinyoung admits.

"It's alright. I'm just glad to see you. You've been so busy lately." Jaebum says, the beginning of what might even be a pout on his lips. Looks like he had been picking up on Jinyoung's habits.

Jinyoung rubs the back of his neck nervously, "I've been taking on more projects at work." He had actually been trying to save up some money after buying the apartment, so he could get Jaebum an expensive set of sterling silver piercings he had seen at a nearby jewelry store.

Jaebum frowns at him through the dim camera, "You don't look so well. Are you sick?"

"It's just a 24 hour bug." Jinyoung waves him off.

Jaebum sighs, "I wish I was there to take care of you."

"Jinyoung!" Mark's voice booms through the thin walls of his apartment, and Jinyoung can see the way Jaebum immediately looks startled at the second voice in his apartment, "The soup is ready, hurry up before it gets cold!"

Jaebum narrows his eyes accusingly at Jinyoung, who flushes through the screen, "Is that Mark?"

Jinyoung stammers, "Uh, y-yeah, he came by to check up on me because he heard I was sick."

"Hm. That's nice of him." Jaebum says curtly.

"Hyung," Jinyoung sighs, "You can't do this every time I spend time with Mark. I know you don't like him, but he is still my best friend."

Jaebum crosses his arms, "I know. I know. I just feel like you spend too much time with him."

"No I don't. He's only visits once in a whi-"

"Jinyoung." Mark appears in his bedroom doorway with a bowl of soup carefully balanced in his hands, "What's taking you so long-oh, you're on Skype?" Mark comes to sit besides him on the bed, and Jinyoung subconsciously scoots away, thinking of Jaebum carefully watching their every move.

"Hi!" Mark waves at Jaebum with a bright smile. "It's Jaejum right?"

Jinyoung gulps at the way Jaebum's jaw visibly clicks into place, "It's Jaebum."

Mark laughs, "I know. I was just teasing you."

Jinyoung shoots Jaebum a look that says _behave_. Jaebum sighs and uncrosses his arms, "How are you Mark?"

"I'm going pretty well, thanks. I don't know so much about Jinyoung, found him passed out on the couch. I don't think me and Mia need to start thinking about having kids anytime soon with Jinyoung around," Mark reaches up to ruffle up Jinyoung's hair, "He's so much work, barely takes care of himself. But don't worry, I'm always in his apartment to make sure he's eating and sleeping properly."

"Always in his apartment?" Jaebum's repeats, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline.

"Yea, honestly he might as well give me my own room in here." Mark jokes.

"But I don't want you here." Jinyoung says in attempt to lighten the mood.

"Nonsense, you love me." Mark quips, and Jaebum visibly tenses at those words. Jinyoung winces, knowing the weight of that phrase in their situation. He coughs awkwardly, "Do I?"

"Well," Jaebum interrupts, "I see your occupied, Jinyoung. I'll call back another time." Jaebum exits before Jinyoung has anytime to say goodbye. He blinks sadly at the now blank computer screen.  Mark settles more comfortably on the bed and nudges the laptop away to place the soup on Jinyoung's lap. He brings the spoon up against Jinyoung's lips, "Come on, you need to eat. Stop sulking."

Jinyoung begrudgingly accepts the spoonful of soup, but it just tastes bitter at the thought of Jaebum being upset with him for the umpteenth time. He worries that Jaebum will eventually tire of this mess, and they will get into a conflict that couldn't be resolved.

"I don't think your boyfriend likes me," Mark snaps Jinyoung out of his thoughts.

Jinyoung spares Mark the truth of just how much Jaebum dislikes him, "He doesn't like the fact I use to be in love with you."

Mark raises an eyebrow, "Doesn't he trust you?"

Jinyoung frowns, he had never thought about that way, "He does! He's just not use to seeing me so close to someone else."

"You mean he's jealous," Mark corrects him, and then feeding him another spoonful of soup, "Doesn't that get suffocating? It's like he won't let you have a best friend."

"Our situation is weird," Jinyoung protests, "Jaebum is allowed to feel a little affected. The distance isn't helping with our issues either." He pauses, uncertain, "I was actually thinking, I mean it's not a solid plan yet," Jinyoung begins to ramble, this is first time he's telling Mark this, and he feels nervous, "What if I moved back to Icheon, it could solve some of our problems."

" _What?_ " Mark cuts him short, dropping the spoon back into the soup and Jinyoung flinches at the small splash. "You just got back. _We_ just got you back." Disbelief colors Mark's face, "You want to leave us again?"

Jinyoung grips Mark's hands, trying to calm him down, "I-It's not like that. I just want to fix things with Jaebum."

Mark pursues his lips, "So this is all about Jaebum. You're just going to throw away everything you have here for some boy?"

Jinyoung frowns, letting go of Mark's hands and leaning back, "Jaebum is not just _some_ boy."

"But you've built a life here in Seoul for years!" Mark throws his hands up in the air, "You have a stable job, a spacious apartment, your mom, the rest of your family, all the friends you've made here. Is Jaebum really worth giving all of that up?"

Jinyoung straightens his posture and looks Mark in the eyes, "Of course he is! And I wouldn't even be giving you guys up, I would still keep in touch." _  
_

"Okay, but if you plan on moving to Icheon, you'd still have to start over and get a new job. Possibly at an entry level position. You'd be making very little, and what? You'd be living with Jaebum. He's just a coffee shop worker. That's not stable income, or a stable future." Mark retorts.

Jinyoung bristles, quickly growing angry at someone insulting his boyfriend, "Why does it matter if he's a coffee shop worker? He could be a garbage man for all I care. The money he makes and the money I'd be making doesn't matter. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him." He blushes shortly after, realizing what he had just confessed in the rush.

Mark's eyes are as wide as saucers, "I didn't realize it was that serious."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Jinyoung says exasperated.

"I just thought that when you settled down, like for good. It would be with someone like a lawyer, or doctor, or some sort of professional."

Jinyoung scoffs and crosses his arms, "Now you sound like Mia. I thought you supported me and Jaebum."

"I do!" Mark defends himself, "Or did. I don't know. I just didn't think your relationship was going to last _that_ long. I thought it was a temporary thing you'd get over in a month or two."

"Excuse me?" Jinyoung's voice goes shrill as he abruptly gets up, soup sloshing onto his pants but he's too heated up to care.

"That came out wrong," Mark grabs Jinyoung's wrist. "I know I sound like an asshole right now, but look Jinyoung, Jaebum is very temperamental from what I have seen, and I know you are very stubborn. You guys clash. Is it worth dropping everything for something that might not work? I don't want you to make rushed decisions with him just because you feel like you're in love."

 Jinyoung retches his arm out of Mark's grasp. "I think it's time you left."

"Jinyoung." Mark pleads. "I'm only saying this because I care about you and I want the best for you."

"Jaebum is the best for me." Jinyoung bites back, he still feels the anger bubbling hot in his stomach like a pot of boiling water, "Just go." He says quietly and Mark sighs, giving him a dejected look before trudging slowly out of his apartment.

 

 

 

 

Jinyoung readjusts the reading glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose as he flips the page of a new book he's been reading. Thunder rumbles in the distance, and lightning follows within the next second, flooding his living room with white light. Jinyoung pays no mind to commotion outside, or the rain pattering on the window, he's too engrossed in reading. A knock on the door finally disrupts Jinyoung. He sighs, reluctantly putting the book down and tugging the blanket off his shoulders. He shivers under the material of his thin sweater.The knocking becomes more aggressive.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He swings the door open, slightly out of breath from rushing to answer the door before the knocking became too loud.

The first thing that Jinyoung notices is the overwhelming stench of alcohol radiating off Mark in waves.

Mark stands there with hunched shoulders, one of his palms is propped against the doorway to hold himself up. His hair is stuck up at odd places as if he's been running his hands through it in frustration. His clothes sag against his body, soaked with rain water, and a puddle quickly forming at his feet.

"Mark, why are you here?" Jinyoung doesn't hold the door completely open, he still hadn't reconciled with Mark since their little quarrel over Jaebum's place in Jinyoung's life. Mark looks up from the floor, eyes bloodshot red, "Can I come in?" his voice quavers, "Please."

Jinyoung's motherly instinct kicks in, and his resolves crumbles seeing his best friend in such a poor state, so he opens the door wider to motion Mark to come inside. Mark stumbles over the threshold. He trips on the raised part of the carpet and tumbles into Jinyoung's arms. Jinyoung stiffens at the sudden contact and moves to situate Mark upright, but Mark clings to him like a koala. Jinyoung sighs in defeat and adjusts them both so that Mark has an arm draped around his shoulder. He lugs Mark over to the sofa, and tries not wince at the damp spot Mark will surely leave on the furniture. Mark doesn't say a word the entire time, just shivers in place. Jinyoung pinches his nose, the stench of alcohol getting too overwhelming, "We need to get you in new clothes."

He dashes to his room to grab some sweatpants and his old college shirt, along with a towel. When he arrives in the living room, Mark has his knees tucked up under his chin as he continues to shiver. Jinyoung makes a sympathetic noise, maternal instincts once again taking over as he tugs Marks arms away from his body so he can lift his shirt off. It feels almost like taking care of a small child who refuses to dress himself. Mark remains silent and makes no attempt to assist Jinyoung in undressing himself. Once Mark is in his dry clothes, Jinyoung drapes the towel around Mark's small shoulders to catch the water from his dripping hair.

He tries again, "Mark, whats wrong?"

"Fought with Mia," Mark mumbles into his knees.

Jinyoung sits next to him on the couch and begins to rub his back as a comforting gesture, he can petty but the grudge he had been holding against Mark now completely gone, he could tell his best friend was too upset, "Was it bad?"

Mark closes his eyes as if in pain or regret, maybe both, "Really bad. Accused her of cheating."

Jinyoung sucks in a breath, hand stilling on Mark's back, "Was she?"

Mark groans and leans back against the sofa, "No. I was being stupid and over dramatic. She was obviously very offended." He lets out a breath, "I really fucked up. I don't know how it escalated so quickly, I guess we've both been stressed with work but-" Mark blinks a few times, as if trying to regain his train of thoughts admist his drunken haze, "She started accusing _me_ of things!" Mark's words begin to slur a little as he talks faster and faster, "It got too heated, so I left and went to the bar to cool down. Had one too many shots, and well I'm here now."

"Jesus, that sounds awful." Jinyoung squeezes his shoulder, "You can stay the night, but tomorrow morning you're going right back to Mia. I want you to resolve this. Okay?" Mark nods obediently.

Jinyoung gets up to go to the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water which he presses into Mark's hand, "This will help you sober up some more. Are you hungry? I have some left overs."

Mark's hand trembles as he brings the water glass up to his lips, and some of the water sloshes onto his face and lap. Jinyoung automatically uses the end of his sleeve to wipe at the corner of Mark's lips where he spilled water. He is about to pull away his hand, but then Mark is grabbing his hand with surprising strength for a drunk man.

"Can I get a hug?" Mark gives him those round puppy eyes Jinyoung had grown so use to seeing in his childhood. He can't say no. He couldn't back then, and he can't now. So he opens his arms and Mark eagerly snuggles into his chest. Jinyoung shivers where Mark's cold, wet hair comes in contact with his neck, but he keeps rubbing Mark's back, knowing his best friend stills needs comfort, "I'm sure you and Mia will work things out. I know you love each other too much to let something like this get in the way.

"You're always so nice." Mark murmurs into his chest and Jinyoung snickers, "Really? You usually call me brat."

He feels Mark shake his head, "I never mean it." Mark's arms tighten around Jinyoung. "Want to know what else I got accused of?"

"Only if you want to talk about it." Jinyoung reassures him.

 Mark takes a shaky breath against his neck, "She-she said, That-that I-"

"Hey," Jinyoung stops him, "You don't have to say it if you don't want to. I understand if you want to keep something private between you and Mia."

"This has to do with you too," Mark says, voice barely audibly as he clenches his fists into the sides of Jinyoung's shirt. Jinyoung's mind spins, "What do you mean?"

"She, uh, 'ccused me of still being in love with you." Mark finally stammers out.

Jinyoung's entire body stiffens in Mark's hold. The words hit him like a bucket of ice cold water slapped into his face. His stomach curdles unpleasantly and he becomes hyper aware of how close Mark is to him, and he tries to gently untangle himself. Mark refuses to let go, and places a finger on Jinyoung's lips to silence the impending protests.

"I told her that was ridiculous of course." Mark says and relief floods Jinyoung's body in a heartbeat, but it doesn't last for long as Mark continues to speak, "But then I started thinking of how I upset I felt when you disappeared."

Jinyoung tries to reason with Mark, and himself, "I'm your best friend, of course you would feel upset."

Mark's brows are creased with frustration and he shakes Jinyoung by the shoulders, "You don't understand. I felt...heartbroken, and I thought it was all going to be fine when you came back but-" Mark's brows crease even further, and he glares at his own lap, "Jaebum was a thing. It felt weird to have to share you. I didn't like it."

Jinyoung palms sweat where he rests them on the couch, he's still frozen in place. "Hyung..." Is all he can say, because his throat feels like it's clogged with cotton balls.

"I should feel happy for you and Jaebum, that's what good friend should feel like," Mark rambles, and Jinyoung stomach sinks being familiar with those train of thoughts, "But then you told me you wanted to leave Seoul to go with Jaebum, and it _hurts_ knowing you might leave me again."

Jinyoung finds his voice again, and he curses inwardly at the fact it shakes as he talks, "I don't know if I'm moving yet."

"Jinyoung," Mark's voice is urgent as he grabs Jinyoung's face in his clammy hands, "What did you promise me all those years ago on the playground?"

Jinyoung gulps nervously, the old feeling of guilt creeping into his veins, "I promised that I would never leave you."

"Exactly," Mark says, "And you all ready broke that promise once at my wedding."

"I didn't mean to." Jinyoung says hoarsely.

Mark croaks, "Don't break our promise again. Stay in Seoul with me." Mark's grips on his shoulder becomes almost unbearable, as if he is trying to tether Jinyoung to him with his own physical strength, as if that will prevent Jinyoung from leaving, "Stay. Stay." Mark chants, voice heavy with longing.

Jinyoung's bottom lip trembles, at how broken Mark sounds. Mark worms his way back onto Jinyoung's lap, and takes his hands in his, "I missed you so much. Didn't you miss me?" Jinyoung nods mutely, too confused and overwhelmed with the situation that he doesn't notice Mark pulling his shirt away from his shoulder until Mark's planting a sloppy kiss on the bare skin revealed. Jinyoung hisses as if he's been burnt, finally coming to his senses. He shuffles away from Mark, "W-what are you doing?"

There's a glint in Mark's eyes as he looks up at Jinyoung. His gaze is smouldering as he clumsily bunches up the front of Jinyoung's shirt in his hands. Mark uses Jinyoung's momentary surprise as leverage to haul him forward easily and their foreheads end up bumping painfully together. Mark tugs on his shirt harder, moving his parted mouth towards Jinyoung's own. Seconds before their lips touch, Jinyoung shoves Mark back by his shoulders and scoots away onto the far end of the couch.

"What are you doing!?!" Jinyoung asks again, breathing heavily. He scrambles off the couch as Mark slumps forward to lay his head in his hands, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Why," Jinyoung hands are shaking at his side, with anger or fear he's not sure, "Why would you do that?" His voice is rising with each word, his whole body is shaking. Even though Mark is the drunk one, Jinyoung feels like the floor is slipping away beneath his feet. He points a trembling finger at Mark, "That's not fair."

Jinyoung was suppose to sort his life, he was suppose to sort the mess in his head, he was suppose to be done with Mark, he was suppose to- "That's not fair _._ Not _now._ " Jinyoung's voice cracks on the last word.

"I know." Mark says, staring at his own hands. He looks up and there's tears crowding in the corner of his eyes, "Jinyoung I-" he reaches to grab Jinyoung's hand again, but Jinyoung backs up knocking into the coffee table. He shakes his head and stalks into the kitchen before he does or says something he might regret. Jinyoung grips the edge of the counter, and tries to steady his own breathing. He doesn't know how long he spends blankly staring at the counter top, trying to process the turn of events.

When Jinyoung walks back into the living room, Mark is curled up on his side fast asleep, the day's events finally taking a toll on him. Despite the incident, and the fact Jinyoung is still deeply upset, he grabs a blanket from his bed and haphazardly throws it over Mark so he won't be cold.

Jinyoung retreats to his room and notes his hands are somehow still shaking as if he had been sitting out in the cold too long. He sits on his bed and tugs at his strands of hair with frustration. Jinyoung picks his head up and his line of sight falls on the pictures set up on his bedside table. He has a picture of him and the coffee shop staff from their day at the beach. Next to it is a picture of him and Mark, that his mother had given to him.

He looks so happy in both pictures, and it stirs something in Jinyoung.

Jinyoung is not prone to having outbursts, but everything in the past few months seemed to build up in that one moment. The string that was carefully holding his emotional state together had been sliced through with a knife. Before he registers exactly what he's doing, Jinyoung's hands are coming down on the hard surface of the bedside table, and sweeping across the expanse of wood. The pictures frames, along with his phone and books propped on the table, all clatter to the ground. Jinyoung spends a few minutes just standing there and staring at the mess he's made on the ground. He sits back on his bed and wraps his arms around himself. He doesn't realize how hard he's crying until his pajama pants are soaked with tears.

 _It's not fair._ Jinyoung repeats in his head. The universe is once again mocking his old wounds, teasing his doubts, and laughing at his pain. He spent his entire youth devoting his whole being to Mark. There had been so many years spent together, where something could have happened. But nothing ever did. Jinyoung accepted that much. So why did Mark have to do that now? When he could've done something in their childhood, when everything was less complicated? Things had changed now. Jinyoung had changed now. _It's not fair_. Not for him, or Mark's wife, or Jaebum. No one was winning in this situation.

That mantra repeats in Jinyoung's head as he falls asleep, and his dreams are plagued by old memories of heartbreak.

 

 

 

 

Jinyoung squints at the sunlight streaming in through his window. When he blinks, the muscles around his eyes feel stiff and swollen from crying last night. He gingerly picks up his phone that was laying on floor. Its crowded with missed calls from Jaebum and messages from Jackson. Jinyoung feels wide awake as he reads through the messages Jackson left on his phone.

'Jaebum wanted it to be a surprise, but I know you're going through a lot right now, so I'd thought I'd give you heads up. Call me back.'

'Why aren't you picking up?'

'Be in your house tomorrow morning.'

'Oh and I know Mark drops by for regular visits. Make sure he isn't there this time.'

'Jaebum wouldn't appreciate it.'

'Jinyoung?'

 _Oh god,_ Jinyoung's stomach drops. He wretches the blankets from his body and forgoes his sandals to stumble to the bathroom. Shards of glass from the broken frames are still littered on the ground and Jinyoung feels one cut through one of his toes. He hisses in pain, but ignores it and continues on his path to the bathroom. He splashes cold water on his face in a desperate attempt to revive himself. When he looks up at the clock, it's almost noon. If Jaebum was going to drop by for a surprise visit, wouldn't he be here by now? Maybe Jinyoung read the messages wrong.

The knock on the door proves him wrong. It echoes down the hallway and in the cervices of his heart, shaking his being with impending doom.

 _Mark_. He's still in the living room. "Fuck." Jinyoung curses softly. He runs into the living room, debating on trying to sneak Mark out somehow, but that feels too strange, like he's trying to hide a secret lover. Which he isn't. The universe just likes putting him in uncomfortable positions. The knocking gets louder and Jinyoung shuffles from foot to foot, racking his brain for solution to this problem. There is none. So, he reluctantly opens the door.

Jaebum is standing in the doorway with a suitcase in his hand, looking unfairly handsome in sweatpants and tousled hair. Despite the situation, Jinyoung's heart leaps in his chest at the sight of his boyfriend.

"Jaebum-ah..." Jinyoung's voice is filled with the emotion of a man who hasn't seen his lover in years instead of a few months

"Jinyoungie," Fondness drips from Jaebum's voice like honey and he rushes forward to embrace Jinyoung, Jinyoung's own arms immediately coming up to greet him, but Jaebum stops midway. His eyes darken, focusing on something behind him. There's a crackle of disappointment in Jinyoung's chest at the blatant rejection. Jinyoung turns around and sees Mark sitting up on his sofa, still wearing the clothes he gave him last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated in months and I feel so bad. But luckily I'm on summer break now, so I won't be so busy with school and I'll have much more time to write. I'll already started next chapter so expect to see that posted within the next week!
> 
> I'll try to be better with regular updates now that school is over. I also know some of you are worried about JJP, and there is a lot of angst coming up, but there's still a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise, things will get better. The angst will only make the ending sweeter. Stick with me! I love you all for still reading <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reader brought to my attention that the long distance relationship between Jaebum and Jinyoung would work better using Seoul and Busan, instead of Seoul and Incheon, so I will go back shortly into previous chapters to change it. Just letting you guys know so you won't be confused in future chapters, Jaebum's hometown will now be Busan.
> 
> Without further to do, here's the next chapter :).

**Jaebum's POV**

 

The past few weeks had been incredibly stressful for Jaebum. Between managing a cafe with growing popularity, photography gigs on the side, and the increasing tension in his relationship with Jinyoung, he was feeling a little overwhelmed.

Everything in Jaebum's life was coming along just fine. He has a job that he loves, surrounded by life long friends. He has a small, but cozy apartment filled with lovely memories. He _had_ Jinyoung - who was his beacon of happiness and hope of better days to come. Waking up next to Jinyoung every morning, and knowing that he was Jaebum's to hold, to kiss, and to cherish, had filled him with butterflies straight out of a cheesy romance novel.

Jinyoung became a permanent in Jaebum's life, and Jaebum had grown so use to seeing Jinyoung wandering in his apartment. Nothing warmed Jaebum's heart more than seeing a sleepy Jinyoung, with bed tousled hair stumbling blindly in his kitchen to make coffee and packing lunches for the maknaes who never actually fed themselves anything other than fast food. Or seeing Jinyoung swaddled in his clothes on the sofa, highlighting his favorite quotes in Jaebum's books, with his feet propped up on the coffee table and Jaebum never failed to tickle them when he passed by just to hear Jinyoung squeal. Everything Jinyoung did just seemed to make Jaebum fall more and more in love with him. Even his snarky remarks that most would find offensive would make Jaebum admire the fire and passion in his heart. Just looking at Jinyoung made Jaebum's heart burst at the seams with fondness and his head dizzy with love. The intensity of his feelings for Jinyoung terrified Jaebum, who had never experienced something so strong and vivid.

Sure, he was grateful Jinyoung finally reunited with his past and was saved from the torment of his dreams every night. It pained Jaebum to see Jinyoung suffer from not being able to reconnect with his past. If something alleviated this pain from Jinyoung, then Jaebum wouldn't blink an eye before giving up his life to make it happen. So, when Youngjae recognized Jinyoung and provided that connection, Jaebum went along with it. So, when Mark and his mom took Jinyoung away to Seoul, Jaebum went along with it. So, when Jinyoung Skyped him and told him with bright eyes about all the wonderful things in Seoul, Jaebum went along with it.

Jaebum wanted to keep playing the role of a supportive boyfriend, but Jaebum was only human. After a month of being miles away from Jinyoung, the doubts and self loathing started to creep in. Long distance in itself wasn't as bad as it seemed. The problem was Mark. Jaebum's skin crawled knowing that the boy who Jinyoung had been in love with was near him all the time. There was history there and Jaebum wasn't exactly blind to Mark's good looks.

Mark was devastatingly handsome with his lanky frame, chiseled face, and side swept brown hair.

Even though Jaebum disliked Mark from the start, it was really only because of his history with Jinyoung. In another universe him and Mark could have been good friends. Mark was not a terrible guy, at first he seemed a little reserved lingering outside the door of the cafe, but he actually turned to be quite bubbly and goofy once you talked to him. A contrast to Jaebum who tended to be a brooding thunderstorm with occasionally rays of sunlight peeking through. Jaebum's occasional bursts of playfulness were usually directed towards Jinyoung or brought out by Jinyoung. Mark on the other hand didn't need Jinyoung to bring out the light in him, he just was a cheerful, happy person on his own. Jaebum also couldn't see Jinyoung cutting himself on edges of Mark's personality, much unlike the way Jaebum _knew_ he could cut Jinyoung with some of the sharper, more impulsive, and temperamental parts of himself. It really worried Jaebum, because at some point Jinyoung had been in love with everything about Mark and Jaebum was so different from Mark. How could Jinyoung possibly love someone who was so dissimilar from the boy he had idolized since childhood? It made Jaebum question what about himself had attracted Jinyoung in the first place.

Eventually Jaebum had enough of sitting around and waiting for Jinyoung to come back. If Jinyoung wasn't going to come to him, he would go to Jinyoung. Love never came easy, and for Jinyoung, Jaebum was willing to do anything. So with high hopes, Jaebum packed a few belongings haphazardly into a suitcase and took the earliest train to Seoul, bidding Jackson a quick goodbye and Youngjae's parting words being, "Go get him, hyung! I believe in you!"

 

 

 

 

Jaebum fanned himself under the glare of the sun as he stepped out of the train station. He waved over a taxi to take him directly to Jinyoung's apartment. After telling the taxi driver Jinyoung's address, the taxi driver gives him a once over and a dubious look. Jaebum bites back a sharp remark, he doesn't think he looks too shabby in his sweatpants, sure they're a little faded in color due to wear but they're his favorite pair! But once Jaebum steps into the lobby of Jinyoung's apartment building, he realizes why. It's like stepping into a new world. His worn down sneakers almost look offensive against the crisp, white marble flooring beneath his feet. Who knew if it was real marble, it might not be, but it at least _looked_ expensive. He almost expects chandeliers when he gazes up at the ceiling, but instead there are contemporary lights, no doubt just as expensive, twinkling above his head. Everything looks like it's been polished and cleaned over 5 times, from the shiny leather arm chairs to the gleaming wood of the coffee tables.  It's quite an upgrade from Jaebum's dingy apartment complex with no elevator. There is even a doorman to lead him in the right direction to Jinyoung's apartment. He suddenly feels a little under dressed in his sweatpants and old suitcase, when everyone walking past him is dressed in button ups and slacks or flowy sundresses.

The minute Jaebum steps in the elevator, his hearts starts to race at an unsettling pace. He had been so confident leading up to this moment, but seeing the lifestyle Jinyoung is able to lead by staying Seoul, makes his insides queasy with uncertainty. He imagines Jinyoung's apartment most look as equally as nice or nicer than the lobby. Why would Jinyoung want to downgrade to Jaebum's measly little apartment when he had all of this in Seoul?

Jaebum's finger hovers over the elevators buttons, before hastily pressing the button for the 8th floor. He watches the numbers on the display slowly climb up, each passing floor causing his heart to beat faster and faster until all he can hear is the roar of his heartbeat easily drowning out the elevator music playing the background. He almost doesn't register the elevator comes to a stop. Although the hallway ahead is brightly lit, there is still an ominous feeling curling in Jaebum's belly as he steps out onto the dark red carpet in the hallway. His eyes dart nervously across the top of doors, searching for Jinyoung's number. By the time he reaches Jinyoung's door at the end of the hall, his suitcase could easily slip out of his hand from the sweat gathered in the folds of his palm.

The doubts resurface stronger than ever as Jaebum stands just outside Jinyoung's door. Maybe he shouldn't have done this on a whim, but he really needed to see Jinyoung. It had been too long. He feels suddenly guilty for not showing up with at least flowers or something, and curses his unromantic tendencies, but then again Jinyoung knew from the start that Jaebum wasn't always the perfect prince charming, he had his flaws.

Jaebum's need to see Jinyoung in flesh wins out over his fear, so he reaches out to knock on the door. There is no response for a few minutes, and Jaebum frowns, before knocking again, a little harder. He finally hears the faint sound of shuffling on the other side which must be Jinyoung on his way to the door. The thought just sends Jaebum into another frenzy of nerves and he finds himself trying to fix his hair and check his breath as if he's a young teenage boy about to go on his first date. That's what Park Jinyoung can reduce a man to.

The door creaks open, too fast and too slow at the same time for Jaebum's fragile heart, to reveal a surprised Jinyoung. He looks adorable with his round eyes gleaming up Jaebum as if he was a figment of Jinyoung's imagination. There's patches of stubble growing on his chin, and his hair has grown longer from the lack of a haircut, even his frame seems different, a little smaller as if he hasn't been eating properly. Still, Jaebum finds Jinyoung breathtakingly beautiful in the soft glow of his apartment light, fresh from sleep. It's taking Jaebum's brain a few moments to actual process that his boyfriend is standing just a few feet away from him, the closest they have been in months. It feels like a dream.

"Jaebum-ah," Jinyoung breathes out his name, voice airy, and suddenly Jaebum's previous jitters are gone, replaced with a warm feeling of calm spreading from his chest down to his toes. His laptop did not do Jinyoung's deep and smooth voice any justice. Overwhelmed, Jaebum steps forward to embrace him, "Jinyoungie.." Jaebum says, the longing exuding from his own voice.

There's a brief flash of movement in the background that catches Jaebum's attention, his eyes momentarily flicks over Jinyoung's shoulder, expecting to see nothing.

Instead, he's greeted with the sight of Mark. He sits up on the couch, blinking sleepily at Jaebum before his eyes widen with recognition. Just like that Jaebum's perfect reverie is shattered, and his world comes to a halting stop. All the pleasant feelings fluttering around inside of Jaebum dissipate within a second. Anger flares up through his body instead as he glares at Mark who looks too at home on Jinyoung's couch.

The previous warm in Jaebum's gaze is gone as he turns to Jinyoung, a question already brewing in his eyes. "Why is he here?" Jaebum bristles.

"I'll be leaving now, actually," Mark stammers before Jinyoung can answer. He scrambles to get up, quickly gathering his shoes and coat. Once he's found all his belongings, he almost trips in his rush to get to the door, sensing the increasing tension. But just before Mark reaches for the doorknob he whips around towards Jinyoung. Jinyoung looks both startled and frightened at Mark's sudden movement, a faint blush coloring his cheeks, only serving to anger Jaebum more.

"I'm really sorry about last night." Mark hesitates, eyes flitting over to Jaebum momentarily. It happens in less than a second, but it still makes Jaebum feels as if Mark was apologizing to him as well. Mark says nothing else, and slips out the door, leaving Jaebum and Jinyoung in an awkward silence.

Jaebum's mind spins at Mark's parting words, _Why did he apologize? What did he do?_   Jaebum takes in a slow, deep breath, willing himself to remain calm this time. Jinyoung clears his throat to fill the deafening silence, "Mark had a fight last night with his wife so he crashed here."

It's a simple and believable explanation, so it should pacify Jaebum. But Jaebum didn't miss the tension in Jinyoung's shoulders since he walked in, or the way Jinyoung can't seem to completely meet his eyes. Weeks of not seeing Jinyoung and of sitting in his depressing thoughts has Jaebum strung tight with paranoia.

"Why do you look guilty?" Jaebum prods. Jinyoung's mouth goes slack, surprised at Jaebum's skill to pick up on his small mannerisms. He gives Jaebum a long look. There's a debate going on in his eyes. Jinyoung opens his mouth to speak, but think better of it and closes it. "Well?" Jaebum rushes him, the growing impatience evident in his voice, "What is it?". The wait is eating at him. "What's got you so flustered, Jinyoung, hmm?" Jaebum knows he's just goading Jinyoung mercilessly now, but the lack of sleep has him running his mouth.

"I didn't cheat on you if that's what you're thinking," Jinyoung replies tersely and finally meets his eyes.

"That's not what I meant," Jaebum flushes, suddenly feeling embarrassed at his wild thoughts, "But you still haven't answered my question."

Jinyoung deflates and runs a hand through his hair in exasperation, "Mark was really drunk last night after the fight, and he um," Jinyoung pauses looking suddenly fearful, "You have to understand he didn't know what he was doing. He was drunk." Jaebum's stomach sinks at the thought of Mark drunk and alone with Jinyoung in a room. Jaebum waits for Jinyoung to continue with his sanity balanced on the edge of a cliff.

"He, um, he tried to kiss me." 

Jaebum's sanity tips over the edge.

"He _what?_ " Jaebum growls, blood pressure spiking and his hands unconsciously clench at his sides. _I knew it, I knew Mark couldn't be trusted. I'm an idiot._

"B-but I pushed him away in time," Jinyoung splutters in a panic. He adds meekly, "He didn't get to do anything, and he eventually fell asleep."

Jaebum's jaw aches from the way he's grinding his teeth together, trying to pull himself together. He grabs Jinyoung by the elbows, tugging him forward, "Did he hurt you?" He demands.

Jinyoung is only an inch or two shorter than him, but in that moment he looks so small as he looks up to Jaebum with wide, terrified eyes. A little voice in the back of his head is telling him to stop acting like this before someone get hurts, but the anger is overcrowding it.

"No!" Jinyoung says, voice going shrill, "Mark would never do that."

Jaebum scoffs, his grip on Jinyoung's elbows growing tighter as the ugly feeling of jealousy creeps into him, "Are you defending him?"

"It was an honest mistake. He won't do it again." Jinyoung argues, trying to tug his arms free. "How do you know?" Jaebum holds on tighter, shaking him gently.

Jinyoung finally manages to escape his grip, and says calmly while looking at the floor. "I don't. But I _do_ want to forget about it. So, please let's put this behind us."

"How?" Jaebum raises his voice slightly, "How the fuck am I suppose to dismiss the fact that the guy you use to be in love with since you were a kid, tried to kiss you? Does that sound reasonable to you?"

"Jaebum," Jinyoung places a cautious hand on his arm, but Jaebum shrugs it off a little too harshly. Jinyoung frowns at him, beginning to feel his own anger rising, "It meant nothing!"

"But what if meant something to him!" Jaebum counters.

"That doesn't matter, because I love you!" Jinyoung yells back, "Except you can't seem to get that through that thick skull of yours." Jinyoung finishes, chest heaving.

Jaebum's traitorous heart leaps at the blatant confession, and it's almost a reflex to want to say I love you back, but the stubborn part of him keeps his mouth shut. Jaebum stares at the curtains of Jinyoung's windows, slivers of sunlight falling onto the shiny wood floors. Which of course makes Jaebum notice how nice Jinyoung apartment and the old doubts twist in his gut. He feels the bile rise in his throat, _What if loving each other isn't enough? What if you realize I'm not worth dropping everything you have?_

Jinyoung seems to notice Jaebum's wandering mind, because he's stepping into his space and reaching for Jaebum's hands to intertwine their fingers together. Despite the anger still bubbling in the pit of Jaebum's stomach, he's become too tired to push Jinyoung away. He still refuses to meet Jinyoung's eyes and glares at the ground. Jinyoung's voice is softer when he speaks, "Please, look at me." Jaebum feels a gentle finger lift his chin up and his heart squeezes when he meets Jinyoung's watery eyes. He wants to hit himself for being the reason behind the pain in them.

Jaebum's face remains impassive on the outside, but that doesn't deter Jinyoung. "I don't think Mark meant any real harm. You saw him apologize on the way out. He's probably beating himself up about it as we speak. Please, just forget it ever happened. That's what I'm going to do too. You know why? Because it doesn't matter." Jinyoung repeats and tilts his face forward until their foreheads rest against each other. Jaebum's breath hitches, he's conflicted between standing his ground and remaining angry, or melting into Jinyoung's touch.

Jinyoung continues, "All that matters right now, is that you're here with me." Jinyoung lifts both of Jaebum's hands to his lips and kiss each one, Jaebum feels the love inside him burning, scorching his insides. "I've missed you so much." Jinyoung squeezes his hands, and leaned up to press a gentle kiss on Jaebum's tensed jaw. The fire burns hotter, until Jaebum worries he'll suffocate from it, but he finds himself thinking he wouldn't mind.

Although, a little voice tells Jaebum to persist and get to the bottom of this, he doesn't want to keep thinking about Mark. He's too exhausted. Right now, he just wants to focus on Jinyoung.

"I've missed you too," Jaebum murmurs, his stoic expression finally melting into something softer and Jinyoung looks incredibly relieved at Jaebum's change of heart. He immediately sags against Jaebum's body.

"But Mark in the living room with your clothes on was not a nice surprise to receive," Jaebum can't help but jab.

Jinyoung sighs, "I know, I'm sorry. Shit happens." He ducks his head into the crook of Jaebum's neck and wraps his arms around Jaebum's torso, "I'm just happy you're here."

Jaebum rubs Jinyoung's back, "So am I." He focuses on the feeling of Jinyoung hair's tickling his chin, on Jinyoung's steady breath warming up his neck, on the lavender scent of his clothes, and soon everything begins to feel alright again. They remain in that position for a few seconds, just enjoying each other's warmth.

Eventually, Jaebum's stomach rudely interrupts their serenity with a rumble. Jinyoung's giggles into his neck, "Come on, help me make breakfast." Jinyoung pulls him into his kitchen by the hand. Jaebum takes note of the gleaming surface of his counter tops and the stainless steel refrigerator. Jaebum whistles lowly, "You're really living the life, Jinyoungie. Even your kitchen is more expensive than my entire apartment."

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, searching through the cabinets, "Don't exaggerate. It's not that extravagant." Jaebum begs to differ, but then again he is use to a kitchen filled with appliances that probably belong more in the junkyard than his home. Jaebum was never one to upgrade his items, he was content with what he had.

"I'm out of instant coffee, so I'll run to the corner store really quick. You can wait here." Jinyoung says, already reaching for his coat on the hanger. Jaebum stops him midway, "I can go get it."

"Are you sure?" Jinyoung questions, "You might get lost."

"Nah, I saw a corner store on my way here. It'll be easier if I go. You can get started on breakfast." Jaebum offers.

"Alright, if you're sure." Jinyoung quickly pecks him on the cheek, before sending him off.

 

 

 

 

The door jingles behind Jaebum as he walks into the store. He squints under the assault of the bright fluorescent lights, in order to scan the aisles until he finds the coffee section. The coffee aisle is empty except for a lone man, slumped over in a grey hoodie that obscures his profile. Jaebum sees Jinyoung's favorite brand of instant coffee on a shelf next to the stranger's head, so Jaebum begins to walks towards him. He is about a foot away when the stranger turns his head ever so slightly to look to at the shelves on his left. The stranger is suddenly not a stranger anymore. It's Mark.

Jaebum freezes mid walk. At the sight of Mark, Jaebum feels like fighting. The all familiar feeling of white hot rage crackles in his chest. He wants to yank Mark towards him and shake him, demand why he tried to kiss his boyfriend, demand why he's being selfish when he already has wife. Why does he want Jinyoung too? But Jinyoung's disappointed face flashes in his mind. Instead, he takes a deep breath and walks up next to Mark on the right to stare at the display too.

"Why'd you do it?" Jaebum says in a strangely, almost frighteningly so, calm voice. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Mark's head whip towards him. He splutters, "W-what?"

"Why'd you try to kiss him?" Jaebum keeps his eyes trained on the display, knowing that if he looks directly at Mark he might try to punch him.

"He told you didn't he." Mark sighs. "That's so Jinyoung. Keeping his conscious clean." It's a small comment, but it still irks Jaebum to know there is someone else who knows Jinyoung's little habits as well as he does. It's a reminder of how deep Mark and Jinyoung's friendship is, which in some ways is a sweet thing to think about, but it only leaves a bitter aftertaste in Jaebum's mouth.

"I know you want a definite answer, but I don't have one. I want to say it was just because I was terribly drunk. But we both know that's a terrible excuse...and the alternative scares me." The sincerity in Mark's voice startles Jaebum.

He gulps, finally turning his head towards Mark's, "What's the alternative?"

Mark's eyes search his own, the silence between them growing heavier and heavier. ""I don't want to think that's its my repressed feelings for him as a kid resurfacing." Mark's face twists soon after his confession, as if the words had been physically painfully to say out loud.

Jaebum's blood chills in his veins. The hustle and bustle of the grocery store around him is drowned out by the sound of the tidal waves crashing in his mind. He sees Jinyoung, like water, slipping through fingers as he tries to catch it.  _It's over. It's over. This is it._ His mind chants as he chokes out, "You have feelings for him?"

Mark turns his face away in shame, "I _did_."

Jaebum is scared to know, but he asks anyway, "What about now?"

"I don't know that yet."

Jaebum snaps, his temper rising like the shore at high tide. "What do you mean _yet?_   You had your chance years ago. You're married now. It's not fair to ask for Jinyoung too." Jaebum fists his hand into the front of Mark's sweater to haul him closer, splotches of red blossom on Mark's cheek out of embarrassment at being manhandled in public, "You can't take him away from me." It's more of a plead than a command.

Mark's pries Jaebum's hand off with a steely grip. His only reply is, "I'm sorry." With that Mark walks away, leaving Jaebum trembling in a combination of rage and fear.

 

 

 

Jaebum arrives back at Jinyoung's apartment with a heavy heart. He dumps the bags from the corner store wordlessly onto the counter by Jinyoung, who is pouring hot water into two coffee mugs. Jinyoung doesn't notice his brooding mood and murmurs a quick thanks before continuing to hum an old tune under his breath as he bustles around the kitchen to finish the coffee. Jaebum observes him in the kitchen from his position against the counter. It forms the perfect domestic picture, but Jaebum can't have him.

Jinyoung stirs in a spoonful of sugar before handing a cup to Jaebum with a warm smile that reaches his eyes. "Here, you must be tired." Jinyoung's fingers linger around his hands, and then travel to rest comfortably on Jaebum's hips when Jaebum takes the cup. Usually Jinyoung's touch fills him with lingering warmth, but instead he feels sick. _He's not yours, he's not yours._ His mind scolds him.

"I don't think you should keep seeing Mark," Jaebum blurts out. He doesn't want to lose Jinyoung, he can't, he can't.

Jinyoung's smile slips from his face, "W-what?"

"He has other intentions, Jinyoung." Jaebum grips the hand on his waist, "I ran into him at the store and he confessed that he use to have feelings for you. They could come back." Jaebum expects Jinyoung to look shocked at the revelation, or even show the slightest hint of surprise, but Jinyoung's face remains grim and ashen instead.

A cold realization dawns on Jaebum, "You knew already didn't you?" Jaebum steps away from Jinyoung's touch, "You knew that Mark use to like you when he tried to kiss you, and you told me it meant nothing."

"Jaebum-"

"How could you not tell me something so important?" Jaebum raises his voice, feeling betrayed once again.

"Because I knew you would react like this." Jinyoung retorts, face turning red.

Jaebum scoffs, voice growing louder still, "How else am I suppose to react when you guys almost kiss while their still feelings involved!?!"

"But there isn't!" Jinyoung exclaims exasperated, "It's all a misunderstanding-"

"Stop," Jaebum puts his hand up, "Don't keep dismissing it. I'm serious I don't want you to keep seeing Mark."

Jinyoung begins to look frustrated with where their conversation is headed, "Are you kidding me? You can't expect me to just stop being friends with Mark over this. That's ridiculous."

"Yes I do! Imagine how I feel Jinyoung right now, just put yourself in my shoes!" Jaebum explodes. The hurt building in his chest for the past few months finally bleeding through.

"This is difficult for me too!" Jinyoung cries out in a desperate attempt to defend himself.

"It's difficult for you?" Jaebum tone is half mocking, half disbelief. "Why?"

Jinyoung gives him an incredulous look, as if he's offended by the question, "Mark is my best friend. He helped me while I was getting beaten up every week by step father when I was young. He helped me stop being disgusted by my own sexuality. He helped me through insecurities and first times. And-and you want to me to just drop him like he's nothing, in a way that would hurt both of us!"

Jaebum swallows the impending protests that were waiting on his tongue. All of what Jinyoung was saying was true, it made sense, and it only made him hate himself more for feeling envious of the important role Mark had played in Jinyoung's life before him. This would be a good time to stop the fight, but Jaebum's own insecurities cause the following harsh words to rush out of his mouth before he can stop them, "Are you saying he's more important than me? Do you feel more strongly for him than me?

Jinyoung's face crumbles, lips trembling. "Don't do this. I thought we were done interrogating my feelings, Jaebum."

"No we are not!" Jaebum slams his hand against the counter top. "Not when Mark just told me he might still like you, and you are spewing out how much he matters to you!"

"Jesus, Jaebum." Jinyoung groans, mouth twisted into something sour, "That wasn't meant to make you feel inferior. I just want you to understand the position you're putting me in. There must be another solution besides dropping Mark. He'll get over whatever happened last night. This will all blow over." Jinyoung babbles on, "Mark is just confused." 

Jaebum's body flushes with renewed anger, hearing Jinyoung's dismissive tone, "Will you stop avoiding the problem! You have to face the fact Mark might be in love with you, and you have to figure out how you feel about it and give me an actual answer instead of stringing me along, expecting me to be okay with this little game. It was just an almost-kiss this time, but what if it goes further next time!"

Jinyoung recoils, gritting out through his teeth, "Do you really think so lowly of me?"

Jaebum remains unwavering under his glare, "That's not my point. My point is that I'm a little tired of competing with Mark, and feeling like I might be a second choice because you two didn't work out."

The anger on Jinyoung's face melts away to reveal something more vulnerable and raw. He looks downright terrified, "W-w-what do you mean tired?"

Jaebum deflects with his own question, "Who is more important to you?"

Jinyoung looks so lost, tears welling up quickly in his bloodshot eyes, "Oh god, you can't be serious about making me choose between you two?"

"I'm dead serious." Jaebum says mercilessly. "You said the feelings left with the memories, but how can I be sure, when you don't seem so sure yourself."

The tears begin to slip and leave track down Jinyoung's cheeks. Jaebum feels his own eyes prickling with heat. "I-I told you I love you, why can't you believe that?"

"You've hidden so much from me already, Jinyoung. I'm scared." Jaebum says truthfully. He clasps his hands over his mouth, trying to collect himself from breaking down. Jinyoung is past that point and his shoulders are shaking with silent sobs. "I think I need to go right now."

Jinyoung immediately looks alert again. He rushes forwards to grip tightly at Jaebum's wrist. "Where will you go?"

"I don't know, I just need to think for a bit." Jaebum avoids looking Jinyoung in the eyes because he's knows his resolve will crumble once he sees the mess his boyfriend is right now. He can feel the way Jinyoung's hands shake around his wrist as he says, "W-wait, Jaebum, wait just a minute."

Jaebum just shakes his head and heads to the door, but Jinyoung stills holds on tightly. His words are barely coherently through his sobs, "Wait. Wait. D-don't go. Let's talk more about this. J-Jaebum, Jaebum!"

It breaks Jaebum heart as he pries himself out of Jinyoung's grip and closes the door on his wrecked face. But he needs to leave before they say nastier things to each other. He still hears the muffled cries on the other end of the door and he has to use all his strength to will his feet to move away from it. It's only when Jaebum's reached the elevator that his own tears begin to cascade down his face like a heavy downpour.

 

 

 

 

Jaebum finds himself in a coffee shop a few blocks down from Jinyoung's apartment building. He orders a large steaming coffee and a chocolate croissant. There's a strong, unpleasant, overbearing ache in his heart left over from the fight he just had with Jinyoung. He didn't mean to leave so abruptly. To be honest, he never wanted to leave Jinyoung's side in the first place, but their argument wasn't going anywhere good anytime soon. He had to step out before too much hurt was built up.

Still the image of Jinyoung's tear streaked and devastated face is seared into his mind, and Jaebum itches to run back into his arms. But he also knows that they need this distance right now. He needs to make it clear that he can't take anymore wishy washiness from Jinyoung. What he needs is a solid answer about his place and Mark's place in Jinyoung's life. No more lies, cover ups, or misunderstandings. Just the truth.

Jaebum wallows in his own self pity for a while until his fingers are reaching to call Jackson.

Jackson sounds surprised when he picks up, probably assuming Jaebum would be occupied with Jinyoung at this point, "Is everything alright, hyung?" Jackson's tinny, yet comforting voice comes through his cheap phone speaker.

"No." Is all Jaebum says, and since they've been friends for a long time, Jackson instinctively knows when Jaebum is upset. Jaebum hears Jackson step away for a second and faintly call out to Bambam to tend the register while he's busy.

"I'm all ears." Jackson replies after a few seconds.

Jaebum takes a deep breath before breaking everything down to Jackson. He lets out everything from what he's been feeling since Jinyoung went back to Seoul, to seeing Mark in Jinyoung's apartment, to the horrible fight after, and all the complications involved. Jackson lets out a low whistle at the end of his sphiel. The pity evident in his voice, "Oh hyung..."

Jaebum powers through, not being able to stop talking, "I don't know what to do. I don't want to mess things up. But I think I already have."

"Well, I think it was good you stood up for yourself, and explained how much you've been suffering to Jinyoung." Jackson reassures him. "But, I also think it might have been a dick move to tell Jinyoung to _completely_ stop seeing Mark. I know you hate to hear this. But they have been best friends for almost their entire lives."

Jaebum sighs, tiredly rubbing his eyes, "I panicked. I was heated after talking to Mark, I couldn't think of anything else to say or do."

"Which makes sense," Jackson again reassures him, "I'm sure Mark is a good person outside of this situation, like Jinyoung has described. But right now he's being pretty selfish and unreasonable right now. Jinyoung needs to see that and be more understanding."

"Exactly!" Jaebum declares.

"Wait."

"I can feel the 'but' coming."

Jackson chuckles before continuing, "You also need to learn to trust in Jinyoung more. I know that after the difficulties with your parents kicking you out, you have trust issues. But I'm sure Jinyoung is trying his hardest to sort the mess in his head. He loves you, Jaebum. I've seen it. You need to trust that more than ever, because it's the only thing that will help you guys through this. Oh, and control your temper, man."

"I guess, you're right." Jaebum grumbles into his coffee.

"Of course I am." Jackson says confidently. "Both of you are at fault here, therefore both of you have something to work on. I'll talk to Jinyoung as well, if you don't mind."

Jaebum nibbles on his lip, "If you think it'll help. Do you think I should go back now?"

"No, not yet. You guys need time to process what's happened. Wander around Seoul for a bit, it's a great city. Take time for yourself, and then go back. Then you can talk calmly, like true adults."

"Alright. Thank you Jackson. I'll talk to you later." Jaebum says sincerely, wondering what he would ever do without his best friend - probably self sabotage.

"No problem. And hey, you're not coming back to the cafe unless you've reconciled with Jinyoung." Jackson insists before hanging up. Jaebum pockets his phone, feeling a little more at peace. He heads out of the cafe, ready to distract himself for a bit by wandering the streets.

 

 

 

By the time Jaebum is on his way back to Jinyoung's apartment, he has several missed calls lined up on his phone and it was almost nightfall. He had spent hours wandering through little shops and stopping by a local park to take some pictures of blossoming flowers on his phone. It was nice to let go of his troubling thoughts for a bit, but now he was ready to face Jinyoung again.

When Jaebum arrives at Jinyoung's door, he finds it unlocked, as if Jinyoung was waiting or at least hoping Jaebum would come back. He creaks the door open ever so slowly. The apartment is shrouded in darkness, with only the rising moon providing some light into the living room. Jinyoung is fast asleep on the couch, wearing the same clothes from this morning. He has his phone in a deadly grip, which Jaebum gently pries away from him. It looks like he's been calling his mom, and Jaebum wonders if Jinyoung had a similar conversation to the one he had with Jackson.

Jaebum lifts Jinyoung up from the couch, bridal style, into his arms. He eventually finds Jinyoung's bedroom in the darkness, and as carefully as possible sets him on the bed. Jinyoung lets out a soft sigh, and Jaebum freezes, worrying he's disrupted the other's sleep. But Jinyoung just curls back on himself and continues to doze off. Jaebum breathes a sigh of relief. They'll probably be better off talking tomorrow morning. He debates retreating to the couch to sleep, and eventually decides to indulge himself by settling onto the bed a foot away from Jinyoung. Sleep begins to claim Jaebum as soon as his head hits the pillow.

 

 

 

It's around 3 am, when there's movement from one end of the bed that causes Jaebum to blearily open his eyes for a second before shutting them closed again. He thinks he might have seen a glimpse of Jinyoung's back sitting up, but he's so tired he doesn't open his eyes again to investigate further. Jaebum's mind floats in the space between consciousness and unconsciousness.

There's the slightest hint of a voice speaking. He barely makes out the words, as it sounds muffled, but it sounds somewhat like Jinyoung.

"I know there's a lot to work on, but I choose _you_ , Jaebum. I love you too much to lose you, and I think I'll love you forever."

Jaebum's feels something soft brush across his forehead. His drowsy mind registers this all as part of a dream, even if it isn't. And it's not long before Jaebum is once again succumbing to sleep's clutches. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a wild ride, right?
> 
> We are getting closer to the end, I think just 2 or 3 chapters more (the pain is almost over), maybe an epilogue.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on vacation out of the country for a few weeks so this chapter took me longer than expected, soorrry.

Jinyoung's world seems to come to a halt when Jaebum shuts the door on his face. There is a finality to Jaebum's departure that has the walls of Jinyoung's lungs closing in on him in a panic. Jinyoung grips the doorknob like he's about to open the door, but somehow the significance behind facing an empty hallway scares him even more. Instead, Jinyoung sags against door. His legs stop keeping him upright around the same time his lungs seem to stop supplying him with oxygen. Jinyoung tilts his head back with his mouth wide open towards the ceiling, like a fish out of water, as he tries to breathe.

He crushes the heels of his palms into his eyes until splotches of light erupt behind his eyelids, but the influx of tears are unstoppable. Exhausted, Jinyoung succumbs to the tidal wave of emotions. He clutches his chest as he cries openly and loudly into the deafening silence of his apartment. _It hurts, it hurts so much.  
_

Even though Jinyoung goes to stare up at his blank ceiling, all he can see is the hurt and disappointment etched across the lines of Jaebum's face. Jinyoung hates it. He hates being the reason behind those emotions on Jaebum's face. He hates that he made Jaebum look at him like that. It made Jinyoung feel dirty in the worst way.

For some twisted reason, Jinyoung's mind takes him back to his first heartbreak - the day Mark announced his engagement. He remembers a similar feeling of hopelessness. The feeling of being cast away into the ocean without a life vest and you don't know how to swim. Only this time the feeling is amplified by the fact that Jinyoung did have Jaebum in a way he never had Mark. _This_ time Jinyoung had a legitimate chance at being happy, but he was destroying it with his own hands.

Jinyoung stops crying long enough to reach, with trembling fingers, for his phone to dial Jaebum's number. None of his calls are picked up, and the wound in his heart pulses again, feeling incredibly raw, causing a new wave of tears to resurface. Jinyoung bangs the back of his head against the door repeatedly, but the physical sting does little to distract him from the sting in his heart.

Usually, Jinyoung's first instinct would be to call Mark in such cases of distress. But he can't even use Mark as a resource now. Jinyoung lets out a cry of frustration and prepares to launch his phone across the room when it blinks with a new text message. Foolish hope blooms in his chest until he sees it's only his mother texting him about lunch plans later that week. But she just might be the float he needs in the ocean he's drowning in.  

She picks up on the first ring, "Hello?"

" _Mom,_ " Jinyoung chokes out, unwilling to contain the heartbreak bleeding through.

"Jinyoung?" His mother sounds immediately concerned, "Are you crying? What's the matter?"

"I messed up so badly." He sobs into the phone, his fingers beginning to hurt from the strength of his grip on the phone. His breath coming in shorter intervals as he hiccups through the rest of his sentence. "H-he's gone. I think h-he must h-hate me now. _Oh_ ," Jinyoung wails,  "I'm sure of it actually. He ha-hates me."

"Sweetie," His mother breaks through his hysterics. "Slow down. I can barely understand you. Who are you talking about?"

"J-Jaebum." It hurts to say his name. "He came over. We had a terrible fight and now he's _gone_."

"Jaebum's here in Seoul? Wait, start from the beginning." His mother insists.

So, Jinyoung does. He explains everything through gritted teeth. "Now, no matter what I do, I'm going to lose one of them. I'm going to lose one of the two most important people in my life."

His mother responds in the most soothing voice she can muster, "I can't read Jaebum's mind, but I feel as if he said those things out of fear. Not because he really means it. He's unsure about his place in your life, and if you showed him that he's just as important or more important than Mark then he wouldn't have to draw that sort ultimatum. In all honesty, you have been paying more attention to Mark lately."

"Y-yea," Jinyoung begrudgingly admits, a sense of dread bubbling in his stomach. He got so caught up in catching up with his past that he began to ignore his present. "I didn't realize how much it began to hurt Jaebum. It was selfish of me and now it might be too late-"

"It's not," His mother starts, but Jinyoung cuts her off again with a fierce, "No."

The dread that started in his stomach had now encompassed his whole body as he comes to his own bitter conclusion, "I'm bad for Jaebum. I keep hurting him over and over again." All their past fights flicker through his mind like old movie tapes, replaying over and over again all of his mistakes. Jinyoung feels sick to his stomach, had he been the anchor in Jaebum's own ocean of troubles?

Jinyoung's struggles to get the next words out, "The one good thing I can do for Jaebum is choose Mark's friendship, so I can let him be happy without me dragging him down."

"You're thinking of choosing Mark?" Even though Jinyoung can't see his mother, he can already imagine the shock written across her face, "I thought you loved Jaebum."

"I do," Jinyoung replies vehemently, voice strung taunt with emotion, "That hasn't changed. But I'm starting to realize that I'm doing him more harm than good at this point. I make him so unhappy now don't I? What if I can't make him happy in the future either?"

Jinyoung takes in a quivering breath, "Wouldn't the smart thing, the right thing, be to step away?" Jinyoung falters again, mouth feeling sour at his words. "I'm use to unhappiness, but Jaebum doesn't deserve it." _I can't drag him down with my own issues._

"Stop that," His mother interjects with a stern tone, "Yes, you let things get out of hand by putting off talking about your feelings. But maybe Mark and I pressured you a little too early to come back to Seoul before you were ready. Or maybe Mark overstepped his boundaries as your best friend. Or maybe Jaebum was being selfish too when he asked you to drop Mark, and you panicked. My point is, you are not the only one to blame. So many other things added up to this moment, okay?"

"Okay." Jinyoung gulped.

"So stop thinking you are some sort of awful human that isn't worthy of happiness." His mother scolds him.

"B-but the look on Jaebum's face when I hesitated to choose, it was-I felt like the worst person on the planet. I thought, why did I hesitate? Jaebum deserves someone who wouldn't hesitate. I couldn't," Jinyoung sighs, "because even after all this time I feel like I still owe Mark something. I don't know why I feel like that, but it makes me so guilty. And _t_ _hen_ I think what if I don't love Jaebum as much as I think I do, as much as he deserves."

His mother hums in understanding, "Just because you hesitated doesn't mean you love Jaebum any less. The way you'd do anything to see him happy again, including giving up your own happiness at his side - that says a lot. Don't you think he deserves someone like that, someone who would willingly hurt themselves in order to make the other happy?"

"I g-guess," Jinyoung says, still sounding unsure. "I still hesitated," Jinyoung's voice becomes small and sad, "I don't want to still love Mark."

"You don't." He wonders how his mother sounds so sure. "Jinyoungie. Don't you realize you're using a past love as a scapegoat, one that we both know deep down died a long time ago? I mean how did you feel when Mark tried to kiss you, hmm? Elated? Hopeful? Relief?"

None of the above. "Angry." Jinyoung says. "I felt angry and d-dirty." He feels himself get heated again. "I felt like I didn't deserve Jaebum anymore."

"That's not what someone who's in love with the person who tried to kiss them feels," His mother reasons. "You say you owe Mark something, but you're not teenagers anymore. Things are different now, _you_ are different now. And Mark is a grown _married_ man who can solve his own internal struggles."

As if she was a psychic reading Jinyoung, his mother continues, "And it runs deeper than just choosing, doesn't it? You're scared to hurt someone the same way you've been hurt. So you want to be martyr again, just like you were when you let Mark go. But it's not the time for self sacrifices anymore."

Jinyoung's breath has been snatched from his lungs, his mother's words clearing up the gray skies clouding his mind.

"So now," his mother asks, "Tell me Jinyoung, for real this time, what do you _really_ want you to do?

Jinyoung's hands are shaking so badly he wonders how the phone isn't on the ground yet, "It-it hurts right now. It hurts to breathe-" His statement is punctuated by a shaky exhale, "without him. I can't do it with out him." Everything else comes out in a rush, "I want to run back into his arms, even if it all goes to shit. Because I can't do it without him. I can't _breathe_."

A beat passes as his mother thinks, and then she asks, "You want Jaebum?"

"Yes," Jinyoung says hoarsely, "More than ever."

"Even if you think it's 'wrong', do you still want to fight to keep him? And don't say something like, 'I shouldn't for his sake', say the truth."

"Yes." The answer feels like it's been ripped from the core of his heart.

"Good." The satisfaction is evident in his mother's voice. "You know what's different from Jaebum and Mark? I see that you have a passion for Jaebum and he has one for you. Yes, you loved Mark, but there was no fire in you that made you fight for him. You stood back and let him get married to someone else. Well, I'm telling you to fight now, Jinyoung, fight for Jaebum. I know you are more than capable. And everything else, including your friendship with Mark, will fall back into it's place."

A dim flame of hope burns in Jinyoung's chest at his mother's words. "Do you really think I could make Jaebum happy?"

His mother responds immediately with confidence, "Without a doubt."

After ending the call and thanking his mother Jinyoung picks himself up from the floor. He brushes off the dust on his pants, and wipes away the tears in his eyes. He goes into his room to clean the pile of broken glass. He's dumps the shards into the trash, along with the rest of his dark thoughts. The rest of day goes by in a numb state as Jinyoung takes a shower, dresses himself, and cooks. He lets his mind wallow in better possibilities and in a brighter future.

 

 

 

 

The next time Jinyoung wakes up it's in his own bed. This fact startles him because he knows that he fell asleep on the couch right after dinner, clutching his phone, willing the universe to bring Jaebum back to him. And it listened. When Jinyoung turns his head to the side, he sees Jaebum lying next to him. He is the picture perfect image of blissful sleep with his face smushed into the pillow and his mouth slightly agape. It's a sharp contrast to the way his face had been contorted with anger earlier that morning.

Relief floods Jinyoung's body like a high tide and it renews him with energy. The rock previously lodged in his chest preventing him from breathing is slowly rolled away as Jinyoung raises his hand to stroke Jaebum's hair with his fingertips. The touch is feather light as if Jinyoung is scared that it's all a dream - that if he blinks maybe Jaebum won't be there anymore.

Lips centimeters away from Jaebum's ear, Jinyoung promises, voice barely above a whisper but still with conviction, "I know there's a lot to work on, but I choose you Jaebum. I love you too much to lose you, and I think I'll love you forever."

Jinyoung can't help himself and presses a soft kiss to Jaebum's forehead. Content, Jinyoung slumps onto his back next to Jaebum and closes his eyes. Both anxiety and hope humming in his veins.

 

 

Jinyoung wakes up again before Jaebum. He has work in an hour but he still takes the time to admire Jaebum's sleeping face in a way he hadn't been able to last night in the darkness. There's a little drool pooled in the corner of his mouth, but Jinyoung still finds Jaebum as breathtaking as always. As sudden yearning buds in Jinyoung's chest, to see Jaebum this relaxed each morning for the rest of his life.

Jaebum begins to blink his eyes open and Jinyoung freezes in his position as Jaebum, slowly but surely, regains consciousness. Jinyoung's ears turn pink at having been caught staring. Jaebum just peers at him with uncertain emotion in his eyes. His gaze somehow still manage to make Jinyoung's pulse skyrocket in the same way it did when they first met.

"Y-you came back." Jinyoung stammers, not knowing exactly what to say or how to act. To an outsider their position in bed may look quite intimate, but the events leading up to this moment have caused them to feel quite physically and emotionally distant from each other.

Jaebum nods and sits up against the headboard. The blanket around his shoulders falls graciously down to his waist, revealing his arms in the muscle tank top he's wearing. Even now, Jinyoung's eyes roam appreciatively across the defined lines of Jaebum's arms, remembering with a pang how he use to wake up every morning enveloped in them.

"I'm sorry I left so abruptly."

Jinyoung sits up next to him and stares across at the dresser on the opposite end of the room. Having Jaebum so close, Jinyoung fears that by just looking at Jaebum, he'll do something stupid, like kiss him senseless. They need to talk first.

Jinyoung clears his throat before responding, "I'm sorry for the way things blew up yesterday."

"Me too," Jaebum agrees.

"It's not your fault. Or at least not entirely. I didn't handle yesterday the way I should have. Really, I haven't handled any of _this_ ," Jinyoung waves one of his hands in the air, vaguely trying to reference everything that's happened since he left, "properly."

"I don't want you to blame yourself," Jaebum urges, placing his hand over Jinyoung's laying idly beside him. Jinyoung can't help the way he tenses immediately under Jaebum's touch. He casually tries to retract his hand, but only because he doesn't find himself deserving of Jaebum's touches. At least not yet. But Jaebum can't read Jinyoung's mind so he only sees the blatant rejection, and Jinyoung is still staring straight ahead so he doesn't catch the way Jaebum's face falls.

Jinyoung keeps talking as if nothing's happened, "I want to take the blame." He runs a hands through his hair, still not noticing the way Jaebum is tracking each movement. Jinyoung looks at the clock on the wall and makes a noise of irritation at the time, "I have to get ready for work, but as soon as I get home we can keep talking."

The light in Jaebum 's eyes wavers, like a flickering candle. He sounds uneasy as he responds with a simple, "Okay."

He smiles at Jaebum in hopes that it will bring him some sort of reassurance, something he can hold onto until Jinyoung comes back. "You'll still be here when I come back, right?"

"Of course."

Jaebum's eyes never once leave Jinyoung's figure as he gets up and moves around the room to get ready for work.

 

 

 

 

On the way back to his apartment Jinyoung buys fresh meat to make bulgogi, which Jaebum loves. He plans on making a full blown dinner as a surprise and the beginnings of his long set of apologies to Jaebum. But when Jinyoung gets to his apartment, it is dark and very obviously vacant of Jaebum. Jinyoung's heart takes a swan dive into his stomach. With his nerves already on edge, Jinyoung assumes the worst and he grips the counter to steady himself, a nauseating feeling already crawling up in his throat. _Jaebum said he would wait. He said he would wait._

Jinyoung goes to the fridge to put away the meat, no longer feeling up for preparing any food now that Jaebum has mysteriously disappeared. That's when Jinyoung spots a bright pink sticky note posted on the fridge door.

_I had to go out to buy something. I'll be back soon._

_\- Jaebum_

Jinyoung lets out a breathless, almost hysterical laugh. Feeling a little ridiculous at his previous panic. He shakes his head at himself, wondering when he got so angsty. He takes out the meat again to begin preparing dinner. Jinyoung hums as he works in the kitchen, trying to keep his spirits uplifted despite the raging storm of anxiety within him. He's happy Jaebum is willing to listen to him but he is also downright terrified at thought of fucking everything up all over again. There is one thing he's sure of though, he won't let Jaebum go like he did yesterday.

Jinyoung unpacks his fancy china dishes, gifted by his mother, for the first time. He had been saving them for a special occasion, but he figures what's the use in waiting, it's better to start acting now. He even decides to get out a few candles to light around the dinner table, in hopes that Jaebum would be somewhat swept away by the gesture. He wanted-no he needed-Jaebum to understand how much he loved him.

A knock at the door causes Jinyoung's hand to slip as he lights a candle. He hisses in pain at the burn and holds his finger against his chest as he walks towards the door. Jaebum is waiting on the other side with a bouquet of flowers. He's cleaned up a bit since Jinyoung last saw him. He's sporting a plaid button up tucked into a well fitting skinny jeans and his hair is slicked back the way Jinyoung likes it. Color races to Jinyoung's cheeks at an alarming speed, yet not exactly unusual when it came to Im Jaebum. The pain in his finger is long forgotten.

Jaebum clears his throat a little awkwardly, and shyly hands him the flowers without quite meeting his eyes, "For you."

"Thank you," Jinyoung murmurs, taking the flowers and gazing a little starry eyed up at Jaebum. He suddenly realizes that opposed to Jaebum, he's not looking his best. A pink apron is tied around his waist, and there's a few stains on his shirt, not to mention the little bits of rice that are in his hair. Jinyoung hastily tries to pat down his untamed strands, "Sorry I look like a mess."

The first glimpse of a real smile graces Jaebum's face when the corner of his lips quirk up, "You still look beautiful to me."

The blush that was already on Jinyoung's cheeks reaches down to his neck. He fumbles with the stem of the flowers to give himself something else to do that isn't throwing himself at Jaebum. He coughs to collect himself and tries to manage a steady voice, "I-um-I made dinner for us." He gestures insides towards the set up, suddenly feeling a little over the top with the plates and candles he's set up, but Jaebum seems to appreciate it.

"You cook?" Jaebum teases, in order to distract them from his previous comment on Jinyoung's appearance. He's already looking a little embarrassed at his blatant attempt at flirting.

"Shut up." Jinyoung says but it has no bite to it.

Jaebum chuckles, even if sounds a little strained, at least they're not yelling at each other. He seats himself at the table, "You made bulgogi? Wow, Jinyoung. Thank you. This all looks very nice."

Jinyoung returns him smile, albeit it's tense, but a smile nonetheless. "Let's eat." Jinyoung says, intentionally postponing their talk. He hates himself for chickening out so soon, but seeing Jaebum with flowers and attempting to act sweet as if nothing had happened, threw him for a bit of a loop. To be honest, Jinyoung had expected a little bit more of resistance or reluctance on Jaebum's part after everything. Jinyoung almost wanted Jaebum to shun him because he deserved it and although Jinyoung was sure about his choice, he wanted Jaebum to be sure about his own.

Even though Jinyoung wants to enjoy this dinner in peace, he keeps fiddling with his chopsticks and then he finds himself fiddling with his glass. There is no denying the elephant in the room that suffocates the room with underlying tension. The growing silence looms over them, vibrating in the space between them like a taunt string. Jinyoung wants to cut through it but can't find the words with which to do it. Everything he thinks of saying doesn't seem like enough.

As they near the end of their meal, Jinyoung frets over the impending talk and quickly excuses himself to get a bottle of wine from the kitchen. Back in the kitchen, Jinyoung paces back and forth, trying to formulate the right sentences to explain the jumbled mess in his mind. _Fuck it_. There's no right way or wrong way to say to what he wants to say. He can only speak from the heart and pray Jaebum understands.

Jinyoung steps out of the kitchen, hands shaking a little around their grip on the bottle. Jaebum looks up at him from his plate and they exchange charged smiles, although Jinyoung's might look more like a grimace. Jinyoung goes to pour some wine into Jaebum's glass, but a few drops slip past the rim of the glass and plop onto the white of his table cloth, they glare back at Jinyoung as if mocking his weakness. "I'll get something to clean it up."

Jaebum's hand clamps over Jinyoung's wrist in an instant, and Jinyoung's pulse flutters beneath his fingertips. "Sit down," Jaebum orders gently, "I want to talk."

Jinyoung nods, keeping his eyes on the glass. "Right. That's what I said we would do." He sits himself down in a chair beside Jaebum.

"Why do you look like a skittish cat that's going to run away any second?" Jaebum prods, eyes searching Jinyoung's face for a sign of what's to come next.

Jinyoung lets out a nervous laugh, and Jaebum must take it as a good sign because he places a hand on Jinyoung's thigh. "Jin-" Jinyoung trembles under his touch and Jaebum quickly removes his hand, sighing as he straightens up in his chair. Jinyoung doesn't know why he's reacting this way, months away from Jaebum and he doesn't know how to act around him anymore.

"I told you I want to fix things." Jinyoung starts, determined to get through this. Damn his awkwardness. "The things you said-"

Jaebum jumps in before Jinyoung finishes, "I didn't mean to make you so upset by saying those things."

"No, no" Jinyoung shakes his head, "You had every right to say them. I hurt you Jaebum, and I want to stop hurting you so much. As of today it all ends. I want to-" Jaebum's face had grown dark by the end of his sentence. Jinyoung barely got another word out before Jaebum was lunging forward to grab Jinyoung's face between his hands and crash their lips together.

Jinyoung's body jumps as if it's been electrified.

It's clumsy. It's sloppy. There's a tingle of pain where Jaebum's teeth knocked into his upper lip. But it's also the first kiss they've shared in months, so Jinyoung mirrors Jaebum's own impulsive nature by kissing him back.

Jaebum's lips feel like electricity in the sense that Jinyoung feels like there's sparks dancing around his own mouth, crawling down his spine, spreading into his veins, and leaving his whole body buzzing. They've never kissed like this before. Jaebum's mouth is power hungry and merciless, and Jinyoung can barely keep up with his frantic pace. Still he tries, and pushes back until Jaebum is standing up and gathering him up in a tight embrace. Their combined desperation lingers in the little air left between their bodies.

But there's the little voice of reason in the back of Jinyoung's head, reminding him that they still haven't talked properly as they should. As much as Jinyoung wants this, he knows he has to stop. Jinyoung plants his palms against Jaebum's chest and wretches himself away, "Wait! We have to talk, we have to-"

Jaebum once again interrupts him, in typical cheesy k-drama fashion, by dragging him into another kiss with a steady hand on the nape of his neck. Jinyoung almost cries out in frustration. He plans on pushing Jaebum away again, he really does, but the urgent way that Jaebum kisses him has his brain short-circuiting and his voice of reason dims out. The hands that were previously pushing Jaebum away on his chest, now fist into the material of Jaebum's shirt to pull him closer. Jinyoung hates it, hates how Jaebum makes him lose himself so easily. Its just, he's missed this. He's missed Jaebum so, so much.

Jaebum tears his mouth away to plant sloppy, wet kisses on Jinyoung's neck. Jinyoung tries to use this as a chance to say something again, "We should-We should-" He wants to say, _We should talk_ , but Jaebum finishes his sentence for him, "We should go to your bedroom."

His voice of reason resurfaces, attempting one last time to scream with red flashing lights. _Park Jinyoung, I swear if you go to bed with him now, you'll never get to talk._

But Jaebum is dragging a hand suggestively down Jinyoung's chest, and then he's gripping Jinyoung's chin with steady fingers to spear his tongue hastily into Jinyoung's mouth, and before Jinyoung knows it Jaebum is pushing him backwards until they've reached the door of his bedroom. From there it's easy for Jaebum to push just a little bit more so they are crossing the threshold. It's easy for him to pin Jinyoung's willing body against the wall. And soon all rational thoughts in Jinyoung's mind are scattered away like frightened birds, high into the sky never to be seen again. All he can think is _Jaebum, Jaebum, Jaebum._  

It's overwhelming to have so much of Jaebum at once when they haven't been this close in months. Everywhere Jaebum touches him burns like hot coals, from the hands roaming underneath his shirt with lustful intent to the lips on his neck leaving scorching trails in their wake. Jinyoung's knees grow weak when Jaebum begins to roll his hips, and his hands fly to grip Jaebum's hair to keep himself steady. Jaebum pants into his neck as he reaches in between them to undo the button on Jinyoung's slacks and tug them down. Jinyoung nudges him away to yank at the buttons on Jaebum's shirt. He uses a little too much strength and a few go flying off into the corner of his room.

"Shit. Sorry." Jinyoung gasps, but Jaebum seems to pay no attention to the poor state of his button-up shirt as he manhandles Jinyoung out of his t-shirt. Suddenly, Jinyoung feels quite exposed, only in his boxers while Jaebum still has most of his clothes on. Never before had Jinyoung seen Jaebum so desperate to get him undressed and it sets off the first warning bell in his head.

He's tugged away from the wall and onto the bed. Jaebum stands at the edge, scrambling out of his jeans. He quickly gets onto the bed and on top of Jinyoung to grind down into him, his half open shirt still hanging off his shoulders. Jinyoung clutches Jaebum's shoulders as heady arousal grows in his gut, his head falls back as he moans,  _Hyung, Jaebummie, hyung._

But then the second warning bell goes off, when instead of kissing him Jaebum buries his face into Jinyoung's neck, and Jinyoung swears he feels something damp on his skin.

The third warning bell goes off when Jinyoung calls out to Jaebum to make sure everything is okay, but Jaebum only responds with warbly whine.

Now Jinyoung is getting worried. Jinyoung tilts Jaebum's face away from his neck in order to get a good look at him. He's startled to see Jaebum's eyes glistening with unshed tears. Jaebum wretches his face from Jinyoung's hand, his ears burning with embarrassment.

Jinyoung's hand falls limply at his sides, "Are you crying?"

"It's nothing," Jaebum grits out, blinking rapidly. His hips still grind down insistently onto Jinyoung, "Just forget it."

"It's not nothing, " Jinyoung urges, his arousal slowing waning as concern begins to take over.

Jaebum shakes his head and goes to place his head back into Jinyoung's neck, but Jinyoung isn't having it this time, not after seeing the state Jaebum's in. His voice of reason finally wins over as he pushes Jaebum off with strong hands. Jaebum falls onto his back beside him, realizing Jinyoung isn't going to let this go. He groans and throws an arm over his eyes.

Jinyoung turns to him and places a gentle hand on his arm. He speaks softly, as if to a child, "What's wrong?"

Jaebum presses his lips together into a tight, white line. His voice goes small and quiet, "Don't look at me."

Jinyoung's heart breaks. He tugs Jaebum's arm away and sees that Jaebum is actually crying now. It's the first time Jinyoung has seen Jaebum look so fragile. Jinyoung immediately threads their fingers together and squeezes his hand. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

Jaebum refuses to meet his eyes, "God. This is embarrassing." Jinyoung just squeezes his hand again in encouragement, so Jaebum continues, "I just, I felt like I was going to lose you back there. When you said you wouldn't hurt me anymore and that things would end, it sounded like bad news. I got scared. That's why I kissed you so suddenly." Jaebum looks a little sheepish, "I thought that if I could show you how much I love you physically, you would change your mind."

"Oh Jaebum," Jinyoung laments. Even now he kept hurting Jaebum in some way, he had to stop this trend. Jinyoung lifts his other hand to stroke at the skin underneath Jaebum's eye where the tears have gathered. "You probably didn't hear me last night, but I said that I choose you."

Jaebum's shiny eyes snap to his face, "W-what? When?"

Jinyoung smiles tenderly down at him, "You were asleep." He thinks back to his talk with his mother. He couldn't even stick to his decision to stay away from Jaebum for more than a single phone conversation. Deep down, he knows his mother was right when she talked about _passion_. Even back at Wang Cafe, Jinyoung had been overwhelmed by his feelings for Jaebum. There was no denying it, at the end of the day all Jinyoung wanted was Jaebum.

"You aren't going to lose me. To be honest, since the day we meet my whole heart became yours."

It's quiet, as soft as the drop of the pin, but Jinyoung hears the way Jaebum's breath catches.

Jinyoung pauses, before saying the next words carefully and slowly, "I want to move back in with you. If you'll still have me that is. But even if you dont'-!" Jinyoung's voice cracks mid sentence at the possibility, "I'll still move back to Busan near you, and I'll win you back if it's the last thing I do. I can't live without you, I'll fight for y-"

"Jinyoung!" Jaebum finally finds his voice and Jinyoung clamps his mouth shut, his heartbeat roaring like ocean waves in his ears as he awaits Jaebum's response. Jaebum's calls out quietly, "Come here," tugging on Jinyoung's hand, and Jinyoung can feel a tug on his heart as well. Like a metal to a magnet, Jinyoung falls into Jaebum's embrace with ease.

"Of course, I want you to move back in with me. You don't have to fight for me. We've already done enough fighting, don't you think? Why make things harder? I just want us to be happy." Jaebum says, voice hoarse with relief at Jinyoung's confession. He runs his hands through Jinyoung's hair. "Just, what I said yesterday...it was a lot. Have I made you feel pressured or forced?"

"No, if anything, your words were a wake up call." Jinyoung sits up a little in Jaebum's arms to look him directly in the eyes, "I know I've given you reasons to doubt me, but believe me when I say _this_. I was miserable for years, when I use to love Mark. Unrequited love is an exquisite type of pain that I don't wish on my worst enemy. But with you, Jaebum, with you, I got my first glimpse at what true happiness could be."

Jaebum is left speechless once again at the power of Jinyoung's words, "Oh," is all he can manage at first. Yet some of his old doubts still seep through, "Y-you'd be leaving everything here in Seoul. What if I can't make you as happy as you think-"

Jinyoung smiles reassuringly at Jaebum. He thinks since he had arrived in Seoul he hadn't experienced one fraction of the happiness he had while at Wang Cafe. "Jaebum," Jinyoung breathes, leaning down so their foreheads touch and their breath intermingles. Jaebum's hands tighten around his waist with apprehension. "You are all my heart has ever wanted."

That seems to be the breaking point for Jaebum because he promptly bursts into tears. Jinyoung panics briefly. His hands flutter over Jaebum's face before settling on his cheeks to wipe away the tear tracks. "I keep making you cry," Jinyoung says mournfully.

Jaebum lets out a watery laugh, "Good tears this time, I promise. I'm just so _happy_."

Jinyoung kisses the remaining tears on his cheeks away. "Good. Gosh, I need to work on my communication skills. I probably should have said all of this before we jumped on each other like horny teenagers."

Jaebum laughs again, finally revealing a true, unhindered smile and Jinyoung has never seen a sight more beautiful. "In your defense, I jumped on you first."

Jinyoung agrees with a fake grim expression, "And how could I, mere peasant Jinyoung, withstand the seductress powers of the great Im Jaebum."

Jaebum shoves Jinyoung's shoulder and Jinyoung rolls onto the other side, curling into himself as he's consumed by giggles. Jaebum rolls Jinyoung back over to face him, and clambers on top of him. His tears have long faded away into a grin, "Seductress, huh?" Jinyoung plays along, nodding seriously up at Jaebum, but the way his lips tremble with more laughter gives him away. Jaebum gazes down at him, eyes overflowing with so much affection that Jinyoung feels it envelop him like a blanket.

The moment is broken when Jaebum descends on him to nuzzle his face into Jinyoung's neck as his fingers dance along Jinyoung's sides to tickle him. Jinyoung shrieks, twisting his torso in a valiant but futile attempt to escape Jaebum's prodding.

"Mercy! Mercy!" Jinyoung cries, and Jaebum eventually pities him. He stops to rest his forehead back against Jinyoung's.

Eyes still holding all the tenderness in the world, Jaebum murmurs, "I've really missed you."

Jinyoung leans up slightly to brush their noses together. It's an incredibly cheesy gesture but he figures after everything they've been through, he can indulge himself a little.

"I think the distance has made you cheesier," Jaebum says as if reading his mind, and Jinyoung glares at him. Jaebum remains unfazed as he peppers kisses from Jinyoung's jaw to the skin behind his ear, where Jaebum bites gently.

"I've missed the taste of your skin," Jaebum sucks a little harder, and Jinyoung gasps as the sensitive patch of his skin is suckled into Jaebum's mouth.

"I've missed the noises you make." He trails a hand up Jinyoung's bare thigh to the edge of his boxers, Jinyoung startles, realizing his half undressed state. Unconsciously, his legs close and clamp down around Jaebum's hand.

Jaebum smiles into his neck, "I've missed your reactions. But most of all," Despite the grip Jinyoung's legs have on Jaebum's hand, Jaebum manages to shove his hand further up so his fingers are just ghosting over the outline of Jinyoung's length. Jinyoung relents, and his legs fall apart as an invitation which Jaebum graciously accepts by placing his palm over Jinyoung's crotch. Jaebum brings his lips to Jinyoung's ear, voice husky as he drawls out, "I've missed touching you."

Arousal once again blooms in Jinyoung's stomach and he twists hastily in order to kiss Jaebum. He wastes no time in passing his tongue over the curve of Jaebum's lips, asking to be let in. Jaebum parts his lips and Jinyoung greedily tongues at the roof of his mouth, seeking the taste he's missed so much. They kiss until neither can breathe, until Jinyoung head is spinning either from lack of oxygen or from his overwhelming love for Jaebum. When they part for a break, Jinyoung flushes as he realizes Jaebum still had a palm placed over his crotch and had been able to feel Jinyoung begin to harden shamelessly by just kissing.

But Jinyoung wants to shake the power play up, just a little.

"Hyung," Jinyoung whispers into the space between, "You know how I said I would fix things?" Jaebum hums in response, eyes still focused on Jinyoung's swollen cherry lips. "Let me show you how much I love you."

Giddy excitement fills Jinyoung when Jaebum nods, not knowing what's about to happen. Jinyoung gently pushes Jaebum onto his back, and Jaebum lets him, even stretches out suggestively in front of him.

Jinyoung's feels his throat clump up with unspoken emotion as he takes in the sight before him. Jaebum looks stunning and erotic laid out before Jinyoung. His shirt is still on, but it's unbuttoned and hanging open. Sweat outlines Jaebum's chest and stomach emphasizing his toned muscles. Jinyoung's eyes trail down past the wet patch on Jaebum's boxers, to his thick and toned thighs. Realizing how obviously he's checking Jaebum out, Jinyoung snaps his gaze up to Jaebum's face, but it does nothing to soothe his hunger because Jaebum is stunning everywhere. The way Jaebum's once sleek hair is rumpled into a mess, the way his cheeks are flushed pink, the way his mouth is parted to pant for air - everything about Jaebum seems stir something in Jinyoung. Something stronger than just arousal flows through Jinyoung's body, making his head fuzzy.

"You know I love you right?" Jinyoung blurts out, his fingers skirting across the expanse of Jaebum's body.

Jaebum shivers underneath his touch and his eyes are livid, "Yea," He sounds like he's hearing Jinyoung confess for the first time. "I love you too."

With a barely concealed mischievous smile, Jinyoung keeps moving his hands down until he's dragging a single finger down the length of Jaebum's clothed erection and then back up again. Jaebum grunts in response and Jinyoung takes that as encouragement. He spreads his palm over Jaebum's length as if he's going to properly touch it, but instead, Jinyoung dances his hand further down, bast the base, around his balls, and down to his hole. Jaebum's hips jerk up in surprise as Jinyoung's fingers touch the edges of his entrance over his boxers.

"J-Jinyoung, _what_ -" Jaebum leans up on his elbows, surprise coloring his face.

"Hyung..." Jinyoung simpers, yet voice still innocent, "Has anyone touched you down here?"

"Never," Jaebum stutters, a flush reaching his chest.

"Hmm," Jinyoung hums, as if disinterested, but the glint in his eyes says otherwise. He grasps the edges of Jaebum's boxers and shoves them down until he's bare. Jaebum's gaze still wavers with concern so Jinyoung's places a kiss to the inside of his tensed thigh, "Relax, hyung."

It's all the warning he gives before gripping Jaebum's hips to angle him up for better access and then leaning down to give a tentative lick over Jaebum's entrance. Jaebum cries out, legs immediately clenching down around Jinyoung's shoulders. Jinyoung is not deterred, as he continues to skirt his tongue around the rim in repetitive motions, barely going inside but Jaebum was already shaking like a wet puppy in the rain.

Jinyoung pulls away for a second, "Is this okay?" Jaebum had lost his balance on his elbows and had collapsed against the pillows. He nods weakly from his position, eyes already glazing over, "Don't stop."

Jinyoung eagerly dips back down. He keeps his strokes gentle but firm, knowing this is Jaebum's first time and not wanting to overwhelm him. Although judging by the whimpers Jaebum keeps letting out he's already past overwhelmed. Jinyoung feels powerful in this position, making Jaebum melt into the mattress with his tongue. It's a nice change to have Jaebum be the one begging instead of himself.

"I can-" Jaebum moans again as Jinyoung does something particularly  _good_ with his tongue.  Jaebum blindly reaches out to grip Jinyoung's head by his hair and nudges Jinyoung's mouth further into him, legs shaking. If he weren't so preoccupied, Jinyoung would be smirking with satisfaction at the affect he's having. "I can practically hear you gloating down there." Jaebum groans, arms falling back to his sides.

Jinyoung dares to push his tongue deeper into Jaebum's tight heat, spearing his tongue in and out at a brutal pace. Choked moans are ripped from Jaebum's throat. The sheets where Jinyoung rests his elbows shift as Jaebum twists his fingers in the bedding. From the corner of his eyes Jinyoung can see the muscles of Jaebum's thighs clenching and unclenching in a similar way Jaebum's entrance clenches and unclenches around his tongue.

As Jinyoung increases his speed, Jaebum's hips rock back onto his tongue, seeking sweet release. Jinyoung complies and sucks harder, keeping a steady grip on Jaebum's hips in order to keep the angle just right. Jaebum's legs twist and spread as as he gets closer and closer. Jaebum cries out one last time, Jinyoung's name, as he spills onto his stomach.

The bed dips as Jaebum sits up and yanks Jinyoung closer by the elbows to slot their lips together in a bruising kiss. When he pulls away, Jinyoung is left panting. "You're amazing," Jaebum strokes the side of Jinyoung's face, "What do you want?"

Jinyoung waits a minute to catch his breath, " I want to feel you inside of me." His face heats up immediately after such a blunt request.

In a second, Jaebum has them rolled them over so he's on top. One side of Jaebum's lips is pulled up in a teasing smirk and it makes Jinyoung's heart flutter stupidly in his chest. The smirk promises a long restless night. Jaebum leans in suddenly, and if even possible Jinyoung blushes harder. Jaebum responds in a low voice, "Anything my baby wants."

Jinyoung's stomach flips at the pet name. He whines into Jaebum's neck with embarrassment. Jaebum just coos about how adorable Jinyoung is when flustered. Jinyoung just wants to _die_. A stupid part of his brain says that would actually be perfectly fine because he'd die in Jaebum's arms.

Jaebum pulls away to finally discard the shirt hanging on his shoulders. He lays completely naked above Jinyoung, and Jinyoung gives into the temptation. He touches and touches, lets his hands roam all over and rakes his nails down Jaebum's chest until Jaebum's breathing pattern changes. Wasting no more time, Jaebum rids Jinyoung of his boxers and with some lube begins to pry him open. Jaebum's skilled fingers have Jinyoung thrashing beneath him. Jinyoung whimpers into the chilly night, and he can feel Jaebum harden against his bare legs. Jaebum thrusts up, rubbing his erection along the inside of Jinyoung's warm, inviting thighs.

Jinyoung half pleads half moans, _I need you, I need you so badly._ His mind paints lewd pictures of the night where he had ridden Jaebum to a shuddering climax. He images how good it would feel after so long, how good it would feel to be completed by the person he loved most in the world. The need to be as close as possible to Jaebum consumes Jinyoung like wild fire. His whole body is burning, and he knows the only way the fire will be quenched is through Jaebum. Jinyoung is practically wailing now, verging on crying, as he chants out for Jaebum to fuck him, to fill him up until he's complete.

Jaebum's eyes widen at Jinyoung's desperate words, "Shit, Jinyoungie." He hastily coats himself before collecting Jinyoung in his arms again, "I've got you. Hyung's got you."

How wrong Jinyoung was to think Jaebum would quench the fire, because as Jaebum slides in by just a few inches, it's like pouring gasoline on fire. Jinyoung's body burns ten times hotter than before. The fire burns everywhere, burns out the rest of the room and the rest of the world, until only Jaebum and Jinyoung exist in the universe in that moment. Jinyoung grasps out blindly at Jaebum's shoulders, his arms, his back, anywhere he can find purchase so he doesn't drown. Jaebum keeps pushing in, achingly slow, not wanting to hurt Jinyoung but only making it more agonizing for Jinyoung to bear. Jinyoung moans and hisses with each inch that Jaebum eases into him, and by the time Jaebum bottoms out, there are actual tears budding in the corner of Jinyoung's eyes - not exactly because it hurts so much.

After a quick nod on Jinyoung's part, Jaebum begins to move his hips ever so tantalizingly slowly. He barely pulls out an inch before grinding his hips back into Jinyoung's pelvis. He draws out each thrust as if they have all the time in world, letting Jinyoung really feel every inch of him as their hips move together. Jinyoung whimpers and rocks his hips back with more force, trying to speed up their pace, but Jaebum keeps a steady grip on his waist preventing further movement. He seems determined to fuck into Jinyoung slowly and languidly, so as to savor each second of the moment.

Jinyoung writhes and whines, so Jaebum leans down to place kisses all over his shoulder in appeasement. The press of Jaebum's lips against his bare skin will always soothe Jinyoung. He sighs in contentment, but the feeling doesn't last long when Jaebum hikes one of his legs over his shoulder and thrusts sharply into him. The angle helps Jaebum reach deeper, and he hits Jinyoung's prostate. Jinyoung almost become incoherent, "There. Please. Harder."

As if testing Jinyoung's limits, Jaebum teases him by moving his hips like molasses. Jinyoung clenches around him and demands, "Harder. Jaebum, _Harder."_

He hears Jaebum chuckle smugly at his bossy tone. If Jinyoung weren't so in love with him, and well if Jaebum weren't balls deep inside of him, Jinyoung would have probably hit him. Probably. 

"You asked for it." Jaebum says and it sounds like a warning.

Jaebum draws out completely before slamming into him, and continues a feverish rhythm. Jinyoung throws his head back and grits his teeth, but it does nothing to stop the whimpers pouring out of his mouth each time Jaebum slams back into him. Jinyoung spread his legs even more, letting Jaebum reach deeper and deeper. Their skin slaps together to create the most obscene noise from the force of  Jaebum's thrusts, and Jinyoung's own leaking cock bounces on his stomach marking it with precum.

"Oh J-Jaebum," Jinyoung cries out, on one particularly brutal thrust, his voice gone high pitched and wrecked. His length throbs with heat, he's so, so close. Jinyoung lets go of Jaebum's shoulder in favor of grasping the top of the headboard behind him for more stability, so he can use his other hand to jerk himself off. But Jaebum just yanks his wrist away and pins it to the bed. Jaebum leans down with a hungry glint in his eyes, the same hunger Jinyoung is sure is reflected in his own eyes. Jaebum just presses a tender kiss to the corner of Jinyoung's mouth, and Jinyoung whines twisting his head to get a proper kiss.

Instead Jaebum dips down to bite Jinyoung's shoulder. "Mine," He practically growls, low in his throat.

Jinyoung feels his heart glow at the possessive tone in Jaebum voice, "Yours," he agrees, and Jaebum's hips stutter in their pace.

"I'm all yours, Jaebum," Jinyoung continues at a whisper, "I've always been, always will be." Jaebum's grunts as his hips jerk erratically, Jinyoung moans feeling pleasure-pain sizzling across his body.

Somehow admist the daze, they regain eye contact and settle back into a rhythm. They press together, impossibly close. Jinyoung's plaint body curves and molds around Jaebum as he moves inside of him. Slowly, they fall apart together and begin to melt into one another emotionally, and somehow physically. It would be hard to distinguish where one ends and the other begins, whose skin is whose, whose breath is whose.

In that moment, as they inch closer and closer to a climax, everything else in Jinyoung's life becomes minuscule next to Jaebum. Jaebum fills him up again and again, filling up all the empty spaces Jinyoung didn't even know existed, until he's complete in a way he has never been before. Jinyoung is overwhelmed by a feeling, that had already been lying dormant for a while but now in this intimate space between them, where there were no longer secrets or resentment, the feeling unfurls and blooms like a flower in his chest.

Jinyoung's body tenses around Jaebum, and they shudder in unison. Jinyoung can no longer hold back and tips over the edge into his orgasm, seeing stars in Jaebum eyes. Jaebum follows shortly after, seeing the same stars in Jinyoung's eyes.

They come down from their high, gasping and clutching against one another. Suddenly Jinyoung wishes there was a stronger word than love. Something to describe the feeling that he had felt a few moments ago, that he stills feels now, even after the cloud of sex is gone. He feels it, the depth of their connection forming and enveloping both of them in a warm cocoon. He hopes, no, he knows by the way Jaebum is looking at him, that he feels it too. There's an unspoken promise of happy ever after in the silence between them. 

There's a mess in between their legs, but Jaebum still cuddles up into his side and Jinyoung can't bear to part from him for a second. So they fall asleep like that, tangled and messy. The previous chaos looming over them had begun to recede. There were still wrinkles to work out in the fabric of their relationship, but for now a peace settled over them, their hearts beating in unison. Certainty washes over Jinyoung, he knows that Jaebum is and always would be the love of his life. 

 

 

 

 

Some time around midnight, Jinyoung wakes up with a parched throat. He decides a glass of water would help him get back to sleep. As quietly as he can, Jinyoung stretches to get up. There's a sting in his lower back to serve him as a reminder of last night, and he finds himself shamelessly pleased at the sensation. Jinyoung heads over to his hamper to slip on a shirt and boxers so he won't be cold on his walk to the kitchen.

In the kitchen, Jinyoung sees his phone idly sitting on the counter that had abandoned the minute Jaebum walked in. As he walks over, he nerves flutter a little to see missed calls and messages. One of the calls is from Jackson and then a long text message.

'You're not picking up my calls and I hope that means you're talking with Jaebum. If you're not...well, listen. Jaebum has a temper and he says things, but that's only because he finds it hard to trust people. You have to gain his trust back. You have to tie up any loose ends with Mark. Maybe it's not my place to say, but Mark is making his own life now, he's married and all. Don't you deserve to make your own life to? I've seen the way you and Jaebum look at each other, it's clear you love each other a lot. So all I'm saying is you have a good chance of being happy with Jaebum. So just, figure out some sort of peace with Mark. Please, for Jaebum's sake and your sake.

P.S I miss youuuu. We all do. Come visit sometime. <3<3<3<3'

Jinyoung smiles, and text backs his own long heartfelt thank you. But the smile wavers when he sees the next set of calls and messages are from Mark.

'Please pick up'

'What I did was unforgivable I know, but we need to talk.'

'I'm not gonna try anything again, please, I just want to talk. No more tricks. I would hate myself forever if we lost our friendship because of what I did.'

Jinyoung's stomach sinks at Mark's words. But Jackson's message also rings in the back of his head, _tie up loose ends_. So Jinyoung calls Marks knowing from years of friendship that he tends to stay up late most nights. Mark picks up within seconds.

"Jinyoung," Marks breathes into the phone, voice filled with relief, "I'm so glad you called. I apologized back in your apartment, but I can't begin to explain how sorry I still am. I'm so, so sorry." He rambles on, "Do you hate me, now? It's okay if you do. I probably deserve it."

Jinyoung sighs, "No, I don't." He can't, because Mark is still his best friend. "I forgive you." Jinyoung may be petty and hold grudges in most situations, but now was not the time or place.

"Really?" Mark sounds so hopeful. "I thought I had just lost my best friend."

"No," Jinyoung says, "We are stronger than that after so many years. Don't you think?"

"Yea," Jinyoung can hear Mark's smile through the phone, "We are...Jinyoungie, there are still things I want to say. I want to explain myself. But I think it's better if we do this in person. I have work tomorrow, but the day after I'm free. Can we meet up for coffee or something?"

"Sure. There are things I want to say too. How does 2pm sound?"

"That's perfect."

"Okay, I'll meet you then."

"Okay, well good night for now, Jinyoungie."

"Goodnight."

Jinyoung ends the call, feeling a little more at peace. He knows he can fix this too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say the JJProject comeback has me slayed. Verse2 is so good. I feel so proud of both of them and it just makes me so happy to see them writing their own songs. Aaaah. I just, this comeback has made me feel very good. :)) I think my favorite song would have to be either Coming Home or Icarus. How about you guys?


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